Disclaimer: I, iRanNoodle Lucas take back all the rights that Disney has currently. Star Wars belongs to the Lucas. THE LUCAS! BWAHAHAHAHHA! *nasty wet cough*
Jar Jar Binks woke up. He was in the middle of nowhere, on a spaceship like in some overdone Star Wars video game *cough* Old Republic I & II *cough*.
"Meesa alone. Where Meesa is?"
He was enveloped in a bright red light (because blue is for Jedis and everyone knows that Jar Jar Binks is no Jedi). He looked around and tried to get out of the weird light thingy that was creeping him out and reminded him of some Jello Mealworm Dessert from his home planet. He fought through the blue (AN: maybe orange or red, I can't remember) poopy poop, like one of those space porta-potties, and measled (AN:because he is highly infectious from an Earthling disease that is only, say…. thousands of years old. Bacteria doesn't mutate in Star Wars) his way out of the red congealed poop.
When he came out, there was a giant hulking pile of poop. He was in the pasture of some great beast not of his backhome wanderlust.
"Meesa thinks dats pooping great."
He crawled around like a Matrix slimeball that he was, and found something glimmering in the pasture. Right next to a dead body. The dead body had a great, giant badge that read:
DARTH MAULZ
He took the weird stick thingy and there was a button. Jar Jar Binks put his long tongue on the button, and pressed his pink appendage on the metal. Coated his slime all over it. A great big flashing red light had emerged from the stick. No, not a stick. A lightsaber!
"Meesa Darklord!" He cackled manically. Then, he danced to this disco beat.
BAM BAM BOM BOM BAM BAM BOM BOM BOM DUN DUN DUUHHHHHHHHHHNNNNNN!