Ichigo is sick.
On a nice beautiful day of summer, Ichigo was peacefully reading magazines on his bed.
It was exceptionally peaceful and calm, very peaceful, extremely peaceful, wonderfully peaceful... too peaceful...
So chaos just has to pass by to greet the orange strawberry, just to piss him off: "ICCCCCHHHHHHHIIIIGGGOOOOOOOOO!"
And Rukia crashed in from the window. She stood on the bed for a brief second scanning the room, when she spots Ichigo staring at her from the other side of thebed with a freaked out face, she scrambled over his legs and put her hands on his shoulder with a deadly face.
"It's ok Ichigo," she said with a strained voice.
As for Ichigo, he was absolutely lost. Ichigo just looked at her with a questioning face.
And so, she continued... "I know what you are hiding and I understand, but it's ok. You will be fine, we will find... someone... to help..."
"What? What are you talking about? And for your information, I don't need anyone's help, I was perfectly fine and happy before you burst into my room and started rambling about nonsense."
"It's ok, Ichigo, you don't need to hide it. It's not that bad, it curable..." she assured him with a nod, and then, pondered at it a bit, and then, cocked her head on the side: "sort of..."
Ichigo made a face: "What is curable and hiding what?"
"Your illness..."
"What illness? I'm not sick! I am perfectly healthy!"
Rukia took the look of a person who would have to explain it all to a child. With patience, she nodded to him: "Yes, physically," she halted, as if to make more emphasis. "...but... but... not mentally..."
"WHAT!"
"It is probably my fault, I'm sorry Ichigo, but it's ok, we will find a good doctor!"
"I AM NOT MENTALLY ILL!"
"I know it's hard but there is no use denying it! And it's my fault, it's because I turned you into a Shinigami and..."
"WHERE THE HELL DID YOU GET THE IDEA OF ME BEING MENTALLY ILL!" Ichigo cut her off.
"Nii-sama pointed it out to me and then I read this book and it completely fit your situation."
"Byakuya is just messing with your brain and spouting nonsense because I am NOT mentally sick!"
Rukia shook her head. "Nii-sama is not wrong! You are sick, maybe you just haven't realized it."
"I AM NOT, YOU BROTHER IS LYING!"
Offended by Ichigo's statement, Rukia yelled back at him: "NII-SAMA DOES NOT LIE AND YOU ARE SICK!"
"AM NOT!"
"YES YOU ARE!"
"NO!" Ichigo rather vehemently protested.
"YES!"
"THEN WHAT KIND OF ILLNESS AM I SUFFERING FROM, HM?"
"SPLIT PERSONALITY!"
"..."
"..."
After a few more moments of staring at each other, Ichigo shook his head, as if to dismiss the auditory hallucination echoing in his brains: "What?"
"Split personality!"
"I absolutely DO NOT have split personality... I think that it's your brother who is sick. Get HIM to so consult a doctor."
"NII-SAMA IS NOT SICK! AND YOU DO HAVE SPLIT PERSONALITY! YOUR HOLLOW IS YOUR SPLIT PERSONALITY!"
"… MY HOLLOW IS NOT A SPLIT PERSONALITY!" Ichigo retorted back, feeling insulted.
"YES!"
Ichigo was going to retort back but a green ball coming from literally NOWHERE came crashing in on him and... drooling bad on his face...
"EWWW!" Ichigo instantly reacted, removing the struggling ball away from his face. "Nel! STOP THAT! STOP DROOLING ON ME AND GET OFF!"
"Am truying ta heal ya, Itsugo! My druull has healing puwa rememba?"
"I am not sick, I do not need healing especially not if you are going to drool on me!"
"But... but ya... ya... have SPIT PERSONALITY! und becuz tish SPIT then drull shuld really help!"
Keeping her at bay, Ichigo replied with a face: "EWW! I don't have split personality NOR SPIT PERSONALITY!"
His shinigami mentor jumped in: "Just admit it Ichigo! You can't hide it from us anymore! We are friends we should help each other! No one is going to dis you because you are mentally ill..." Rukia just kept on talking and talking about him being ill, depressed, self-denial and all that crap while Nel just kept on trying to drool some more on him.
Ichigo was going to go mad if this carried on so he had to quickly find a way out of this imbroglio.
Currently however, he could only think of these escape plans:
1. Admit he has split personality and assure them he will go consult a doctor as soon as possible however he really needs his rest, so they should just leave him alone.
2. Kick them out of his room, track Byakuya down to kill him and tell Rukia afterward that his brother died because HE had split personality.
3. Tell them that this split personality is contagious, so they should stay away.
4. Pretend to be dying and, while they search for a doctor, run away.
However Ichigo had not foreseen that Renji was going to burst into his room as well, screaming: "ICHIGO! I HEARD THAT YOU ARE DYING FROM THIS DISEASE CALLED 'SPLIT PERSONALITY!"
To this, Rukia and Nel started screaming in horror.
'Great...' thought Ichigo. 'but at least he didn't say SPIT personality…' mentally noted Ichigo.
"PEOPLE DIE FROM THIS DISEASE!" asked Rukia, completely shocked.
"Well Taichou said that it was a DEADLY one so I supposed that it did!"
Nel started to cry:"NUUUUUUUUUUUU! Itsugo! u r gunna dieeeeeee! DUN DIE ITSUGO! DUN DIE FROM THA EVUL SPIT PERSONALITY DESEAS!"
"SPLIT! IT'S SPLIT!" Ichigo tried to correct her, wondering well afterward if it was the good intervention to do at this time of the conflict.
"QUICK ICHIGO, WE HAVE TO GO FIND YOU A DOCTOR TO CURE YOUR SPLIT PERSONALITY BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE!" Rukia screamed while pulling Ichigo off the bed and dragging himtowards the door.
"HOW. MANY. TIMES. DO. I. HAVE. TO. TELL. YOU. GUYS. THAT. I. AM. NOT. MENTALLY. SICK, THAT. I. DEFINITELY. DO. NOT. HAVE. SPLIT. NOR. SPIT. PERSONALITY. AND. I. AM. NOT. DYING!"
Unfortunately for him, the other three did not leave him alone and kept on going about him being ill and dying from this fearful human disease.
And while madness kept on going in Ichigo's room, Byabuya was quietly sipping tea and on his desk rest a pile of papers and on them, it is written: 'Extermination of Stawberries in Progress...'