Hey guys!

Random idea I had that I wanted to get down really quickly! Any mistakes are mine - enjoy!

GEOG 350: Geography of Infectious Diseases

Sounds delicious, doesn't it? I only took it because I heard the professor was a total pushover and I needed an "A" for one of my major classes. Don't even ask what my major is… it won't mean anything to you anyway. It's killing you now, isn't it? Okay, I'll tell you then. Interdisciplinary Liberal Studies. Have any idea what I'm talking about? Didn't think so.

It's the major you have to take in order to minor in elementary education. That's right, I want to teach. I like little kids, surprisingly. Maybe it's just because I get to tell them when they're wrong. The perk is there are pretty much all ladies in my classes.

Basically there are two tracks we can choose to focus on and the one I chose focuses on math and science. So, I needed an upper-level science class and a good grade.

That's how I ended up here, listening to Rachel Barbara Berry spat on about STD's with enough confidence to make you wonder what's really going on under that 1920's-business-man's-bitch attire she seems to be sporting every day.

Rachel's one of those girls you HATE in college courses. Not because she's a bad person, but because once she opens her mouth she never shuts up. She's one of those people who asks questions that involve really in-depth answers at the worst possible times, like when the professor is letting you out 15 minutes early and asks, "Does anybody have any questions?" just to be courteous about the fact that you're paying almost 20 K a year to go to this school. Yea, she's that girl.

The thing is, I kind of like her… outside of class that is. She happens to live in my dorm, and provides entertaining musical numbers. Now, when she does so in the showers at 8 in the freaking morning, that's when Aunty Snix rolls out of bed with some swagger Bieber would be jealous of and grabs the mega phone my high school cheer coach gave to me when I graduated. Still have no idea why she gave me that thing but she claimed the only one who could bitch as well as her to the point the general public deserved to be able to hear it was me.

When I'd be walking out the door on the way to the hall bathroom I'd always hear an exhausted, "Oh thank god, go rip her a new one for all our sake," from my roommate Quinn.

That's when I'd pad down the hall, swing open the bathroom door, and push down that magical little red button on the mega phone.

"BERRY!"

"AH!" I'd hear her scream in shock.

"Listen up Bangs McGee, you have 30 seconds to finish that shower before I go ALL LIMA HEIGHTS on that toilet handle and burn you into a Matzo Panini, got it?"

"Y-y-yes, Santana."

"Cool. See you in Geog, betch."

Then I'd casually stroll back down the hall and soak up the calls of gratitude from my other hall mates.

"THANKS, TANA!"

"LOPEZ, SPEAKING OF PANINIS; LUNCH AT 12? FOR THAT, IT'S ON ME!"

Ahh, life is good when you're on top. And I mean that in any way in which it can be taken.

So anyway, Berry's not so bad when she's not being awful. Right now though, I couldn't think of anyone I'd rather NOT listen to talk about sexually transmitted diseases.

"Now for this project I decided to spend an hour away from my busy schedule of continuously working on my indefinite vocal range whilst keeping up a 4.0 GPA and my handsome boyfriend, Finn satisfied - you all might know him as the school's quarterback!" – to bring awareness to this topic."

"Good god Berry, he's second string and this is a D2 school," I interrupted with a roll of my eyes.

She shot me a glare before continuing.

"Anyways, I took that hour yesterday to set up a booth on the main part of campus. My booth had signs with information about the causes and symptoms of STD's and the importance of safe sex. To grab students' attention I also gave out free condoms that I got from the health center! Since I still have some left, I want each and every one of you to take one. And since this class seems to be made up of all ladies, there is no shame in being a woman who is prepared for an intimate encounter! You should be proud to be a sexual being and not afraid to take on the same role a male can as someone knowledgeable about the repercussions of intercourse without a condom!"

Why do I feel like I just got the Birds and the Bees talk from my grandmother? Does she ever take any time to breathe when she talks?

She walked around to each table, making sure to hand one to each girl.

Oh this is going to be good, I thought, Quinn and I have been making bets about how long it would be before she found out about me.

When she reached my table she attempted to hand me a condom, but I stopped her hand.

"No I'm not going to be needing that, thanks," I said as I watched her eyebrows furrow.

"Santana, it's always good to be prepared and it's FREE. You have to take it! That's part of my project!"

"Look Gonzo, I don't sleep with men so please keep that one for your bobble headed boyfriend."

Her face construed and then it brightened as if a light bulb went off. And then it was a look of awe, as if I said the most enlightening thing she had ever heard.

"SANTANA! I had no idea you held such high value to your virginity!" I scoffed, but of course she continued, "I used to think I would wait until marriage too, but it's important to prepare in case you meet that wonderful man you wish to give everything to!"

She shook the condom in my face, trying to urge me to take it.

"What? No, Berry, if I had waited until marriage I might've died a virgin and with this body to spread around, that sure as hell was NOT happening."

I'd have been worried about my use of language, but when I said this professor was a pushover I mean she's literally in the back of the room asleep right now.

"Santana! While I must say you are a very beautiful girl, I do not attest to you throwing your body around to men! You can be a sexual person, but it's important to do so for yourself and not for the approval of the men you fulfill! But if you are so insistent on doing so, then I must insist that you take this condom!"

"Rachel, I told you I don't need it."

"But you sleep with men!"

"I said I don't sleep with men, but you're right I have slept with men," I said with a smirk on my face and my arms crossed. This was getting too funny, but I just couldn't help myself. She looked so distressed.

"I-I just don't understand what you are telling me, Santana."

"For someone who has two gay dads, you're really inept about taking a hint," I finally confessed.

There were a few giggles across the room, but I knew they were light-hearted and not in any way discriminatory-based. Rachel's face exploded into pure excitement.

"WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME! Oh my gosh, my dads are going to be so happy I've found a friend at school who I can share a common bond with!"

"Whatever, Berry. Run along now."

"And you're right, I will be keeping this!" She shook the condom again and pulled it back to herself before placing it in the front left pocket of her button-up sweater (seriously, where does she get these outfits?). Then she sent me a wink and trotted off to the next table. Gross.

I watched as she passed a condom out to each member of the table. She then moved to the last table in the back, one I hadn't even really noticed was there until now. Though, it's only been a few classes yet so far into this semester so that's not all that surprising.

Rachel proceeded to hand one to a blonde girl whose head was resting in her hand with her elbow leaning on the table.

"Yeaaaa no, not so much," the blonde said to Rachel.

"But –"

"Do you really feel like having that incredibly awkward conversation you just had with her a second time?" She said pointing over to me. My ears perked up at this.

"Oh, no I'm sorry! Of course not and just know that I support you!" Rachel said with a genuinely large and irritating smile.

"Yes, well I support that show on TLC for people like you. What do they call it? 'Little People, Big World' I believe. People really shouldn't look down on you for such a thing as height. Oh wow, no pun intended there."

"I – um, I'm not a midget."

"Rachel, calling them 'midgets' is bullying."

"What, I –"

"It's okay. I won't tell your fellow people about this mishap. But please, back to your prophylactic handling before I change my mind!"

I couldn't help giggling at the distraught look on Rachel's face as she nodded quickly and moved back to the front of the class. At first I didn't know if this girl was serious or not until she turned her head towards me and my eyes locked with the most beautiful blue ones I'd ever seen. Before I had a chance to get lost in them, I witnessed a wide grin spread across her face. She sent me a playful wink before nodding back to the front of the classroom and paying attention to the rest of the presentation Rachel was giving.

I too turned back to Rachel, but not without one quick glance back at this mystery girl who out-smarted Rachel Berry in a quarter of the time it took me to do so. What an anomaly this girl was! And so, so beautiful. Those are the cutest freckles I've ever seen. Her skin is flawless, and those lips are to die for. Okay, I really need to stop gawking at this girl.

I forced myself to stay focused on the front of the classroom and my thoughts were now with the presentation Rachel continued to drone on about. Once she got to the pictures of HPV, I decided I needed a bathroom break.

Once I was in the bathroom, I took the time to check my hair and make-up to pass the time. There wasn't really anything to fix. You know that saying, "it's not easy to look this good?" Yea, well it is for me. I took out my phone to check the time and saw I had a text message from Quinn.

How's class with Berry going? She try and sing you a song about the literal ups and downs of the sexual experience yet? I saw her preparing for her presentation... Good luck with that. –Quinn

I laughed at this and saw that it was sent at the beginning of class. I typed in a response.

No, she didn't grace us with such a melody. Can't guarantee she won't be singing about rainbows later though, seeing as she definitely knows what team I'm playing for now. –Santana

I immediately got a response.

SHE FINALLY FIGURED IT OUT! COME BACK NOW AND TELL ME EVERYTHING! –Quinn

I smiled and was about to put my phone away, when it buzzed again.

Scratch that – let me get stop by the campus store and get popcorn first, I want the whole movie-style experience for this one! –Quinn

I laughed and checked the time real quick before putting my phone back. CRAP! I thought. Class time was over, so I quickly pocketed my phone and set off back to the room.

When I got there, the classroom was already empty. I walked up to my seat and noticed a piece of paper on top of my notebook that wasn't there before. I picked it up and unfolded it.

Brittany 323-3475 =)

(the blonde you were staring at who likes to watch The Learning Channel)

I giggled like a school girl and took out my phone again to immediately punch the numbers in. There was no way I was risking losing this number. Then I scrolled back to Quinn's last text message and responded.

You might want to get some Raisinets, too. This is going to be a good one. –Santana