Hey guys, this is my first Twilight oneshot so I hope you guys like it! It just focuses on Kim's thoughts about Jared. This idea has been on my mind FOREVER so I'm really glad to finally get it out. =]
The song is I Won't Disagree by Kate Voegele. Thanks to Danieee and my beta LadyCratiea for all the help!
Disclaimer : I don't own anything you see familiar.
Enjoy!
Most people think that Jared is probably like any other guy out there. He's into cars, hangs out with his boys, has a job, gets into some trouble every now and then, hates school and chases after girls.
Ignorance is bliss
You'd always hear me say
But at times you can't deny
Those eyes lookin' your way
But I know there's something more to him. There's something special about Jared, and maybe one day I'll be lucky enough to find out. It's a long shot, I know, but a girl can dream, can't she? I know him, even though he hasn't glanced twice at me. It honestly doesn't bother me so much anymore. It's life, and that's how it is.
He sits next to me in history, psychology, American literature and physics.
Since freshman year, I've had at the least three classes with him. I've known of him since then. I never had the guts to talk to him, but I wish I did. Especially since senior year is about to end soon. I really don't want to look back on my high school years as the coward.
But what can I do? He's Jared. One of the most popular guys at school.
And I'm just Kim.
Let me begin by saying what I mean
It's a crime against the heart you know
To be somewhere in between
It's not that I'm afraid he'd laugh at me. It's that I don't want him to get to know me and find out that I'm plain and boring. I literally do not have anything interesting going on in my life.
My family's always attempted to encourage me to break out of my shell and speak to more people, but to be honest I don't mind being quiet. I mean this in the least loner way possible, but I'm alright by myself. Do I wish I had a few close friends rather than random people I mention a few words to in a week? Of course! Who wouldn't want close trustworthy secret confiding lifelong friends?
Well don't be shy
I've got an open heart and hand
And I just might have to confess just where I stand
But not everyone is fortunate enough to have that. Anyways, I like to observe everyone else. You find out more about others while being quiet.
It's how I've come to know Jared so well.
'Cause lately you make me weaker in the knees
And race through my veins baby every time you're close to me
Take me away to places I ain't seen
They say you've got a hold on me'
And I Won't Disagree
I know that he's the tough guy in school, with a soft side. It's no wonder so many other girls swoon at him. He's got these mesmerizing dark chocolate brown eyes that just about anyone can get lost in and not want to be saved. His skin is a tan even toned sanguine color. He's about six feet tall now and I'm pretty sure he's growing a lot faster, but I suppose that's normal. His ebony colored hair usually falls forward and over his eyes. He has to push it back most of the time with his hand, but if he's bored and doesn't care about class that much that day, he settles for just leaning his head back slightly and gently shaking his head. He knows it'll fall back forward in a few seconds. His hair always looks to smooth that I find myself wanting to just touch it. Weird, I know, but it's so tempting.
His voice is masculine but not too deep and with a hint of a husky tone in there. I don't know if he does that purposely but I literally feel shivers whenever he speaks. That's why I love it the most when he participates in class. He speaks up more and since he's the second quietest compared to me, especially when his friends aren't there, the teacher likes to pick on him to answer questions.
Rock a bye my baby
Don't be blue tonight
Oh I'm on my way
And I'm gonna make it right
He's usually seen walking with an air of confidence, but it's not just that. There's so much more. You can see independence in the way he has his back straightened and head held up high.
That is the exact opposite of me. I like to watch my feet when I'm walking, or maybe a feet ahead of me so I don't walk into anyone.
'Cause I've got the feeling
You'll be needing love
And of all the lonely hearts
You're the one I'm thinkin' of
To be honest, I am aware that he isn't perfect. I know sometimes the guy in him gets the best of him. Especially when it comes to girls. I'm not saying he's a hundred percent jackass, but I know he isn't a gentlemen either. Not to mention, he has a type. It's usually a busty, slim build, full lipped, brainless bimbo!
Um, oops.
Haha … Didn't mean for that to get personal there.
He probably hasn't found the one for him yet. But I hope he does. I hear that it's really amazing.
I do wish it were me though, but while those possibilities are unrealistic I've come to terms with just wanting the best for him.
I've been told it's gonna take an iron hand
To break the mold and stand above all of the rest
One of the several things I admire about Jared is his confidence, not to mention he's quite overt when he wants to be. He doesn't get told what to do or how to act by his friends. One thing he doesn't stand for is taking crap from anyone he doesn't have to. He holds his own and is very independent.
Last year, one of his buddies was picking on a small group of freshmen. I was only walking around the corner and caught the end of what had happened for myself but I heard the entire story from a few girls who were talking about it in my math class. Apparently his friend thought it would be hilarious to pick on a few freshmen. Jared came in on the scene of Eric gripping one of the ninth grade boys by his collar and shoving him against the wall forcefully. It seems like the boy had actually tried to retaliate against Eric the football player who originally had a hold of his friend. Honorable, yet not the smartest choice.
Jared didn't take a liking to that at all. He ended up pulling Eric away from the boys and getting in a brawl with him, which ended up with Eric going to the nurse's office and getting sent to the principal's office himself. He left muttering it was well worth it.
Well lately you make me weaker in the knees
And race through my veins baby every time you're close to me
Take me away to places I ain't seen
They say you've got a hold on me'
And I Won't Disagree
But I also know he's quite loyal. He's always willing to help someone out. In fact, he stays home most Sundays to help out his mom with things around the house instead of hanging out with the boys.
I've actually met his mother on a few occasions. But I've never brought up Jared in that way. She's friends with my mom and they talk time to time. That sucks too sometimes, knowing how close I can be to him but yet we're so far apart at the same time.
It's like we're not on the same planet. But I don't want to ask my mother to introduce me to him via his own mother. While she is a sweet and caring woman, I'm not that desperate to do so embarrassingly.
Yet.
Although he never speaks of his family much at school unless it's something that could get a laugh out of someone, like a funny story.
I'll be thinking of that evening
When there's nothing for me to do
And I'll be wondering if by some slim chance
You're wondering too
I wonder what he thinks about when he's sitting in class with that intent look on his face. I know it's not usually about what we are learning because he has a different intent expression. When he's just brooding, he has a faraway expression on his face but when it's about something in class he seems a little more focused.
He learns best by memorizing what needs to be done, then sorting out why something happens afterwards. I do it the other way though, because that's easier for me. I can't do something and not know why I'm doing it. It would bother me too much.
He's also quite smart, despite what most of our classmates think. He doesn't have all straight A's or anything but he's above average and it's not just school grades that count in life anyways. It's more than that. It's the life experiences and lessons learned along the way. I have a feeling that he's had his fair share of difficulties in life and I wish that he didn't. He really is a kind person and doesn't deserve the troubles you could see haunting his eyes. It's just not fair! I try not to think about it too much, because it does actually make me feel sad. I just want for him to be happy. I find myself often wondering what it would take to make him happy.
Lately you make me weaker in the knees
And race through my veins baby every time you're close to me
Take me away to places I ain't seen
They say you've got a hold on me'
Could a simple person like me be enough?
I like to think that's true, and the thought get's my heart racing each time. But I'm also in tune with reality.
What can I say, though? I'm a dreamer.
Anyways … He's talented too. Jared's got this knack for persuading people, especially teachers, to his advantage. Sometimes, he does use it for not so good reasons, but never anything really and utterly horrible.
I really hope he does notice me one day. Maybe just a small gesture or just about anything. As long as he knows I exist, I'll be fine. I know we're not going to end up falling in love, even though I already and am in love with him, I know he wouldn't return those feelings. But it doesn't have to even go that far. Maybe if I somehow befriend him. Help him out in class?
So then maybe that should be my goal for this year.
Because …. I think some changes are in order now.
I sigh to myself as I close my diary. I say this all the time, but I never actually do it. I wish I had the guts to go up to him, but to be frank I'd probably end up stuttering and embarrassing myself to no end. Then he would notice me though. As the Weird Girl.
I sit back on my bed and cross my legs, after placing my diary in the bottom of the box, under everything else, which belonged in the way back in the third drawer by my bedside.
I can sometimes picture the two of us together. Sitting by the beach with his arms around me, and me tucked in against him. I can feel the grin spread across my face as I start to feel all warm and fuzzy. I shake my head quickly, trying to clear my head of my thoughts.
"Ugh!" I groan out loud. This isn't right. I shouldn't do this anymore! Pining over Jared is past useless. He's never going to notice me and we'll never be together. If he did talk to me then I could possibly take that as a chance that I could be the one that makes him happy for the rest of his life. But even then, it's a long shot.
"Get over it Kim!" I say to myself once again, this time as firmly as I can. And as always, I feel slightly panicked at the thought of actually having to forget him.
Maybe I should stop dreaming like this. I wouldn't want it to turn into a nightmare.
I doubt that will happen.
Oh lately you make me weaker in the knees
And race through my veins baby every time you're close to me
Take me away to places I ain't seen
They say you've got a hold on me'
And I Won't Disagree
Thanks for reading! Please review, tell me what you thought!