Katniss was never one to act hastily on anything, and the thing she took the most pride in was the name she chose for her daughter: Mercy.
Mercy Everdeen, so far in her five years of life, had been aptly named.
Katniss packed her daughter's lunch painstakingly in the morning, making sure that she had a balanced meal that was tucked away with no chance of spillage. While Mercy was at her house, this was something she enjoyed doing before her daughter woke up.
She used to pack her backpack, too, but since entering kindergarten, Mercy's teachers insisted that children this age need to start learning more responsibility. Mercy was glad for the new job and looked forward to checking off the list of items in her bag each day. It made Katniss proud just to see her daughter acting like a normal kid, since she had spent a lot of her life robbed of that.
"Cici, wake up," Katniss sang, peering into her daughter's room. The walls were painted light orange with a mural of a field of dandelions on the one opposite of the window. It was quite obvious that it was Peeta's hands who had made the masterpiece.
Her room was messy; clothes strewn about on the floor and over the rocking chair in the corner, a whole art set dumped out in the corner by her easel, and her bucket of Barbies was turned upside down to act as a makeshift stool. Katniss shook her head at the mess and made a mental reminder to get Mercy to clean it up when she got home. "Time to get up, or else you'll be late!"
"Mommy, five more minutes?" Her little voice was muffled from her thick covers, so Katniss pulled them off. Mercy was lying there with her hands tucked up by her face, one thumb in her mouth, jumbling her words.
"Five more minutes turns into all day, we gotta get up," Katniss said.
"Daddy lets me have five more minutes," Mercy said, her voice lilting.
"I'm sure he does," Katniss said, then lifted her daughter out of bed. "What's the beat this morning?"
"109 and feelin' fine!" Mercy repeated, finishing the old routine.
Of course she didn't know what her exact heart rate was, but she and Katniss exchanged that phrase every morning since Mercy became aware of her illness.
When Katniss was a bit less than halfway through her pregnancy with her daughter, during an ultrasound the obstetrician said the words that would end up changing her life. There's something wrong with your baby's heart.
Though they weren't together anymore at that point, Peeta had been standing beside her, because the malfunctioning heart inside Katniss's belly was his, too. The doctors had said to expect a stillbirth in the coming weeks, in lesser words, a dead baby. Katniss refused to accept that. The idea of carrying around a lifeless little fetus inside her womb until her muscles contracted it out was something she would not do.
And she didn't. Mercy was born alive. Silent, but alive. With blue hands, feet and mouth, but alive. With coarctation of the aorta, but alive.
The doctors explained to her over and over. The little tube that pumped to Mercy's lungs, organs and entire body was too narrow to supply her body with blood sufficiently. When she was born, the first thing she did was go into emergency surgery to open up that tube.
They did open up the tube, but after, their tiny little infant was on an ECMO machine for almost a full week, a life support system that did all the work for her lungs and heart because they couldn't do it for her on their own.
Katniss didn't get to hold her daughter until a week and a half after she was born.
She brought Mercy home when she was two months old, and it was the scariest thing she'd ever had to experience. She had to play both nurse and mother, administering heart medications to make sure that valve stayed open like it should. She had to make sure the house was completely sterile, all the time, so no dangerous germs could get into Mercy's weakened system. Katniss used to sit in the rocking chair next to the crib and just watch her baby sleep, waiting for her to wake up, just so she knew she was alive. While most mothers were exasperated by a fussy baby, Katniss relished in the sound of Mercy's cries. Crying meant she was getting stronger.
And she did get stronger. But even as she grew from infant to toddler, she still had to go in for routine bloodwork once a month. Katniss dreaded those hospital visits because each time, Mercy would flail, thrash and scream, and Katniss would have to hold her down while the unlucky nurse took blood from her. She could practically feel her daughter's pain and fear. She would do anything to take it away.
Now, her heart was doing better. She didn't go in for checkups as much, but still more than the average child. She could run out on the playground with her friends without anyone knowing she was different. She was their miracle baby, and Katniss loved her more and more each day.
When Mercy came downstairs, Katniss was at the kitchen table with a bowl of cereal and her laptop in front of her; doing work before work actually started. She was a brand manager for a startup company and because it made good money that allowed she and Mercy to live the way they did, it was important to her. She brought her work home with her more often than not and typed away at her computer after Mercy had gone to bed. Especially when Mercy was over at Peeta's house, it was something to occupy her mind.
When the little girl came trotting down the stairs, she met her mother at the table and leaned her head on her shoulder. Katniss wrapped an arm around Mercy and kissed the top of her brunette, almost raven hair, and glanced over to see the outfit she'd picked for the day. She was wearing dark gray leggings and a cable-knit dark blue sweater that brought out the sapphire eyes that matched her father's. Katniss had found the sweater at a thrift store when Mercy was just a baby, and had always looked forward to the day she'd grow into it, so she favored it over any other shirt that Mercy owned.
The butt of her leggings drooped a bit, and Katniss gripped the stretchy waistband and yanked it up her daughter's small waist. Mercy fidgeted, but ultimately let her mother fix it.
Katniss's fingers crawled playfully up Mercy's side, over her arm, across her collarbones, until they landed over her heart. She flattened her palm over the little beats and shared a smile with her daughter, who pressed her forehead against Katniss's lovingly.
They would always have to watch out for complications with Mercy's heart. She was not anywhere close to being in the clear yet. There was always a chance that the aortic tube would narrow again, but they had options if that did happen.
"Strong and steady?" Katniss asked, moving her hand to smooth the pretty blue sweater over Mercy's shoulders.
"Steady and strong," Mercy said with a smile. "Can I have some cereal now, mommy?"
"Sure, babe. Then pack your bag, remember."
The two ate together and then Katniss watched Mercy pack her back painstakingly, checking and rechecking to make sure that she remembered everything. Once she was satisfied, she put her bowl away in the sink and they headed into the bathroom to brush their teeth together.
As usual, Mercy climbed on the counter so she could get a look at her whole body, making different poses in the mirror and smiling a toothy smile, her mouth overflowing with toothpaste.
"Don't get it on your shirt, crazy girl," Katniss said, spitting into the sink.
Mercy giggled wildly, wiping her mouth with both hands so it wouldn't drip. She spit, set her toothbrush down, and then pressed her foam-covered palms to the mirror to grin at herself again. Katniss rolled her eyes in good humor, even as two tiny handprints stayed behind.
When they pulled up to Oscar Mayer, Mercy's school, Katniss went around to the back and opened the door for her daughter. Having already climbed out of her car seat, Mercy started to run towards the open doors of the school when her pocket-sized hand sanitizer fell off the clip on her backpack. She didn't even notice it, but Katniss did.
"Mercy," she called after her daughter, but Mercy didn't hear. Katniss took to shouting. "Mercy!" She hadn't meant for her voice to sound so urgent, but it did.
Mercy spun around in a huff, looking irritated. Katniss waved her back and showed her what she had dropped.
"Honey, you need this," she insisted, and clipped it back on her backpack. "Don't let it fall again. Don't forget to use it after you wash your hands when you come inside from recess."
"I know, mommy," Mercy said with a sigh.
"Okay, I love you. Do good today, Cici-babe."
"I love you best, mommy," Mercy said, then hurried off.
Katniss sat in the parked car and watched her daughter until she disappeared into the school. She sighed and wished that she could stay by her side forever.
During her lunch break, her phone blared her ringtone, Ride by Twenty One Pilots, and she checked the Caller ID. Across the screen, the name "Cato from Tinder" was printed, and she picked up.
"Hello?"
They had matched on Tinder two weeks ago. Katniss wasn't proud to say that, but when she was out for drinks with her best friend, Madge, she had convinced Katniss that she was going to die an old maid and needed to get back out there. Katniss vetoed going to bars and trying her luck, and only downloaded Tinder to shut Madge up. Cato was one of the only people in her matches, mostly because she was too picky. He had blonde hair and blue eyes, and she was nothing if not predictable.
He was nice enough. They had gone out for coffee last weekend while Mercy was at her father's house and they had had a good time.
"Hey, Katniss," Cato said. "Hope I'm not interrupting anything."
"No," she said, picking at her salad. She was sitting in Whole Foods, enjoying her alone time away from work. "I'm just at lunch."
"Ah, I wish I would've known," he said. "Maybe I could've joined you."
She laughed lightly. "Yeah, maybe," she said, though she knew she would never have agreed.
"Let me make up for it. How about dinner tomorrow night?"
It was short notice, but Katniss didn't have a viable excuse to say no. Mercy was going to Peeta's tomorrow morning and by the evening, Katniss would be alone in her living room, watching old episodes of The Office.
"Sure," she said.
"Great," Cato replied. "I'll be there to pick you up at 9."
They said their goodbyes and Katniss couldn't quite tell if she was excited for the date, or if she was dreading it.
Since Saturday mornings were when Katniss dropped Mercy off at Peeta's, they always made Friday nights special by picking a movie to watch on Netflix and eating a special treat of popcorn and candy mixed together.
Mercy picked a movie called Wish On a Star, a random selection from the Disney Channel Original movies from the 90s. Sometimes she just went through and found the cover art she liked best and went with it, and Katniss didn't mind. They rested against each other in the darkness of the living room, munching on their snack, and watched the movie all the way through.
When it was over, Mercy's ocean eyes were blinking slow and heavy but she was fighting to stay awake. "Mommy?" she peeped, snuggling into Katniss's side. Her nightgown was silky-smooth against her mother's skin.
"What?" Katniss answered.
"If you had a wish on a star like in the movie, what would you wish?"
Katniss didn't need a moment to think, she had already wished on countless stars without Mercy's knowing. "For your heart to be all better for good," she said, kissing the top of her daughter's head and resting her lips there. "What about you?"
"I'd wish for…" she paused, and Katniss was surprised that her answer wasn't immediately the same. "I'd wish for all the kids with no mommies and daddies to have ones like magic. And for my friends at school and you and Daddy and me to never be sad. And for a baby brother."
Katniss felt her eyes grow hot with tears. "What about if your heart always stayed strong?" she asked. "I think that should be the top of your list. Before any of us, before you even think of anyone else."
"Yeah, maybe that's next," Mercy said, finding Katniss's hand and lacing her small fingers in with her mother's. "I'm sleepy now."
Katniss carried her daughter up to bed and tucked her in, and stayed next to her even after she fell asleep.
When Katniss pulled up to Peeta's place on Saturday morning, he was already watching and waiting. He stood up from the window seat where he'd been sitting, called out to Delly that Mercy's here and then stood on the front porch to meet his daughter.
"Daddy," she called, barreling towards him. She crashed into his chest and he picked her up from the ground and twirled, and her little legs fanned out and spun with her.
"My girl," Peeta said, and kissed Mercy's ear. "Hey, Katniss."
Katniss flashed him a small smile and then set Mercy's backpack on the front step next to his feet where it landed with a heavy thud. "That girl doesn't know how to pack light," she said.
"Takes after her mother," Peeta said, and shifted Mercy to his hip. "You doing good?"
Katniss nodded and raised her eyebrows, planting her hands on her hips. "Yeah," she said, "Yep."
Then, Delly came out with a toothy grin plastered on her face. "Hi, everybody!" she said in a thin, bright tone.
"Hey, Delly," Katniss said.
"Katniss, you look fantastic as usual," Delly said, walking towards Katniss as she opened her arms. At the last second, Katniss turned her shoulders to the side to avoid the hug, and Delly played it off like she had never tried. The corners of Peeta's mouth turned up in a sly smile that he tried to keep hidden. "Hi, to you too, Merce!" Delly said, and squeezed the little girl's arm.
Mercy looked at the woman with hooded blue eyes. "My name is Mercy," she said, her voice forcibly low. "Or Cici. But only my mommy and my daddy can call me Cici."
There was a small, stagnant pause. Delly filled it with a strange little chuckle.
"Oh, well, right. I always forget. Hey, what do you say we watch Frozen tonight? I was trying to think of something fun for us to do."
"I don't like Frozen," Mercy said, looking away from Delly and distracting herself with Peeta's hair. "I like Pocahontas."
"Well, then, we can watch whatever you want," Delly said, "how does that sound?"
Mercy shrugged and avoided eye contact. Katniss was in pain over how hard Delly was trying and failing to connect.
After a moment, Delly looked to Katniss and cleared her throat. "Um, Katniss, I was hoping I could ask you something."
There was a long pause where Katniss realized Delly was waiting for permission to continue. She rolled her eyes inwardly. "Sure," she said, nonplussed.
"Is there any way maybe we can switch up the days a little bit next week, or whenever it works for you?" she asked, then took Peeta's bicep. "We've been dying to have a date night, and we're just not free during the weeknights, and we would never want to leave Mercy with a sitter during her time here…" Delly trailed off.
We, we, we. Katniss looked to Peeta and couldn't read his expression.
"So what are you trying to ask me, Delly?" Katniss said, purposefully provoking her.
"Could you just keep her next weekend?" Delly asked, "We haven't had a night just us in so long."
A night just us.
"Well, if Peeta and our lawyers are okay with violating the custody agreement, then sure," she said, completely monotone.
Delly blinked at her quickly, obviously uncomfortable. "Oh, well, um…we've talked about it, and we could talk to them…"
"Alright, so I'll be back Monday morning to take her to school," Katniss said, cutting Delly off and pulling her keys out from her purse. "Call if you need anything, right? Cici, be good for your dad. Give me a kiss." She walked over to Peeta and set a hand on his shoulder as Mercy kissed her on the lips. "Have fun, you guys. Peeta, you know where I'll be."
The three of them watched Katniss drive away, and then Mercy laid her head down on her father's sturdy shoulder. "You feeling okay, Cici?" Peeta asked, walking inside after picking up her backpack. Delly lingered by them, studying Mercy for her answer.
"A little tired," Mercy said, punctuating the thought with a yawn.
"Well, I can fix that," Peeta said, "I was just making waffles! You wanna come help?"
Delly went back out to the yard to work on the garden, where she had been before Katniss pulled up, so Peeta and his daughter were in the kitchen by themselves. She crawled up onto the counter and helped him crack eggs and sift the flour, and as she worked he stole glances at her.
She looked more like Katniss with each passing day.
She had his eyes, that was true. But the color of her hair and skin were Katniss entirely, along with the frown that pulled her lips down as she concentrated.
His heart swelled as he watched his daughter painstakingly stir the waffle batter, using all of the strength in her one arm to get through the thick liquid. It was quiet in the kitchen, something it wouldn't be if Katniss were there, too.
But they had never known a life together that included Mercy. They had split when she was a tiny group of cells, they didn't even know that Katniss was pregnant when they decided to call things off.
The relationship came to an end when Katniss's sister died six years ago. Primrose was only 18, coming home from grad bash the night she graduated high school, a passenger in a car that was slammed into by a drunk driver. They hit a tree and the car turned into an accordion. Not one of the five people in the car walked away.
Katniss turned into a different person. She didn't want him around anymore. They broke up, and five months later she told him that she was four months pregnant.
One month after that, the doctors told them that their baby would be born dead.
But four months had passed and Mercy was born alive with her late aunt's first name as her middle. And now, they had a five-year-old with the biggest lust for life that Peeta had ever seen.
"What did you do in school this week, Cici?" Peeta asked, pressing the waffle iron down slowly.
Mercy tapped her chin in thought. "I had gym, Spanish, drama, and played outside lots," she said.
"It's getting cold out there," he said, "you wearing that new coat I got you?" Her mouth turned up in a sly grin and she shook her head slowly. "What? You're not? What are you talking about?" He feigned offense.
"Me and Mommy don't like it…" she started to giggle. "She got me a new one."
"Wow," Peeta said, raising his eyebrows. "Wow…I see how it is. You and Mommy ganging up on me. I see how it is, I see now…"
"Daddy," Mercy laughed, pulling on his shirt.
"Oh, don't 'daddy' me, you didn't like my coat," he said. "You're no daughter of mine. Nope. Uh-uh."
"Daddy!" she squealed, and threw her head back in laughter. Her raven hair fluttered around her face in curly tendrils that reminded Peeta so much of Katniss during the rare times she'd let her hair down from its braid. "Stop playing."
"Come here then, munchkin," he said, lifting her small body onto his hip to bring her to the table. "Let's eat."
Mercy didn't eat much; she just spent a while pushing it around. Her energy level seemed to have waned incredibly quickly. She could hardly keep her eyes open at the table, and it wasn't even lunchtime yet. Peeta hadn't known her to take naps for years, but that was what it looked like she needed.
"Hey, Cici," he said, as he cleaned up their plates. "How does a nap sound? You look so tired, sweetie."
She nodded sleepily and reached her arms up to be held. When he picked her up, he heard how quickly her breath was coming right next to his ear. He made a note of it in his mind, but didn't think much of it, especially after she let a few coughs go. It was just allergies; fall was ending and the air was changing.
He laid her down on the couch and she turned onto one side and fell asleep instantly, before he could even walk away. He knelt down and kissed the side of her head, his lips pressed to her hair that felt just like her mother's.
Katniss was just putting on her second high-heel when her phone rang from where it charged on her nightstand. She let it go, figuring it was Cato telling her that he was outside, and she'd find him out there herself in just a few moments. He could stand to wait.
She stood in front of the full-length mirror and studied her outfit. She was wearing a knee-length black pencil skirt and a black spaghetti-strap, V-neck shirt, leaving just a tiny strip of her belly showing. Her heels were a deep burgundy to offset the black, and her hair was left down in a spiraled ocean of curls.
Her phone rang again. She glanced at the clock and saw that it was 8:45, which meant that Cato was early and being incredibly pushy. She stomped over to her phone and read the Caller ID, only to see Peeta's name on the screen instead of her date's.
"Hello?"
Something about his voice didn't sound quite like him when he answered, and it made chills run up her spine. "Katniss," he said, "you need to come. It's Mercy."
Katniss hung up the phone without asking what was wrong. She didn't need to know, all she needed to do was get over to his house. Fast.