Stendan AU with some cannon in places. This is written as a one shot and I will be editing and posting in parts due to time limits. Rated M for later chapters. xx
Dublin City
Part 1
Chester
The rain patted at Ste's clothes hard while it fell from the greying sky, it made his coat darken in colour and hang heavier as it began to soak through the material. Despite this, Ste didn't move from where he stood while droplets of rain cascaded down his cheeks and met against his lips. In the back of his mind thoughts strung themselves together, one being how it always seemed to rain on days like this and how, on days like this, he was meant to feel.
In the distance a friend moved close by to him, black umbrella in his hand. As it was placed above Ste shrouding him from the weather, he slowly found his way back to the present.
"Are you okay?" The man's voice was faint in Ste's ears, low and apprehensive. Ste looked to his side slightly but nothing more than that, there wasn't really an answer for the question he could think of. Ste knelt down at the gravestone with a small bunch of flowers in his hand that started to bloom vibrant colour. A stark contrast to the darkness around him, the morning was dull and ominous.
"Hi Tone" Ste said eventually, the flowers bringing back a distant memory. "Once when I were really young, I picked my mam some daffodils from the local park. She told me off, said I shouldn't have picked them from the ground. I remember them being put in a vase though, she couldn't even tell me she'd liked them cos that would mean being nice to me" his voice filled with sadness and regret placing the bright yellow flowers on the grave.
"They reckon it was cancer. I didn't know, she was always drunk so how could I have noticed any change" Ste scoffed shaking his head.
"I'm sorry Ste." Tony put his hand down on Ste's shoulder and squeezed reassuringly. "I know things have always been a struggle for you, but now, more than ever you must think about yourself. Ste you need to leave that house now"
"How can I? We've been through this so many times. I'm tired...tired of everything. Why couldn't she just tell me? My mam hated me Tony, that much" Ste sniffed drawing his finger tips against his eyes. "What did I do that was so bad?"
"Nothing alright? You stayed there and continued to take the horror of it. I just want ya to leave now, come stay with me in Liverpool, there's work for ya at the new restaurant, gonna need my best sous chef Ste" Tony said, the hope clear in his voice. Ste winces at the sound it makes.
"I'll work with you again, one day maybe" Ste couldn't promise because he's not sure what he wants right now, his head all over the place. "This is your dream Tone, your own restaurant. All those plans ya talked about are finally coming true. It's just that...you know I can't right now"
Tony sighed in defeat. "I know you can't, stupid bloody bail conditions - and that was his doing too! He shouldn't be here"
"Maybe he'll stop now." Ste turned back to look at Tony, his face full of worry. "I have to believe he will, because if I don't stay I'll go to jail. I can handle it Tone, there's not much more time I gotta do this"
"I know you don't believe it" Ste added with a shrug.
"What - and you do?! Come on, see sense will ya! He will continue to be this way forever, let's face it he's never cared for you, and I'm sorry to say this because I'm your friend, but Terry won't change."
Footsteps on the moss covered path behind turned them both around. Terry walked towards them lifting his hand in gesture and glanced at Ste. "I'm starving, need to eat. Time to make a move son."
"I'm not your son" Ste replied flatly feeling sick at the notion. "Keeping you are we? Just do one will ya. No one wants you here anyway."
"Actually I think you'll find your mother wouldn't have wanted you here son. See you back at the house, if I bother to let you in of course - place is mine now" Terry spoke coldly eyeing between Ste and Tony with a smile. He moved to walk away leaving Ste wiping a stray tear away.
"I really want to kick that man" Tony clenched his fists at the side of him. "I would if it weren't for you Ste. I hate ya have to go back there"
"It's okay, don't keep worrying about it. Life is too short"
Ste stands up and takes one last look at the gravestone inhaling a deep breath. He waited until Tony walked away and the rain began to cover him again before he left himself. The pathway stretched before him and led under an archway, Ste watched everyone else disappear through it as he walked. He didn't look back.
Ste made an unnoticed exit from the church finding the need to be on his own in silent refection. He'd walked a while, time ticking by that Ste hadn't realised too wrapped up in the thoughts whirring through his mind. There had been moments people had spoken to him, people in the village he knew but he had been to far in a daze to engage with anyone. Some ducks squabbling broke Ste's concentration as he looked up at the Dog in The pond pub. This hadn't been the plan to come here but Ste walked in anyway and ordered a drink.
"So this is where you've got to" Tony said perching on top of a bar stool, he looks at the bartender. "I'll have what he's having - that vodka?"
"Tap water" Ste gestures his glass before taking another sip. "I'd never stop with the other and I need a clear head back home don't I?"
"Oh Ste" Tony sighs. "How long have you left now?"
"Coupla weeks." Ste replies fishing out a letter from his jacket pocket passing it to Tony to read. "I have stuck to the conditions like they stated, after that - I can move on. Could be worse and besides, it were better me being there anyhow, kept him off me mam didn't it. I know she wasn't the best, but meetin' Terry were the worst thing to happen to her. An me"
Ste stared into the glass he was holding and thought quietly a moment. "Have ya ever, just thought about getting up an going somewhere else. Where nobody knows who ya are, start again?"
"Well, I am already doing that with the new restaurant." Tony glances around the pub they're in and smiles fondly. "I'll miss this place mind, we've had some good times here"
"Yeah, true that. I dunno if I will miss it though, reckon I'm ready to move on now my mam has gone. My life has been stagnant for as long as I can remember and now there's nothing to keep me here and not like I'm gonna meet anyone in this village is it? Slim pickings Tone" Ste manages a thin smile observing the look on his friends' face.
"Stagnant? Besides working for me that is" Tony teases Ste with a nudge. "There's already a place at the new restaurant for you. And ya know, loads of customers going to come through the place and they do say the way to a man's heart is through his stomach, as a budding chef you're half way there Ste."
"Don't be trying to set me up, had plenty of disasters thanks to you"
"Hey! They were all good suitors, not my fault you're fussy!" Tony grumbled accepting his tap water with a grimace.
"Who wants to be bored to death? Seriously, wanna be swept off my feet not made to fall asleep" Ste laughs "Thanks Tony, for today I mean. I don't think I could've done all this without ya. When do you go back?"
"Tonight, I'll stay until ya go, just call me when you're home alright? Do you want to stay here or go somewhere else?"
"Let's stay here a while, could do with the friendly company for a change. Terry will be there at the house so I ain't in any rush to get back. Hopefully he'll be asleep when I do"
As Ste woke up he couldn't hear much around him, the place he was in felt strange and new. Smells were different and the light brighter instantly knowing it wasn't his bedroom Ste gradually blinked open his eyelids. The light stung at his pupils and forced his arm to raise up to shield himself leaving a sharp pull in his hand. It made Ste hiss and once his eyes had focused, the needle that lay deep in his vein began to purple around the skin at the back of his hand. There was a moment he wanted to yank it out the pain stung so much, but as his gaze drifted up, he saw the needle was attached to an intravenous drip hung high above him. Ste let out a long sigh, knowing exactly where he was gave him chills, a deep emotion enough to want to cry.
"Hey, sleepy head. Finally awake." Tony thinly smiled stepping closer. Ste's silent sobs prevented him from structuring a response.
"So much for me going home ey? Too busy playing nursemaid to you" Tony held lightly over Ste's hand and made light of the situation but Ste's forced smile and nod of the head stopped him joking. "You're okay now, I wish I'd stayed with you last night"
"I remember calling you..." Ste spoke with vague recollection of making his way home after leaving Tony at the pub, how when he'd got home the soft sound of the tv filled the house. Terry had been sat in his usual chair, the one perched right in front of it, cans of beer surrounding him as he'd looked up and realised Ste had got home. Ste closed his eyes again.
"I was half way home but I drove back straight away. Ste, it was me who called an ambulance, I just needed to get you away from him you know?" Tony continued feeling his anger surface "They gave you pain relief and ya fell asleep, first time you've woken up. Ste you were exhausted."
Tony sits down on a chair next to the bed. "The police cant find Terry, he's long gone Ste, yeah"
"For now. It will never be over will it?" Ste's voice croaked with emotion, his eyes blurred glazing over.
"Don't upset yourself any more alright. Just concentrate on getting better then you can talk to the police"
"No" Ste shook his head determined looking over to the window in the room, the sunlight bright beaming through the blinds. "No,I'm not talking to anyone, I just need to get far away from here. Where am I?"
"Hospital"
"I know that, but where though?" Ste tried to sit up but the throb in his ribs stopped that. "Ow...god."
"They're bruised. Can ya remember what happened?"
"Yeah, Terry had been drinking when I got back. We argued as usual, him blaming me for my mum dying. I told him he didn't give a damn about her and my lip cost me this" Ste said and looked back at Tony. "Am I still in Chester?"
"No, they brought you to Liverpool, new building this, apparently the hospital can take a lot more patients now. You'll need to stay in a little while, rest up. I can come and see you too as the restaurant isn't far from here"
"So... we're near the ferry?"
"What? Oh no, you need to travel a few miles to catch that" Tony frowned at Ste. "Why do you ask?"
"You know why" Ste said, but the uncertain tone of his voice made his stomach spin.
"No" Tony looks appalled shaking his head and refusing to listen to his friend. "You're not thinking straight at all, going on about moving away - it's a daft notion Ste. Ya cannot just get up and disappear"
"Yeah I can, I can do what I like now, this is the final straw Tony." Ste sighs pushing his hands into the mattress to heave his body to a sitting position, he watches Tony pace the room nervously. "You're my only friend, help me get away from him, you know if I stay I'd have to go back to his house and I can't do this anymore"
"No, because when you get out of here you can stay with me. No buts about it, makes sense because you'll be working in the restaurant once you're better." Tony blossomed with his thoughts but he wasn't listening. "You'll love the place and will settle in no problem..."
"Tony..."
"You'll have to take it easy, but it'll be great having the old team back together again."
"Tony..."
"I know alright... I know" Tony took a breath and gazed at Ste sadly. "I just don't want you to go"
"It'll just be until things blow over. Lend me the taxi fare, a little more to get settled - please. I'll pay you back once I am."
"I could go to the police with ya, we'll tell them what's happening, get them to change the address..."
"Which could take ages. I can't keep doing this Tony, look at me I'm stuck fast with no direction. It's okay for you, you've got what you want in life. You're proper happy and I want to find my place cause I feel like I don't fit anymore. I don't think I ever have." Ste takes hold of Tony's hand and smiles. "Will ya do this one last thing for me"
"I'd do anything to help ya Ste, you know that. Where will you go?" Tony asks, his voice still full of concern.
"Best you don't know, the police will be wanting answers when I fail to turn up at the station. I'll discover that once I find a way on board the ferry."
"Ste, I don't like this. It's too risky - what if you're caught?"
"I'll cross that bridge when I come to it. Some adventures are worth taking a risk for Tone - I gotta try" Ste smiles at his friend, glad to have him on his side. "I promise one day, I'll come back. I will come back and see you again right?"
"You'd better had do, I'll want my money back" Tony smiled hugging a laughing Ste.
A couple of days has passed when Ste felt better. It had been a reflective time for him as he laid in that hospital bed recovering. Terry had been nowhere near the place and he'd felt more nervous the longer time had gone on, eyes darting to the door each time a shadow had blurred against the chiseled glass window. Was he just biding his time? Perhaps waiting for the dust to settle before returning. This was the way Ste's days had progressed, he was no nearer to peace than before and the repetitive feelings just left him forever on edge.
Ste exited his bed and found a holdall placed in the cupboard next to him, in it had been a few changes of clothes, his phone and money that Tony had left for him within a card that read 'good luck'. Ste fleeted a smile reading it before he got dressed with haste and walked to the door of his hospital room. It was very early in the morning, early enough the staff hadn't fully replenished so Ste could easily sneak out without being seen. Using some of the money Tony had given him to pay for a taxi, Ste left the hospital.
The morning was fresh with a sun kissed cloudy sky, the chill of the day helped to wake Ste up stepping out of the taxi. Ahead, the ferry lay steady in the water, docked allowing passengers onto it. Ste watched the water lick up the sides of the large vessel and the shimmy of the early morning sunshine sparkle the movement of it. His heart beat notched up quicker, he'd never felt this nervous about anything in his life but this was a way out, leaving his life behind to embark on a journey across the sea, to a new place his eyes had never set upon before. In his hand was his letter stating the bail conditions in black and white. In the top corner of the paper there was a court hallmark, a stamp that showed the importance of it.
The ferry had felt more important though and the dull ache of his ribs a reminder that this was a safer bet. Ste settled at the waters edge, he read the letter over again, the words explaining the laws he'd be breaking and the consequences he'd have to face, and then he let go of it. The paper caught a breeze before landing into the water and instantly became waterlogged, heavier. The ink written signature smudged and ran with the wet and eventually the document sunk down into the dark water and disappeared from sight. Ste looked up again to the ferry and swallowed deeply, he hadn't a lot of money, no ticket and no passport. Adrenaline spurring him on, Ste moved with a slight run towards the entrance only halting when a family got in his way.
There was a lot of them here and no one could have ignored their loud chatter, mother, father, possibly brothers and sisters, children. Ste latched himself onto them without thought process, blended in and luckily for Ste, they were guided on board quickly being a little more rowdy in nature. Ste nervously gazed around himself filled with doubt about what he was attempting and became too busy looking at the crew members to notice where he was going and bumped into a young man in front of him accidentally.
"Hey, watch it will ya! Plenty room for us all on there" The man spluttered turning around sharply to glare at him. Ste brought up his hands with a peaceful gesture as he continued to glance around feeling on edge.
"I am sorry, just in a hurry to get aboard" Ste spoke nervously, they were almost at the door and he wanted to grab at it. "Nervous cause I'm not great with sailing me"
"Oh I see, well, just look where ya going okay." The man softened then. "Look, there's nowt to it really, just follow us lot, got the whole bloody family going as you can see. Kinda got roped into it actually" The man said, rolling his eyes animatedly towards the people in front of him. His new found smile settled Ste a little.
"Right, yeah families, who'd have em. So, where is this going to?" Ste asked absently still more concerned about getting onto the ferry in front of him. The slow pace withered his hope away the longer it took to get on board.
"Bit of an odd question that, why get on board a ferry not knowing where it's going to?" The man had stopped now, turned almost completely to look back at Ste. It had been a daft question and Ste cursed himself for asking, but Ste had no idea where they were headed, he just wanted to leave so there hadn't been any other thought. Ste gestured to the door and happily the man started to walk again. "What about your boarding ticket?"
"Well, it was one of those spare of the moment ideas. Saw the ferry and wondered if I could somehow get on it - I mean go somewhere new, away from here. The ticket..." Ste pushed the thoughts of how much trouble he'd be landing himself in if caught without one.
"It's one of those special deals, traveling on any of this companies ferries"
"Oh you won this holiday then"
"Yep, one of them radio competitions. I never win owt usually" Ste felt the sweat collecting along his brow, many lies were sprouting from his mouth and he felt the world condemning him for it.
"Me either, congrats. Few days away then is it?"
"Yeah. Maybe" Ste says casually, he hadn't thought that far ahead. "Depends what I find."
Ste quickly rushes onto the vessel and leans flat against the wall of it, breath heavy in his lungs. The man stops to stand with him curiously looking over Ste's reactions.
"My name is John Paul, this is my family, or rabble" John Paul leaned in with a grin. "If you like, come with me and I'll show you below deck. You honestly look like you could do with a drink - gone white as a sheet mate"
"I'm just...can't believe I'm here. Figured I'd be stopped with, with...the sea sickness." Ste said with utter relief. "I am Ste and my family... well it's just me actually. Don't have anyone else"
"As long as you've friends though right? They're the family you get to choose yourself"
"Yeah, good job too. Thanks for your help by the way"
"No worries, come on then. I've traveled on this plenty times to know my way around. You'll have a cabin I take it?"
Ste sees another member of the crew walking towards them so nods quickly. "Erm, no. Don't need one. You didn't say, where we are heading?" Ste asked curiously as he followed the man through the corridors.
"The Emerald Isle. Ireland of course, this is bound for Dublin City."
One month later
Dublin
During the weeks that passed, Ste would sometimes sit quietly and recall the first time he'd traveled over to Ireland. Finding a moment to venture outside on deck, Dawn was still awakening in the sky painting the horizon in a warm orange glow. Ste felt at peace there, leaning over the side to watch them glide through the water. Ste had smiled on the journey over and seemingly forgot his worries to enjoy the moment. Ste gradually became at ease with the butterflies inside his stomach because this was the first time he'd traveled anywhere before. The thought of adventure fed those butterflies in defiance and the younger man excelled at being free because right then, in that moment, nothing else mattered but the warmth of the sun on his face and sea breeze filtering through his loose strands of hair.
John Paul stepped over to him and they exchanged smiles taking in the view of Ireland as they approached it. Ste could feel the eyes of his new friend upon him, as he listens to the wind whistling in his ear.
"No cabin, a rush to get on board. You're fidgety when any of the crew members pass us" John Paul said, his hands wringing together resting on the sides of the ferry. "You've no ticket have you?"
Ste released a sharp breath and brought the view of Ireland in his sights. "Are you gonna say owt?"
"Not sure " John Paul shrugged in thought. "I think you're a nice person that's obviously desperate enough to do this, to blindly travel somewhere."
"I am, desperate I mean, to get away. For all I know when I get there it might end up a bad decision" Ste gestures to their destination. "But I kinda hope there's some goodness in the world left for me"
John Paul stares at Ste for a few moments and hands over a piece of paper. "Here, I got this for you"
Ste takes the ticket in his hands and looks up in disbelief. "It's a ticket, I can't accept this..."
"Yes ya can. There is goodness Ste, out there. You just gotta find it. It's my Nan's ticket, but if anyone can talk their way out of not having one - it's her, believe me" John Paul admits with a grin, one that encourages Ste to smile in return. "I hope you find your good luck Ste, some say it's magical, Ireland. So don't give up too soon, yeah?"
"I won't. Thank you" Ste said, the ticket in his hand is gripped tighter.
"How long have ye been like this?"
Ste blinks then, the distant memory leaving him to be replaced by the vision of a young lady stood on the pavement in front of him. She repeats the question again, still as politely and with a sincerity that takes Ste by surprise. There's a warmth to her voice that he'd almost forgot existed. Ste gulps as he looks up, the lady is smiling has a blonde curls in her hair that bounce in the breeze. Her eyes are kind looking down but they don't remain there, instead she moves down to her bent knees and evens out their view of each other. "Only reason I ask is...well, I walk here a lot and I've seen ye sat here so many times. Like ye don't have a home to go to"
"That's because I don't" Ste replied, his words came too natural and only when he'd said them did he feel the sadness that accompanied his confession. "I've seen you too, passing by. Thanks for always having a smile."
"Well now, that don't cost anything right?"
"Shame not everybody else has that belief. You were curious, as to why I sit here" Ste fills in the gaps for her, although this had been a first for him. Usually he'd be swore at or completely ignored. "It weren't a lifestyle choice" Ste settles with his answer, scoffs with it. The young woman looks to the side of her, and up the street.
"Can I get ye a cup of tea? Ye gotta be cold always being out here. Maybe something to eat?"
"Look, it's nice of you to offer but..."
"Now's not the time to be proud. That is my way back to work anyhow and It's something I want to do"
"Thanks, not many people are like you. In fact, you're the first to talk to me. Weeks...I think, since I came here. My money ran out"
"Ah yes, has a habit of doing that" She said smiling broadly and Ste joins her, it feels like so long since he has.
"I won't be long, there's a cafe just up the street I always visit. It's my favourite in the City actually, cakes to die for" The lady stretches herself back up and points in the direction she means.
A man suddenly appears by the side of her grabbing the bag from her arm. Ste instantly recognises him, he's been at the hostel he'd stayed at for a time, not very nice man either. The lady cries out and grabs back her bag, the handle stretching out so far the leather is about to give way. Ste moves fast and shoves his leg out, makes the man stumble backwards. Enough time for her to retrieve the bag and for Ste to stand up in front of her.
"You little runt, how dare you trip me up! You'll pay for interfering - see if you don't" The man seethed and tried to pick himself up. The next thing Ste sees is the bag slamming down hard on the other man, once, twice, three times it thwacks him on the head.
"Oi!" The lady used her bag again, Ste was expecting there to be animated birds tweeting around this guys head by now he was that stunned by it. Ste watched the young woman impressed by her boldness. "Try messin' with me again ey. Think you're the big man do ye? My brother will have ye made into mince meat!"
Ste's eyes widen, his hands delicately touching her arm. "Hey, look. The cops are here now, best leave them to sort it" Ste mumbles nervously, the last thing he needs is the police digging around, they can't find him here now. Ste starts to move away encouraging her to walk by his side.
"Thanks for doing that, ye didn't have too" Her face brightened with adrenaline still rushing through her body.
"I've seen him around, usually in a gang. They stay at a hostel I stopped at a while and they're not very nice to know. You're welcome though but I think you had it under control, what on earth have ya got in that bag?!"
"Quite a lot actually - he might have a headache later" They both laughed.
"His own fault though. You're the first person to show me kindness since I've been... well, down on my luck. So thank you." Ste smiled briefly and turned to walk down another street leaving the young woman to stand and watch.
"I owe ye a meal" She calls back at Ste. "And I won't take no for an answer ye hear?"
"A brew and a buttie" Ste remarked craning his neck around "Alright, I ain't gonna pass up on some food, starving"
"Maybe you'll come with me a little further then? I have this pub not too far away, we make a mean Irish stew, it'll warm ye up. It's the least I can do."
"No, but thanks. You don't have to go to that much trouble for me. Really, that were nowt. Anyone woulda helped out" Ste shrugged and turned to walk away.
"What's your name?"
"Ste" Ste answered stopping again, the lady seemed determined not to let him leave. She began to walk the opposite way, broad smile across her face, friendly and beckoning her hand.
"I'm Cheryl, I've a great pub, nice and warm. Did I also mention, I do a mean puddin'"
Ste chuckled seeing her try and sell her idea, an idea she wasn't for backing down with. "One meal, a bit of pud an then I'm leaving"
"Absolutely. Come on Ste, time to show ye Dublin's true hospitality, Cheryl style"
"We're not open yet, on Wednesday's we open in the afternoon, gives us some time to ourselves." Cheryl explained opening up the door to the pub. "This is the public entrance, round the back is another. This is easier though, mind the stairs love. Just go through the double doors it'll lead ye into the bar. Just gonna lock the door else we'll have people wanting drinks"
"Do ya always befriend strangers like this, invite em into your home?"
"This is my first time actually. Our Bren would think I were mad, but you've a nice face and I'm kinda psychic about these things. Plus this is my pub, letting strangers in is a landlady's job so turning people away would have me out of business"
Ste chuckled before stepping down the stairs. The bright morning sunshine broke through the half opened curtains as he walked into the large bar, Ste moved to them and drew them open illuminating the room in the light and warmth from the sun. Bits of dust swarmed within the beam of it as Ste looked around the wooden tables and chairs. The bar was long and had a high shine to it, the texture smooth as he guided his hand along the wood.
"This is really cool" Ste said, he watched Cheryl walk in.
"Thanks. Our Da left us the pub, died about a year ago now. Me and my brother run it together. It's good, meet lots of people, new faces." Cheryl gestured to one of the stools so Ste would sit at the bar. "What can I get ye? Beer - too early?"
"Probably, but I ain't had one in ages so go on then. Bottle of larger please. Must be busy for ya then, running a pub. I can imagine loads of folk come in" Ste thanks Cheryl for the beer and gulps it down. "Who'd have thought larger would taste so good"
"I'll join ye for lunch, give me a moment and we can sit at a table, if ye want to? Or I can leave ye to eat alone if you'd prefer"
"No, please, join me. This is the most I've spoken to anyone in ages, and believe me I love to talk"
"Me too! Great - back in a mo. Go and sit down"
"Please can I use the bathroom first? I can get cleaned up" Ste didn't look at Cheryl as he spoke, he hated having to ask.
"Not at all love, ye go ahead. It's second door on your right"
"Thanks"
When Cheryl returns she has a tray with two large bowls of Irish stew in her hands, Ste is sat at the table already and takes them both and places the bowls on the table. At first they eat in silence, and Ste thinks it's because of the way he's eating, like he's not had a decent meal in ages and it's the truth he hasn't. The food tastes good and it warms his body up instantly. Once Ste slows down and savors the stew and its flavours he looks up and grins.
"Sorry, I were really hungry"
"It's all right, glad ye like it. My favourite this. Our Brendan likes it too"
"Brendan?"
"My big brother, looks after me he does. He's off out until late tonight, shame ye couldn't meet him actually, reckon ye two would have hit it off."
"Are ya sure about that, only most people aren't so accommodating to me. They see someone on the street and that's it, don't look at the person inside. Opened my eyes actually, my perspective has changed now. I used to work in a restaurant, my friend was training me and was opening up a new one. I was going to be his sous chef. Funny, my decision to leave seems more crazy the more I think about that."
"But surely your reason was a good enough one, I mean, why else would ye give that up? Does your friend know what's happened to ye?"
"No, an I'd rather it stayed that way. It's embarrassing init? Why would ya want to tell anyone this?" Ste widened his arms and shook his head. "This stew is really great, thanks. You'll have to tell me the recipe one day"
"I could do that, if ye stayed a bit longer?"
"No, I have already imposed enough on your hospitality. Got places to be"
"Have ye? Oh." Cheryl replied unconvinced glancing at Ste with raised eyebrows.
"Well, nowhere special like, but ya know" There wasn't anywhere for Ste to go, he knew this and suspected Cheryl did too. Ste pushed away his empty dish and stared down at the table.
"Look, I have to open soon and ye could give me a hand setting up? I'll pay ye for your help of course, easier with two pair of hands and you'd be doing me a massive favour as I am on my own" Cheryl glanced up sheepishly at Ste, her fork toying with her food. "Oh come on Ste, ye really want to go back out there?"
"I could be an axe murderer Cheryl!" Ste watched Cheryl bite on her lip to stop herself from laughing. Ste fights his urge to smirk back.
"Who warns me beforehand? How novel! You're not"
"I know I'm not but I am a stranger - shouldn't even be associating with me"
"Aha, and everyone who comes through that door could be too, still let em in don't I?"
Ste chuckled with Cheryl then, there was no way she'd back down. "Proper weird this, feel like I've known ya years."
"Yep, sooo, you'll give us a hand right?"
"Like I am gonna win an argument with ya - fine I'll help out."
Ste was grinning ear to ear, he couldn't think of a time he'd had this much fun, or maybe it had just been far too long to remember, Ste wasn't sure. He was sure however, that working a bar was never dull. Cheryl had been right about the amount of strangers coming in, Ste had met many people during the afternoon and every one of them had spoken to him and treated him as an equal. Ste had almost forgotten how nice it felt. He'd spent a lot of the time with Cheryl behind the bar, watching her charm the pants off the customers and on occasion, it had been him doing the same. Many of the customers would somehow gravitate towards him and when he'd looked at Cheryl she'd winked in encouragement.
In no time the afternoon had flown past, and as the later hours drew in the custom dwindled. Ste leaned on the bar and people watched for his own entertainment, only breaking his gaze when Cheryl nudged her elbow into his side and brought with her a smile.
"Hey there newbie. Hows your first shift been then?"
"Ace" Ste smiled back at her then looked around the room. "It's been brilliant today, felt normal again. Every person has spoken to me or smiled. You know how good that feels?"
"I can imagine love, and you've been a great help to me. Just need to learn how to pull a pint, but there's a knack to it. Brendan taught me, he's good at teachin' people although, he doesn't have much patience"
"Well, he'd love me then" Ste honked out his laughter and had Cheryl laughing with him. "Ya get some proper fitties in here too don't ya?" Ste observed nodding across the room. Cheryl turned her head over to a group of young men stood chatting. Her mouth widened with a smirk.
"Oh Ste, we were born to be pals, the one on the right?"
"Nah, the other one"
"Like a bit of rough do ye?" Cheryl bumped Ste uneasy leaving him to blush red. "Looks like our Bren actually. He loves his facial hair"
"Shame he never turned up then" Ste winked moving to serve another customer.
They called in last orders and began to clear up the bar area until they were left sat down at the same table as earlier in the day. Cheryl handed Ste an envelope with some money inside.
"Ye have earned this, had a great day and it's been lovely to meet ye"
"Ta. Get me a room for the night this. In fact, I'd best make a move." Ste smiles as he stands and grabs his coat on.
"Ste..." Cheryl pauses and stands herself. "It's freezin' out there and even if ye do find a room, all your money will run out on it"
"Don't matter, it's still a roof over me head right?"
"We have a spare room..."
"No, I can't impose on any more of your kindness. Thank you though" Ste holds over Cheryl's hand and moves to leave.
"The sofa is comfy too then, and we have hot chocolate in the cupboard..."
Ste turns back and breathes deeply. "I shouldn't"
"Ye won't hurt me, I know it. I know I can trust ye" Cheryl pointed out without hesitation leading Ste to feel overwhelmed at the statement.
"Yes, of course." Ste answered immediately. "But, why are you helping me?"
Cheryl shrugs absently and walks to the end of the bar. "Everyday I saw ye sat on the street, and yet each time ye had a smile for me when I walked past no matter what. I thought 'how can he keep smiling?' Sometimes it just takes one person to give ye a chance, this is me doing that for ye Ste. Now I know it's odd me doing so, and my brother would have his say on the matter but we've had a great day haven't we?"
"The best I've had in ages" Ste lightens with emotion. "Today has meant a lot to me"
"I can see that. If ye really want to go I won't stop ye. Just come back tomorrow and I'll give ye another shift in the bar and not because I feel sorry for ye or anything, but because we could do with the extra pair of hands and ye could do with an income"
"I could save up for a deposit on a flat" Ste says and Cheryl nods in agreement. "Tell me, do ya always get your own way?"
"Mostly yeah, especially with our Bren though, he knows it makes sense. Come on, daft us stood around down here"
Ste followed her upstairs to the living quarters. Upstairs was modern throughout and looked like it had recently been done. Cheryl disappeared through to one of the bedrooms while Ste explored the lounge and the large sofa in there. He sat down on it and waited for her to return. When she had, Cheryl held a pillow, duvet and some clothes.
"Ye can't sleep in your clothes. So I found these, here"
"Wow, that looks like new." Ste said and fingered over the soft material of a dark blue shirt.
"It's Brendan's, he won't mind ye borrowing these I'm sure. Why don't ye use the shower, there's towels and men's toiletries in there."
"Definitely need a shower. So I'll do that and wear this shirt"
"Good, well the hot chocolate is in the kitchen, help yourself."
"Thank you"
"You're welcome. My brother will be getting in soon, but he shouldn't disturb ye too much though. I expect he'll head straight to bed and I'll explain in the morning so don't think on it. Sleep well"
"Night Cheryl"
Late that evening, Brendan returned home. He passed by the bedrooms and then into the bathroom, splashes himself with lukewarm water from the hot tap. It wakes him up as he rubs the droplets into his skin and moustashe. His eyes relax as they flicker up but something reflecting in the mirror has him pausing. A shadow that he captures walking past inside the corridor. Brendan hitches a breath and swings his head back quickly, fingers gripping onto a hand towel he dries himself with it. He walks and looks out of the doorway, he can't see anything but continues anyway.
"Chez?" Brendan calls out quietly, continues step by step and as he wanders past the kitchen he hears a murmur of noise. Brendan strides in and suddenly halts seeing another person stood in the room. Whoever they are, they're wearing one of his shirts, deep blue one with white trim, it lowers just below their backside and shows off the hairiest legs he's ever seen. Brendan prizes open his mouth as he stares and watches them sway a little, dance in time to the quiet tune they're humming.
Brendan frowns and gains on the man in front of him. "Who the hell are ye?"
Ste turns around surprised and cowers back against the counter, grips onto it in shock. His eyes widen up to the man in front of him looking pissed off he's stood there. Brendan studies the young man in front of him, tries to understand why he's in his kitchen. He must have broken in, Brendan's mind works it out as each second passes by.
"Um, I am... I'm..." Ste stuttered while he attempted to explain. He watches the direction of Brendan's eyes, fixed on the shirt he's wearing, the one he's borrowed.
"Ye have less than one minute to get my shirt off and get out of my home before I throw ye out!" Brendan angers immediately, like a switch has been flicked and Ste shrinks down further head shaking.
"No, please...I have no where else to go and..."
"I don't give a shit about that. This is my home! What, ye thought breaking in gives ye the right to be here, steal my clothes?! I don't care how good that looks on ye, it's one of my best shirts!"
Ste glances over himself, thumbs over the material. "It feels nice on actually, soft on my skin. I didn't steal this, it was borrowed to me. This keeps me warm"
"Fine, fucks sake keep the shirt. Just get out"
"It's cold out there, least let me explain why I am here?"
"Times up" Brendan grabs Ste by the scruff of his collar and walks him almost on the tips of his toes out of the kitchen. Ste shakes free and stumbles, tears shining inside his eyes he moves to find his clothes and pulls them on.
"I know how to make my way out thanks. Don't need your help. I didn't break in either, the lady here let me stay. I helped her and in return she showed me kindness. Not like you who is obviously a brute throwing his weight around"
"A brute am I? Best act the part then, shirt" Brendan holds his hand out and raises his brow.
Ste huffs wrangling out of the shirt and throws it hard at Brendan's face causing him to splutter and dump it on the floor. Ste is almost dressed trying to put on his jacket but Brendan makes sure he is out of the door before it is fastened up. They both stop to gaze upon one another, Ste looks visibly upset and Brendan blinks his gaze away.
"Don't let me catch ye in here again, you're lucky I don't have ye arrested"
"Are ya deaf? Cause I told you I didn't break in!" Ste huddles against his jacket and crosses the street, Brendan watches and waits until he's out of view before slamming the door. His heart thumps hard at his chest taking in deep breaths.
"Gotta lay off the whiskey, it's got me hallucinating" Brendan mutters quietly to himself pushing off the door to walk back inside the pub again.
Cheryl is stood blurry eyed at the top of the stairs, rubbing the sleep from her eyes and clinging to her pink dressing gown. She greets him with a brief smile and kisses him on the cheek.
"Hey Bren, what's all the noise love, ye just got in?" Cheryl asks with a tired yawn. "Thought I heard raised voices"
"No, ye were dreaming Chez. It's late best go back to bed." Brendan kisses her forehead and bends down to pick up his crumpled shirt. Cheryl points at it and then she's walking over and holding it in her hands.
"I gave this to Ste to borrow. Guess it was too big for his smaller body. He was so cold the wee lad, I couldn't not help him." Cheryl explains wandering over to the lounge. "I said he could have the spare room but he was so stubborn about it, reminded me of someone else I know"
Cheryl chuckles and continues to open the lounge door, she pokes her head through "So we agreed he'd stay on the couch instead... Ste? Hey, where is he?"
"Ste? As in Steven" Brendan closes his eyes "Ye let in a stranger from the streets into our home without any knowledge of who he was. And then ye let him wear my shirt?"
"Bren...what did ye do?" Cheryl said cautiously, picking up the envelope she'd given Ste earlier, the money still inside it. She glanced up at Brendan. "Why would he leave without taking this?"
"I threw him out. I thought he'd broken in Chez!"
"Are ye crazy?! Brendan it's freezing out there, how could ye be so cruel to him, he's harmless! Didn't ye look at him? That boy helped me today he was a hero and ye just go and throw him to the dogs!"
"Jesus Chez. I ain't put him in the bloody desert without water. Stop over reactin'."
"I will over react in a minute - ye let him on the streets of Dublin alone and scared. Ye know what the streets are like at night. Get out there right now and find him!" Cheryl angered and wound her arms tightly across her chest.
"What? Hey NO. I ain't going out there for a stranger, a gutter rat just because ye took pity on him. What d'ye even know about this Steven huh? He might be dangerous"
"Now I know you're kidding. Ste's just down on his luck and he didn't have to help me, a man tried to take my bag and Ste helped to stop him." Cheryl sighed and sat down on the arm of the chair and thought about Ste. "Come on Bren, Ste's barely any weight on him to hurt a fly, how could ye miss that?"
"I didn't miss that. I saw him parading around in just my shirt when I got home." Brendan scoffed, eyes darting with Cheryl.
"Thought you'd appreciate that Brendan - unless my brother has switched sides again"
"You're bringing this up now? Really?" Brendan strode back into the hallway with his sister not far behind. "I couldn't be myself when Da was alive. Eileen is a mistake I'd like to put behind me"
"And what better way than the woman's cousin, her face was a picture" Cheryl felt better as she wound up her brother. Brendan continued to mutter to himself grabbing his long leather jacket, phone and keys. He walks through their home and makes his way down to the bar area again with Cheryl following behind wrapped up in her dressing gown.
"When you've quite finished analyzing my personal life, maybe we can discuss the matter of me venturing out there again for a boy I don't know anything about, ye owe me for this."
"Thanks Brendan, I have a gut feeling about him and once ye give Ste a chance you'll understand. I was gonna offer him a job here" Cheryl averts her eyes off Brendan quickly before he can give her his death stare.
"What? Chez no"
"We could do with the extra pair of hands, get him trained up. Plus he'll be a hit with the customers" Cheryl looks at her brothers blank expression. "Don't tell me ye didn't notice - he's gorgeous"
"Give me strength, I've walked in to a parallel universe." Brendan exasperates, glares at Cheryl who remains completely straight faced with her brother until he relents with a loud sigh. "What if he refuses to come back with me. I was kind of..."
"Mean?" Cheryl folds her arms methodically against her chest.
"Within my rights" Brendan argues.
"Better convince him then, use your charm. Apologise"
Brendan doesn't justify his sisters words with an answer, instead just leaves the pub. The first thing he does is react to the cold bite the evening offers and it's then Brendan has a feeling of guilt in his stomach. Remembering the way he'd seen the boy go, Brendan settled his hands deep in the pockets wrapping his jacket around his body and began to walk briskly under the glow of the streetlamps.
Ste shivered in the dropping temperatures the late hours brought with them and huddled inside his jacket but it barely insulated his body. He breathed and the steam clouded from his mouth evaporating on the frosty air. A few people had walked past him, just like they had each day he'd sat here on the cold ground beneath him. If he'd been lucky, someone would have given him some money, change from their purse or pocket. Others had sneered or looked upon him with disgust sat there in the way dirtying the pavement. Ste cursed himself for leaving the money Cheryl had given him behind in the pub, he hadn't had chance to think properly though. Ste lowered his head and a shadow stretched out on the ground beneath Ste as he watched, but unlike the others, this stilled on the ground.
"Ye never heard of a job?" Brendan's words stung as he stopped in front of Ste, his shoes were shiny and black patient. They'd creaked slightly with their newness and strode the concrete with confidence. Ste had heard it before, countless times.
"If I had a pound for every time some bigot walked past an said that to me, I'd be able to find work and a place to live in. Then again, I had somewhere to sleep until you turned up and threw me out on the streets again"
"So you're just wanting a free ride then, expecting others to fork out for ye, like my sister for instance who for some reason sees beyond the dirt"
Ste trailed his eyes up slowly, Brendan wore fine clothes, made to fit and then some. The large jacket had suited him too. Ste found the eyes of Brendan staring down upon him, they were a lot softer than Ste had expected.
"I'm not dirty, I washed just before and saying things like that is hurtful. Look at ya standing there all pretentious, feeling the need to gloat in the presence of someone less fortunate than yourself. I mean why even stop huh? Why not just walk past me and forget I exist? That's not easier to do? I guess it feels better to first belittle and grind a person down before carrying on that way there"
Ste points out to the remainder of the pavement, it curves around and cannot been seen any further. Brendan looks up and follows Ste's gesture, there's a lit lamppost on the corner that creates a dim lit orange glow against the street. A cat minding it's own business walks across the quiet street meowing into a fast sprint from the path of car headlights.
"I'm only here because my sister asked me to find ye. Could be in bed asleep now instead. Ye expect me to feel sorry for ye I suppose, of course isn't that how ye get handouts in the first place?"
"I've brought this on myself then. Alright, so that's my story is it? Ya take one look and map a lifetime for me. Wow you are good." Ste scoffs with a slight smile, he figures every person has done this, worked out his life in a seconds thought. Ste shudders with the wind chill and huddles closer to himself, blows heat into his cupped hands.
"Why else would ye be sat out in this weather? Not exactly summer is it, could freeze to death" Brendan points out the obvious and shifts on his feet.
"Careful, sounds like some form of concern you've just spoken. Best jog on before ya catch somet else, like a heart." Ste spoke bitterly and quickly moved to stand up. His legs ached as he did, the amount of time he'd sat there on the cold pavement had stiffened his bones. As he moved a crumpled up piece of paper fell from his jacket pocket and onto the floor. The other man caught a glimpse of it and bent down to pick it up. He unfolded it in his hand and looked at the pencil drawing inside. His mouth parted slightly, eyes flickering to the young man almost turning the corner out of sight.
"Wait" He cried and watched Ste slow down. "What's this?"
Ste twisted his neck and turned to look back at the stranger, he eyed the piece of paper in his hands and walked back quickly. "That's mine, give it back"
"I don't want it...the paper fell out of your pocket. Did ye draw this?"
"None of your business. I'm just a low life to the likes of you"
"Now who's presumptuous? The likes of me?"
"Yeah, toffee nosed prick who thinks cos he's a job and a smart suit he's better than I am" Ste replied grabbing the piece of paper. He looks at the artwork and then at the man. He sees his eyes properly for the first time now and notices they both have the same colour blue. The shade is different and his gaze is captivating leaving Ste feeling more exposed. Ste fidgets uncomfortably. "What are ya looking at? Go on, do one."
"The picture, why did ye draw that?"
"I'm out of here. Better when people just carry on walking. I meet you and it's the third degree. Are you a police officer or somet cos if ya are I ain't doing owt wrong right, so just leave me alone."
Ste starts walking again and makes it around the corner. He pretends he knows where he is going when in actual fact Ste has no clue. It was late now and the darkness shrouded the sky above him, only the bright of the streetlamps paved his way as the stars were blurred out by it. He could see the moon ahead of him so he followed that, continued his path towards it.
Behind him there was that noise he'd heard earlier, the familiarity of it had his eyes rolling and head shaking in exhaustion. The footsteps were faint but continuously there in the background keeping a distance but on his trail. After a while Ste saw a bridge in front of him and headed for it. The white metal sides met in the middle arching across it with hanging lamps shining its pathway. Ste stands on it and looks out at the water, its calm ripples shimmy the false light from the streetlamps and the noise of the odd few cars can be heard passing by occasionally.
Ste darts his eyes up when he knows he's no longer alone on it, the footsteps have continued to give that away. He shakes his head. "Arrest me then, just get it over with"
"I ain't a police officer. And even if I were I still wouldn't arrest ye."
"Great, so you're a stalker. Ya know when I planned to come here I didn't imagine this. I thought it would be easy coming over and finding a job, home. Stupid I was. Can't even go back either - not that I want too." Ste felt a spot of rain fall on his eyelash encouraging him to look up into the sky. The rain began to fall from the stars above them. Ste shook his head. "It always rains"
"It can't rain all the time." Brendan said softly, he looks out onto the Liffey begin to move slightly with the sporadic droplets. "Obviously ye ain't from Ireland, not sure where you're from to be honest, can't work out the accent, got me a headache trying too." Brendan was smirking when Ste spun his head around to look at him leaning against the metal sides. He throws a stone into the water and Ste watches it disturb the water.
"Never asked ya to work it out, why are ya even here? Following me, really? Maybe I should arrest you instead"
Brendan chuckles and looks back at Ste. "Got me bang to rights have ye, well where are your handcuffs officer? Not many places to keep them. Perhaps they are with that paper ye carry around in your pocket, hm?"
"Fascinated by it ain't ya? Maybe it's private that drawing." Ste sighs heavy. "You wouldn't understand anyway."
"Try me" Brendan quietly intoned turning to look at Ste. "What have ye got to lose?"
"When I first arrived here, wasn't like this then, I had a little money to stop in a hostel. I kept dreaming of the image on the paper, most nights so I drew it." Ste explained as he recalled, his fingers held the paper in his pocket. "Might not be significant to you, but when ya dream about somet a lot - gotta mean something"
"Superstitious aren't ye? Might have no significance whatsoever. Dreams are just that. I once dreamed I could fly, still ain't happened"
"Lost ya wings on account you're a grumpy sod"
"Think I'm an angel?" Brendan asked with a brief chuckle but his lightheartedness had fallen on deaf ears.
"Well your sister is one, guess you just forgot what it means to be"
They both quieten now and listen to the sounds the River Liffey makes as it flows beneath the bridge they stand on. The rain is still light capturing on Ste's mouth, he licks his lips and keeps darting his eyes up at the man keeping him company now. A man who earlier threw him out of his home and yet here they stand in relative comfort. Ste's fingers curled against the chilled metal wincing at the pain from the harsh winter brought.
"Your sister said it earlier but..." Ste speaks lowly as he places his hands into his pockets, tries to remove the pinching cold from his skin. "What's your name?"
"Brendan." The older man sniffs and glances to his side. "And you're Steven - I ain't all that forgetful after all"
"Your memory is awful actually, cos my name is Ste. I helped your sister earlier and she offered me a meal as a way of thank you. She wouldn't take no for an answer when I went to leave again, I dunno...it's, it's called kindness. Look, I understand why you went mad, but I ain't a bad person. A man grabbed her bag and I tripped him up so she could get it back again, that's all."
"Chez mentioned something about it. Was good of ye to do that. Fair do's, I made a mistake before, should have at least heard ye out in the pub. I care about my sister and I thought you'd tried your luck breaking in."
"And then I went an wore one of your shirts and paraded around in my boxers to boot? Yeah Brendan cos that's my thing init."
"I act before thinking" Brendan shrugged nonchalantly.
"Understatement of the century mate" Ste added quickly shaking his head. Ste could have sworn he saw a flicker of a smile across Brendan's mouth, but it had been too fast.
"Gotta admit, ye did look content dancing in my kitchen" Brendan kept an eye on Ste. "So what's the plan then, surely you've got one."
"Well can't do much without a job" Ste shrugs "Guess that's the plan init?"
"How do ye expect to earn any money like this?" Brendan's words were patronising as he still gestured at Ste. "Not exactly an employers dream are ye?"
"I've no chance if everyone thinks like you do" Ste bowed his head and shook it slightly, he struggled to believe Brendan was related to Cheryl, they were polar opposites. "I worked the afternoon in your pub today, if Cheryl believes in me so will others"
Brendan tilts his head and considers the young man in front of him. There's something he can't quite put his finger on, something about him that compels Brendan to continue to want to talk to Ste. They can't stop out here though, the lateness of the evening is slowly bringing down the temperature outside and he can see Ste shivering more and more with the wetter weather.
"I just can see a chancer when I see one and I ain't gonna let ye sponge off the kindness of my sister. Why don't ye go home instead of degrading yourself being here?"
"That's it, I am done trying to get through to you. Go home an leave me alone" Ste turns to walk away while Brendan receives a message on his phone.
'Have u found Ste yet? x' C
Brendan curses under his breath before pocketing his phone. "Steven, come on. Ye can't stay out here in this weather."
"Like ya even care about me"
"My sister does so. Let's go unless ye really do want to stay out here alone" Brendan walks up to Ste and they both glance up at a group of men stood a bit further up staring at them. Ste grips around Brendan's forearm then, nerves coursing through his body as they move closer.
Brendan looks down at Ste's hand and feels his grip tighten. "Ye know them?"
"Yeah, they were at a hostel I stayed at. Didn't fit in though" Ste backed up bumping into Brendan's side as the group gained on them. "One of em tried to rob your sister earlier, he's not happy with me for helpin' to stop that"
Brendan moved to step forward but Ste held on tighter to stop him, they both caught each others gaze. Ste gulped darting his eyes with Brendan's becoming momentarily transfixed. He could hear the cluster of footsteps gaining on them in the background and knew they needed to leave.
"Brendan..." Ste spoke on breath and shook Brendan's arm breaking the spell between them.
"Don't worry." Brendan blinked, his voice confident. He removed his arm and tapped Ste on the shoulder. "Stick with me boy, let's move"