Pull Me Up From Down Below
WritingIsLoveAndLife
AN: Hello again, everyone! I'm back with another cross post from my AO3 account. This was the second story I ever wrote for this fandom and I'm super excited to share it with you.
Disclaimer: I do not own The Mortal Instruments/Shadowhunters. The series was written by Cassandra Clare and adapted for television by Ed Decter.
Enjoy the story everyone!
Simon and Jace had a firmly established routine that they'd perfected over their 6-month relationship. Whenever Jace would go on a mission that Simon couldn't go on, Simon would stay in the boathouse and lock the door so Jace could focus on his mission and not worry about Simon's safety. He'd play music and write lyrics, and sometimes entertains Maia and Bat.
Once Jace was done with the mission, he'd come to the boathouse, and they'd spend some time together. Or, if the mission went poorly and Simon knew Jace didn't want to talk about it, he'd sweep him up in a hug and carry him to a canoe so they could cuddle until Jace was asleep.
So, when Jace doesn't show up one night after a mission, Simon begins to worry. He pulls his phone out of his pocket and dials Jace on speed-dial, thankful that he'd been able to bring Jace around to Mundane technology enough that he bought a cell phone so that they can keep in contact.
Simon waits as the call connects.
One Ring… Two Rings… Three Rings…
"Come on, Jace!" Simon frets, running a worried hand through his hair. "Please pick up the phone."
'Hey, it's Jace,' the voicemail begins. 'I can't take your call right now, but leave a message.'
Simon can count on one hand that Jace hasn't answered the phone when he's called, and he'd always called right back, with an apology and an explanation.
So Simon waits… 5 minutes quickly becoming 10, which then becomes 20, and that's when Simon really begins to worry enough to dial Alec's number.
Over the 6 months Simon and Jace have been dating, the relationship between the Daylighter and the Head of the New York Institute had thawed considerably to the point where Simon would consider Alec a friend, at least most of the time. That was something that pleased their respective boyfriends immensely.
"Daylighter, do you have any idea what time it is?" Alec growls, as soon as the call connects.
"Sorry," Simon says, genuinely. "It's just, is Jace with you?"
"He's not with you?" Alec says, and Simon can hear the rustle of the sheets as he sits up.
"No, he didn't show up after the mission," Simon explains. "I called him, and it rang through to voicemail. I left him a message, but that was 20 minutes ago and he hasn't called me back."
"Well, he's not in danger according to my Parabatai rune, but he does seem sad. Try the Hunter's Moon, and call me back, okay?"
"Will do," Simon says with a nod. "Thanks Alec."
Simon quickly pulls on a shirt and a coat and zooms through the chilled New York night to the Hunter's Moon.
The bar is lively when Simon walks in, and spots Maia at her usual place behind the bar.
"Hey Maia!" he calls to the werewolf.
"Simon?" Maia asks, surprised. "What are you doing here? Shouldn't you be with Jace right now?"
"That's actually why I'm here," Simon admits. "He didn't show up after his mission like he usually does and he hasn't answered his phone. Alec told me to check to see if he was here."
Maia shakes her head. "I've been here since before the rush, and I haven't seen him at all."
Simon runs a nervous, agitated hand through his hair. "Thanks, Maia."
He speeds out of the Hunter's Moon, not knowing that as he's dialing Alec's number, Maia is dialing a number of her own.
"Hey Alec…"
"Luke, it's me…"
Between Simon and Alec, they've managed to enlist their entire group. Clary, Isabelle, Magnus, Luke, Bat, Raphael, Lydia, even Max, grinning from ear-to-ear at his first assignment as a Shadowhunter.
Alec clears his throat to call the meeting to order, with Simon standing nervously next to him.
"Okay everyone, you all know why we're here," Alec says. "Jace has gone missing. He's not been seen by anyone since the mission tonight ended. He didn't show up at Simon's boathouse, he hasn't answered Simon's calls, and he was not at the Hunter's Moon, as Maia informed Simon. I want this entire group to split up, and canvas every square inch of this city. Is that clear?"
Simon glances around the table to see nods and determined expressions, at Alec's words.
"All right, then," Alec nods. "This meeting is adjourned. Everybody, go gear up."
The group disperses, lacing up combat boots, pulling weapons from racks.
In the midst of it all, Simon feels someone put a hand on his shoulder and startles, his head snapping around.
"I didn't mean to scare you," Magnus says apologetically. "I just wanted to see how you were holding up?"
"Honestly?" Simon questions.
"Honestly," Magnus says gently.
"I'm a fucking mess, Magnus," Simon confesses. "Something could have happened to him and all I can think of are the worst-case scenarios and the what-if's. Did I tell him I loved him when we last spoke or saw each other? What if I had been with him on the mission tonight? It all keeps running through my mind and I don't want to think about it, but I kind of have to at the same time."
"It's okay," Magnus soothes, pulling Simon into a hug. "It's okay."
"But it's not!" Simon exclaims, gripping Magnus back tightly. "Jace is gone, something could've happened and I don't know if I can handle this."
"You're not alone, Simon," Magnus says. "You have no idea how happy I was when Alec became Head of the Institute, because it meant he was safer, as opposed to risking his life on a daily basis. That paranoia is normal, and the first few times Alec got hurt or something went wrong, I didn't know if I could handle it either. But it's the price we pay for loving a Nephilim, and I think that price is well-worth it, don't you?"
Simon wipes the tears from his eyes, and nods. "It is," he says softly. "Jace is worth everything."
"Good," Magnus says. "Now what do you say we go find that illusive blond of yours?"
Simon can't help but laugh, as weak as it may be.
"Sounds good, Magnus," he agrees.
It takes two hours of hopeful but nerve-wracking searching before Simon can finally breathe, courtesy of a walkie-talkie transmission from Isabelle.
"Found him," she says, her voice crackling over the static of the frequency. "He's on the rooftop of an apartment building."
Simon and Alec look at each other, relief palpable on both of their faces as Isabelle's words sink in.
Without thought, Simon launches himself at Alec, pulling the taller Shadowhunter in for a hug. It's uncomfortable for a moment, because hugs are usually Magnus's department, especially where Simon is concerned, but Alec hugs back. A combination of knowing how much Simon needs this, and his own relief pushing any personal issues he may have with the Daylighter aside, at least temporarily.
After a long few moments, Alec pulls back. "We should let Izzy know we're coming," he says.
"Yeah, good idea," Simon nods. "I'm sorry about that."
"It's fine," Alec dismisses with an awkward wave of his hand. "Just… don't make a habit of it, okay?"
Simon laughs. "I don't think you'll have to worry about that, Alec."
"Good," Alec says. "Magnus gives better hugs anyway."
"That he does," Simon agrees easily, bringing the walkie-talkie to his mouth.
"We're on our way, Isabelle."
"Still on the roof?" Simon asks Isabelle as soon as he comes to a stop in front of her at a largely run-down apartment complex.
Isabelle nods, and Simon disappears in a blur, leaving 2 of the 4 Lightwood siblings in his wake.
"He's something else," Alec says quietly, surprising Isabelle. She'd never known her brother to have anything positive to say about Simon before, even if their relationship has gotten better over the time he's been dating Jace.
"Who are you and what have you done with my brother?" Isabelle asks, only half-sarcastic.
Alec laughs, a warm, deep sound that she wishes she'd here more of.
"I have to admit it, Iz," Alec explains. "I know I had my… reservations about Jace and Simon in the beginning—"
"That may be the understatement of the year," Isabelle interjects, completely deadpan.
"Even so," Alec continues. "It's impossible to ignore how much Simon loves him, and how much happier Jace is. As a brother, and as a Parabatai, I couldn't ask for more than that."
"You've come a long way from threatening to use Simon for target practice," Isabelle says proudly.
He pulls her into his arms, hugging her.
"I think we all have, Iz."
Up on the roof, Simon's heart wants to soar and shatter all at once. Soar because Jace is here. He's okay. Shatter because he looks as despondent as Simon has ever seen him.
"Angel?" he calls gently, walking slowly so as to not startle his boyfriend.
Jace's head snaps up, eyes glassy at the private nickname.
"Sunshine?" he questions.
"Yeah, it's me," Simon affirms. "I've been looking all over for you, babe."
"Just go away," Jace dismisses.
"Angel, what—"
"JUST LEAVE OKAY?" Jace screams into the open air of the blackened night. "It's for your own good, so please don't make this any harder than it has to be, okay, Si?"
"Angel, I don't know where—" Simon starts.
"Where this is coming from?" Jace snaps. "Where this is coming from, Si is that I destroy everything I touch. Everyone that I love ends up dead. I care about you too much for either of those things to happen to you, so I need you to leave, and you need to never look back."
In a blur, Simon has Jace wrapped tightly, but comfortably in his arms. "Not happening, Angel. Never in a million years."
Jace breaks down, clutching Simon in a desperate embrace. "I'm sorry, Sunshine," he says. "I'm so, so sorry."
"It's okay, Angel," Simon soothes. "Just let it all out, I'm right here."
When Jace's breathing has even, and his shaking body stills, Simon pulls away.
"What do you say we get out of here?" Simon asks. "Go back to the boathouse and cuddle in a canoe?"
"Don't you want to talk about this?" Jace asks, surprised.
"Tomorrow," Simon says definitely. "We'll talk tomorrow. But I've missed my boyfriend, and I'd like to cuddle with him, if that's okay with you."
Jace manages a weak smile.
"Lead the way, Sunshine."
Jace wakes up feeling warm and comfortable in Simon's embrace. He opens his eyes, and takes a moment to appreciate the muscled abdomen he'd used as a pillow the night before.
"Good morning, Angel," Simon says, peering down at him with so much affection in his eyes that Jace is nearly overwhelmed by it's intensity. "Did you sleep well?"
"So well," Jace nods. "Your abs are a great pillow."
"Well, you can use them whenever you'd like," Simon laughs. "Do you want breakfast?"
"Shouldn't we talk, Sunshine?" Jace asks, seriously. "It is tomorrow, after all."
"We'll talk after we eat," Simon says. "You're probably starving."
Now that Simon said something, Jace is acutely aware that he is indeed hungry. Trust Simon to know and think of Jace's needs before Jace knows or thinks them himself. Simon really is that intuitive and selfless. It makes Jace feel horrible, especially after last night.
But Simon zooms around his makeshift kitchen, and in no time at all, is back with a full plate for Jace, as well as his own smaller portion.
So Jace thanks his boyfriend for the food, and eats, not wanting to cause Simon any more worry than he already has.
In the back of his mind throughout the meal, thoughts of their impending talk linger darkly. Jace wonders if this will have been Simon's last straw. Is he about to lose his Sunshine, forever?
After breakfast, Jace and Simon lay out on the couch, Jace's head resting on Simon's abdomen again.
"We should have that talk now," Jace says.
"If you want," Simon agrees. "There's no rush, Angel. Whenever you're ready to talk, we'll talk. That can be now, that can be tomorrow, and that could be a year from now. I'm not going anywhere soon, babe."
Those words bring Jace more comfort and confidence than Simon could ever possibly know. Everyone he's ever known has almost always left him, in some form or another and the fact that Simon says he's not going anywhere soon is a huge weight off Jace's shoulders.
"I had a pet falcon, when I was younger," Jace begins. "Valentine gave it to me and told me to train it."
That's not where Simon was expecting the story to start, but he settles into a more comfortable position as Jace continues.
"I endured every scratch and nip that bird had to give," he says. "And eventually, it learned to trust me. I was able to feed it, and pet it. If I called it by it's name, it would fly to me immediately. I was proud of my efforts, and so, I showed Valentine."
Jace tenses, and Simon's heart drops.
"When I showed him everything, he watched. And when I was done, he took the bird, and snapped it's neck. He told me that I was tasked with training the bird, not loving it. He said to love something was to destroy, and that love was a weakness no Shadowhunter should have."
Simon is stunned.
"Last night, during the mission, Valentine showed up, and as we were fighting, he said that if I didn't join him, he would destroy everything and everyone I loved, just like he did to my falcon."
"That's why you ran off," Simon says gently.
Jace nods into his abdomen. "It felt like I was drowning, honestly. The weight of his words, they just hit me like a ton of bricks. I couldn't breathe."
"It's okay, Angel," Simon soothes. "You know none of that it true, right?"
"Simon," Jace breathes. "Valentine killed my parents, he killed my falcon. He's destroyed everything I've ever loved."
"Not me," Simon points out. "I'm here, and I love you. And you have a whole group of people who love you too. You have Alec, Isabelle, Max, Clary, Luke, Maia, Bat, Lydia, even Raphael."
"And look what I did to them!" Jace exclaims. "I was selfish and I made them all worry. I made you worry. I'm such a burden."
"You're not a burden, Jace," Simon says fiercely. "You could never be a burden. Yes you worried us last night, but we were worried because we love you and we wanted to make sure you were safe. The world can be a dangerous place, especially for a Shadowhunter or a Downworlder."
"I know," Jace sighs, and sits up, looking directly into Simon's eyes. "I know I said it last night, but I'm so sorry, Sunshine."
"It's okay, Angel," Simon says. "What's most important is that you're safe. That's all that matters to me, and everyone else."
"You are the most selfless man on the face of the planet, Simon Lewis," Jace says in awe. "I love you, so much."
"I love you too, Angel."
AN #2: And there we have it! I'd love your feedback. Reviews, follows, favourites and PM's feed my creativity.
Until next time,
WritingIsLoveAndLife