I Want to Be the Sky For You
WritingIsLoveAndLife
AN: Hello again, everyone! WritingIsLoveAndLife here and I'm back with another one of my cross-posts from AO3. This was the first piece I ever wrote for the Shadowhunters/Mortal Instruments series. I hope you all like it!
Disclaimer: I do not own The Mortal Instruments/Shadowhunters. The series was created by Cassandra Clare and adapted for television by Ed Decter.
Enjoy the story!
In hindsight, Simon's crush on Jace had been growing steadily for a while now. He'd always thought the blond Shadowhunter was hot, but somewhere along the line, the plainly physical attraction had evolved into something more, at least as far as Simon was concerned.
"Is it because I drank from him?" the vampire asked Magnus, who was sitting down across from him. "Like, do we have some kind of connection because he made me a Daylighter?"
"If you hadn't told me earlier that you had been attracted to him even before you drank from him, I'd say that would be an almost definite possibility. Normally, the bond between a Daylighter and the person they drink from is similar to their relationship with their sire. In your case, Camille."
Magnus pauses, and Simon swears that he can see amusement in the warlock's glamoured eyes. "Since you admitted earlier that some degree of feelings existed prior to you drinking from him, it's likely the bond has only made the romantic nature of your feelings stronger."
"Alec is going to use me for target practice," Simon moans, his head in his hands.
"You leave Alexander to me," Magnus soothes. "I'll make sure my Nephilim behaves, at least long enough for you two to sort out your feelings for each other."
Simon's head snaps up. "Jace… has feelings for me?"
"You didn't know?" Magnus laughs. "That's absolutely precious, Simon. He cared about you enough to let you drink from him."
"I was dying!" Simon exclaims. "I would've done the same for him had the situation been reversed."
"He's been personally training you in combat skills," Magnus continues.
"That's because he doesn't want me to hold everyone back when we're on missions together, not because he's in love with me."
"Do you know how many people Jace has personally tutored in combat, Simon?" Magnus asks.
"No," Simon admits.
"According to what Alexander has told me, you're the only one. You think he'd just train a random vampire he didn't care about?"
"But still—" Simon starts.
"Then, there's also the fact that his normal greetings to you are no longer insults. I can't remember the last time he called you a Mundane or a Daylighter."
That stops Simon in his tracks. He realizes that he can't remember the last time Jace had done so either. He's been on a first-name basis with Jace for a while now.
"Even if all of that is true—" Simon starts again.
"It is," Magnus interjects.
"That still doesn't mean he's in love with me, okay?" Simon argues. "He's never given me any indication…"
"Simon," Magnus sighs. "You do realize this is Jace we're talking about, right? The same Jace who was raised by a madman who wants to destroy the entire world, as we know it? The Jace who heard that same madman tell him over and over while he was growing up that to love is to destroy?"
"Good point," Simon acknowledges. "So what do you suggest I do?"
Magnus gets up, putting a hand on Simon's shoulder. "Just keep doing what you're doing. Jace will be too suspicious if you change how you act around him. Train with him, go on missions, but also find time to show him that you care."
"And you're sure Alec won't use me for target practice?" Simon questions.
"If he even tries, he'll have to answer to me," Magnus assures.
"Thanks Magnus," Simon breathes, relieved. "No offence, but your boyfriend is really scary."
"None taken, Simon," Magnus laughs. "Alexander can be very… intense."
"That's putting it mildly," Simon says.
It turns out that Simon didn't have to wait very long to begin to show Jace he cared… even if Jace was probably not even fully conscious at the time.
He'd been sparring with Clary today, who had said something about Jace being unavailable due to a physically demanding mission he'd been on the night before and Alec ordering him to rest until he was fully recovered.
As he was walking from the training room to the front door of the Institute to return to the boathouse, he heard a whimper sound out from one of the bedrooms. It was a pained, helpless sound that twisted his stomach into knots.
"No! Please! Stop!" is all Simon needs to hear Jace say before he enters the room to see a thrashing, sweat-soaked Jace tangled in his bed sheets as he tries to endure whatever horrific experience he's forced to relive behind those hooded mismatched eyes.
"Jace!" Simon whisper-shouts. "Jace, wake up! It's just a nightmare, whatever you're seeing isn't real."
Jace continues to thrash, and if Simon's honest, he's beginning to panic. So he does the only thing that he can think of.
He speedily situates himself in the bed behind Jace, holding his thrashing, frightened form securely in his arms and beginning to sing:
"I want to be the sky for you. I want to bundle you up, sorrows and all, so that you know when you look up that you are not alone, even if you're far away, and that you'll always have a place to come home to."
As Simon sings, he can feel Jace's body still, and his breathing even out as he cuddles into Simon's body. Just when he believes Jace is asleep, he's surprised when Jace speaks sleepily.
"You have a pretty voice, Alec."
Of course he'd think it's Alec, they're Parabatai after all.
"It sounds just like Simon's," Jace continues.
Simon freezes. Suddenly he feels like an intruder, even though his intentions were pure. He should go, before he hears any…
"I wish Simon were here with me now."
And yeah, Simon definitely has to go. Because Jace did not just say that. Jace couldn't have said that. Not about him. Not about Simon.
Being careful not to disturb Jace, Simon deftly extracts himself from the bed and zooms back to the boathouse.
When he's safely up in a canoe, his mind is going a million miles an hour in all of these conflicting directions.
'How much of that did Jace really mean?'
"You were right," Simon tells Magnus without preamble as soon as the warlock opens the door to his loft.
"Simon, it's 2 o'clock in the morning," Magnus grumbles, rubbing at his eyes. "What was I right about exactly?"
"Jace," Simon explains. "You were right about Jace having feelings for me."
"Well, of course I was," Magnus says tiredly. "When have you ever known me to be wrong about something? What I don't understand is why you couldn't wait until a decent hour to tell me this."
"Sorry," Simon says contritely. "I just couldn't sleep and I needed to talk and you were the only one I can think of. I can go if—"
"It's alright, Simon," Magnus says, sounding more alert, but still tired. "Would you like some tea? We can sit down and talk about this."
"Tea would be great, Magnus," Simon nods.
With a snap of his fingers, Magnus conjures two steaming mugs, and slides one to Simon before beckoning him over to the couch.
"So, you figured out I was right, did you?" Magnus asks curiously. "What finally gave it away?"
"I was walking from the training room to the front door, and I heard a whimper coming from Jace's room so I went to check on him."
"You did what?" a third voice asks, steely calm, but unquestionably angry.
Both Simon and Magnus spin their heads, taking in a very shirtless and angry Alec.
Simon shrinks back as Alec strides forward. "If you did anything to my Parabatai, so help you, I'll—"
"That's enough, Alexander!" Magnus snaps. "Simon is a guest here. You're not to scare him just because you've jumped to a conclusion."
Alec stills, and retreats but never takes his glaring eyes off of Simon.
"Explain. Now. Or not even Magnus can stop me from using you as target practice."
"It's like I said, I heard him whimper and I went to check on him. He was having a nightmare."
"And what did you do?" Alec says tightly.
"I tried to wake him up, told him it wasn't real, and when that didn't work…" Simon trails off.
"I'm losing patience, Daylighter," Alec snaps. "What. Did. You. Do?"
"I got into bed behind him, held him, and sang to him until he was calmed down. He actually thought I was you. His exact words were 'You have a pretty voice, Alec.'"
Alec stills again, and then he does something Simon had never heard him do before: laugh.
"That's hilarious!" Alec wheezes. "Jace knows I can't sing. In fact, I'm practically tone deaf!"
Alec wails, doubling over in laughter. Simon and Magnus exchange worried looks.
"Alexander?" Magnus asks, gently. "Are you alright?"
Alec stiffens, aware of his audience, and immediately composes himself.
"I'm fine, Mags," he says; shocking Simon once again with the amount of sheer affection his tone carries.
Simon lets out an undignified squeal, and Alec glares at him. He sits down next to Magnus on the couch.
"As much as I appreciate you being there for my Parabatai when I could not, I do fail to see exactly what was so important that you had to wake both of us up at this hour. Most of us do need sleep, Daylighter."
"I figured out that Jace is in love with me, just like Magnus told me he was."
Simon surveys the two very different reactions to that announcement: Magnus looks smug and Alec looks stunned.
"Jace would've told me," Alec reasons, more to himself than either Simon or Magnus. "He knows he can come to me for anything, even if it is his feelings for an inept Daylighter…"
"Hey!" Simon exclaims. "I'm sitting right here you know?"
At the same time, Magnus says, "Alexander, be nice!"
Alec takes one look at the serious expression in Magnus's eyes and sighs.
"I'm sorry, Daylighter."
Another look from Magnus.
"I'm sorry, Simon," he amends. "Please continue and tell us how you figured out that my Parabatai is in love with you?"
"It was what he said after the voice comment. He said your voice sounded like mine and said that he wished I were with him right in that moment, which I was but he didn't know that. I left after that. To hear anything more would be intrusive."
The silence in the apartment after Simon finishes speaking is long and uncomfortable. Both Magnus and Simon looking at Alec, both knowing what he says next will be his definitive opinion of the matter.
"Well, I suppose if he had to choose a partner, he could do a lot worse than you," Alec sighs finally, sounding resigned.
Of all the words Simon was expecting Alec Lightwood to say, those words didn't even cross his mind as a possibility.
"You… mean that?" Simon says cautiously.
"Have you ever known me to say something I don't mean, Daylighter?" Alec deadpans. "The most important thing is that Jace is happy. And if you can make him happy, then whatever issues I may have with you personally are irrelevant."
Simon hems and haws and stutters his way through a "Thank you," and hastens from the loft.
Magnus pulls Alec to him. "I love you, Alexander. Do you know that?"
"I was kind of hoping," Alec smirked.
With Alec's "blessing" obtained, Simon feels like he can breathe again. Alec still terrifies him, but if he's willing to potentially put up with Simon for Jace's sake, Simon can do the same by putting up with Alec.
Now he just has to figure out the perfect way to tell Jace.
He's figured out nothing regarding his confession when a portal opens in the boathouse and Magnus steps out.
"Not that I'm not happy for the company, Magnus, but what was so urgent you had to portal over here?"
Magnus bites his lip. "It's Jace."
It's Jace. Those two words, said exactly the way Magnus said them bode nothing positive.
"What's wrong with Jace?" Simon hurriedly pulls on a shirt.
"No time to explain," Magnus frets, something Simon has never seen him do before. "Just come with me, and you'll find out, okay?"
Simon follows Magnus dutifully, stepping through another portal that the warlock has made.
The Institute is as busy as ever, with a plethora of Shadowhunters and Clave members buzzing about in a flurry of activity.
Simon couldn't care less. He speeds past even Magnus on his way to the infirmary. He sees Alec sitting, forlorn on a couch.
"I got here as fast as I could," he greets Alec. "How's he doing?"
Alec startles, but eventually his glassy eyes stare up at Simon. "He died. I felt him die."
He died. I felt him die.
Simon's knees buckle, and he holds a hand out to the wall in order to steady himself.
Simon's not sure how he gets the next words out, tears forming in his own eyes and tongue feeling heavy and dry in his mouth. "What do you mean, he died?"
"My Parabatai rune, it disappeared. I saw it fade. I don't know what Clary did, but I know what I saw, and I know what I felt."
"What does Clary have to do with this?" Simon asks, confused.
"She was on a mission with him," Alec explains. "He died, and I know it, but go take a look in that room."
Simon does, peering through the blinds to see a tousled head of blond hair.
Jace.
"I thought you said he died?" Simon was relieved, but more confused than ever.
"He did, Daylighter," Alec insists. "Parabatai runes only disappear for one reason. And mine did. Magnus even saw it, too."
"Then how is he alive? Is the rune back?"
Alec lifts his shirt up, exposing his runes. He points, and Simon immediately recognizes it as the Parabatai rune.
"All I got from Clary before she broke down was that the two of them were fighting Valentine, and you and I both know Valentine would never willingly help Jace, so she must have done something. Not that I'm not grateful, mind you, but there are only a few things that can bring someone back, and none of them have very good consequences."
Alec looks somber. Simon puts a hand on his shoulder.
"At least he's here," he says. "We can worry about the rest later."
Alec nods, with fire in his eyes.
"You should know, Valentine is dead," he says, staring forward again. "Clary stabbed him."
"Well, now that's two good things that have happened tonight," Simon says brightly, attempting to lift Alec's mood.
Alec nods, but still seems dejected.
"There you two are!" a voice calls, and both Simon and Alec turn to see an out of breath Magnus panting as he strides toward them.
He sits next to Alec. "How's he doing, Alexander?"
"He's alive," Alec says soberly. "That's more than I could say an hour ago. I still have to talk to Clary."
"The poor girl is inconsolable, Alexander," Magnus intones. "Surely that talk can wait until tomorrow? You look like you could use some rest too."
Alec shakes his head. "I have to be here when he wakes up."
"I'm certain Simon can watch over him while we go get some rest either at the loft, or upstairs."
Simon nods emphatically at Magnus's suggestion, and Alec sighs.
"All right Daylighter," he agrees. "Let it be known that I'm only agreeing to his because you don't need sleep. I expect to be notified immediately if something happens. Understand?"
"I'm sure he does, darling," Magnus says gently, seeing Simon's eyes widen into saucers. "Now come along, Alexander. It's time for my beauty sleep and I need my Shadowhunter pillow."
The two of them depart, Alec looking back until he's completely out of view.
With Alec gone, Simon collapses on the couch, the enormity of everything that's happened today finally hitting him full-force.
Valentine is dead. And Jace was dead too.
And he died without knowing how Simon felt. But he's here now, and Simon is going to be alone with him for about as long as Magnus can reasonably keep Alec away.
Simon pushes himself up off the couch and speeds into Jace's room, sitting on the small infirmary bed. He reaches for Jace's hand.
"Jace," he says softly, stroking the back of his hand with his thumb as he holds it. "I don't know if you can hear me right now, and God knows this wasn't the way I wanted to do this, but you almost died. You were dead, as Alec tells it. And you did so not knowing how I felt about you. Which is… its unfathomable Jace. I know I'm not the best with words so bear with me…"
Simon takes a deep breath, gathering his courage. "I love you, Jace," he says. "I am in love with you. I love everything about you. I love all of your last names, I love your beautiful, smoldering mismatched eyes, I love how protective you are of the people who care about, I love how you continue to love despite not being loved when you were growing up, I love how shy you can get when you're embarrassed. I love everything about you."
"Si…mon," a voice rasps.
Simon's head snaps up so quickly, he'd get whiplash if he were still human. There, staring at him with two gorgeously mismatched eyes, and a smug smirk is Jace.
"Jace!" Simon exclaims, dropping his hand. "How long have you…?"
"Long enough," Jace smirks.
"I. Am. So. Sorry." Simon squeaks, blushing.
"That blush looks good on you, Si," Jace winks.
Simon's brain short circuits.
Jace did not just say that. While completely awake. He pinches himself.
"Ow!" he exclaims.
Definitely not a dream, Lewis, he says to himself.
"You can hold my hand again, if you want," Jace suggests, mirth dancing in his eyes over seeing Simon's display.
Wordlessly and tentatively, Simon grasps Jace's hand again.
The two of them sit like that in silence, the only noise coming from the ticking of the clock on the wall.
"You know?" Jace questions. "If you want to kiss me now, you're going to have to come a bit closer. I can't exactly move very well, at the moment."
"What?" Simon says, dumbstruck.
Jace laughs, followed quickly by a wince. "Is that not how they do it in the Mundane world? Two people confess and then they kiss, right?"
Simon stills, but doesn't let go of Jace's hand. "You love me?"
"I do," Jace nods, and Simon can see the sincerity and vulnerability written all over his face. "I know I'm not good enough—"
"I'm going to stop you, right there Jace," Simon declares. "You. Are. Good. Enough. Do you understand me? Whatever Valentine said, he was wrong, and now, he's dead."
Jace's jaw drops. "He's dead?"
Simon nods. "Clary killed him. He can never hurt you again."
"All the more reason for you to kiss me, I think," Jace says finally, after several beats of silence.
Simon won't argue with that logic. He presses his lips to Jace's, getting lost in the delicious taste and scent that is uniquely Jace.
It's definitely worth any upcoming threats of target practice from Alec…
Alec! Simon thinks to himself, pulling back from Jace's thoroughly intoxicating lips.
"What's the matter?" Jace questions.
"It's nothing," Simon soothes. "I just remember that Alec wanted me to let him know if anything happened."
Jace processes that information, and grabs Simon by the shirt.
"My Parabatai can wait a few more minutes," he smirks. "Now shut up and kiss me."