Author's Note:
SPOILERS for the Journey's End (Series 4, Episode 13). Um, spoilers in the rest of my notes as well, so if you don't want to be singed by spoilers, step back children!
START SPOILERS
The end of Series 4, Russel T. Davies gave all us 10xRose fans a gift, but poooooooor Doctor. And poor Donna. What happened to her truly is heartbreaking. She saved the world and then... she had to 'die' and lose the experiences that made her such an awesome person. She really turned out to be one of my favorite characters. I can only hope that something in her life sparks her and wakes her up as much as the Doctor did.
Small Comfort
Rose blinked away tears as the warm hand that held hers tightened. That sound... That familiar screech faded into nothing, faded into her memories.
Her heart ached because of what the Doctor hadn't said. A part of her knew the Doctor would never be able to say it. It might have hurt, but it really didn't. Rose knew what he meant. She always knew.
"Well," she said horsely, "at least he will have Donna. She's amazing. Brilliant."
Rose turned to the new Doctor. The Other Doctor, she thought. He shook his head sadly. "The mind of a Time Lord... One who has seen the Time Vortex. A human mind would never be able to handle that. The knowledge is tearing her mind apart,"
"No." Rose paled as she remembered the burning, the loss of self when the Time Vortex ripped through her, "Dalek Caan's prophesy. She's not..."
"Dying? No. Well, yes. To save her, the Doctor has to erase her memories," he said grimly. "Everything about the TARDIS. About how she saved the world."
She looked into his sad brown eyes and shook her head. "She saved us twice. That wonderful woman can't remember any of that? And the Doctor will be alone." She felt the Doctor hands cup her face, wiping the tears away. "He's alone again."
"Yes," he shuddered, touching his forehead against hers. She closed her eyes, unable to stop the tears. She let them trickle down her face. "For a little while, at least."
Donna was gone. Just as lost to the Doctor as she was to him. The Doctor stood alone, as always.
"You aren't the same as him," she whispered. Rose opened her eyes. Brown, brown eyes filled with pain met hers. A stranger. A human. In her mind, she could hear the thumping of his single heart. The throb connected them. It was different. He was different. But those eyes were still the same. Darkness and light flashed in them. "No, you aren't the same, but you are still my Doctor."
She reached up, tangling her fingers in his hair and smiled through her tears. "Hello," she said softly.
"Hello," he whispered back.
As the sun dipped into the sea on Dårlig Ulv Stranden, the sound of Jackie's voice as she spoke with Pete flitted away with the light. Rose Tyler kissed John Smith and held him tightly.
I'll look up. On her behalf, I'll look up at the sky. And think of you.
Wilf would do that for his granddaughter. He knew how much Donna had lost, even if no one else did. Oh Donna, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.
Donna. Brilliant, brilliant Donna. No, she did not want to go back to the woman she had been, but he could not let her die. He would not have that on his conscience. Even if she lost that part of herself, she was still alive. And that mattered.
It had to matter.
The Doctor looked at the controls of the TARDIS and smiled sadly. "We're never going to have such a smooth ride again, are we?" he asked her, touching the control panel lightly. Suddenly he felt the years weigh down on him. He pulled up the screen and tapped on the keys. With a dull beep, Jack Harkness came into view. Behind him, Mickey Smith stood, staring back with grave eyes. The Doctor nodded back to confirm his silent question.
"Jack."
"Doctor," he returned with a grin. "Calling already? It didn't take long for you to miss us." The bright smile faded as took in the Doctor's expression. "What is it, Doctor?"
"I need you let Martha and Sarah Jane know that Donna..." It was hard enough explaining to her family what he had done. The price of saving all of their lives had been Donna. "I've had to clear all of the memories of us, of me, from her mind. The transfer of my mind into hers--"
"Was killing her." Jack nodded grimly. "All of her memories?"
"Of me and the TARDIS. Of the Time Lords. If she remembers, she would burn. Her mind, no human mind can handle that."
"You saved her."
The Doctor smiled bitterly, "Or lobotomized her."
"Stop it." Jack squinted at the screen, arching his head to stare around him. "And Rose? She's not with you?"
"No. She's on the other side. Back on parallel Earth." Jack didn't ask where the other Doctor was. He figured that one out quick enough.
"Jack, Donna cannot remember what happened. Not the TARDIS, not me, not ever."
"We'll make sure that won't happen, Doctor."
"Thank you, Jack. Mickey." The Doctor knew Jack wanted to say more, but he did not feel up to rehashing everything. All of his choices. All of his losses. He touched a switch, cutting off the transmission.
The hum of the TARDIS rumbled beneath his feet. Rose Tyler. Defender of Earth. His Rose. And across the Void, she was his Rose still. She was still with a part of him.
A part of him would always be with her.
And if sometimes, in the lonely dark, he dreamed of the other him, of life with Rose Tyler, of being a man, it would be a small comfort. The possibilities swirled in his mind as the complexities of time and space sorted itself out. The life of Rose and her human Doctor would have adventures and madness. And love.
Rose wasn't lost to him any longer.
Yes, a part of him would always be with her.
And it would have to be enough.