A Second Chance

by drake5

Based on the movie ‘No Night is Too Long’.

A SECOND CHANCE

Author: drake

Dated: 3 February 2003

Summary: This story is based on 'No Night is Too Long', a movie made from the book, same title, by Barbara Vine. Here is a short synopsis.

This story is about Tim Cornish, a young man in his last year of university. He is such a hottie with both men and women pursuing him. His problem is that his partners often fall in love with him. Telling him of their feelings leads Tim to loose interest. Then, Tim pursues Ivo Steadman, another hottie, and the paleontology professor at the university. They carry on a great relationship, which soon ends for Tim when Ivo informs him of his love for him. Although he doesn't end the affair, Tim accompanies Ivo on an expedition to Alaska. While Ivo is off on a working cruise, Tim meets Isabel, at the hotel, and promptly falls in love. In time for Ivo's return, Isabel leaves to return home. Tim and Ivo attend a scheduled cruise to the neighbouring islands. During this trip, Tim tells Ivo that he wishes to end the relationship because he has fallen in love with someone else, a woman. Ivo, whom is quite upset, states that he won't let him go. During a trip to an island, the two fight, where Ivo falls to the ground hitting his head against the rock wall. Believing he is dead, Tim leaves Ivo on the island and covers up all possible evidence. Tim travels to Vancouver, in hopes of finding Isabel and continuing their relationship where they left off. He never does find her and finally returns home. Ivo, who was only knocked unconscious, is found, and rescued by a fellow worker, travels to Vancouver to find Isabel, whom we find out is Ivo's sister. With no luck in finding Tim, Ivo returns home, as well, deciding to do some emotional healing. A year passes before the two run into each other. Tim is shocked to see that Ivo is alive and fearful not knowing what Ivo will do. They spend some time together talking. As Ivo prepares to leave, Tim, realizing that it's pouring outside, convinces Ivo to wear his raincoat. Once outdoors and on his own, Ivo is attacked and murdered by someone believing he is Tim due to the jacket.

After seeing this movie, I needed more. So, I went out purchased and read the book. As a true fan of fanfiction, I searched the internet for stories based on this movie. Having found none, (and if I'm wrong please let me know) I decided to write my own. The following is an alternate ending to what was in the movie and the book. I could not let Ivo die. It wasn't right. Well, I hope I've done justice to it. Keep in mind, if you haven't seen the movie or read the book, you may be confused in some areas. Enjoy.

Disclaimer: These characters belong to Ruth Rendell, a.k.a. Barbara Vine, ….lucky her.

Feedback: Very welcome, o5o72oo3@hotmail.com.

********

When Ivo first appeared to me tonight, I knew it was him. It was the real Ivo and not the deceptive illusion created by my mind to haunt and torture me. He was here, in front of me…alive. Having said this, I still disbelieved that he could be here. I mean, how could it be? He was dead…wasn't he?

At first, I ran away from him being too afraid to face him. Why be so afraid? Isn't it clear? I tried to kill him. Had left him for dead on a deserted island. What kind of revenge would he want for what I did? Was he here to hurt me, kill me?

And yet, …I knew that whatever he'd want of me, I'd give. I had to. I wronged him in the worst possible way. Especially, if it would help to end this nightmare of a life I was living. I was so tired of living this way. Always looking over my shoulder. Hiding. Regretting. Loathing myself. Barely holding a job. Talking to no one. Having no friends. Having no sex life to speak of. I often wondered why I bothered waking up in the morning. It was a miserable existence and didn't know if I could go on much longer in this fashion. Therefore, I felt some relief for it was finally over.

One thing I noticed about Ivo, from the moment he said, "Hello Tim", was how calm he seemed. Poised. Cool. He portrayed himself as being over it, what I had done to him, that is. He had moved on. He said he had returned to work and to his life continuing from where he left off.

Nonetheless, it was evident that Ivo had not moved on emotionally, not completely. He was angry, disappointed, and very hurt. This I observed in his eyes and, once in a while, in what he said and did. He had tried hard not to show it. He attempted to surprise me by asking about his sister's scarf. Without actually saying it, he was telling me that Isabel was his sister; Isabel, the supposed love of my life. With this revelation, he did succeed in surprising me, but he shamed me, as well, because he continued to point out that during our time together, I had been too self-involved to ever inquire about his family. He was right, of course. Not being able to face him, I lowered my head. His true emotions were apparent once more when he stated that Isabel "has such good taste, as a rule" when wondering how she could have married Kit. He gave at me such a dejected look expressing without words his hurt over the fact that I had chosen Isabel, and ultimately not him.

From that moment, I could see Ivo was losing his resolve. The calm and cool façade he had at the start of our evening was weakening. Being in my room, going through the items I had held on to, including pictures of himself, had affected him. I believe this is where he understood that confronting me after all this time wasn't as easy as he had anticipated.

My own feelings were altering. I no longer feared Ivo or his intentions. The weight of my guilt for what I had done to him was slowly dissipating due to Ivo being alive, but also because I believed that tonight Ivo had forgiven me.

One other change took place. One that I realize started long before Ivo's return, yet I've only become aware of it tonight. My affection for Ivo.

I don't need to say how often I thought of Ivo since leaving him in Alaska. From the moment I returned home, I regretted abandoning him to die. In time, I also regretted how I had mistreated him, told him I did not love him and never had. I recalled how I lied to him during the months prior to Alaska by pretending to enjoy my time with him. Pretending to love him. Even though I never said I loved him, Ivo thought I did. Long afterwards, I came to the same conclusion as Ivo. I had been selfish, childish, and self-serving. We had been together for so long, and yet, I knew so little about him, his life before me, or his family. There's proof of how absorbed I was in myself. I never understood why he hadn't ended our relationship. I had used him, lead him on, stayed with him because I was comfortable. He made it comfortable, taking care of all my wants.

My guilt led me to see Ivo everywhere. Although I realized he was only a figment of my imagination, I still feared it. After a long time, I started conversing with it, briefly of course. I wasn't completely over the bend. Then I started to miss it, if it hadn't appeared in a while. Don't get me wrong, the apparition still frightened me, appeared when I least expected it, seemed to follow me everywhere. But my guilt made me accept that it, Ivo's image, would be with me always.

This is when I began re-evaluating my time with Ivo. I sorted through every detail. Realized that back then I wasn't mature enough to have understood what Ivo was offering me, and what he wanted in return. I was still a child, in my twenties. He truly cared for me then. I became reminiscent of the good times we had together. Started to miss him and longed for his company again.

And tonight, in my bedroom, as my head cleared of the emotional strain it had gone through, the longing for Ivo was re-emerging. When he told me he was leaving, I realized I wasn't ready for him to go. Ivo had been a big part of my life for nearly two years, how could we part so easily. It was becoming clear that I had grown to care for this man.

For a moment, I wondered what right I had to feel this way. I looked at Ivo and I could have sworn I saw some of what I was feeling there. This gave me new hope, which was something I hadn't felt in a very long time.

Once we returned to the main floor, I observed how heavily it was raining. I retrieved the yellow raincoat that Ivo had given me for our trip, so long ago, and offered it to him.

"Wear this."

"Tim?" He seemed surprised that I still had it.

"For me." He stood so close to me, I wondered if he could understand what my eyes were saying.

Ivo looked at me with such a sad look on his face. I believed he recognized the undercurrent that had manifested itself between us. He was trying to deny it.

He put on the jacket and looked at it, smiling. He had to be thinking of old times, the good ones.

"How shall I get it back to you?"

"Keep it…for old times sake," I'd said.

"I'll leave it at the hotel for you to pick up." He was determined to stay on his original course for the night. But it was evident that this was not what he truly wanted.

"Whatever."

His eyes were hesitating and even though he started walking towards the door, I don't believe he had really made up his mind on whether to stay or go.

"You know you could stay if you want to. There's more than one bedroom."

He briefly looked in the direction of the stairs leading to the rooms, seeming to contemplate my offer. "I'll stay at the hotel…for old time sakes."

I nodded remembering the old times we had in that hotel. Our first New Year celebration together.

He unlocked the door, opening it, when he turned back placing his face mere inches from mine. "You're still quite cute, you know. But you're a lethal little bastard. Perhaps, you should think twice before getting involved again."

"You survived," I challenged.

Looking at me one last time he said, "Maybe I'm lucky," then walked out closing the door behind him.

I stood there leaning against the wall, empty and disappointed. Was I even breathing? Not at first, I'm sure.

I turned off the main floor lights and returned to my bedroom and started to undress for bed. The rain kept coming down. It was so dark that I couldn't see a thing outside my window. I crawled into bed pulling the sheet over me.

I felt exhausted and confused. The relief I felt earlier had gone. I was once again saddened but this time for knowing Ivo was truly gone from my life. For so long, I would have given anything to forget Ivo and to return to a normal life. Now, I would give anything for his return.

I realized I was crying. Funny how sometimes you can cry and not know it till you feel the tears on your cheek. I sort of laughed at that for a moment till I started. I heard a rap on the front door. It was so quiet I barely heard it. Then the door handle rattled. I guess I was still edgy because I became afraid of who it might be. I'd been hearing odd noises at my door for so long, it might take a while to get used to it not being Ivo.

Whoever it was, rapped again.

After putting my sweater and pants back on, I went downstairs. I reached the front door, and slowly undid the locks. I noticed my hand was shaking as I unlocked them. I pulled the door open enough to see who it was.

'Tim…'

It sounded like a whisper through the noise from the heavy rain. I was as surprised to see him now as when I saw him earlier but for a different reason. Had Ivo decided to stay or had he just forgotten something?

He seemed to want to say more but just looked at me.

We stared at each other for what seemed like forever. I wanted to ask him why he'd returned. Tell him I was glad he had. I'd wished he had. That I thought after all this craziness I might love him.

Instead…

I opened the door, moved towards him, and held his face with both my hands, kissing him. Slowly at first, until I felt his arms wrap around me pulling me into him. He accepted the kiss, opening his mouth to it.

We stood there for moments kissing, devouring each other. His arms were still around my waist, my one hand going through his hair, and the other held his face in place, afraid he'd pull away.

Then we broke the kiss connecting our foreheads. We were both breathless. I lowered my hands from his face, placed them on his arms, and smiled nervously at him. He didn't smile back but looked hesitant. Like me, I don't think he knew what to do, whether to leave right now and not look back or to see what there was between us.

"I want you to stay." I surprised myself. "…please", I whispered.

He pulled his head back a bit to look into my eyes. It was a long moment before he spoke.

"I would like that." This time my smile had a bit more confidence in it. "I want to stay… but I'm not sure…of doing this again."

Desperation took hold of me, as I realized I had to do or say something now to convince him to stay or he would turn around and leave me forever.

"Wait. Come inside. Don't decide just yet. Please. I…I… Ivo, let's talk some more."

We stared at each other for several moments. I could see the battle in his eyes. I stepped back to give him room and held out my hand. He waited a moment before taking it and stepped into the house.

With the door closed behind us, we stood at the entrance looking at each other, quite uncomfortable. He had let go of my hand.

I noticed how wet he'd become. My hands went up to his coat's zipper to undo it. Next, I moved closer to push the coat off his shoulders. I took it and hung it on the coat peg.

When I turned back to him. I noticed he hadn't moved, just stood there, watching me. Standing in front of him again, I leaned over and kissed him softly on the lips. He returned the kiss. Then my lips moved to kiss the corner of his mouth, then his cheek, his ear, and down to his neck.

Ivo made no move to stop me, although, his eyes were closed, and his breathing heavier. He leaned into my kisses.

My hands moved to unbutton his jacket, as my lips returned to his mouth. I started to pull his shirt out of his pants and slowly undid the buttons, allowing my hands access to his chest. Ivo moaned into my mouth as my hands roamed over his chest and back. I couldn't believe how much I missed this connection. I realized I didn't long for the connection with just anyone. Ivo was whom I desired.

Ivo's hands began to roam under my sweater.

"No!" I startled him. It was important to me that I do this for him. Take care of him. I needed this.

"Let me…" I explained.

He looked into my eyes trying to understand my intent and then slowly dropped his hands to his side, letting me take control. I leaned into him moving my lips down to his chest. I had to taste him. Ivo was leaning against the wall, with his hands on my shoulders, eyes closed, feeling everything I did to him.

I continued to kiss and taste and feel. He responded by moaning and leaning into my touches. I started to unbuckle his belt.

"W...wait. No don't." He pulled me up to him.

'Please Ivo. I want to." I said leaning in to kiss him.

"No, we can't, Tim. I need a moment." He moved me aside and walked away. "We can't do this."

I went and stood in front of him. "Yes we can."

He took hold of my hands. "No Tim. I do want to be with you. Right now, I'd love nothing more but it's not that easy. Not after what happened."

Ivo let my hands go and walked into the parlor. Sitting on the sofa, he remained quiet for a moment. Then he leaned forward, with his hands held at his knees, nervously. I don't ever remember him being nervous. When he did speak, it seemed he was talking to himself or to his hands since he didn't look up.

"I went through a lot to get to this point. I required considerable time to heal and did a great deal of sole searching. Tim, I loved you…and hated you. You hurt me...." He paused, looking at me with tear-filled eyes. "…very much."

"I know I have." It was barely louder than a whisper. But I know he heard me.

He was looking at his hands again.

"Seeing you tonight…was hard but I had to confront you…to finally put this pain behind me. I felt myself in sufficient control and was well enough to do this. I was for the most part."

I kneeled down in front of him, not saying anything. I wouldn't have known what to say, because I was still sorting out my own feels. He looked up at me again, his eyes holding me in place.

"I'm not angry with you, Tim. Nor do I hate you. I realize that I still have feelings for you." His right hand caressed the side of my face. I leaned into it. "I don't know, maybe I always will."

"But I'm fearful because of what happened. I never kidded myself about our relationship. I knew it wasn't perfect. But I believed we could make it work, if only we tried."

I took both his hands and held them. His words were hard to take but I could not deny what he said. I had wanted out of that relationship having made no attempt to make it work.

"Looking at you, reminds me of the wonderful times we shared. The excitement at the beginning of our time together and then the comfort we later grew into. I also remember you telling me you didn't love me and that you never had. The worst part was that you loved another. My sister.

I let go of his hands, pulled away, and stood up. Bringing up Isabel made me uncomfortable. He had just told me, not an hour ago, that she was his sister. I don't know how ready I was to deal with my feelings for her. I knew that for a long time I believed I loved her. Now, I believe she may have been an infatuation.

Realizing that the house was cold, I decided to build a fire. Once finished, I turned back to Ivo finding him looking at me. His face pained with the memories he relived. His attempts to hold back the tears failed. He dropped his head again. "Being alone on that island…not knowing when I'd be saved…" I was at his feet again. "I didn't even know if I wanted to be saved. I laid there not caring that I was bleeding, not caring that I was alone, …not caring." I couldn't stand to see him like this, more so because I was the cause of this.

I moved to sit next to him. "I'm so sorry, Ivo. I had been such an idiot." My hand reached up to his face to wipe away the tears. I pulled him into my arms and held him for a moment, until he pushed me away and stood up.

"I have to go." He was straightening his clothing, nervously, not looking at me. "I shouldn't have returned."

Immediately, I was in front of him with my hands on his chest hoping to keep him from leaving. "I'm glad you returned. Ivo, this could be our chance to work things out."

"It doesn't matter, Tim." He interrupted. "I thought I was over this. But it's obvious the pain is still there. I want it to be behind me. If I need to be away from you to forget then so be it."

He moved my hands away again and pushed past me, walking towards the front entrance.

"Isn't this the coward's way of dealing with the pain?" I regretted saying that the moment the words came out of my mouth. "Can't I help you forget? We could do this together."

Ivo didn't say anything regarding my remark but it did stop him in his tracks. "I believe what I need is more time. Goodnight."

"Ivo, don't go. I'm so confused. Lost. You don't know the hell I've gone through this past year because of what I did to you, those letters from your brother-in-law drove me mad, seeing you everywhere, …missing you."

"You brought it on yourself."

"I don't deny that I did. I deserved it all. I've accepted that. I've been telling myself that from the beginning. I was an idiot for what I did. I was immature and, as you said, a selfish bastard. And now to find out that you lived… You're here. You don't know how relieved I am and yet I'm even more confused…I don't know what to do. If you go and never return, then what? Do I get control of my life again? Find a proper job. Make friends. Move away from all this rot. Or, do I continue in the downward spiral that my life has become.

"And if you stay…? Ivo, I've done nothing but think of the times we were together, and regretted how I mistreated you. I realized how much you cared for me then and, tonight, I could see that you still do. I know you won't believe me but I've missed you. Being with you tonight has made me realize that, if possible, I don't want to be without you. Honestly, I don't know what will become of me if you leave. I…I'm…I'm near the edge, Ivo. Like you, I want the pain over with. Can't you stay and help me? I know I have no right to ask. You said you still cared for me… Would it be that easy for you to walk out and not look back?"

He hadn't moved from the doorway, just continued to stare at me. Disbelieving me perhaps. Then he stepped towards me.

"I do still care…and no, it would not be easy for me to leave you now." He said, once he was in front of me. His face was mere inches from mine. I felt his breath when he spoke. "Tim, what do you feel for me?"

His eyes were looking right into mine. Into my soul. How beautiful they are. How naked I felt. Couldn't he tell how I felt about him? I understood. After all this, he needed to hear it. I only hoped he would believe me.

My emotions where getting the better of me. I couldn't hold back the tears. I could barely speak.

"I don't believe I would last much longer without you." He closed his eyes for a moment. "I've missed you. I hadn't realized how much till tonight. Having you here, in front of me again…it's…I'm…overwhelmed. Happy. Sad. Afraid…"

"Afraid?"

"Yes. Afraid you'll decide to leave. I would die if you did." He smirked at that. I lowered my head realizing what I'd said.

He leaned towards me to reach my lips with his. I caught my breath. Not believing this. I kissed him back.

I was lightheaded and felt I would faint. He must have understood because his arms went up to mine, holding me in place.

He broke the kiss and looked at me. His hand went to my face, letting his thumb wipe my tears aside. No use, they kept coming.

"It's alright. Don't cry, Tim." He said while kissing one eye, then the other, then my cheek and…"…ove you, Ivo."

"Hmm?" He hadn't heard me.

I pulled away just an inch or so, enough to be able to look at his eyes. He had to hear this. "I love you…"

He stared, and stared. Then his eyes teared up. I didn't know what to make of this. Did I upset him? He doesn't believe me.

I hadn't realized I was holding my breath till I noticed his lips form into a smile, and my breathing started up again.

"You know, you've never said that to me before."

I laughed and flew into his arms. "Believe me when I say, I've been a complete fool."

"Oh, you don't have to worry, I believe you."

I pulled away and looked at him. His smile had become mischievous. How could I not have seen how beautiful he was? How could I have been so blind? I leaned in to kiss him. We kissed like it was our first time, ever. It held promises…of a future together. It was wonderful. He was wonderful. I loved his taste. I realized I had moaned but so had he.

I pulled away but not letting go of him. "Would it be wrong to ask if we should move this upstairs?"

He looked at me, smiling, "I would be concerned if you didn't ask." He kissed me again, hungrily. His kisses moved towards my ears, "Let's." I got shivers down my back as he continued to kiss my neck.

I reached for his hand and pulled him towards the staircase. We nearly tripped several times as he continued to kiss me and I attempting to remove his jacket. I led him to a second bedroom because it had the bigger bed. I'm amazed I was coherent enough to realize this. Once there, he pushed me down on the bed and fell on top of me.

This alone would have sufficed, just having him in my arms again. I noticed we were both a little out of breath. For a moment, he laid there looking at me.

"What?" I asked him. He was worrying me, making me think that he might be changing his mind.

"Nothing. I just wanted to say I love you. I always have."

I've always felt there were two possible replies to someone who said they loved you. One is 'I know' and the other 'I love you too'. Which one to use depended on the person it was said to and how genuine your feelings were for them. In the past, the opportunity for either statement came up many times for me, my response always being 'I know'. Isabel was the only one to whom I said the other.

"I love you too, Ivo." I did not hesitate to say this and for once in my life, I meant it.

'What about Isabel?' you ask. It's true that I said to her again and again how I loved her and would die without her. I even put this sentiment on paper. Not to belittle what happened between us, but I believe it came about from need and not from true newfound emotion. On her part, she was in a bad marriage with a husband who continually left her for other women. For me, she was an escape from Ivo. I wanted to leave him but didn't have the courage to just do it. She represented everything Ivo wasn't and had accepted me for who I was. With the state of mind I was in, I may have truly believed that I was in love with her. But being here with Ivo and looking into his eyes, I realize I was wrong. She was there when I needed her, when I was desperate and confused.

I never understood this…till tonight. I realize I wasn't ready to understand till now. I had to go through this emotional roller-coaster, as they say. I had a great amount of growing up to do.

Ivo smiled at me. His eyes were teary again. Would he cry every time I told him I loved him? We'll just have to see…………………