Disclaimer: Everything belongs to J.K. Rowling.
AN: Many thanks to Gryffinpuff for being my beta.
NEVER BE THE SAME
A strong, deafening wind cracked outside the Hogwarts castle and Hermione opened her eyes on impulse, as the dormitory windows trembled slightly with the whistle. She blinked a few times groggily and then stared at the thick curtains wrapped up around her bed. Without moving, she listened around for a while; the room was totally silent.
She had no desire to get out of the warm bed but she knew that she couldn't go back to sleep. After rubbing her eyes with a yawn, she straightened in the bed half-heartedly. She opened the curtains around her and jerked slightly when Crookshanks, who was waiting in the corner, jumped onto the bed abruptly for some petting play.
She welcomed her cat with a weak smile, and then glanced at the watch that lay on the nightstand. At the same time she noticed the date. It was the March first "His birthday," she recalled bitterly.
A familiar pain spread through her body; she dismissed the images flashing in her mind. Not that she wasn't thinking about him, every day despite how many times, she tried to avoid him. And now the fact that she wasn't going to celebrate his birthday wasn't helping the situation. "He is a silly git, Crookshanks," she murmured to her cat as she stroked his hair tenderly.
It was hard to act as though she was indifferent to what had happened, while she was awfully filled with resentment. On the outside, she pretended like she didn't care about him and determinedly ignored his uncharacteristic actions. Ron, on the other hand, seemed extremely pleased with himself and her newly found accompany, namely his girlfriend. He was making sure that he looked content, every time Hermione was in sight. Why was he doing this to her? Hermione didn't know. Did he know that she was that hurt? Probably not. She knew that they wouldn't make up anytime soon. After all, she had lost hope for the time being.
A more few minutes she sat on her bed feeling broken and offended, then, sighing bitterly, she got to her feet, got dressed, and idly headed to the Great Hall.
When she arrived at the Great Hall, it was crowded and boisterous. It was a normally Hogsmeade weekend, but the trip had been cancelled after what had happened to Katie. Hermione didn't mind at all; not that she would go, at any rate. She directly headed over the Gryffindor table where she usually sat. There was Lavender at the head of the table along with Parvati. Hermione urged herself not to roll her eyes. As she passed nearby she heard Lavender was whining about something. She caught the words "Ron and Romilda Vane." Hermione couldn't comprehend. "Odd," she thought to herself.
After giving Neville a greeting nod, she sat at the table and helped herself some scrambled eggs. As she filled up her plate absentmindedly, her eyes searched for Ron and Harry. She was taken aback when she noticed that they hadn't been down for breakfast yet. "How come?" she thought.
Even though she didn't feel hungry, she lingered for a while at the table, in curiosity. But as the Hall noticeably emptied, she gave up. Sooner or later they would arrive. Besides, she couldn't stand another love display from Lavender, so she decided to go to the library without delay. It was what she had been doing lately to avoid people, avoid Ron.
The corridors were quiet; only a couple of students were passing through. Hermione was in the middle of the way to the library, lost in her thoughts, when she encountered Professor McGonagall, who was walking swiftly down the corridor across her, her cloak swiping the grounds. Once Professor McGonagall had noticed Hermione, she looked alarmed for some reason and hurried towards her. There was an anxious expression on her face.
"Oh, Miss Granger," she said out of the breath as she put a hand over Hermione's shoulder. Hermione was taken aback with her unusual attitude. She looked at her expectantly.
"It's good that I've seen you," McGonagall continued quickly, "I doubt you've heard about it?"
Her tone of voice was rather nervous, which Hermione didn't like it all. "What's going on, Professor?" she asked at last, her heart starting to race in panic, as she figured out that there was something terribly wrong.
Professor McGonagall gave her a pitiful look before she blurted out, "Ronald Weasley," she said slowly, "was poisoned this morning."
Her heart stopped. Hermione felt the world just stopped spinning around and the ground was falling under her feet. On a whim, she took a hand over her mouth in shock and dropped the heavy Arithmancy book to the floor she was caryying. Her eyes wide, she gaped at McGonagall.
McGonagall winced in anxiety. "He's in the hospital wing now," she explained, looking alarmed at Hermione's reaction. "You might want to visit him," she added afterwards.
And with that, Hermione dashed forwards impulsively and started to run towards the hospital wing, tears stinging behind her eyes. As she raced faster, she could hear heart thumping in her ears.
"Ronald Weasley," McGonagall's voice echoed in her mind as she passed the corridors one by one. "He was poisoned this morning."
"Oh, no!"
Minutes later, Hermione reached at the hospital wing, in record time. She could finally stop at the beginning of the hall, breathing heavily and her heart pounding madly in her chest. Ahead of her, Harry was sitting in front of the doorframe, embracing his knees, and Ginny was across from him, leaning against the wall, looking horrified.
"Oh, no," she whined. It was true.
Harry raised his head when he noticed her. He got to his feet immediately, with a troubled expression on his face. "Hermione," he murmured in a different, hoarse voice, as he walked over to a stunned Hermione. Hermione moaned faintly.
"He's all right, Hermione," Harry consoled at once as he pulled her into a comforting hug. Hermione remained still, feeling her body go numb. She swallowed the lump shaped in her throat.
"What happened?" she demanded at last, her voice trembling. Looking nervous, Harry turned his eyes to Ginny; they exchanged a worried look. As Hermione stared at his face intently, he started to tell, after giving a stressfull sigh.
"We were in the dormitory…" he began, looking ill.
You almost lost him…"-And he was opening his presents," he continued forcibly. Hermione didn't need the story anymore. He was alive. She couldn't cry… she wouldn't cry…
You treated him like an idiot.
"-Then he ate some Chocolate Cauldron and started acting weird, I-" Harry stuttered. "I found out that it was the Chocolate Cauldron that Romilda gave me earlier..."
He thought you hated him.
"…And I took him to Slughorn, he gave him an antidote and then offered a glass of mead…"
You would be resented forever…All the colour had drained away from Hermione's face when the story was over. Being weak and feeling ill, she leaned against the doorframe for support. In a short while, Ginny and Harry started to discuss the poisoning issue heatedly. But Hermione didn't join them. She just stood there, jaw clenched, in a trance. She didn't allow herself to cry, but the pressure was gnawing inside her. Every time the idea of his loss crossed her mind, she felt like passing out. Then she was reminding herself quickly, "He's in there, sleeping, alive…" but it was just a consolation and the qualm was unbearable.
For the rest of the day, they patiently waited before the doors. Hermione didn't even remember when exactly Mr. and Mrs. Weasley arrived. She was startled every time the double doors opened. Hours later, at the end of the day, Madame Pomfrey emerged from the room and announced to them that they could go inside. Hermione felt hesitated, but just for a moment. She had forgotten the resentment she felt. She needed to see him. Timidly, she went inside after Harry.
The room was lit, the windows curtained. There was no other patient in the wing; only Ron's bed was occupied. They seated around the bed, everybody looking gloomy. Once Hermione sat down at the footside, she quickly studied his face in sorrow. He looked pale, barely moving, taking deep breaths, in and out. The others discussed the event every so often except for Hermione; she remained silent. But later on, she needed to say a couple of words on the matter, to not let people be worried about her, until Ron's murmuring voice dropped into the conversation unexpectedly.
"Er my nee…"
The room went silent as the moment Hermione's heart skipped a beat. Did he just say her name? She was perplexed. As everybody stared at Ron's face, in puzzlement Hagrid bustled into the room, making them all jerk. With his arrival, Hermione gave a sigh of relief. The awkward silence was broken. While the others quickly filled him into the situation she continued to stare at Ron's face, waiting for him to murmur once again. Unfortunately, he seemed to be in deep sleep. They stayed in the hospital wing until Madame Pomfrey complained about the visitor number.
After biding a goodnight to Harry, Hermione directly headed to girls' dormitory. Her dormmates were already asleep, as she expected. Without changing her dress, she popped herself onto the bed. She was emotionally drained that day. As she stared at the ceiling absentmindedly, she struck by a sudden reflection. He had murmured her name in his sleep. What did it mean? Did it mean that he loved her? Did it mean that he had missed her? She desperately wanted to find out. And also, she needed to say him that she was sorry. She had treated him childishly.
She debated for several minutes. At the end, she decided that she wouldn't sleep peacefully until she spoke to Ron. He was most likely asleep and certainly she was putting her duty in danger though she chose to listen to her heart. After making sure that nobody was awake, she sneaked out of the dormitory. Thankfully the common room was completely empty and the corridors were deserted, apart from some mysterious ghosts who didn't seem to have been disturbed by Hermione at all.
Without being seen, she returned to the hospital wing, in a short time. Once she reached there, she stopped at the doorway undecidedly, hesitating to enter. But before she could change her mind, the door abruptly opened and Madame Pomfrey emerged from the room, making her jerk in terror.
"Miss Granger," Madame Pomfrey exclaimed, looking surprised to see Hermione in the middle of the night. "What are you doing here?" she questioned. "The visiting hours have ended."
"Madam Pomfrey," Hermione suddenly felt embarressed, her cheeks went slightly pink. "Well, I-" she mumbled, "I'm worried about Ron, is he okay?" she asked nervously, placing some hair behind her ear, avoiding her eyes.
Madame Pomfrey gave her a worried look. "He came to himself half an hour ago," she informed mildly, much to Hermione's surprise. "I gave him another potion, and now he's asleep," she concluded.
"All right," nodded Hermione, feeling her heart sink. As she prepeared to move away, Madame Pomfrey called behind her unexpectedly.
"Miss Granger."
Hermione turned quickly to face her. She felt her heart swell in hope.
"Well, seeing that you have already come," Madame Pomfrey stated, raising an eyebrow, "why don't you take a look by yourself?"
Hermione's eyes widened in happiness. "Thank you," she said sheepishly, looking at her in a thankful way.
Madame Pomfrey gave her a knowing smile and "just for five minutes," she pointed out, raising a warning finger, before she turned around to leave. Then she made her way into the darkness, her footsteps echoing in the deserted and silent corridor.
Hermione took a deep breath and then entered the room, closing the door silently behind her. The room was dark. Just a lamp on the side was giving the dimly light. Ron was sleeping loudly in the bed. She approached a few steps closer, and began watching him in silence. As she stared at his face, she realized how much she had missed him. The guilt flooded through her body.
She kept watching him in reverie, until lightning shook in the sky abruptly with a loud noise.
Then Ron opened his eyes out of the blue.
"Oh."
Being caught at staring at him, Hermione stood there awkwardly. For a moment, just for a moment, she pleaded that he wouldn't see her and would go back to sleep again. She was mortified.
But it was too late. Ron had noticed her. He straightened in the bed gradually and blinked at her a few times as though he could not believe his eyes. Confusion was written all over his face. He continued to gawp at her until Hermione could not take any longer.
"Hi Ron," she said at last, in a cracked voice, fidgeting slightly.
"Hi," Ron greeted back after a moment, in a small voice.
Silence.
Hermione regretted instantly as the awkward silence hung in the air. "Why did I come here in the first place?" she scolded herself mentally. They stared at each other for almost a whole minute before Hermine decided to explain her presence.
"Well, I was worried about you and," she started, feeling her face heat up, "Madame Pomfrey told me that-" she avoided her eyes as she felt his piercing stare, "that I could see you if I wanted," she felt getting a little wet around the eyes, "and I thought-" she trailed off as Ron remained silent.
"I was going back, as a matter of fact," she gestured the door with her thumb, giving a nervous smile. "So, well… I am going," she stated quickly and turned on her heels to walk away. But before she could reach at the door Ron blurted out.
"Hermione, wait!"
After giving a deep, heavy sigh of relief, Hermione slowly turned around to face him.
Ron cleared his throat. "Stay a little more," he said in a very slow voice, looking sheepish.
Hermione's heart jumped. "But Madame Pomfrey," she muttered, giving a look back over her shoulder.
"She's already asleep," Ron said casually.
They shared a quick, shy look. Hermione was glad that the room was dimly lit; Ron didn't see her flush scarlet. She stood rooted to the spot, not knowing what to do or say.
"Umm… Why don't you sit?" Ron suggested after a moment, as he placed the pillow behind his back.
Nodding agreedly, Hermione looked around for a chair, but they had been vanished all of a sudden, much to her dismay. Thus she sat at the edge of the bed, trying to keep the distant far as soon as possible. However, they were a lot closer than she intended.
"Okay," started Hermione, "how are you feeling?" she asked as she studied his face with a grimace. His face was still pale and he looked like he had no strength at all.
Ron shrugged. "Like a sack of dragon dung," he answered as a corner of his lips twitched vaguely.
Hermione frowned slightly at his joke over the situation, but a shadow of a smile haunted her lips. "You'll be all right," she said, reassuringly. But the smile on Ron's face suddenly disappeared.
"I could have died," he said, his face turning serious.
"Oh."
Hermione wheezed. A familiar, sick feeling got her at the stomach instantaneously and she grimaced with pain as the bitter fact stuck in her heart. She opened her mouth to say something but then closed it. Now that he reminded her, she couldn't take any longer and let the tears fall she had been holding whole day.
It was Ron's turn to be stunned.
"I'm sorry," he said awkwardly.
Hermione raised a hand in protest. "That's true, Ron," she said between her deep sighs. "You could actually have died!" Her cry had turned to hysterics. She mentally scolded herself to stop, but it didn't work. She needed to let them go. She stole a glance, Ron's face was terrified, "and I was-" it was utterly ridiculous, how on earth she was going to tell him what she exactly felt "- I felt terrible," she said, "you know, we were cross," she finished, staring into her lap.
"You decided to ignore me," said Ron.
"No Ron," Hermione shook her head in protest. She was hiccuping. That was horrible. "No it's not that…"
"Well, you stopped speaking to me," stated Ron with a resented tone, stealing a glance at her. He shifted in the bed restlessly.
"No, you stopped speaking to me," Hermione corrected, interjecting at once, but then she bit her lip in regret. She shouldn't have accused him, especially when he had just been poisoned. Hadn't she prayed the whole day that she would never be horrible to him again?
"I know," said Ron, looking at her apologetically. He lowered his eyes down on his lap, playing with the blanket.
"But it doesn't matter anymore," Hermione said quickly as she swiped away the tears with the face of her hand.
Ron gulped audibly. "Yeah, it was stupid," he stated, looking uncomfortable.
"I'm so sorry Ron, for not talking to you," Hermione stated, after a short pause, sniffing loudly. "I treated you like a child and I feel really ashamed for what had happened."
"You had never hexed me before," said Ron, innocently.
"Yes, I know," approved Hermione with a bitter smile. "Well, I couldn't help it, because-" she tried to explain awkwardly, "Because I felt ludicrously disappointed."
"Ludicrously disappointed?" repeated Ron, looking bewildered.
Once more, Hermione realized that there was no use of dropping hints around him. "Ron," she raised her gazes determinedly, "my heart was broken."
"Oh," Ron's head snapped in surprise.
Hermione couldn't believe those words had come out of her mouth so easily though she didn't regret having said them. More to the point, she was being honest. But the truth didn't seem impressing Ron, or Hermione thought so. As he stayed silent, she felt her heart sank.
"I know it might sound ridiculous-"
"No, it doesn't!" Ron interrupted quickly.
They had the quickest but most meaningful look and Hermione knew that it did finally click in his mind. Looking relieved, Ron beamed at her. She smiled back wholeheartedly.
For a split second, Hermione thought that he looked better, as she saw a twinkle in his eyes but then she deemed that it was just a trick of her mind. She gazed through the window curtain that was left open. The storm outside was still strong and the deafening noise conflicting to their peaceful silence.
Just then, Ron opened the hand that rested on the side of the bed then extended it closest to hers that rested on her lap. Surprised by his sudden movement, Hermione casted a quick glance to his hand then raised her gaze to meet his. Ron was staring at her, a worried expression on his face, awaiting her reaction. Slowly but surely, Hermione placed her hand in his, feeling her heart racing madly in her chest. Ron's lips curved into a sheepish grin, and his face lightened considerably. Then he squeezed her hand not too much, but in a confident way. Hermione grinned at him; her cheeks went crimson.
They stayed still for a few minutes, enjoying the contact, both staring at their entwined hands. Then Hermione glared at the big clock on the wall. The day hadn't ended yet.
"It's still March first," she pointed out, breaking the silence. Ron looked surprised for a moment but then gave away a sheepish smile.
Hesitantly, Hermione moved closer under Ron's curious looks and "Happy birthday Ron," she said planting a soft peck on his cheek, inhaling his hair, a bit more than she intended. When she turned her head to face him, she saw Ron swallow hard and the tips of his ears had turned bright red.
After the awkward moment, Hermione knew she wouldn't stay longer, despite how much she had wanted to.
"I have to go," she remarked.
Ron looked crestfallen for a moment but then he nodded reluctantly in agreement. After exchanging one last passionate look, Hermione got to her feet slowly and she headed over to the exit. Before she reached the door, Ron's tired voice echoed in the room.
"Hermione," he called out.
Hermione smiled to herself secretly before she turned on her heels to face him yet again. "Yes, Ron," she looked at him straight in the eye.
Even by the dim light of the corridor, she could tell that Ron had turned bright red. He smoothed the blanket to avoid his eyes and then awkwardly "This is the most precious present I've got this year," he declared, not making an eye contact at all.
Hermione's heart did a somersault at his words. "What is that, Ron?" she asked tentatively, trying to keep her voice steady and casual.
Ron raised his eyes and whispered, "Having you back."
Hermione felt her heart flutter with pleasure, and her cheeks blushed an embarrassing shade of red. She opened her mouth to say something, but she couldn't trust herself as she felt the tears stinging behind her eyes. Nodding slightly, she offered him a broad smile and then walked out of the room without further ado.
And at this point, Hermione knew they were on good terms again. On the way to the dormitory, as an inevitable silly grin spreaded over her face, she knew actually they would never be the same again, but much to her surprise, she didn't want them to be.
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