Title: A War of Words
Author: PwnedByPineapple
Summary: It's the 1830s. America and England have a lot of not nice things to say to each other. Historical nonsense.
Rating/Warning(s): T; America and England being petty, so language and such

Disclaimer: This fangirl owns nothing.

Dear Pompous Ass,

I hate you.

No love,
America

Dear Moronic Idiot,

It's arse. And is that the best you can do, you bloody uncouth fool?

I hate you as well,
England

Why are you so mean? Is it because of that stick up your ass?

Not as much as I hate you,
America

I find your existence to be offensive. That would be why.

Don't even start that,
England

Two can play that game, you conceited prick.

I'll start whatever I want,
America

But a boorish, tobacco-spitting nation such as you can't play it well. Especially when you use my insults.

You've always been that way,
England

You want to bet on that? Who won that Revolution, again?

You were never able to handle it,
America

I'll concede to that. Perhaps you can play a little, you slavery-supporting bastard.

Why would I ever want to?
England

That's a low blow, you dirty cheat. I do not support it!

Because I'm awesome,
America

What happened to playing the game? It seems that you can't handle it.

I find that hard to believe,
England

Go drown in the Atlantic.

You're just jealous,
America

Go trip under a wagon. Isn't that what your people live in?

As if,
England

At least my people don't interbreed.

You're in denial,
America

I'm not even going to dignify that with a proper response.

Keep telling yourself that,
England

That's because you can't think of one. But then again, you've always been unimaginative.

You're still in denial,
America

P.S. Dickens isn't that great.

Take that back! The mindless drivel you call your literature can't even compare!

For God's sake, don't repeat yourself,
England

Defensive, aren't we?

The truth can bear repeating,
America

This conversation is over.

Please stop talking to me,
England

Fine! Mighty defensive, I see. Whatever you say. I'm done here.

I still hate you,
America

Fine!

The feeling is mutual,
England

Whatever!

Even less love than before,
America

Historical Notes: In the 1830s and early 1840s, anti-British sentiment was strong in America, residual from the two Anglo-American wars, and the Jacksonian Democrats who held power at the time were not so inclined to be pro-British as the now-extinct Federalists were. The British, for their part, looked down their noses at these Americans, and a figurative "third war" occurred entirely through words. British travel literature and magazines were scathing in their descriptions of America, and American journals responded in kind. Incidentally, Charles Dickens was among these British writers. Also, I'm pretty sure there was some interbreeding going on in some southern American families, just sayin'.

So, basically... they were flaming each other back and forth. How very mature of them.

Headcanon: Alfred was an abolitionist. Arthur is indeed very defensive of his literature.