Should I Stay Or Should I Go?
Soolin wiped the sweat out of her eyes, putting on a final burst of speed as she reached the last hill, ignoring the cramping pain in the muscles in her legs, her lungs gasping for oxygen.
She didn't slow until she had reached the crest of the hill, letting the downward slope do the rest of the work, finally coming to a halt under a tree. She leaned forwards, her hands on her knees for support as she struggled to regain her breath, and when she looked up again, a figure was standing in front of her, about twenty metres away.
Instinct taking over, the gun was out of its holster and aimed at the intruder before she recognised the figure as that of Avon. Damn him. What was he doing out here? Was he following her? She lowered the weapon as he came closer, but didn't re-holster it.
"Do you really find it necessary to carry that with you when you go running?" he asked, seeming casual.
"All the Seska are dead, and the Hommik tribe have left. There's nobody around to shoot anymore."
"That doesn't mean there isn't anything dangerous out here," Soolin replied tartly. "Can't be too careful."
Avon smiled.
"No, I suppose not. Are you going to put that away, or are you still thinking of shooting me?"
"Did I say I was going to shoot you? Or are you saying that I should consider you the most dangerous thing around here?"
"Let's just say that until I'm entirely sure where your allegiance lies, I'd feel more comfortable if you weren't holding a weapon every time I saw you."
The smile remained, and Soolin wasn't sure he wasn't laughing at her.
"I told you I sell my skills. I don't go round shooting my 'employers'."
"No, that would be bad for business, wouldn't it? Unless someone makes you a better offer, I suppose."
"Such as?" Soolin asked, gesturing around them at the empty surroundings, apparently forgetting the gun still in her hand. "You just said that there isn't anyone else here."
"And what about beyond 'here'?" Avon asked. His expression gave nothing away, but two could play that game, and Soolin was used to keeping her own reactions well hidden.
"You mean, am I going to steal Scorpio and run off, leaving you stranded on Xenon until I can sell you all to the Federation?" Was her scathing reply.
"Well, you were using Orac to find out what the Federation broadcasts have to say about us."
Avon's tone was still neutral, but the implication hung in the air between them.
"I suppose I shouldn't be too surprised you found that out," Soolin replied, just as calm.
"It is your computer, after all. But surely you must have expected I'd try to find out about you at some point? Dorian wasn't exactly forthcoming, and I didn't think any of you would just tell me if I asked."
"Tell you what? The exact nature of the crimes we're accused of? Or how much the Federation thinks we're worth?"
"I'm not planning to sell any of you." Soolin told him firmly. "I was trying to find out what I'm getting into. It's standard practise for any hired gun to research the past activities of any... employer."
"That is how you see us? As employers?"
"Not really. There's never been any discussion of payment and we never agreed any terms."
"Then perhaps we should." Avon smiled once more. "To... clear up any misunderstandings."
"Now?" Soolin asked. "What about the others? Or is that why you followed me out here, so you could talk to me without them interfering?"
"Who said I was following you?"
"Oh, of course, this is just coincidence. You weren't trying to catch me off-guard by creeping up on me like that."
Which she hated to admit, for it was perfectly clear to anyone that he had, and that was something she tried never to let happen. Especially not after what Dorian had done.
"So you would prefer an audience?" Avon asked.
"No," Soolin replied. "But if we are to clear up 'misunderstandings' it would be better if everyone was present."
"Very well."
Avon turned on his heel and walked away, but Soolin remained where she was, refusing to follow Avon passively. She would head back to the base when she was ready. Part of her privately felt this was a little petty, but the way that Avon insisted in playing games with everyone made her adamant that she would not let him win points over her in such a way.
Smoothing down her wind-swept, sweaty hair, she leaned back against the tree, surveying the surroundings as she tried to organise her thoughts. To be honest, she hadn't really given much consideration as to what her 'terms' were; she'd been forced into making a decision rather quickly.
With Dorian dead, she'd found her options drastically reduced, and the only feasible way off this mud-hole of a planet was Scorpio, currently in the hands of these dangerous lunatics. The reduction, and then extinction of the Seska had curtailed her options even further.
Of course, one choice was to kill all of them - as she was perfectly confident that she could, no matter how devious and quite clearly insane they all were - then steal Scorpio and attempt to pilot it somewhere with better options, but she doubted she could really achieve that side of it. Her piloting skills were rudimentary at best, and she didn't trust Dorian not to have left a few other little surprises behind, like the nuclear compression charge on the silo he'd neglected to mention to her, along with the thing in the basement he'd tried to feed them all to, and the slight problem of his galloping psychoses.
It wasn't that she hadn't noticed the man was obviously mad; more that to begin with, that was what had interested her in him. She'd been bored stupid by her last employer, who had treated her as some kind of a fascinating curiosity; a disarmingly attractive young woman who could kill anything she set her mind to. Acting as his bodyguard and occasional assassin had been deathly dull, and it hadn't taken much persuasion for her to leave with Dorian, although the initial excitement he'd offered had petered out rather quickly, the attraction of his secrecy rapidly turning into annoyance, boredom and frustration, which was barely alleviated by the distraction of the war being waged outside.
She'd occasionally participated in this, on the side of the Seska of course; she couldn't stand the Hommiks and their idiot wives. Had the concept of sexual equality missed this planet by entirely?
All this had meant that she'd been toying with leaving Dorian for some time before this lot had turned up and presented her with another option, although she wasn't entirely sure what that was yet.
What little information Orac had yielded up so far hadn't been entirely helpful. Their reputation - along with the others that had previously been part of their crew, including the woman who'd been killed before Dorian had 'rescued' them, the one Soolin couldn't help but feel she was replacing - was one of maniac rebels who blew things up seemingly at random, attacked Federation troops without provocation and whose intention appeared to be the destabilisation of the whole universe.
Well, that was fine by Soolin. Even if it wasn't true, she'd worked with people whose intentions had been worse. At least this lot had some organisation in their aims, and it wasn't as if Soolin had any love for what was left of the Federation herself.
Soolin got up from her place under the tree and headed back to the base, noting the darkening of the sky that heralded rain was approaching. Not that it mattered in the slightest; the seals on the base were manufactured to keep out all aspects of the planet outside, even if a volcano were to erupt right on the doorstep. Which, if it did, would probably be the most exciting thing that had ever happened there.
Letting herself in – she found herself half-wondering if Avon had changed the access codes and locked her out, something she wouldn't entirely have put past him – she made her way to her own rooms, ignoring the fact that the others were probably waiting for her. She wasn't going to meet them like this, dressed in her running gear, dishevelled and unprepared.
Looking immaculate had become important to her, part of the protective shield she wore to keep others from getting too close, finding out too much about who she was. Being caught looking anything less than perfect without a very good reason was unacceptable, and she was annoyed at herself for slipping up and letting Avon catch her out like that. She genuinely hadn't expected him to follow her outside, hadn't even realised he knew of her habit of slipping out for a run in the early hours of the morning. None of the others had so far shown any interest in going outside at all, choosing to ignore the planet the base was built on.
She bathed quickly, dressing and arranging her hair in a deceptively intricate manner. When she felt she was ready, she left her rooms and headed into the lounge, where she found the others assembled, pretending that they weren't waiting for her.
"Well?" Avon asked her the moment she came in.
"Well what?" Soolin repeated, unworried, settling down on one of the couches.
"You said there are terms to be discussed if you were to stay with us."
"Naturally," Soolin replied. "I thought I'd made that perfectly clear. We just never agreed on what they were."
"So you are staying?" Dayna asked. "Definitely?"
"Of course." Soolin's expression hardened. "This is my home."
"That's not really what I meant."
"You mean, do I want to stay now that the base has been the subject of a hostile takeover?" Soolin's eyes moved over the other four in the room quickly, taking in their reactions, their expressions.
"Yes, I do."
"Any particular reason?" Tarrant asked.
"Actually, there is."
Soolin paused.
"You've caught my interest. It's been a while since I've come across anyone who could do that."
"Dorian with his monster in the basement not enough for you?" Vila enquired.
Soolin ignored him.
"If I did leave, the chances are I'd go straight back to doing what I was before," she continued.
"Which was?" Tarrant asked.
Soolin shrugged.
"Working for boring idiots with no imagination. It gets old very quickly, and eventually I'll end up getting killed for one of them."
"So what, you think we're interesting enough to get killed for?" Tarrant pressed, his tone light but the meaning behind his words more serious.
"I didn't say that. But I'm not stupid. I know that if I stay in this business, I'll eventually get killed. I don't see why I should get bored in the meantime."
"And why should we accept you?" This time it was Avon who spoke up.
"You mean other than the fact that I was here first and have no intention of leaving?" Soolin challenged, but Avon made no response, his face unchanging.
"Surely you don't have any reason to doubt my skills?"
"And what makes you think we have a particular need for your skills?"
"Of course you do. I may not know exactly what it is you do-"
"Not for want of trying," she heard Tarrant mutter, not quite under his breath. Soolin took no notice of this and carried on.
"But you can use me. And I do have other skills."
"Such as?"
Soolin smiled. "Oh you'll find out what those are when I need to use them."
"Anything else?"
"Well, there is the small fact that I don't believe you'd just let me walk away all that easily. Not as long as I know where this base is."
"Not to mention how much we're worth to the Federation," Tarrant added, more than a little accusing.
"Do you suppose I don't have a price on my own head?" Soolin asked coolly in response.
"I haven't been sitting around on this base my whole life."
"No, I don't imagine you kill as many people as you obviously have without attracting at least some attention," Avon said.
"But not that much attention," Soolin cut in. "I am rather good at what I do. Conspicuous butchery is for amateurs."
"Whereas shooting people takes finesse?" Avon threw back at her.
Soolin didn't rise to this.
"And there is one more thing."
"Oh yes?"
"You mentioned wanting to see an end to the Federation. I have my own reasons for agreeing with that."
There was a pause.
"Assuming we do agree to take you on," Avon said, making Soolin feel as if this was some absurd kind of job interview. Which she supposed wasn't all that far from the truth.
"What terms were you asking?"
Soolin smiled again.
"Perhaps my price should be that you all trust me."
There was a mixture of reactions to that, although none that she hadn't expected.
"That may prove to be too high a price," Avon replied, but there were the beginnings of a smile on his face.
"Alright. Trust isn't a word I would usually have chosen anyway. But I would ask that you believe I'm not going to sell you out. As long as we remain in agreement, you have my-"
"Loyalty?" Avon asked, an eyebrow raised.
"Allegiance," Soolin corrected calmly. "And that means you don't turn me in either. If I suspect any one of you of trying to double-cross me, I will kill them." Her tone was level and clear, no trace of anger or bravado, but the threat was clear enough anyway, and nobody in the room disbelieved her.
"One more thing. Unless it's absolutely necessary, I don't particularly like taking orders."
"Really?" Avon enquired.
She turned her head to look at him as he raised his hand and snapped his fingers. Soolin felt her cheeks flush angrily at his implication.
Of course that was how Avon and the others would have seen it, but it wasn't like that. It had never been that she obeyed Dorian's ever wish, more that he wanted them to see how quickly she could kill them, if she wanted to as much as if Dorian himself had wanted them dead. Yes, she would have killed them if he'd asked, but she'd been killing people at the request of others for enough years that it was hardly any concern of hers. Had the situation arisen, she would have been just as willing to kill Dorian himself.
It had been amusing at the time, watching him introduce her as his 'companion' and seeing them caught by surprise when they realised she was in fact a gunslinger.
But that changed nothing. She hadn't followed Dorian's every request; neither would she obey Avon without question.
"Really," she replied, holding his eyes with her own.
To her surprise, he smiled.
"Well," he said, speaking to her, but addressing the whole room.
"Those are your only terms?"
"For now."
"You said you sell your skills," Tarrant cut in. "You haven't mentioned money."
Soolin looked over at him, an eyebrow raised.
"Do you have any?" she asked. "I was rather under the impression that you lost everything when your ship was destroyed. And I don't imagine that wanted criminals find it all that easy to open bank accounts."
"Perhaps not," Avon said. "But there are other ways of obtaining money."
"You mean stealing it?" Soolin questioned.
"Nothing wrong with that," Vila contributed, taking another swig from his glass.
"I agree. So perhaps we should say a guarantee of an equal share in any...profits? That seems a fair price to me."
"Alright," Avon replied, his voice as level as Soolin's. "Any objections?"
None were voiced.
"Then it seems we are agreed."
He turned and left the room with no further word.
"One last thing," Tarrant called out, stopping Soolin from doing the same.
"You said you had your own reasons for wanting to see the end of the Federation. What would those be?"
Soolin felt his gaze on her, still accusing, but she returned the look unflinchingly.
"Personal," was all she said.
"You mean a personal vendetta against someone? Because if that's the case, then I think we ought to know about it."
"Oh no. I finished any that I had years ago," Soolin replied, almost nonchalant.
"They're all long since dead."
" 'All '?" Vila repeated, as if not sure he wanted to hear what she was saying. "How many are we talking about?"
Soolin shrugged.
"Seven, eight maybe. Not counting those who just happened to get in the way.
I can't really remember; it was a long time ago."
"Isn't that rather a lot for a personal vendetta?" Tarrant asked.
"What did they do to you?"
"That," Soolin replied, her voice becoming colder. "Is none of your business."
"But it is connected to the Federation? That's why you want to fight against them?" Tarrant pushed on, ignoring the looks both Dayna and Soolin herself were giving him.
"I didn't say I wanted to 'fight against them'. I said I agreed with your wanting to see an end to it, and by that I meant I'll put my skills towards that end if I find it suits me. I don't intend to mount any suicide missions."
"That's what I've been saying all along," Vila muttered, ignored by everyone else.
"But you are aware that the price on your head will go up as soon as you're associated with us?"
"You're saying it isn't that much already?" Soolin countered, her words a challenge.
"I know you're seen as political, and you might top the Most Wanted lists, but the amount you're worth isn't really all that much, especially now the Liberator's gone and the reach of the Federation has been so drastically cut back. I don't think anyone really expects civilians to be able to bring you in."
"Hasn't stopped them trying," Vila added darkly.
"I get the feeling you're trying to put me off," Soolin directed at Tarrant, but her tone was lighter this time.
Tarrant smiled back at her, not a genuine smile, but perhaps a little warmer than before.
"Just wanted to make sure of your intentions, that's all."
"Fine. Well, if that's cleared everything up." Soolin got up from the couch.
"I have to make some alterations to the firing range. Unless anyone wants to join me?" she surprised herself by offering. She was even more taken aback when Dayna stood up too.
"I will," the other girl said. "There are a few things I've been meaning to try out anyway."
"You design weapons, don't you?" Soolin asked her as they left the lounge.
"I used to," Dayna replied. "I lost all my designs that were on Liberator, and I haven't started again since. I haven't really needed to, not with these weapons."
She put her hand onto the hilt of the silver gun in her holster.
"Yes, I have to admit I... really rather am taken by these," Soolin admitted with a smile.
"I've never come across anything so sophisticated before."
"I know," Dayna replied, her enthusiasm overcoming any hesitation she may have had about speaking to Soolin.
"I worked for nearly a year on something like these, and I never even got close.
I wish I knew how he managed it."
"Sorry, can't help you there," Soolin apologised. "Dorian would never tell me. To say he was secretive would be an understatement."
"I can see why," Dayna replied. Then, regarding Soolin inquisitively, she added. "Did he really never tell you about any of it?"
"You mean the fact that he was over 200 years old? And that he built everything here himself with the help of a monster in the basement? No, he didn't.
And I don't think I would have believed him if he had. At the time, it didn't really matter. I had no reason to think he was lying to me."
"So what did he say about us? You seemed to know we were coming."
"Not really. He said he had heard from a contact of his about a ship, I don't know what the deal was supposed to be. And he did say he was expecting to bring the crew back here. But that was it. I didn't question him about it because it wasn't my concern. Or at least, I didn't think it was."
"So... if Cally had made it out with us and Dorian hadn't tried to use you instead-"
"Would I have made it my concern? Well, yes. If five people had suddenly disappeared, it would have been suspicious.
As a matter of fact, I wasn't even supposed to be staying. The original plan was that Dorian would be bring guests back and then after you'd arrived, I had some business with the Seska to deal with. I didn't realise that with Cally dead there was a reason why Dorian asked me to wait; I just thought he wanted my help because you were being... difficult."
"Weren't you even the littlest bit curious?" Dayna asked.
"Not really. In my line of business, there are some things you just don't ask about. And seeing as how people don't usually try to kill their own hired guns, I wasn't expecting Dorian to try and kill me. Ordinarily, he wouldn't have had a reason to."
Soolin gave a rueful smile.
"Obviously I was getting careless. The fact that Dorian was completely insane should have stopped me from letting my guard down."
Dayna returned the smile.
"So you were serious about what you said? About wanting to stay with us?"
Soolin stopped walking, turning to face Dayna.
"All of you seem to have forgotten very quickly that this wasn't your base to begin with," she pointed out, her words sharp.
"You hi-jacked Dorian's ship, forced your way in here and took over, and now you're asking me if I want to stay as if I was the one who came in uninvited.
I understand that you're already a team, and that if you weren't one short you'd probably have tried to get rid of me rather than ask me to join you-"
"Who said anything about one short?" Dayna responded, cutting Soolin off as her anger rose.
"Nobody ever said anything about you 'replacing' Cally. If she were still alive-"
Soolin glimpsed a deeper emotion flash across Dayna's face, the first time she'd seen this whenever Cally was mentioned, as if all of them were making a purposeful effort to ignore the fact of the woman's death.
"- she certainly wouldn't be trying to get rid of you. And neither are we."
"You just don't trust me."
"Are you surprised? You were working for Dorian when we first got here and he was trying to kill all of us. Besides, do people normally trust you? In your line of work? Especially when you're rarely without a gun in your hand," Dayna added darkly.
"Habit," Soolin flashed back.
"Call it a survival instinct."
"So you don't trust us either?"
"No. But then I'm not really asking for trust."
"Oh? What then?"
"Acceptance," Soolin replied, for once with complete honesty.
"Perhaps if you stopped being so hostile to all of us, you'd get that a whole lot sooner," Dayna replied shortly, but there was no menace in her words.
"As you said, we were on different sides to begin with. That takes something to overcome."
"But it's not impossible," Dayna pointed out. "Tarrant was the same."
"Really?" Soolin asked. "I know his profile said he used to be a Federation officer of some kind, before he started 'freelancing'."
"That's one way of putting it," Dayna replied with a smile.
Then, her curiosity taking over once more, she added:
"What does my profile say about me?
"You haven't seen it?" Soolin asked in surprise. "I check mine for updates regularly. It's easier to find out what you're up against, especially if you're being named for something you didn't actually do. Helps me to stay prepared.
But actually, there wasn't a whole lot on you that wasn't part of the general offences as being part of Liberator's crew."
Soolin hesitated before continuing.
"And about your father."
"My father?" Dayna's eyes betrayed her almost immediately, her emotions making her appear very vulnerable.
"Yes," Soolin continued apologetically.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to-"
"What did it say?" Dayna demanded, cutting her off again.
"Not much. Just that he was once part of an anti-administration movement on Earth and that he hadn't been seen for about twenty years before it was reported that he was dead and his daughter had turned up on the Liberator."
"So it doesn't mention that Servalan was the one who killed him?" Dayna asked, her hand curling into a fist in an effort to control her anger.
"No," Soolin replied quietly.
"Or that she blinded him then shot him in the back? After my father had welcomed her into our home like-" Dayna stopped, her words choking on her rage and pain.
Soolin put her hand on Dayna's arm.
"I understand. I – know that's like."
Dayna glanced up at her, her eyes still blazing, but her control returning.
"You mean your 'personal vendetta'?" she asked, realisation dawning.
"Yes," Soolin replied, her voice colder than ice.
"There are some things you can't ever be expected to forgive."
"I never got the chance to avenge him," Dayna confessed.
"I wanted to kill Servalan, I swore I would. I thought it would be simple; just pull the trigger, and it would be over. But there was always something else in the way. It sounds childish to say it's because Avon wouldn't let me, but I always trusted that he had a reason when he stopped me. Even if I didn't know what it was."
"Well, I did have the advantage of not having the President of the Federation as my target," Soolin told her with a faint smile.
She keyed open the door to the rooms she'd had Dorian convert into a kind of firing range, something he'd been more than happy to do. He'd often watched her train, that smile of his playing over his face as she demonstrated her skill over and over.
Soolin pushed the thought out of her head with practiced ease, locking off the memories in the part of her mind she never accessed.
"There are targets designed for every clip in these guns," Soolin told Dayna, changing the subject.
"But if you develop anything new, I'd be happy to test them out for you," she offered.
"I always test my own weapons," Dayna replied, her tone less friendly than before.
"It's the best way to find out if they're working properly."
"Of course. But if you ever want a second opinion," Soolin said, trying to make it clear that she wasn't trying to offend the other girl.
"I don't often get the chance to try out new weapons before anyone else does. And I have no idea how to design any myself."
Dayna relented a little, allowing a small smile to escape as she set up the target ranges.
"I should start designing again. You never know when we might need something other than these. I mean, they're almost perfect weapons, but they could be difficult to conceal."
Soolin set up her own targets, happy just to let Dayna chatter on. The more the others opened up to her, the easier it would be to gain their acceptance.
She wondered briefly why it was so important to her to have this group of people accept her. It had rarely been an issue of any importance to her whatsoever, so Soolin took this as a sign that she really did want to stay with them.
Any other options available were barely appealing, and if that meant working a little harder to become part of this group – despite what Dayna had said about not looking to replace Cally, Soolin still felt that this was an issue – then so be it.
Winning them over, so to speak, shouldn't be too difficult, providing they kept up their end of the bargain. Dayna was proving the easiest to talk to, perhaps the most trusting of the group, or at least the most willing to give her a chance.
Vila she mostly ignored, relying on the fact he was permanently torn between being attracted to her and afraid of her.
Tarrant, well, Tarrant was rather amusing. Hot-headed, argumentative, impetuous and usually the first to suspect her of anything, but at the same time, he was really rather attractive. Plus he was never going to be boring to be around, as long as your idea of fun was dodging shots being fired at you by ships you've annoyed.
And as for Avon... well, Avon was a far bigger part in her decision to stay than she cared to admit. She'd have thought that Dorian would have been lesson enough about staying with people who, although interesting, were clearly unhinged. But she couldn't deny it, Avon had caught her attention most of all.
He was a fascinating man, and Soolin's curiosity wouldn't let her walk away from someone who offered to change her life in such a way. Where else was she going to find such an opportunity for excitement?