Why was this happening?
I remember the situation as if it was yesterday. When I received 'that call'. I remember my mother. Oh my sweet, dearest mother. She wasn't always unstable.
It use to be normal. We use to be normal. But then...Seimei died.
I was so young, and all I kept thinking to myself was. "No, they've got the wrong one, they've got the wrong one." But unfortunately, that was only my subconcious granting me what little comfort a could recieve. It was Seimei. He was dead.
I guess in being so young, the feeling of him abandonning me never really hit until I was twelve. But when it hit. It hit hard. Almost like...y'know, when something like a soccer ball hits you directly in the face. Like it had been speeding at a thousand kilometers or something.
Infact, it was alot like the Soccer Ball senario. Because after something like that, usually theres a crowd in the school yard that just stands and stares at you. Some wanting to laugh but holding it back, and others hoping you're alright. Then they are the one's who just idly stand about, whispering to one another about if they should ask you if you're alright or not.
See what I mean? That's alot of what it was like. Because everywhere I had went since the age of ten, I got those looks and crowds. Everyone knew about the death of my brother. Everyone knew how Seimei was brought to his school classroom, beaten, strapped to a chair and then burnt alive... But they couldn't just kill him simply- no. They had to prolong it. They no doubt taunted him, then they tied him to a ragged chair and ever so lovingly poored gasoline all over his body. Saking his perfect school appeal. Next to come was the match they so carelessly lit...
Finishing the whole ordeal. Nothing left but to watch him sit there and die.
But for some reason, I had faith and reassurance that Seimei died with no struggle, perhaps almost as if he willingly sat there and allowed himself to be swallowed up withing the inferno.
It made me mad as well. Why wouldn't he try and get away? Why..Seimei? Why leave me alone?
And so now, here I am. Somewhat content with a new life. But I still wonder sometimes.
Every night before I close my eyes to catch up on the sleep I still so notoriously miss. I try and think of what it would be like. What my life would be today...If he was still here with me. And if so...would that have meant Septimal Moon would have made me a target?
I once heard somehere that...God only gives you what he thinks you can handle. I don't understand it though. What would make any person, let alone God himself think a little boy at the time, like myself could have handled all of what my life had been tangled into? Another one of life's petty games perhaps. Oh well, I still miss you Seimei...and always will.