How It Feels

by Feltbeat

An insight into the characters' lives, talking of what it's like to use their powers, as well as how they all cope with an unbearable tragedy that strikes. Slight CassiexNick, if you look closely. Oneshot. R&R.

I saw the movie Sunday, and still can't stop thinking about it. So, in the midst of my busyness, I took the time to write this. Please let me know what you think! Written in the POV of many characters, and talks in general about Cassie's mom's death, and how everyone is coping with the effects, as well as what it feels like for them to use their powers and what challenges come with them.

You'll notice that I took extra time with the Bleeder section. Why? 'Cuz Bleeders are AWESOME!

1. I am a ________.

a. Mover

b. Pusher

c. Shadow

d. Wiper

e. Shifter

f. Sniff

g. Stitcher

h. Bleeder

i. Watcher

j. Human

If you were one of us, how would you answer the previous question? It may be suspected that people like Nick would put down A, and people like Kira would put down B, and that I would put down C. But you would be surprised at the number of us that put down J. All three of us did. Why? Because it makes us feel better about ourselves. It makes us feel like we belong, it makes us blend in. Because in the end, we are but humans, only with special abilities. But humans nonetheless.

Yet we are captured and tested and killed every day by Division. They think that we are but weapons of war, to be stimulated and enhanced and used in battle. They don't see us as humans. They don't know what it's like for us.

Do you?

Mover

Of all the people in the world that had to end up in this situation, it had to be me. Or my father. Or his father's father. Whichever one of us got it first, he passed it down all the way to me. And here I am.

I can control the movement of objects with my thoughts and by sheer desire and hand gestures. Basically telekinesis. I wasn't very good at it at first, but I've gotten better. I have more distinct control over my power, and I am able to more easily use it. But with it, came a price.

I glanced at the glass of water on the table beside me. It stood there, alone, as though waiting expectantly for someone to drink it. Not wanting to disappoint the glass or the dry burn in my throat, I concentrated on the glass with my entire mind. It didn't take as much strain as it used to, but I still needed to focus. Then, with a small inviting motion of two fingers, the glass floated in the air and into my awaiting hand. It felt cool to my hands, but the burning in my mouth did not cease after I gulped down the water. Strange.

I'll have to go help the Stitcher fix up the Shadow soon.

I found my hands to be shivering. Even more strange.

This whole damn thing was strange. For example, why, with the entire enormous number of humanity beside me, why was I the one to receive this gift? Or more, why was my family line the one to have received it?

Unlike some, I consider my gift to be that – a gift. A blessing, not a curse. I am pleased to have been given these powers, though I don't understand what made me worthy. Contemplating these thoughts, I Moved a pencil up and down in the air for my own amusement. And then again…

When Division catches up with me, I run. When Division captures me, I fight. When Division contains me, I break free.

Most were not so lucky.

Like Cassie's mom. She died.

Last night.

We got the news immediately.

And Cassie has been in her room since then.

Suddenly, I couldn't handle thinking about it anymore. It hurt more than when I was assaulted by the Stitcher. Much more. And it hurt like hell too.

I watched as the pencil fell to the floor.

Blessing or curse, it sought out me, for its own sick, malevolent reasons.

Why me?

Pusher

It was that strange sensation again. And again. And again. Damn, he was hard to Push! But I continued. My pupils were already heavily dilated, and it felt like my mind and my body were two separate things.

I bet you didn't know that, did you? That when a Pusher Pushes, he or she is at his or her most vulnerable state. Because they have to focus completely upon their target, and they cannot think straight for a moment, as they are Pushing. It is a most uncomfortable feeling for the Pusher, while the victim feels pleasantly calm, as they are thinking and doing what we want them to. I raised a hand to brush the sweat away from my forehead. I had finally gotten inside of his head, and he was mine. It was a very exhausting feeling afterwards, but I got used to it after a while.

But no matter how often I Push, it doesn't make me stronger. I had already reached my potential a long time ago. And now there is nothing more left for me. Nothing but this exhaustion and constant feeling of dread that follow me everywhere I go.

I thought of Cassie. She was still in her room after we received the news of her mother's death. She wasn't mad at Division, because they didn't kill her.

She was pissed at him. And after she pulled herself together and came around, Nick and I know that she will want revenge.

And I swear, when that kid wants something, she will do anything to get it!

Shadow

I heard about what happened, and I still can't believe it. Even though I'm standing right outside the girl's door, leaning against the wall. My shoulder is hurting, but I know this is only a minor worry right now.

She hasn't cried yet. I stand right next to the door, and I would hear it if she made any movement or noise. But she hasn't. Is she simply lying on her bed? Or is she sitting on the floor, contemplating what happened? Or, is she perhaps doing suicidal things?...no, she wasn't that weak.

My Shadow was still cast upon her, and I wasn't allowed to remove it. That pretty damn sucked, but I guess I owed it to them. After that unfortunate encounter with Triad, I owed them everything I had. My body still ached from when the Stitcher woman-bitch sewed me back up. I cursed at her internally. But I still owed these guys everything. Including my little ability.

I wish that I was a Shifter. It is so much more an interesting power, and even more – one that can actually be used outside the contact with other people that Division is looking for. I can protect others from Sniffs indefinitely, and Watchers temporarily. But the only time I can actually use this power is when others with powers are around me. And what is more, I benefit in no way from using it. Shifters can take a bunch of plain pieces of paper and make them look like cold, hard cash. And what do I get for my services? Right now, absolutely nothing. Usually, a couple hundred dollars or so.

And they expect me to live off of that?

But of course, I knew that right now, no one gave a damn about my problems. It was all about the girl now, and how she would survive. Please! Both of my parents were killed, and you don't see me locked in my room, silently, with everyone crowded outside my door, begging me to eat something. She's old enough to handle it. I was younger than she is when it happened to me.

I hope she doesn't turn out like me, though. After all, who wants to be a poor, dirty, greasy-haired Shadow?

Wiper

The wind was unusually cool today. How strange…how most absurd. I had not expected such a clammy day to occur, and definitely not today. But then again, everything seemed out of the order lately.

It had been a long time since I felt the need to do this to myself. And it was even longer before I was actually able to master it. The etiquette required for a Wiper to Wipe his own memory must indeed be extremely precise, and it is very difficult. And even after I was able to do it, I had hoped that would never have to. Such an act is very dangerous, and leaves the Wiper very weak. And at my old age, such an attempt was nothing shot of suicidal.

I didn't know if I would survive, but one thing was certain – I no longer wanted to remember. If I lived or died, it mattered not. As long as I no longer had to recollect on these painful horrors that dwell in my mind.

What cruel and gory way for a woman to die!

I flinched as I recalled the mass pool of blood that formed around her mangled and crumpled form. The young man next to her was fleeing – he could not get the Shadow now that his attention was purely on the woman. She screamed. And then she was silent.

And I was there.

The boat rocked slightly as I leaned to my left, lost in the awful memory. And then there was the very young girl. Oh dear, how would she survive it, when her mother was gone? Killed, so horribly! I prayed that her soul would survive, and I knew that God heard me. Taking a deep breath, I placed my hands on my face, and Wiped.

My body fell to the ground, and my breathing was becoming shorter and slower. My eyes closed, and as I fell, the boat tipped to the side, sending me rolling over the edge and plundering into the great, deep, dark waters.

I did not resurface.

Shifter

"Come on, baby! Just one more time!"

"Oh, alright," I gave in, and showed her my "trick." She giggled with delight. "Alright now, I must get some peace. My magic has to refuel over the night, you know." The beautiful woman smiled and left the comfort and courtesy of my lap, and left to re-join her friends. There was still a line, after the last two hours, but I shooed them away. I don't feel like partying today. Everyone else seems surprised that I wish to retire for the night four hours earlier than usual, but I do so without so much as a thought about it, as though it was the most natural thing in the world for me. I pull out a rectangular piece of paper with the number 500 on it. With a quick Shift, it was a replica of a 500 dollar bill. Not many people have seen one of those – but I've seen even higher. That was the magic of money.

I walk up to the room on the topmost floor of the skyscraper five-star hotel. I pull off my clothes and crawl under the sheet on my king-sized bed. The sheets are made of the finest silk they had available – I'm pretty sure they had to be imported from some foreign land.

I laugh to myself out loud. Strange, how it was today that I thought of the most random and odd of things. But I suppose it was expected that I acted a little out of the ordinary, given the recent events.

The girl and I had spent several days before it happened together. Nick wanted me to keep an eye out for her. The Shadow was hanging around the back – no one really likes him here. But I had taken an immediate liking to the girl, and I thought she had done the same with me. We played cards for a few hours – that was quite interesting. While I used my little power to change the cards into what I wanted them to be, she used hers to see what my next moves would be. It was a very amusing game – even the Shadow decided to watch. In the end, I won, but it was a very close game. She didn't appear disappointed – pleased, if anything. I enjoyed her company, and I thought she did mine.

Now my heart cries for her. I don't tell anyone about this. As if they could ever understand! There's an oddly frightening and cold presence in the room with me. I shiver.

Her mother was the greatest Watcher of all time. I knew her, but not well. I liked her, but not as much as I did her daughter. Now they're both gone in their own way – the girl in her grief, her mother in death.

I turn around to make myself more comfortable, but it doesn't work. No matter which way I lay or turn or toss on, I feel the same uneasiness in my head, my heart, and all throughout my body.

My heart aches for the girl. I hope she will be alright.

Sniff

"Mmm…" The book gave me by far the clearest image I had so far received. "Yes…I can see her…she's in a room…the walls are green – light green…she's on the floor, next to a bed…there's a large chandelier hanging from the ceiling – much too fancy for a regular home, and I can see a – " my voice was abruptly cut off as the vision I was seeing suddenly darkened. Frowning, I Sniffed the book again. Nothing. Absolutely nothing. I stared at the expectant and irritated faces of my bosses. They wouldn't like this…

"Well?!" one of them said, and I heard the impatience in his voice.

"Eh…" I scratched my head. "They've got a Shadow on her. Just now. You heard everything I saw, but then it suddenly stopped. I know this feeling – it's definitely a Shadow." I heard a muffled rumble of voices from the group of men dressed in black. There were a couple of men, Chinese, wearing khaki-colored coveralls. Two others who looked to be around forty and were also Chinese, were wearing black business suits. There was a younger guy – maybe eighteen? – who wore simple street clothes. I saw that he was by himself – his brother was missing. And there was a young girl – the sister of the two guys. She wore a red shirt with a black vest, and leather black pants. She had very strong eyes, and they bored into me. If I was feeling uncomfortable before, it was nothing compared to what I was feeling now. This was Triad's group. I couldn't help but grin. I'm a master at stating the obvious.

Suddenly, the small group parted into two lines, which stood facing each other. I knew where this was going…Damn. I shouldn't have gotten involved in their schemes from the beginning, no matter how much money they promised… "Find the girl, and if you have time, my other son too," were his words. I was shocked to see that he valued the Watcher more than his own son. Especially after what he had done for them… Killing the greatest Watcher of all time was not an easy task, yet he performed it with skill that neither his father or brother possessed. And this was what he got in return? I sighed.

Sure enough, soon Triad himself entered the room. He passed in between the two lines. His children, his colleagues, his acquaintances – he had them all shaking with just a single look. So it was odd that although he was advancing towards me in a rather menacing way, that I did not so much as blink. I felt numb. I didn't feel fear.

He was right in front of me now. I could feel his hot breath next to me. He leaned in and whispered in my ear. "So, you have lost the vision of the girl?" I didn't give him any sort of answer, nor did he expect one. Grinning maliciously, he took a step back and put on a pair of shades. "You've betrayed us. And betrayal is worthy for only one end.." I closed my eyes. It would be pointless to try to explain to him that I didn't betray him in any way – that they had simply gotten a Shadow. I was a Sniff, not a Watcher. I could never get past the Shadow's barrier. Triad wasn't made for listening.

I took a step back and braced myself for the scream. Any moment now….

But it did not come. After several minutes of complete silence, I dared to peek through my eyes.

They were gone. Every single one of them was now gone. It was just me, alone, in the middle of an abandoned harbor. I could almost feel the coolness of the water nearby. The wind took this opportunity and struck me head on. I shuddered.

My life was saved, for now. But I still had to find my way back to my home.

Stitcher

Gah! This was so goddamn irritating! "Stay still!" I screamed at the man, but he did not hear me. Useless parasite… Why was I even wasting my time with such swine? I smiled as I remembered the suitcase in my room, containing no more and no less than the precise amount of four million dollars. Yeah, that's why I was here. "I'll stop doing this if you don't at least make an attempt to hold still! So help me God, I will reverse the entire process on you and you'll end up in pieces for the rest of your life!" The man's twitching seemed to ease, but only momentarily. As soon as I began to work on a new injury, he was flopping and tossing like crazy. I was just thinking to screw this whole thing, when I caught Nicholas's glance. It was deadly. I knew that he was silently reminding me of the deal we'd made. Four million dollars in return for the Stitching of the Shadow. He looked strangely lifeless for a moment, and for a second, I was afraid that I'd made some sort of mistake. Stitching was one of the most complicated and unpredictable powers. The slightest bit of distraction could cause an electric shock to pulse through the body, killing him instantly. Nicholas gave me a look. If I killed him, I would surely die as well. Quickly, I rushed to check his heartbeat. It was there. "It's fine, he's alive," I told him. He rolled his eyes and instructed me to continue. He's pretending that he wasn't worried. I smiled. Poor pretense.

But I continued with what I was doing. It was almost done now – thankfully the damage done to him by that Bleeder wasn't too bad. He'd survive. I had to trust myself enough to know what I was doing.

Truth be told, Stitching is a lot of guesswork. You don't know exactly where the injury is or how it's located. You just do your best to estimate the place and position, and then to re-connect whatever you find. It can be very dangerous and painful if instead of connecting two pieces of a broken bone together, a Stitcher accidentally connected the liver to the spleen. It takes even more work to undo what has already been done by a Stitcher.

This case wasn't nearly as complicated as some that I've had to deal with. Piece of cake. This guy was squirming far more than was necessary, and it pissed the shit out of me.

Just a few more moments and it would be over. I dared to sneak a peek at Nicholas. His face looked grave and stony. As though he was a statue carved into stone. I didn't need to be a mind-reader to know why – it was the girl.

There seemed to be just too much commotion made over this. I mean, come on. It was one woman. Yeah, she was the greatest Watcher ever and all that bull, but people like her die every day. It is not the end of the world if one more was killed. I wish everyone else would stop making it seem like one.

The girl is behaving most immaturely. I hate how everyone else feels sorry for her.

It's sick.

Bleeder

I'm laying in the middle of a dark room. At least, I think it's a room. I cannot be sure. It's so dark around me that I cannot see my own hand in front of my eyes. I can't see anything. And I'm glad.

I'm not sure where they're keeping me. One thing is certain – I'm to be treated in the most inhumane ways possible. I'm not to be fed or given water. If I'm cold, they're pleased. If I'm hot, they're glad. If I hurt, they smile. If I cry, they laugh.

I can't make them Bleed. Not right now. After what I did, they made sure that I was much too weak to scream ever again.

I turned to my side and flinched at the pain. My clothes were starting to smell – my hoodie was dirty and reeked of blood. Her blood. I didn't want to do it, but I thought about that faithful day anyways.

"Stop! You don't know what you're doing!" she screamed at me. Her eyes were filled with tears. "He won't reward you for it, he'll only push you aside like every other one of his tools! You mean nothing to him, don't you understand that?" She took a step back and tripped, falling into a muddy puddle. I advanced several steps towards her, growling.

"My father cares for me very much. But after I have done this for him – he will love me more than any of my siblings!" I took off my shades for emphasis.

She laughed a manic laugh. "I can see it, you know! I can see that if you kill me, my daughter's friends will come for you. They'll capture you, and eventually, they will kill you. And Triad – Triad will do nothing to save you."

"Shut up!" I growled. "I know my father. He may not be the most sympathetic of mankind, but he would not abandon his son."

"It wouldn't make much of a difference to him, if you died," she sneered at me. I saw that she was trying to be brave, but there was evident fear in her eyes. "He'll have your brother and sister. That's plenty for him."

I closed my eyes. "That's why I'm here." She was confused. I knew this, though I did not see her face. But I knew. "What was I, ever, compared with my brother and sister? My brother, the more experienced Bleeder of us two, he was the one who always received the praise. If my father was feeling up to complimenting, it was always for him. And my sister – the oh-so-great Watcher. She's failed at what she does a countless number of times, but Father always took a certain liking to her. And together…together those two overshadowed my own abilities completely. I was the weaker of me and my brother – why should Father give a damn about me? But this…" I opened my eyes and inhaled, speaking with more power and force than I had done so far, "…this is my chance to prove myself to him! To kill the greatest Watcher of all time – he will be ecstatic with joy! All these years I was the runt of the group, but now it's my turn to shine! To shine and receive the praise!!" I finished strongly.

She eyed me carefully and smiled. "No. You'll be cast aside by your father and he will not ever feel any appreciation towards what you'll have done. Not once will he praise you. Not once. I can see it."

Something broke inside of me at that moment. I knew the feeling. It was familiar and unpleasant. "Shut uuuuuu – " my furious comment broke off into a piercing scream, frequencies higher than I was ever able to produce. Nothing seemed to matter as I advanced forward. Nothing but her.

I didn't stop screaming. She was on the floor now, twisting and writhing in pain. Her hands were desperately trying to cover her ears, but it was no use. I heard a high-pitched ringing in my own ears, but that was a common sensation.

I was right next to her now. Blood spewed from her ears. She was already very much injured, but I couldn't find it in myself to stop. So I continued.

Many minutes passed by. I didn't stop. Where had this energy come from? Even my father was unable to scream for more than ten minutes without stopping. And I had to be somewhere around twenty.

She was laying in a pool of her own blood now. Her ears were completely destroyed, and her eyeballs had popped out of their sockets, now lying on the ground in pieces, covered in red. Places on her body were ripped and mangled, where the blood had exploded right from the skin. It was a very messy sight. I knew I was over-killing her completely, for this was much more than was necessary. But I just couldn't stop

"Hey!"

The sudden call from behind me was what caused my scream to slowly recede back into my mouth. Slowly, I turned around and saw a man.

I recognized him from my sister. She told me that when she was trying to locate the Pusher, these people had gotten a Shadow to protect her. This had to be him. He looked messy and dirty – like a common man living in poverty. I gave him a scrutinizing look. He ran up closer to us.

"WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO?!"

I had to admit, it was hard to keep a straight face at that. Did he really need an explanation as to what took place?

"YOU KILLED HER YOU BASTARD!! YOU KILLED HER!"

Really? Are absolutely positive about that?

"I'LL KILL YOU! I'LL KILL YOU!! YOU HAVE TO DIE!!"

I do? That's unfortunate..

He began to run at me with full speed. I was surprised at his clear stupidity. What was he going to do? Slaughter me with his bare hands? I waited until he got closer to me before screaming. I seemed to have lost the same strength and power that I felt only minutes earlier with the woman. But it was certainly more than enough to stop him in full force and knock him to the ground, moaning and covering his ears. I replaced my shades on my face as I continued to scream. I began to see his skin puff up, the blood threatening to explode. And in several places, it did. A trickle of blood started oozing out of his ears. He was screaming in agony.

Then I stopped. Because a few meters away from me, a large rock was levitating above the ground, and began to glide in my direction. I stared. What the fuck?

To my surprise, the rock began to gain speed, and I ducked just in time to avoid colliding with the thing. What was happening?

And then I saw them. Four people, whom I had seen before. Nick, the Mover. Kira, the Pusher. Cassie, the Watcher. And an old man whose name I did not recall, but I knew he was a Wiper.

Nick made a hand movement, and with excessive speed, the rock hurled back at me. This time I was caught completely off guard, and I felt it crush my arm. Crying out in pain, I turned my furious face towards them. "What the fuck do you want? Don't screw with me!!" I attempted to scream, but he made another rock fall flat on my face. I yowled as my nose and various other bones shattered under the pressure. Panting heavily, I felt the rock lift off of my face, and then slam back down on my chest. Repeatedly. SLAM, lift. SLAM, lift. SLAM, lift. Soon I could taste blood in my own mouth. I gasped at the immense pain. The blows had crushed my diaphragm.

I tried to scream, to shout, to talk, to whisper, to make any sort of sound, but this was impossible. I could no longer make any noise. It was gone.

And so were the repetitive blows to my chest. The rock finally lifted off and was cast aside to the ground. They approached me. Someone was standing above me now. I could see with part of one eye, but that was just about all I could do.

"We'll take him with us. Nick, if you could attend to…" the voice trailed off and left a sad impression.

"Yes, of course," Nick replied with a voice that was hoarse with tears. I heard some scuffling around. Then two very rough hands picked me up most aggressively. I tried to whimper in my pain as my broken diaphragm was bothered. Someone slapped me across the face.

"Shut up," the masculine voice told me. I hadn't actually made any noise, but perhaps he knew that I would have if I could.

I closed my eyes and didn't re-open them. I didn't want to see where they were taking me. Sometimes I heard familiar sounds, like that of a subway, and sometimes I smelled fast food. But no matter what information my sense fed me, they couldn't stop the unbearable pain that seared through my entire body. Not even my fingers and toes were spared – everything was on fire. Worse than being dragged across a bed of razor blades slowly. Worse that being dismembered alive. Worse than being injected with venom. Much worse.

Eventually we got somewhere – I had no idea where. I could feel whoever was carrying me retreat down, making me think that we were going into a basement. Sure enough, the air was much cooler there. Suddenly, the hands that were carrying released my body down. I fell through the air for a second or two and then landed on hard, cement floor. I would have roared in my agony, but I could not.

"I hope you die, bastard," a voice said bitterly. "You deserve it." Then I heard the slam of a door.

There have been no more visitors to this little dark room since that time. I was completely alone. I've tried my best to calculate the amount of time that I'd been here. I was probably off by a decent amount, but I had a feeling it was around a day.

The door opened a crack. I glanced up. I could make my body turn, but I still could not sit up yet. And I had a feeling I never would be able to.

"You have a visitor, bastard," a cold voice said. I blinked. I thought I knew who it would be.

The door opened wider, and this time, a ray of light shone in. It hurt my eyes, after having been deprived of light for so long.

A figure stood in the doorway. She had long blonde hair and was very lean.

A splitting image of the greatest Watcher in the world.

Watcher

Someone knocked on my door.

"Cassie? Can I come in?" Nick.

Several minutes passed.

"Cassie, please? I must talk to you!"

Go away, Nick. I love you, but I don't want to see you right now. I don't want anything… anything…

"Cassie, if you don't open the door, I'm just coming in. I have a key."

Fine, Nick. Do whatever you want. I don't care.

"Okay, I'm coming."

The door opened and he walked inside.

I have seen my own future for the first time in my life. I've never been able to accomplish such a feat – something that only the best Watchers are capable of. Watchers like my mother…

I would have clutched my notebook at this moment, but I no longer had it. I dropped it when I got to the scene…and I forgot all about it.

I went back to my room and sat on the floor. I didn't cry. I didn't smile.

My face was completely blank.

I didn't know what was an acceptable way to deal with this. Everyone seemed to have their own expectations of me and how I go on about this. Some think that this is ridiculous, some think that this is perfectly fine. Some think that I'm going to survive this, but I'm not sure.

"Cassie, we've captured him. He's being kept in the basement."

This caused me to re-awaken. Not that I was ever asleep. Not physically.

I stood up and faced him. My face was dead. Dead.

I pushed past him and walked through the door. To the basement.

It didn't take me long to get there, and now I am standing in the doorway of the basement.

He's down there.

Fuck.

I think that my eyes are bloodshot now, but I can't do anything about it. I begin to descend downwards.

"Cassie, wait!" I looked him in the eyes. "He's already far too much injured. His diaphragm has been broken, so he won't be able to scream again. You don't need to do anything. He'll die in a couple days at most anyways."

I glare. Don't you understand?

He puts a hand on my shoulder. His voice is thick with tears.

His eyes are bloodshot. He looks up at me with the sickest look I have ever seen. He's covered in shit. Blood stains his clothing and he reeks of malevolence. I inhale anyways.

Through his messed up hair and deadly injuries, he smiles.

That fucking bastard smiled at me.

I can't take it anymore. I retreat down. I don't break contact with his gaze. His smile never wavers. What is he thinking about?

I cast a small peek at Nick.

He worries about me. He wonders how I'm going to get through this. He thinks I'm too young to be here.

I turn back to him.

Despite his awful appearance, I can see that he is almost good-looking.

He knows what I'm going to do.

He knows there is no escaping.

But he wonders how I'll do it.

And as I look into his face I can see…

Anger…sorrow…amusement…pain…sadness….

And regret.

I stop in my tracks for a moment. I inhale again. The air is thick with blood.

He wonders if I'm going to be merciful.

I grin back. He lifts his head slightly, and opens his mouth in pain. He can't make a single sound.

"...he'll never scream again…"

Someone begins to follow me down the stairs. I can hear the footsteps.

"...you don't need to do anything…"

Nick. I recognize his heavy steps.

"…he'll die in a couple of days at most anyway…"

You're great at persuasion, Nick. But my mind is set. I continue to watch him.

You've done the unspeakable…unthinkable. Because of you, I cannot bear to close my eyes anymore. I didn't see it happen, but I can imagine what it was like.

I reach into my pocket and pull out something black and shiny. It's cold. His eyes scan it without surprise.

I will not forget, I will not forgive.

No mercy shall be given here.

I'm sorry.

I feel a hot tear slide down my cheek. It felt like a flame.

I feel as though I'm looking through blurred glass as I pull the small trigger.

A loud BANG is heard. Footsteps behind me.

I glance at the crumpled and bloody mess that was him. I feel faint.

And I cry.

"Are you okay?" Nick asks me.

No. I'm not okay. And I never will be.

This was my final thought before I joined him on the ground, with a THUD. Nick rushes to my side and feels my neck.

"She has a pulse! She's just fainted."

"Take her back to her room, would you? I'll clean up…" a voice I did not recognize.

I feel gentle, masculine arms pick me up and hold me close. I can feel his breath. It's short and ragged. He's worried.

Then I feel the familiar silk of material underneath me – my bed. My eyes were already closed.

And I succumbed into nothingness…

Human

There comes a time in everyone's life when you feel that you cannot go on. When you want nothing more than to simply crawl in a hole and die. And it matters not whether you are a Mover, a Pusher, a Bleeder, or a Watcher. It matters not whether you drowned in a vast, dark sea, or got shot in the head, or continued on with your sad and sorry life.

In the end, we are all humans.

In the end, we are nothing more.

Can you understand that?

Can you understand why we put down J as our answer?

Can you see what it's like for us now?

Can you?

I thought it would be nice

To lie down and close my eyes.

It never occurred to me

That I am already asleep.

-Enigma by Trapt