Oh my gosh I'm back again! This time I'm going for pure comedy. I saw Chamber of Secrets twice and I don't care what anyone says, the ending scene reminded me of something from the Oscars. Thus, this is why I'm writing this. Read and respond!
Oscar Night: Hogwart Style by Sparklemoonbunny
(It's night time and thousands of reporters, photographers, fans, limos, etc. are outside Hogwarts School of witchcraft and wizardry preparing for tonight's biggest event: The End of The Term Awards!)
Reporter: Hello and welcome to the annual End of The Term Awards! My name is Karen Sympathy and I'll be your reporter this evening. We just got word that all the big name stars are here so let's go inside where the awards are about to begin!
(Inside, the Great Hall has been redecorated with elegant round tables and a stage has been set up with a podium. Everyone is sitting down clapping as the chorus line leaves and onstage walks up Gilderoy Lockhart and Mrs. Weasley.)
Lockhart: Hello and welcome to the 2002 End of The School Year Awards! I am Gilderoy Lockhart, professional Sexy Man, winner of Witch Weekly's Most Charming Smile, Order Of Merlin 3rd Class, Most Likely to Look Good and Never Have a Bad Hair Day, and..
(Mrs. Weasley taps him.)
Lockhart: Oh, and this Mrs. Weasley.
(Mrs. Weasley waves.)
Mrs. Weasley: Our first category is for Smartest Student. The nominees are: Hermione Granger.
(Hermione who's sitting in the audience smiles and waves to the camera.)
Mrs. Weasley: Harry Potter
(Harry smiles)
Mrs. Weasley: Draco Malfoy
(Draco holds up a sign reading "I'd better win or I'll tell my father!".)
Mrs. Weasley: And Neville Longbottom?
(Everyone looks confused and Neville shrugs.)
Lockhart: And the winner is....Hermione Granger!
(Hermione smiles and goes up to the stage while everyone claps. Except for Malfoy who pulls out a cell phone and whispers furiously into it.)
Hermione (Clutching a golden statuette of a humpback witch): I want to thank everyone who made this possible! The people who believed in me most: my parents! And all my friends!
(Audience claps as Hermione, Lockhart, & Mrs. Weasley all walk off the stage. Appearing onstage now is Professor Snape.)
Snape: I just flew in and boy are my arms tired!
(Audience goes silent and crickets are chirping.)
Snape (clearing throat): I said I just flew in and boy are my arms tired!
(Only a single cough can be heard. Snape looks to camera guy who only shrugs.)
Snape: You know? Arms? I'm a wizard..I don't need to use arms to fly?
(Audience still remains quiet.)
Snape: Laugh or I'll take 50 points from Gryffindor!
(Audience forces a laugh.)
Snape: That's better! Now the next category is Most Visits to The Hospital Wing. The nominees are: Harry Potter
(Harry smiles)
Snape: Neville Longbottom
(Neville blushes)
Snape: Dick Cheney
(Dick Cheney waves to the cameras)
Snape: And Draco Malfoy
(Malfoy sits beside a dozen lawyers looking sinister.)
Snape (opening envelope): And the winner is....cursed! Harry Potter.
(Harry gets up and shakes everyone's hand whose sitting besides him. He then walks up the stairs to the stage and grabs his award)
Harry: I don't know what to say! It's quite an honor! I guess I want to thank Madame Pomfrey for the treatment and J.K. Rowling for not letting me die. Thank you all!
(Harry then turns to walk down the steps but looses his balance and falls to the floor.)
Harry: I think I broke my leg!
(Madame Pomfrey rushes over to Harry and shakes her head.)
Pomfrey: Back to the hospital wing!
(Mediwizards help Harry up and carry him off. Dumbledore and McGonagall then walk onstage.)
McGonagall: That was different.
Dumbledore: Very. I do hope the boy has good insurance. Anyway our next category is Most Likely to Have Colored Their Hair.
McGonagall: And the nominees are: Ronald Weasley
(Ron (Who's eating Every Flavor Beans) looks up at his name being called and cheers)
McGonagall: Colin Creevey
(Colin smiles)
McGonagall: Draco Malfoy
(Draco smirks and runs a hand through his hair.)
McGonagall: and someone who doesn't even go to this school, Spongebob Squarepants
(Spongebob, sitting next to Patrick, whispers "What Hair?")
Dumbledore: And the winner is... Draco Malfoy!
(Draco stands up and as he walks down the pathway to the stage as witches throw a trail of flowers (His father hired them) for him to walk on.)
Draco: I don't want to thank anyone! This is mine! You're all stupid and...
Dumbledore: Oops! I made an error! The card actually read Ron Weasley! How embarrasing. I'm afraid I'll have to take this award away from you
(Dumbledore snatches award from Draco who is standing there mouth agape.)
Draco: But...but...it's mine.
(Ron rushes onstage to receive the award. Draco still stands in shock.)
McGonagall: Uh can someone remove him?
(Mr. Filch comes out with a push broom and sweeps Draco offstage as audience claps.)
(Ron finishes up his speech and goes offstage. Lockhart comes back onstage with Mrs. Weasley.)
Lockhart: We're going to take a short break but we'll return to the End of The Term Awards after these commercials!
Mrs. Weasley: So stay tuned!
Oscar Night: Hogwart Style by Sparklemoonbunny
(It's night time and thousands of reporters, photographers, fans, limos, etc. are outside Hogwarts School of witchcraft and wizardry preparing for tonight's biggest event: The End of The Term Awards!)
Reporter: Hello and welcome to the annual End of The Term Awards! My name is Karen Sympathy and I'll be your reporter this evening. We just got word that all the big name stars are here so let's go inside where the awards are about to begin!
(Inside, the Great Hall has been redecorated with elegant round tables and a stage has been set up with a podium. Everyone is sitting down clapping as the chorus line leaves and onstage walks up Gilderoy Lockhart and Mrs. Weasley.)
Lockhart: Hello and welcome to the 2002 End of The School Year Awards! I am Gilderoy Lockhart, professional Sexy Man, winner of Witch Weekly's Most Charming Smile, Order Of Merlin 3rd Class, Most Likely to Look Good and Never Have a Bad Hair Day, and..
(Mrs. Weasley taps him.)
Lockhart: Oh, and this Mrs. Weasley.
(Mrs. Weasley waves.)
Mrs. Weasley: Our first category is for Smartest Student. The nominees are: Hermione Granger.
(Hermione who's sitting in the audience smiles and waves to the camera.)
Mrs. Weasley: Harry Potter
(Harry smiles)
Mrs. Weasley: Draco Malfoy
(Draco holds up a sign reading "I'd better win or I'll tell my father!".)
Mrs. Weasley: And Neville Longbottom?
(Everyone looks confused and Neville shrugs.)
Lockhart: And the winner is....Hermione Granger!
(Hermione smiles and goes up to the stage while everyone claps. Except for Malfoy who pulls out a cell phone and whispers furiously into it.)
Hermione (Clutching a golden statuette of a humpback witch): I want to thank everyone who made this possible! The people who believed in me most: my parents! And all my friends!
(Audience claps as Hermione, Lockhart, & Mrs. Weasley all walk off the stage. Appearing onstage now is Professor Snape.)
Snape: I just flew in and boy are my arms tired!
(Audience goes silent and crickets are chirping.)
Snape (clearing throat): I said I just flew in and boy are my arms tired!
(Only a single cough can be heard. Snape looks to camera guy who only shrugs.)
Snape: You know? Arms? I'm a wizard..I don't need to use arms to fly?
(Audience still remains quiet.)
Snape: Laugh or I'll take 50 points from Gryffindor!
(Audience forces a laugh.)
Snape: That's better! Now the next category is Most Visits to The Hospital Wing. The nominees are: Harry Potter
(Harry smiles)
Snape: Neville Longbottom
(Neville blushes)
Snape: Dick Cheney
(Dick Cheney waves to the cameras)
Snape: And Draco Malfoy
(Malfoy sits beside a dozen lawyers looking sinister.)
Snape (opening envelope): And the winner is....cursed! Harry Potter.
(Harry gets up and shakes everyone's hand whose sitting besides him. He then walks up the stairs to the stage and grabs his award)
Harry: I don't know what to say! It's quite an honor! I guess I want to thank Madame Pomfrey for the treatment and J.K. Rowling for not letting me die. Thank you all!
(Harry then turns to walk down the steps but looses his balance and falls to the floor.)
Harry: I think I broke my leg!
(Madame Pomfrey rushes over to Harry and shakes her head.)
Pomfrey: Back to the hospital wing!
(Mediwizards help Harry up and carry him off. Dumbledore and McGonagall then walk onstage.)
McGonagall: That was different.
Dumbledore: Very. I do hope the boy has good insurance. Anyway our next category is Most Likely to Have Colored Their Hair.
McGonagall: And the nominees are: Ronald Weasley
(Ron (Who's eating Every Flavor Beans) looks up at his name being called and cheers)
McGonagall: Colin Creevey
(Colin smiles)
McGonagall: Draco Malfoy
(Draco smirks and runs a hand through his hair.)
McGonagall: and someone who doesn't even go to this school, Spongebob Squarepants
(Spongebob, sitting next to Patrick, whispers "What Hair?")
Dumbledore: And the winner is... Draco Malfoy!
(Draco stands up and as he walks down the pathway to the stage as witches throw a trail of flowers (His father hired them) for him to walk on.)
Draco: I don't want to thank anyone! This is mine! You're all stupid and...
Dumbledore: Oops! I made an error! The card actually read Ron Weasley! How embarrasing. I'm afraid I'll have to take this award away from you
(Dumbledore snatches award from Draco who is standing there mouth agape.)
Draco: But...but...it's mine.
(Ron rushes onstage to receive the award. Draco still stands in shock.)
McGonagall: Uh can someone remove him?
(Mr. Filch comes out with a push broom and sweeps Draco offstage as audience claps.)
(Ron finishes up his speech and goes offstage. Lockhart comes back onstage with Mrs. Weasley.)
Lockhart: We're going to take a short break but we'll return to the End of The Term Awards after these commercials!
Mrs. Weasley: So stay tuned!