The original version of this story was begun in 2007 as a round robin. It is, in all actuality, the beginning of the entire Insanity Collection as written by us. The original Mellon Chronicles (there is a link in our profile) is, technically, the beginning, but since it is not officially part of TIC, it doesn't really count. Anyway, I digress...
Here, for your entertainment, is the 2011 rewrite of MCIMME.
MC Insanity Meets Middle-Earth
When In Rome, Do What the Psychics Do
"Ha! Tagged ya!"
"Tira, that is so not fair!"
"All is fair in love and bars, or something like that." Tira lowered her sword and grinned at Tea, her opponent.
"Love and war, Tira." Kim called out, amusement in her tone.
"Yeah, well, war then. Love and war." Tira flapped her free hand in the air. "I'm getting thirsty, anyone else for a break?"
"Yeah, let's head back towards the packs." Kel led the way.
They had packed for an afternoon, with bottles of water and bags of Tira's homemade jerky and fruit rolls, as well as their favourite MC-related items like some of the stories someone had printed out.
As they walked, the air became slightly thick feeling as if they were walking through mud, though the light did not change. There was no fog, no rain, and not a lot of humidity to explain the sudden change. Suddenly the air made a pop noise and walking became easy once more.
"Um, Kel?" Londessa ventured to say after a minute.
"I don't recognize these trees…" Kel whispered back to the unspoken question.
"Um, they seem a heck of a lot older than your trees, or the trees from your place, or whatever." Tira looked around curiously. "That is a black walnut. Do you have any black walnuts?"
"I don't think so." Kel shook her head.
"Well, let's keep going a little bit, see if our packs are still where we left them." Kim spoke up, always the practical-minded one. Since no one had a better idea, they continued on.
They could see the packs just ahead, lying in a loose pile as they'd been left, and they joyously ran towards them. Happily digging through them, no one noticed that there was no birdsong.
Londessa was the first to smell the odour that pervaded their small bit of air, and she turned around nervously, but didn't see anything at first. One by one, the smell was noticed by the others and they all began to look around the area in trepidation.
Tira, always acting before thinking, drew her sword and twirled it, almost slicing Eltara's arm off in the process. "Methinks you'll all want to draw your weapons." She said as the first orc showed himself.
This day had just gotten so much more interesting.
Sounds of battle being waged filtered through the forest, and the four companions rushed towards it, slowing before they got there so they could do a quick reconnaissance of the area. What they saw shocked them.
"What's this, damsels in distress?" Elladan said, slightly facetiously.
"Well, we can't just sit here, we need to help them!" Elrohir said fervently.
Just before the twins could dive from cover, Aragorn grabbed their sleeves and held them back. "Wait. They look strange, and I have a bad feeling they're going to get us into even more trouble than the usual brand."
Silent until then, Legolas let out a snort. "I agree. The orcs presence is trouble enough. Then again, can things not always get worse?"
Meanwhile, the girls were battling on, tiring but somehow managing to not get injured, yet.
"Wham! Down goes another!" Tira whooped out. She had been doing this for sometime now and Londessa, who was nearby, rolled her eyes at Eltara. How Tira could continue talking as she fought, without getting impaled, was a feat in itself.
Kel caught the eye-roll and began laughing despite the fact she was completely cornered, but this was a dream, wasn't it? Orcs did not really exist, so what did it matter? As she laughed, she unexpectedly found herself being pushed farther from the group and yelled for Kim, who was nearby, for help. The elf twins could not sit idly by any longer. Though the strange girls seemed slightly deranged they needed help, and when one found herself being cornered by orcs, Elrohir dived out of the cover of the bushes and came to her rescue.
"Just what we needed, even more trouble." Legolas muttered as he leapt out to help the girls, slaughtering orcs in rapid-fire succession.
Suddenly the glade fell silent and Eltara found herself swinging her sword through empty air, the orcs all dead lying where they'd been slain. She stared unabashedly at the newcomers.
"This so had better be real, or I am blaming you, Tira."
"Me? Why me?" Tira looked affronted.
"Because it was your food we ate." She grinned.
"Well, it is real. I think. Unless it's not real."
"Oh, how helpful." Kel muttered as she rolled her eyes.
Legolas swung around, covering the twins as they finished off the last few orcs at the periphery of the glade. Certain now that they were safe he put his bow up then whirled on the group of girls.
"What is this now? What are you girls doing in the woods alone?"
"Well," the short little red-head who had been whooping as she hacked away during the battle started, "we're not quite sure how we got here, or if here is really real or really a dream caused by questionable jerky, but we do know this is definitely Middle-Earth, and we know who you four are, too."
Legolas stared hard at the girl. This proclamation unsettled him greatly. He didn't like strange humans knowing his identity, as it had never worked in his favour before.
"If you know us, as you claim," Elladan began, "then surely you can tell us our names."
Without missing a beat, all of the girls spoke up at once, not bothering to take turns in pointing out who each of them was. "One of you's Elladan, and then there's your twin Elrohir, and your little brother Estel," though half of the girls said Aragorn, "and you are their best friend Legolas, the Prince of Mirkwood!" the words jumbled together as they all pointed out and named the different companions at the same time, adding to the confusion. Not to mention the confusion among the group about which twin was who.
The four of them looked at each other, before turning to stare at the strange girls who did indeed know who they were. Legolas caught on before the rest and drew his bow, aiming it at the intruders who definitely knew too much.
"How do you know who Estel is? Who sent you?" he growled.
"Wait, wait!" all the girls yelled at once.
"We're not going to betray your secret!" Tira promised. "We don't work for anyone. Really."
"We just read MC," Kel and JLyH spoke together, their words running amuck.
"We're elf- and ranger-girls," Eltara put in helpfully.
Again, the four companions looked at each other before asking in single chorus, "MC?"
"Oh yes, Cassia and Sio," Kim answered, as if this explained everything.
"Are any of you this Cassia and Sio?" Aragorn eyed them suspiciously, unsure he trusted this mysterious duo either. They sounded like trouble for his and his own.
"No, not us." JLyH replied. "We're just a bunch of normal, run-of-the-mill girls."
"Normal, right." They heard Legolas mutter.
"So who are you then?" one of the twins asked. Legolas, Aragorn, and Tira knew it was Elladan; there was still debate among the other girls as to which one was who.
Again, all at once, the girls spoke, naming everyone off. The elves and one ranger shuffled nervously, not having met anyone quite like them before, and totally not understanding them.
"Alright, alright." Tira whipped her sword around, which quickly shut everyone up as they dodged her swings. "I'm Tira, short for Tirananniel. Well, it's actually Cassandra, but I never liked it much."
"But that's an elvish name," Elrohir protested.
"Got a problem with that?" She pointed the dangerously sharp weapon at him.
"Noooooo." He stepped behind his twin, who looked both none too pleased and nonplussed at his sudden role of body-shield, but he did settle for openly glowering at his brother.
"Good. That's Kim, Londessa, JLyH, Eltara and Kel. There may have been more of us, but I think they wandered in somewhere else."
"You mean there are more of you?" Legolas looked horrified.
"Of course there's more of us." Tira, the unofficial spokesperson spoke up. "I cannot go anywhere without a proper retinue, or whatever the word is. Group? Followers? Minions?"
The elves and ranger looked a trifle more horrified at that last word.
"I am not a minion." Londessa huffed.
"Of course not, dear." Tira waved a hand in her direction. "Anyway, yeah. So, this is a really real dream, and all the real Silithluin Gwathil are here. Somewhere. Unless they're not. Then they're somewhere else."
"Thank you, Captain Obvious!" Kel clapped her hands, but the sarcasm flew right over Tira's head.
"Quite welcome."
"Wait, silver-blue sisters? What is this?" Elladan broke into Tira's ridiculous monologue.
"Well, really Elladan." Tira peered at him in exasperation. (The elves-and-ranger group looked surprised that she had put name and twin together properly, for there was still debate among the other girls who were resigned to waiting to find out who was who. When asked about how she knew, though, Tira would never really answer; one only got long spiels of O-Blue-One-ism.) Pointing to Aragorn she said slowly, "he has silvery grey eyes." Changing her pointing finger to Legolas, she said equally slowly, "and he has blue eyes. Hence, silver blue. It's obvious."
"No, it is not obvious." The four were getting more and more confused with each new thing the girl said.
"Well, it could be obvious! I know!" Tira grabbed up one of the packs and began riffling through it. Kel had an idea of what she was looking for and went over.
"I really don't think they need to see that, not all of it has happened yet obviously, and future telling isn't something I'm into," she said. Tira's face fell as she showed she understood and she shoved the pages back into the pack.
JLyH leaned over to whisper into her other ear. "Need we tell them how much we like reading about them being tortured?"
Tira shrugged and shook her head.
"What was that?" Elrohir questioned the whisperers.
"Absolutely nothing." Tira announced.
"And those papers?"
"Again, absolutely nothing."
"Then you obviously won't mind us taking a look at them." Elladan replied.
"Dan!" Tira gasped and hugged the pack to her chest. "You never ask to see a girl's journal! That's sacrilege!"
JLyH nodded, ignoring the fact that it was a story, not a journal. "Yeah, that's just rude!"
"Dan?" Estel looked at his brother. "They seem to know you rather well."
Elladan frowned at the human, at his insinuation. "You as well, little brother."
Legolas got an impish grin on his face as he realized the teasing potential, completely forgetting the strange girls appeared to know him as well as his three companion. "Yes, Estel. Shall I tell Arwen that several young ladies know you as well as she does?"
Kel hit Legolas on the arm. "That's not true and you know it! Don't start rumours just to tease him!"
Elrohir, looking shocked at the familiarity these girls were showing to them, asked, "How do you know us so well?"
Tira gave an innocent smile. "We're psychic."
"Hmm...psychic?" Legolas raised a roguish eyebrow. "Does that mean you would know where this came from?" To the girls' surprise he pulled an irritated-looking calico cat from beneath his cloak.
"Pippin!" a shout came from the edge of the woods and two other girls stepped into view. "That's my cat!" one of the arrivals -Lindelas- announced. "How did she get here?" She stepped forward and grabbed her cat from the surprised elf.
"How did we get here?" the other, whose name was Tea, added, coming up behind her. "Is this a dream?"
"Well," Tira began to delve into her confusing explanation again, only to be interrupted by Kim.
"We're not sure yet if this is a strange sort of shared dream, or if somehow we were transported to the real Middle-Earth."
The elves and ranger stared at the newcomers in horror, occasionally sharing a look among themselves as the girls rambled with each other.
"Well, she did say there might be more of them." Aragorn whispered to Legolas.
"Ha! I know what we are! We're a coven!" Tira announced. The twins, catching this, shot appalled looks at the girls, even more edgy and wary with this pronouncement.
"What?" The other girls stared at Tira as if she'd lost her mind.
"What what? If you aren't my minions, then you're my coven. You have to be something, after all, and that's better than nothing."
"I don't see why we have to be your anything." Londessa sniffed.
"Well, um, 'cause it's fun?" Tira blinked.
"Can we forget about what you are and focus on the problem?" Legolas sighed.
"What problem is that?"
"The problem of what we're going to do with you." He focused a dark stare at her.
"Where are we anyway?" Tira began to roam around the glade. "Are we closer to Mirkwood or Rivendell?"
"Yeah, and where are Trelan and Raniean?" Eltara, fairly quiet till then, pouted.
"If you just arrived," Elrohir gave them all a confused look, "then how do you know Trelan and Raniean?"
Aragorn rubbed his chin. "Perhaps their knowing is what psychic means?"
"Exactly! Now you're catching on!" Tira clapped happily.
Legolas narrowed his eyes, thinking. "You said the cat's name was Pippin?" he asked Lindelas.
"Yes," she replied slowly.
"That sounds almost Hobbitish." Elladan spoke up. "Do you then come from Bree or thereabouts?"
"We're from–" Eltara began, only to have Lindelas step on her toes.
"Yes, we're from Bree!" Lin announced. "I named my cat after a hobbit friend of mine."
"I always knew Breelanders were a bit touched," Elladan muttered to his twin.
Aragorn wearily massaged his temple. "So, what are we supposed to do with you now? If you are indeed from Bree," the Ranger looked sceptical, "then you are far from home, as we are on the western edge of Mirkwood."
Several of the girls looked surprised.
"Yes," Aragorn continued. "Mirkwood. We are on our way back to Rivendell. We left Raniean and Trelan, whom you seem to know so well, two days ago." He paused to observe the effect of his words on the strange group of females. Oddly, none of them said anything.
"I assume you had a destination?" Legolas spoke up trying to prompt the girls to speak. "Where were you heading to, to be travelling this close to the realm of the wood Elves?"
"No where in particular. Just out for an adventure. Hey Estel, fall off of any cliffs lately?" Tira burst out. Kel glared at her.
"Um, no." Estel shuffled closer to Legolas, putting him a whole foot farther from the one with the elvish name.
"Since young ladies such as you ought not to be out and about in wilds like these unescorted, may we have the pleasure?" Elrohir offered, though Legolas and Elladan were glaring at him and shaking their heads.
"Well, that depends on what you consider unescorted," Tira hedged, biting her lip.
"Without escort, one should think." Elrohir furrowed his brow as he wondered where she was going with this.
"Well, we're not exactly alone."
"What do you mean?"
"It's probably better if we show you." Tira scanned the edges of the glade, looking for something, then let out a sharp whistle.
As the whistle died away the elves' and ranger's eyes practically popped from their heads as a half-grown warg came running towards the group.
"A warg! Legolas!" Estel shouted.
"Shoot him and die, prince or not!" Tira yelled as she leapt at Legolas.
"That's Ari." JLyH explained to the wary elves. "He's Tira's pet."
"Ari? What a strange name." Elladan was the first to speak, but all of his group still seemed rather tongue-tied and off guard.
"It's short for Aragorn the Third." Tira beamed proudly.
"Tira!" Lindelas groaned. "Did you have to tell them that?"
"Aragorn the third?" Estel looked concerned.
"Yep."
"Besides that…pet…can we otherwise escort you?" Elrohir eyed the warg, wary of this new development.
"Sure!" Tira got up off the tackled Legolas and threw herself at Elrohir instead.
"Tira, behave yourself!" Tea scolded. "Or do I have to drug you?"
"No Tea, don't give me tea!" Tira obediently put her hands behind her back, away from the elf, and looked contrite.
"You would take a group of strange girls to Imladris?" Kel asked, glancing in turn at each member of the male group.
"Father will know what to do with you." It was Elladan who answered, but as Kel looked back and forth between each twin, she still wasn't sure who was who. Couldn't they specify themselves? It'd be easier!
"Lord Eye-" Londessa slapped a hand over Tira's mouth.
"Ah, ah, ah, no giving nicknames." She cautioned.
"Mmph fwrry." Tira mumbled.
"What did you say?" Estel asked.
"I'm sorry." Tira said again when Londessa removed her hand. "That hurt you know. Just wait, I'm gonna dye your hair pink!"
"Not FOO!" Kel moaned.
"Badgers!" JLyH laughed. Once again the elves and Aragorn were lost.