Hello. :) one shot, Kurt, expressing some of my frustration after "Special Education"! I loved it, but it inspired all THESE feelings in me, so I wrote them into a little one shot, which I hope you enjoy.
My last one shot got a whole load of favourites, but no reviews, so I really don't know what I'm doing right or wrong. Reviews would be lovely, as are favourites, obviously! Xx
"I'm so sorry. I really am." Kurt whispered, a tear dripping down his face and onto the collar of his blue blazer.
"I am too. But I understand. Courage, right? I think you finally cracked it." Blaine smiled, but he was crying, too.
"I'll miss you." Kurt closed his eyes, because when he looked at Blaine he felt so guilty. Blaine gently pulled his chin up, so Kurt opened his eyes, and looked into the other boy's kind brown ones.
"Hey, kid," he smiled, "I'll see you all the time, every weekend. I may even sneak in and do a bit of amateur spying before regionals."
"You learned from the best." Kurt sniffed, managing to smile back at Blaine.
"You're a good friend, Kurt, and a good person. I'm going to miss you, every day but I'm glad you're doing this. I think it's good for you."
"I just need New Directions. And they need me." Kurt murmured, hand clasped tight on the strap of his bag. Blaine pulled Kurt in for a hug, and they stood that way for a long time. "Say thanks to Wes and David for everything, yeah?" Kurt said, as he went to turn and leave.
"Of course." Blaine said, as Kurt walked away. "Wait, Kurt," Kurt turned around once more. "Courage."
"Right back at you." Kurt smiled, another tear falling down his pale cheekbone. Then he turned and walked out of Dalton, out of his safe place. The truth was, Dalton wasn't right, not for him, and it never had been. Some things about it were perfect, and he'd miss them so much. For one, Blaine, the best friend he'd ever had apart from Mercedes (part of him wanted them to be more than friends, but he wanted to keep that part a secret until Blaine himself made any feelings he had for Kurt clear. He wasn't going through what he went through last year, again. No way). For another, the pure acceptance at Dalton. The way he could walk down the corridor without worrying about a slushy coming his way, or without having to be scared that Karofsky was going to walk towards him and slam him into a locker. He had nothing to fear, and nobody laughed at his voice, or his over use of hairspray. So that was really nice. He'd miss the challenging lessons as well, not that he felt he was too intelligent for McKinley, but Dalton WAS really challenging, and almost not being able to keep up stimulated him in a positive way. For the millionth time he wondered if he was doing the right thing by leaving Dalton. The way he was painting it in his mind was making it sound perfect.
He knew what he was doing was right, though. He missed Glee so much that sometimes it physically hurt in his chest. He wondered if this was what it felt like to belong. Because, like it or not, he belonged with New Directions, he always would. He missed everything about what they had started calling their 'little family'. He missed Mr Schuester, he wasn't perfect, he was one of the most flawed people Kurt had experienced, he had failed to noticed Kurt's troubles, up until recently he had favoured Finn and Rachel way too much, and he got it wrong all the time. But he was a brilliant teacher, he had a heart of gold, and all he wanted for Glee was for them to feel good about themselves, to belong. Mr Schuester had impacted Kurt's life for the better, and he would never forget it.
He missed Mercedes, god he missed her so much. He realised he had taken her for granted while they were at school together, had taken for granted just how much he relied on her company on her opinion. He only realised that when he got to Dalton and felt like half of him had been taken away, without even noticing. Mercedes was his best friend, and always would be.
He missed Brittany, with her simple, good hearted and childlike way of viewing the world. She was one of the most genuinely kind people he had met, and her low intelligence just made her sweeter. He felt fiercely protective of her, and while he was at Dalton he ached for her everyday. Though he would never have admitted this before he went to Dalton, she had slowly become one of his closest friends.
He missed Artie and Quinn, both of them protecting and defending him in their own ways, despite both battling their own troubles. Both so talented, he missed the sound of their voices so much.
He missed Finn. He hadn't spoken to him since the day he left McKinley, he couldn't bear it. Finn's disappointed face when he left had made him feel sick and guilty. Finn was just as flawed as Mr Schue, but he was good and kind, and Kurt knew he would always be safe with him, because Finn had his back, no matter what.
Kurt realised with a jolt he missed EVERYTHING about Glee, even Santana and Puck, people he would never have imagined he'd miss when he got out of McKinley. Vacuous popular kids, was how he had always thought of them. But for a long while now, Noah Puckerman had been on his side, had his back just as much, and sometimes more, than Finn did. And Kurt knew that Puck had a good, kind heart under that mohawk. Santana was a bitch, but she was New Direction's bitch, and always would be.
He even missed Rachel Berry. Since he'd left they'd bonded, in an odd way, and he knew though they'd always be arguing and fighting each other for parts and solos, he loved her, like he loved his Dad, Finn and Mercedes. She was good, and Kurt missed her so much. Even her awful outfits and annoying traits.
With another jolt he realised he'd driven the half an hour from Dalton to McKinley. He hadn't consciously decided to come straight here from Dalton, he guessed his subconscious had done that for him. Classes were in session and the school looked quiet. He got out of his car and walked through the corridor, a bag in his hand. He headed into the girls bathroom (Hey, old habits die hard) and slipped into a cubicle. He pulled a dress bag out of his satchel and admired the clothes, then slipped them on, putting his Dalton uniform back into his bag. He walked out of the cubicle and looked in the mirror. He was dressed in a white dress shirt, tartan trousers, black lace up boots, a waistcoat and scarf. He smiled at himself and actually felt his shoulders physically relax. "Welcome back, Kurt." he told his reflection. He felt like him again, for the first time since he'd been at Dalton. It wasn't just the uniform. The uniform signified togetherness, a different kind of togetherness than they had in New Directions. In the Warblers, they were meant to be a wall of people, faceless, nameless, a wall of music, the people didn't really matter, it was all about the sound. But in New Directions, the thing that made them good was that every face was different, every voice was different, that sometimes it failed miserably, but when it was good, it was amazing and each one of them gave every bit of emotion they had in their bodies. He smiled at his reflection once more. Then he headed out of the bathroom. He was still turning his head every five seconds, looking out for Karofsky, but one glance at his watch told him they'd be slap bang in the middle of a Glee rehearsal. His heart hammered. He'd spoken to his Dad and Principal Figgins about returning, but none of the Glee kids knew, and he wondered how they'd react. What if they decided they were better without him? It wasn't like him to feel so worried about what people thought. But it was one thing not caring what an ignorant, ugly football player thought, quite another caring what people you loved and respected thought. He'd reached the door. He looked through the glass plate in the wooden door. They were all there, practising a song. Straining to listen, he heard it was Never Forget by Take That. He wasn't sure of it, the band were British, but he'd heard it on a few montages on TV and stuff. As he listened, his eyes began to fill up with tears, because the lyrics were so appropriate for what every single one of them had been through over the past two years.
We've come so far, and we've reached so high, and we've looked each day and night in the eye, and we're still so young, and we hope for more
Kurt leaned against the wall, watching his friends, enthralled. They sounded brilliant. He smiled. They sounded like coming home. This was what he was missing, the pure emotion. Each one of them different.
Been on this path of life for so long, feel I've walked a thousand miles, sometimes strolled hand in hand with love, everybody's been here
Finn sang that line and Kurt had to swallow hard to stop himself from crying. He watched Mr Schue, knowing his expression of pride and happiness was mirrored in Kurt's own face.
Never forget where you've come here from, never pretend that it's all real, someday soon this will all be someone else's dream
They all sang the chorus and Kurt put his hand on his heart, waiting for them to finish. When they had, and Mr Schue had praised them, Kurt knocked once and opened the door.
"Hi," he said, his voice the same as usual, high and even and ever so haughty, but there was a raw emotion caught in the back of his throat, making it hard to breathe. "You sound good."
"Are you spying?" Asked Santana, her voice confused.
Kurt smiled. "No." He looked back at the group, who were bunched together, watching him suspiciously. "I came, because...I've left Dalton. And if you'll have me, if you still want or need me, I'd love to come back to New Directions."
They all looked eat each other, but nobody moved, not even Mercedes. Mr Schuester looked at the group, and they began to whisper, so quietly Kurt couldn't hear them. Then Finn looked at him.
"Sorry, Kurt, but we feel we've moved on. I mean we can't go changing our group dynamic for someone new. We thought you'd left us forever. Sorry."
Kurt swallowed, tears in his eyes. "I'd better go." He turned around and began to walk out of the room, his pride hurt, feeling more rejected than he had ever felt before. Just as he was nearly out of the room, he heard bellows of laughter and as he turned the entire Glee club bounded towards him and piled on in a big, messy group hug. Kurt hugged them back and when they broke apart it was more than him that had tears in their eyes.
"What on earth?" Kurt laughed.
"We really had you didn't we!" Finn laughed, one arm around his step brother, the other slung around Rachel.
"Dude there is always a place for you in New Directions." Puck said, "Isn't that right Mr Schue?"
"Kurt, ever since you left, in every song we've practised we've had a part that you could sing ready, just in case." Mr Schuester said, putting one hand on Kurt's shoulder and squeezing.
"I've missed you, boy." Mercedes said, holding his hand tightly, "You aren't gonna walk out on us again, are you?"
"Never. My time at Dalton was wonderful, but it made me appreciate what I have here. I might need a little help in the corridors from time to time and there might be a slushy or two, but I figure what's that compared to having you guys as friends?" Kurt smiled.
"We're here for you. Every day." Rachel replied, leaving Finn's side and walking over to Kurt. "Isn't that right guys?"
They all nodded in agreement, and then laughed and had another group hug.
"Right!" Mr Schuester said when they eventually broke it up, "From the top!"