Disclaimer: Dont own Bleach or much of anything do own a Hana figure so yeah. Been wanting to write something for a while so why not?
He's only ever called his zanpakutō true name once.
That one time was all it ever took to swear he would never do it a second time.
He's afraid. Everyone knows it, yet they are mistaken. They believe that he fears the blood thirst of Hisagomaru and the crackling destructive power of Akeiro Hisagomaru crying for release. He can barely resist the urge to laugh at their ignorance. The cries for blood are nothing and he has become accustomed to them in fact even appreciates them for their comforting unchanging nature. What he fears it truth behind the illusions of Hisagomaru and Akeiro Hisagomaru. After all they didn't cried for blood , but to be called their true name
Like Ayasegawa Yumichika whose's zanpakutō Ruriiro Kujaku goes by another name. Hisagomaru is not the true name of his own zanpakutō. "Gourd of purity" a bitter laugh is constantly at the back of his throat. Its true name Metsubou Hisagomaru the destruction bring gourd quit the opposite. While Hisagomaru some what lived up to its false name removing afflictions from its victims only to return them back double. Metsubou completely fulfilled his name bring ruin to all who opposed him
He'll never forget the only time he's ever called the blade by its proper name. It had be his final year of the academy and he was forced to spare with other students to see which division he would be assigned to.
The sparring match initially began well enough, even with his moderate ability at swordsman ship he was fairing quite well if not at the same ability level as his opponent. Then in a blink of a moment the sparring match had gone horrendously against him once his opponent had released his shikai. He was beaten mercilessly as Lightening arced wildly and he frantically tried to dodge. Within him for not the first time something burned. A voice called out one that he had heard before. One that he simply ignored because it simply promised nothing but destruction.
"Do you not wish to win. To prove you are not the weakling they take you for...To pay back this one all the pain that he's ever caused you. To pay back everyone thats ever hurt."
For the first time he would not refuse the voice calling him, instead he embraced. "Yes" came out his voice firm and strong.
"Then call my name!!!" The voice screeched back in glee, as it would finally be recognized by its owner.
"Doshaburi Mestubou Hisagomaru." Came his shrill cry. The once nameless blade that he held in his hand changed it form to that of a small dagger. Stepping forward his opponent seemed to laugh at the simple fact that his weapon became more of a hindrance. As he aimed to end the match a small whisper escaped Hanatarou's mouth.... "wither". The match was over.
Staring in shock and horror Hanatarou watched as the man before collapsed violently withering in pain as his boils rapidly formed on his body and his skin shriveled up and cried out in anguish. Hisagomaru dropped from his hand as the medics rushed to the poor boys sided. But what perhaps scared him most was the simple fact that he wasn't horrified or shocked about what was happening. Rather that he was enjoying the it all. Hours later he found that the Unohana-taicho had managed to barely save his life and that the other fighter was still recovering
He had been offered the 4th seat in the 5th as Aizen-taich deemed him skilled and wished to help him learn more about his sword. He had refused instead begging Unohana-taicho to take him into the 4th. He no longer wanted to fight and cleanse hollows. He wanted to be like those in the fourth and use his abilities to save lives. She offered him no seat and he had to start at the bottom of the 4th, but that was fine. He didn't care as long as he could save lives and never had to use Mestubou Hisagomaru again. In time he learned to manifest Mestubou Hisagomaru into a much more useful manifestation that of a simple Hisagomaru, who showed shallow traits of his true form.
No it wasnt his zanpakutō abilites or nature that scared him. He had long ago learned that zanpakutō abilities and nature were nothing more than it creator's real soul, a mirror if you will. No what had scares him is not his zanpakutō, but rather his willingness and wanting to destroy all as Aizen had done. Thats the reason why he was unwilling to carry Hisagomaru, along him. The thirst to use his real power was too great.
Author note: On Retro this isn;t my best work. I felt that I could have phrased things a bit better and not have it as shallow and more flowy. The use of Japanese is at best a bastardization transliterate due to the fact I don't know how the hell I can get the proper names for gourd of chaos nor even if I did I wouldn't know the proper way of putting it together English wouldnt cut it for some of the things anyway. I'll probably will rework it after a while. I'm gonna write a Hinamori destroying Hanatarou fic next... maybe something along the lines of wanting to put Yamada thought the same thing she went through. Hinamori like Aizen... Hm awesome....