Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia; Mister HH does.
PFT. I don't even know what this is. But here's a quick (cracky, nonsense) story before this authoress goes off to a village up in the hills in Thailand~!
Inspired by two of my friends, who bonded over the same status-dare on Facebook.
I know Facebook uses 'See Friendship' now, but it's so stupid. 'Wall-to-Wall' sounds so much better.
And this is sort of in present tense, so that's why the posts you read first don't correspond with the time of the posts you read later on in the chapter.
Okay.
And I used 'Lovino'! I still prefer 'Romano', but Lovino seems to fit this story more. Anyhooo -
"Fratello! I dare you to do this!"
Like this and I will post on your Wall every day for a week.
Even though his brother was an ineffectual douchebag, a dare was a dare and Lovino Vargas never backed down from a dare, no matter how fucking stupid or dumb it was. Because he would always win.
Lovino Fucking Vargas Like this and I will post on your Wall every day for a week.
9:48pm · Like · Comment
But really! Not only did it make Lovino seem like an attention seeking teenage girl, it also highlighted the fact that he had not that many friends on Facebook who would thumbs-up on his fucking status.
Oh. There's one!
Trying hard not to break out in a – reluctant – smile, Lovino checked the person who had 'liked' his status: Anita Fernandez Carriedo. The profile picture featured a beautifully tanned girl with long, curly locks and emerald green eyes and a broad smile, holding up a basket of tomatoes. He stared longer and harder at the tomatoes than the girl.
"Fuck!" Lovino got up and padded to the kitchen to grab one of those delicious red fruits. As he munched on his snack, he pondered over the se – strange girl who had responded to the status; he had no recollection of befriending any Spanish (her profile said) girl…
Unless it was the too-fucking-talkative farmhand on the tomato farm that he had visited with Feliciano a few years back. He grimaced at how Anita had chattered on and on endlessly about tomatoes and the farming techniques and how cute he was – and how he looked like one when he blushed like that!
Cursing his fate, Lovino typed a few words onto her Wall. He deleted the message. A lady was a lady no matter what. Even if said girl was a creepy-stalker-obsessed-over-him-wrong-in-the-head lady.
Lovino Fucking Vargas: Ciao! This is the first of the posts. So, I'm Lovino Vargas, pleased to meet you.
moments ago · Like · Comment · See Wall-to-Wall
The reply came seconds later.
Anita F.C.: Lovino Vargas~! I missed you so much over the past few years! Do you still remember me?
2 seconds ago · Like · Comment · See Wall-to-Wall
Lovino Fucking Vargas: Just 'Lovino' will do, thank you. Of course I remember the beautiful (here he coughed) girl at the tomato farm.
1 minute ago · Like · Comment · See Wall-to-Wall
Anita F.C.: Ah, you do? Buhyoo, I'm so happy! You never answered my earlier messages so I thought you'd forgotten about me or something TT3TT but good thing you haven't! Lovino~! How have you been?
2 seconds ago · Like · Comment · See Wall-to-Wall
What earlier messag – no
Lovino Fucking Vargas: I've been doing fine, thank you.
Just moments ago · Like · Comment · See Wall-to-Wall
Should he mention the restaurant he and Feliciano had set up? What sort of expression was 'buhyoo'? He wanted to end the conversation and go take a shower to wash off the food odors.
Anita F.C.: The crop this year has been good, but last year… last year was terrible we hardly managed to gather 10 baskets! DDD: boss wasn't very happy, but he's never been a happy man, but he was very happy when you and your brother came around to visit us! How is your brother, is he doing good too?
2 seconds ago · Like · Comment · See Wall-to-Wall
Lovino Fucking Vargas: I see. My brother is doing good, too.
1 minute ago · Like · Comment · See Wall-to-Wall
Anita F.C.: Feliciano, right? Ah, he's so cute! Just like you! But you're cuter~
moments ago · Like · Comment · See Wall-to-Wall
Lovino promptly fetched another tomato to munch on to calm his rapid heartbeat.
Lovino Fucking Vargas: T-thank you.
5 minutes ago · Like · Comment · See Wall-to-Wall
Anita F.C.: You're welcome~ Are you coming back to visit us ~ I've got a new tank of turtles ~~ they would L3VE to say hello to you! :D
moments ago · Like · Comment · See Wall-to-Wall
The chat alert went off, and the little box popped up at the bottom of Lovino's screen.
Feliciano loves PASTA: Ve, fratello! Youve made a fwend~
Lovino Fucking Vargas: Shut up
Feliciano loves PASTA: And it's a very, very pretty girl two :3
Lovino Fucking Vargas: YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY, FELI.
Feliciano loves PASTA: Ve? Getting angry over nothing, fratello~
Lovino Fucking Vargas: w-what?
Feliciano loves PASTA: It's okay, fratello~ you cn fly over to spain 'nytime you waaant
Lovino Fucking Vargas: STFU.
He x-ed the conversation and turned to the accumulating wall posts on his page, courtesy of an enthusiastic, worried Anita.
Anita F.C.: We can go walk in the tomato fields together!
5 minutes ago · Like · Comment · See Wall-to-Wall
Anita F.C.: like in my dream!
5 minutes ago · Like · Comment · See Wall-to-Wall
Anita F.C.: Loviiiiii~!
5 minutes ago · Like · Comment · See Wall-to-Wall
Anita F.C.: LoviiiiI~?
4 minutes ago · Like · Comment · See Wall-to-Wall
Anita F.C.: did I scare you away?
3 minutes ago · Like · Comment · See Wall-to-Wall
Anita F.C.: I'm so sorry, Lovi!
3 minutes ago · Like · Comment · See Wall-to-Wall
Anita F.C.: NUU LOVI COME BAKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK
2 minutes ago · Like · Comment · See Wall-to-Wall
Anita F.C.: LOVI.
1 minute ago · Like · Comment · See Wall-to-Wall
Anita F.C.: DON'T
1 minute ago · Like · Comment · See Wall-to-Wall
Anita F.C.: LEAVE
1 minute ago · Like · Comment · See Wall-to-Wall
Lovino Fucking Vargas: STFU
1 minute ago · Like · Comment · See Wall-to-Wall
Anita F.C.: ME
1 minute ago · Like · Comment · See Wall-to-Wall
Anita F.C.: D:
1 minute ago · Like · Comment · See Wall-to-Wall
Anita F.C.: LANGUAGE, LOVI, LANGUAGE. FOR ALL THE POST YOU MUS NOT USE VULGARITYS
10 seconds ago · Like · Comment · See Wall-to-Wall
Anita F.C.: MUST NOT* USE VULGARITIES*
2 seconds ago · Like · Comment · See Wall-to-Wall
Lovino Fucking Vargas: TOO BAD. I'M NOT DOING THIS SHIT.
moments ago · Like · Comment · See Wall-to-Wall
He went to get another tomato and nibbled on it, anxious – not he was not fucking anxious, damn it! He was just waiting for the stupid girl to get the message into her thick skull and then leave him alone.
Yeah. That was it.
A few minutes passed, and yet no new posts appeared on his wall. Lovino was just about to close the webpage, smirking, when the fucking alert popped up.
Anita F.C.: It's not very becoming for a man to back out of his word, is it?
moments ago · Like · Comment · See Wall-to-Wall
Fuck.
He went to get another tomato.
Just six more days, six more days of this annoying as hell interaction, and then he would be free.
Lovino Fucking Vargas: fine. Fuck it . I'd do this fucking shit . just so I can show that idiotic brother of mine.
5 seconds ago · Like · Comment · See Wall-to-Wall
Anita F.C.: Good boy! And remember, no swear words, okay?
2 seconds ago · Like · Comment · See Wall-to-Wall
Lovino Fucking Vargas: Yeah yeah whatever.
moments ago · Like · Comment · See Wall-to-Wall
Anita F.C: YAY IT WORKED!
2 minutes ago · Like · Comment · See Wall-to-Wall
Anita F.C.: Feli, you're a genius!
2 minutes ago · Like · Comment · See Wall-to-Wall
Feliciano loves PASTA: HEHE . I'm not his brother for nothing you know~
2 minutes ago · Like · Comment · See Wall-to-Wall
Anita F.C.: Si, si.
2 minutes ago · Like · Comment · See Wall-to-Wall
Feliciano loves PASTA: and fratello needs a girlfriend badly): he seems nicer over the internet, right?
2 minutes ago · Like · Comment · See Wall-to-Wall
Anita F.C.: Ahaha. He's very cute~ *w* So, how is your manly, German girl going?
1 minute ago · Like · Comment · See Wall-to-Wall
Feliciano loves PASTA: /blush
1 minute ago · Like · Comment · See Wall-to-Wall
Lovino Fucking Vargas: WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT? FELICIANO, YOU - !
5 seconds ago · Like · Comment · See Wall-to-Wall
Feliciano loves PASTA: /runds to hide
2 seconds ago · Like · Comment · See Wall-to-Wall
Anita F.C.: ... tomato..? :3
moments ago · Like · Comment · See Wall-to-Wall
Lovino Fucking Vargas is fucking dying.
2 seconds ago · Like · Comment
Anita F.C.: NUUU LOVI, DON"T DIE ON MEEE
moments ago · Like · Comment · See Wall-to-Wall
Lovino Fucking Vargas: STFU. I'M GOING TO SLEEP.
moments ago · Like · Comment · See Wall-to-Wall
Anita F.C.: goodnight Lovi! here's a goodnight kiss~
moments ago · Like · Comment · See Wall-to-Wall
Lovino shut down his computer and tottered off to bed; he couldn't handle the growing headache he had gotten from just communicating with that weird, overly cheerful Spanish girl via Facebook wall posts.
But, a small part of his brain slipped in, since he had to talk to her for a whole week, maybe he could get to know her better?
Yeah, right. As if he wanted to familiarize himself with that creepy-sexy-as-shit-stalker-too-cheerful woman.
Who knows? That small part of his mind countered, a lot can happen in a week.
Fuck off.
And he fell asleep, dreaming of tomatoes and sunshine and a tanned girl laughing by his side.
is there a time difference in Spain and Italy? Well. Maybe. this was all rushed. it's less than perfect. when i come back i'll edit it. maybe.
or just scrap it.