Title: Together Yet Alone

Chapter 1

Author: Ellibells

Summary: Set 4x10 and onwards; Serena is critical from the overdose and not getting any better. Blair is helpless – she needs someone, Chuck doesn't want to torture her, she had no-one to turn to, no control – she turns elsewhere.

A/N: I wanted to go deeper into Blair's emotion at her reaction to her best friends overdose, its going to be sad one so if your not up for this rollercoaster, get out of the queue! Enjoy :) oh and I strongly advice that you listen to Hometown Glory by Adele while reading this, it really adds to the mood, I was in tears writing this…

Disclaimer: I do not own Gossip Girl unfortunately…I would like to own Chuck though :D

Blair was a mess; the doctors had told them there was nothing more they could, Serena had had a huge overdose and she was hanging on by a thread. She was unconscious. Chuck had offered her a lift home making her feel a bit safer than she had all day.

"I showed up today for Serena…what you said was right, we need to be on our own, figure out where we go from there otherwise we are just torturing ourselves".

Chuck didn't want to say those words, but he had to, it was painful to see Blair and not be able to hold her, touch her, be with her. He just couldn't, he was too selfish.

"I can't be your friend right now, as much as I wish I could…"

"I'm sorry…" Blair said, knowing her apology wasn't for him.

"I'm not…I got to spend a little more time with you", Chuck finally finished, every bone in his body wanted to embrace her but his heart wouldn't let him, he let her go…

In that very moment Blair was lost, she had no one, Blair Waldorf was alone. Empty. No one.

She uttered her last few words with a peck on the cheek, knowing in the back of her mind that this was the last time she would feel safe.

She ran. She didn't stop until she got to her bedroom, slamming the door; she fell to the floor collapsing on in the middle of the room. Bringing her knees to her chest like a child, she screamed. Tears flooded her face, her mind.

She couldn't move, she couldn't breathe. She was dying inside alone and scared. If Serena was here she would know what to do, but she was lifeless in a hospital bed fighting for her life.

Blair was always seen as the strong one, picking up the pieces for Serena, fighting for her best friend but it wasn't true at all. Serena was always the one who had made her strong, her best friend, her sister, her Serena. She had no control and was crumbling with no one to save her.

Without thinking, Blair was over the porcelain toilet; she felt control for the first time that day, not weak, in total control. But the deep truth was that she had no control, someone else was holding her best friends life in their hands and she couldn't do anything.

Dorota had heard Blair screaming and she heard the toilet, the sounds she knew all too well. She had literally raised Blair and loved her more than anything; her and Serena were like her little sister. Dorota couldn't stand back and play oblivious maid any longer.

As she opened Blair's bathroom door, she found her in a ball against the wall next to the toilet.

Blair felt her presence, she didn't feel ashamed of what she had done, she couldn't care anymore.

Dorota didn't say a word, instead she took her little girl in her arms and held her so tight; Blair didn't resist and sunk into her. She let go and let her tears run freely. Dorota did the same, she let tears fall as she held Blair tightly against her, so nothing would ever hurt her again.

xoxo

They stayed like that for the rest of the night until Blair woke up to the sound of her phone ringing in the other room.

Dorota released her protective grasp around Blair and helped her off the floor. When she got into her bedroom, it was a text from Lily.

Please come to the hospital, Serena wants to see you

-Lily

A relief lifted off Blair's shoulder, she saw hope, Serena was awake.

Immediately Dorota started helping Blair get ready, passing Blair her coat and bag as she rushed out to the foyer.

"Do you want me to come Miss Blair?" Dorota asked gently.

"I think I need to do this on my own…" Blair said with a small smile as she gave her big sister a kiss on the cheek and a hug that was warmer and more desperate that usual. Deep down there was a reason she had to do this alone, but she wasn't quite sure why yet.

"I wait for you, I am here, forever." Dorota answer with small tears welling in her eyes.

"Thank you…" Blair let out and placing her hand on her heart just as Dorota did to say she loved her.

Blair was in the elevator within a second.

xoxo

Chuck still felt numb from the limo ride with Blair. He had just got the call from Lily and was on his way to see his step-sister, but in the pit of his stomach, he knew someone wasn't right.

Serena had woken up and immediately asked for Blair, she knew she would come running, that's all she needed right now, to see her best friend, to feel her.

It was the longest fifteen minute car ride Blair had ever had, as soon as she got to the hospital, she literally ran to Serena, she wouldn't stop for anyone, her legs wouldn't let her slow.

When she got there, she found Chuck sitting next to her. Through the glass of the room window, she could see Chuck making a joke and then finally kissing his step-sister on the forehead. He held her hand tightly like she wouldn't let go. As Chuck turned around to leave before it hurt too much, a tear fell from his eyes, quickly wiping it away as he saw Blair in the window.

She would normally act as if she hadn't noticed, but she couldn't. She didn't understand what was going on and just as she was about to ask Chuck who was leaving the room, Lily came over and wrapped Blair in a motherly hug. It didn't feel right, why was no one talking.

When Lily let go of her, she looked deep into Blair's eyes. She was like a daughter to her, and just from looking into Blair's eyes, Blair knew.

Blair shook her head, again and again, she couldn't believe this was happening to her, not her Serena.

"She wants to see you…" was all Lily could get out before she opened the door for Blair to go in.

Blair wanted to turn around and run but she couldn't so instead she sat on the chair next to her sister's bed.

Serena gave her a weak smile as Blair grabbed her hand and kissed it desperately.

Blair looked deep into her best friend's eyes, searching for hope, but she couldn't find it, instead, a tear fell from her face.

Serena managed to pull her hand to Blair's face and brush the tear away.

"Do you remember when we stole your mother's dresses and ran around New York taking pictures?" Serena asked Blair wanting her to remember the memory.

Blair couldn't speak, so she nodded.

"We were free and together…" Serena continued.

"Uhuh, we looked beautiful that day…it was a good day…" Blair finally let out deeply remembering how spontaneous they had been.

"Thank you", Serena managed as she held onto her best friend's hand tighter.

"What for?" Blair asked quietly confused.

"For being my sister…for loving me…for being here…"

Blair let out a deep sob that she was fighting to hold back.

"I don't know why you are thanking me. You are not going anywhere, you can't leave me." Blair snapped not wanting to believe.

"Sshh…B, listen to me", Serena said firmly, she didn't want to cry, right now she needed Blair to listen.

"That day in New York, we were free. I need you to set me free…" Serena told her best friend, but the tears finally came.

Blair wanted to make her stop. She shook her head, trying to fight it.

"No. I won't, please don't…"

"I love you more than anything, you allowed me to breathe and you allowed me to live happy".

Serena looked deep into her sister's eyes.

"You made me strong and now I need you to be strong for me…promise me?" Serena asked.

Instead of shaking her head, this time Blair gave in and nodded.

"I love you so much, always and forever remember?" Blair wanted reassurance, she need it.

"Always and forever".

"Now promise me something? Wait for me, don't go anywhere exciting without me." Blair ordered.

"I promise, we'll be together and free. Just look after everyone first, for me…" Serena said firmly.

Blair wasn't going to argue.

Serena looked deep into her sister's deep brown eyes and took her head in her hand, kissing her forehead with all the strength she had.

Blair embraced every second she had, holding her best friend. She kissed her beautiful hand and held on tight.

Serena nodded at Blair for her to get everyone to come in.

Blair complied and turned to the window to find Lily's eyes, who understood and began gathering their whole family inside.

Everyone was there, they all knew it was time and slowly began saying their goodbye and exchanging hugs. When everyone had finished, Eric, Lily, Blair who hadn't moved from her seat and Chuck remained in the room with Serena. Dan couldn't bare it and went outside with Rufus and Nate. He was a little boy who needed his daddy.

Chuck was there for Lily, but in his heart, he knew he needed to be there for Blair too, so he was, for the first time in a while.

Lily has taken a seat on the other side of the bed while Eric was sat on the end of the bed and Chuck…stood at the opposite end of the room. Frozen to the spot, he felt so vulnerable.

Everyone turned to Serena who was about to speak.

"Thank you…I love you", Serena finally let out.

"We love you too my sweet, sweet baby", Lily said as she stroked her daughter's hair.

They didn't do anything; they were just there, with her. It was the only thing they could do, just being there was enough.

It was ten minutes, just sitting with the girl they all loved.

Beep.

A tear fell from Eric and before anyone knew it, he had fled from the room. Running.

Blair let a sigh leave her lips before she fell against her best friend. She was so lifeless. Blair cried; she let go.

Lily kissed her daughter's head one last time and just held her still warm delicate hands.

Chuck hadn't moved, his face was streaked with tears but he was numb.

Blair didn't want to believe any of it, she screamed into the bed sheets repeating the only thing she could.

"Don't leave me…" Her voice was lost; she didn't have the strength to fight anymore.

She slipped off her chair onto her knees like she had done in her bedroom, like she was praying to her best friend who just lay there. She finally let go of her hand, like acceptance but it couldn't be called that because she didn't accept it. It should have been her she thought, she would have done anything to trade places right now.

Blair screamed through the sobs she couldn't stop, she was totally helpless. People were there but she was alone.

Blair's cries made Chuck snap out of his daze, he started to move, he almost leaped towards Blair on the floor.

She was trying to resist him. She was hitting, punching her little fists into his chest and screaming at him, but he was too strong. She gave in as he struggled to wrap his arms around her frail body. He didn't let go, she needed a friend and he needed her. He held her so tight he thought she might break but he wouldn't ever let go. He cried with her as he rocked her trying to sooth the pain away. His heart had been ripped out and he needed to hold her to feel safe. They just sit there on the floor, together yet so far apart.

They were lost and they didn't know how to find their way back…

A/N: I hope that was alright, tell me what you think because if you like it I may do another chapter, otherwise I will just leave it. Please review :)