The panicked knock was insistent on the door of his study. Cody looked up with a scowl. He had said he didn't want to be disturbed. He was busy and he'd told Lulu at least twenty times now that he didn't care what color the damned curtains in the dining room were.
"How many times do I have to tell you, Lulu," he bellowed. "I'm working. Do what you want."
Then he gritted his teeth and grumbled under his breath, "You will anyway. Hell, the only reason you want my opinion is so you can do the exact opposite."
"Mr. Cody," came the frantic call of Bridget, the newest maid in the employ of the Cody family. "Please, Mr. Cody, there's a man at the door. He asked for you. I don't know what to do."
Sighing, Cody made his way out from behind his desk and opened the door. Bridget's expression was frightened and he wasn't sure if she was more frightened of having bothered him while he was working or of the man at the door.
"Don't suppose he mentioned his name?"
She shook her head.
"You didn't ask either, did you?"
Her lip trembled as she shook her head again.
"I ain't going to hit you, Bridget," he said sounding exasperated. "Did he look that scary?"
"He looked…dangerous," she tried to explain. "Like a wounded animal. Not mean, I don't think. Just really hurt but dangerous all the same, you know?"
Cody nodded and motioned for her to stay by the study. He knew that she wouldn't have let this man in so he thought it best to keep the woman away from what might be a line of fire. As he passed by the coat rack by the front door, he pulled out his pistol and double checked it was loaded. Safe was always better than sorry, he thought to himself.
Cautiously he opened the door a sliver and then slid the pistol back in its holster before opening the door the rest of the way with a wide smile.
"Jimmy! It's good to see you!"
"Sorry I didn't send word I was coming…I didn't know how…"
Cody took quick stock of Jimmy's face and pulled him hurriedly toward the study and past a skittering Bridget.
"No one bothers us," he snapped at her. "No exceptions. None! You got that?"
Bridget nodded fearfully.
Once Cody had shoved Jimmy through the door of the study he paused and softened his features to Bridget.
"I'm sorry I got short with you. There's nothing wrong, Bridget. He's an old friend. We just shouldn't be interrupted while we catch up, alright?"
Bridget nodded.
"Will that be all, Mr. Cody?"
"Yes, unless her majesty needs something...which she probably does." The last he added with a smirk that caused Bridget to giggle.
"Oh, one more thing," he said catching Bridget's attention before she could move completely away. "Tell Lulu that I like the tan best. It's god awful ugly. If she thinks I like it she'll get almost anything but that one."
Once Bridget was on her way stifling her laugh behind her hand, Cody went into the study where his friend was just standing in the middle of the room, his hands limp at his sides, his shoulders slumped.
"What's wrong, baby?" he asked once he had shut the door. As Jimmy turned to face him, Cody flinched as he met the eyes of his friend, his…lover. For all they had shared, it was the first time Cody remembered attaching that word to what they had, what they were to each other, what Jimmy was to him.
Jimmy looked around the room uncomfortably. He hadn't ever come to the house before. The invitation had been extended but Jimmy always said it was her place and not his. Cody watched as Jimmy's eyes narrowed to inspect every corner of the room looking for a sign of a woman's touch.
"She don't come in here much," Cody explained. "She don't come in my other room either. Ain't often I go to hers for that matter…but this space is mine."
Jimmy raised an eyebrow at the imposing leather chair behind the ornately carved desk.
"Ain't nothing wrong with a sense of style," Cody said almost sheepishly. "And I'll have you know that chair is right comfortable."
Jimmy just nodded and settled himself into a chair in front of the desk. He sat tentatively and almost tense at first. As if he might jump up and bolt at any second. But then he exhaled deeply and it was as if the structure left his body. He nearly wilted before Cody's eyes. Finally he spoke.
"Got anything to drink?"
Cody wanted to run to Jimmy and kiss away the sadness he saw in those golden eyes. Instead he walked over to the cabinet along the wall and poured two glasses of whiskey.
As he walked to bring the drinks to Jimmy, Cody grabbed the other chair and pulled it closer. He handed Jimmy his glass and then brushed the hair from the face of this man he loved so deeply.
"What is it, baby? You look so shaken."
"I don't know how to tell you this, Will," Jimmy replied lifting his wounded eyes to meet Cody's. "Lou…she's dead."
Cody just stared unblinking, unseeing as Jimmy lifted the glass to his lips. He didn't register anything at all in his consciousness until he saw the tear making its way down Jimmy's cheek. If there was anyone else in the whole world that Jimmy could have loved aside from Cody…it was Lou. Lou who was still so young. They all were still young, weren't they? And she was beautiful. Cody had seen her just months before rounded and glowing with another child. Her other children had been wide-eyed to meet him and even more so when their pa and ma had been so familiar with him. She couldn't be dead.
He hadn't noticed when he started shaking his head and when he spoke it was as if someone far off was speaking.
"How…how did it happen?"
Jimmy shook his head and Cody thought he might not answer for a while.
"She was overdoing like usual," he said at last, the bitterness in his voice souring his entire countenance. "Kid told her she didn't have to work so hard, do so much…"
His voice trailed away as he winced with the memories.
"But you know Lou…if you or I said it she might've listened but she always seemed to take a greater offense when he said stuff like that. I don't know what she was doing riding that horse as far along as she was but the horse spooked and threw her. Was an hour or more before the oldest boy could get help for her. By then…well, she just lost too much blood. Goes without saying the baby died too."
Jimmy had said everything as if in a trance. There was no emotion to his tone, to his face. But once finished, the breath hitched in his lungs. Cody pulled Jimmy's head toward him and hugged him tightly allowing his own tears to fall unheeded.
Their sister was dead. The woman who had been closer to them than any blood relation. They each had sisters of their own…still living even. But Lou was…Lou. There was no other way to put it and now she wasn't. She just wasn't anymore.
The depth of emotion, the strength of the tears flowing from Jimmy would have surprised any who knew Wild Bill. Cody even conceded that they might have surprised most who knew him as Jimmy. They did not surprise Cody. Jimmy had been holding this in all the way here and Cody just held him tighter with every sob that wracked his trail weary body.
"It's alright, Baby," he whispered softly. "I'm right here. I got you."
"I loved her, Will. I did."
"We all loved her."
"No," Jimmy said straightening up and meeting Cody's eyes. "I loved her. She was probably the only woman I loved like that. The only one I could've…"
Cody smoothed the pads of his thumbs over Jimmy's cheeks, wiping the tears away and following them with gentle kisses.
"I think somehow I knew that too," he said. "Kid always suspected as much. Before we got together…I don't know if I thought much about it. And after…well, then I tried not to think about it. I tried not to wonder what would happen to us if she ever said she chose you."
"I would've pushed her to him," Jimmy choked out. "I wish I could say it's 'cause I would've been choosing you. I just…it would've been too dangerous for her. She was happy with him. They had their rough patches but they was happy. Those kids of theirs…just beautiful. And the smile on her face every time I saw them together was worth anything. You saw it too. I couldn't've been that for her."
Jimmy saw the stab of hurt in Will's eyes and pulled him close once again.
"I look back now," he said gently finally getting control over his tears. "Before we fell in love, I wished I could be what she needed. I did. I wished I could be Kid. But then…then I didn't have to. Someone loved me and didn't need anything but what I am. I didn't have to wish to be no one else. I could be me and love you and that was enough. Don't mean I didn't wish for things. I still do. I wish there was some way we could have something closer to what Lou and Kid had. Something the rest of the world could get behind and celebrate."
Cody relaxed into Jimmy. They'd never kept secrets and he knew truth sometimes hurt but knowing there was a time when Jimmy might have wished he could be with someone else…that was hard to hear.
"I mean," Jimmy went on stroking his fingers absently over Cody's hair. "I got someone wonderful to love me, someone I love. I have this beauty that not much else can compare to. A man falls for a woman who makes him feel like this and he can run down the street screaming it to the heavens. I got to hide it. It's like having the prettiest flower in the world but planting it in a cave."
It was then they heard the shriek. Cody looked at Jimmy and without thinking reached and grabbed the previously forgotten drinks from his desk.
"Sounds like you're about to meet the old ball and chain," he said grimly. "Better swallow this quick. You'll need it."
Jimmy did as instructed and had downed the remainder of the drink only a moment before the door to the study burst open.
"You should get a lock on that door," he muttered under his breath and smiled as he heard Cody mutter the same sentiment.
"Willie!" Louisa screamed as she stormed into the room. "What is the meaning of this? Is it not enough that you are not helping me at all right now? I am to understand you are lodging notorious gunmen in our home? With our children?"
"Lulu, calm yourself," Cody said sternly. Jimmy shifted his eyes warily to the man he loved. He'd never heard him speak so to a woman. He'd only occasionally heard him speak that sharply to him. "You are overreacting."
Jimmy watched fascinated as the woman seemed to calm. Her breathing returned to a calmer rate, her hands relaxed from the fists they were balled into but the fire behind her eyes grew to what seemed like a dangerous heat.
"Lulu, I'd like you to meet one of my oldest friends," Cody went on calmly, intentionally removing the edge from his voice. "Why he's closer than a brother to me. James Butler Hickok or, as those of us who really know him will say, Jimmy. And Jimmy, this is my lovely bride, Louisa."
Jimmy nodded with as warm a smile as he could gather under the circumstances.
"Pleased to finally make your acquaintance, Ma'am. Sorry to have caused such a fuss. I know I should've wired ahead but I had some somber news to bring and there just wasn't a right way to send word."
"Jimmy brought news that someone we used to ride with for the Express has died," Cody said picking up the explanation. "It's the sort of thing that needs to be told in person."
The previously raging fire in Louisa's eyes was dying to a hot ember that Jimmy figured was probably her usual state. He shuddered at the thought of how little it would take to spring it back up to a dangerous inferno.
"And," continued Cody, "I told Bridget to tell you I liked the tan one the best."
"Maybe I'm better without your help," she sniffed. "Anyone could see the red works best in that room."
The three of them sort of stared at each other awkwardly for a moment before Louisa spoke again.
"Will Mr. Hickok be joining us for dinner, Willie?"
"Yes. I'm sorry but I forgot to tell Bridget earlier. Would you mind terribly?"
"Of course not," she said almost gently. Jimmy started to see what had drawn Will to this woman. "And I am very sorry to hear about your friend."
With that she was gone.
"Yeah, she's not a ranting shrew all the time," Cody conceded. "Just more often than is comfortable."
"Should I go?" Jimmy asked. "I don't want to cause trouble."
"Around here trouble doesn't need a cause," Cody said with a chuckle. "She'll get over it. She wasn't even that mad. She just likes to show off and make it look like she's in charge. Hell, as far as the house for the most part, she is. I couldn't care less. I don't do the stupid little tea parties and I don't care a lot about the color of the draperies. But I hated that tan. The red is better but she'd've never picked the red if I said I liked it. Or if she did, she'd've complained nearly every day about looking at those ugly drapes I picked. It's a sick game but I've learned the rules."
Jimmy just stood there wondering if all marriages had these things or if Will's was just that miserable. He watched as Will walked forward and closed the door to the study. A weight seemed to lift from the man's shoulders as he heard the door click shut. When he turned, Jimmy almost thought he might be looking at the same William Cody from all those years ago…what was it, ten, maybe?
Before Jimmy could ponder too much more, hands were on his lapels dragging him toward the man leaning on the door. In a flash, Jimmy was whirled around and pushed into the door and Will's mouth slammed forcefully into his. Jimmy desperately opened his mouth to fully receive this kiss. It had been too long. Far too long.
Will's hands worked feverishly at the front of Jimmy's shirt and Jimmy allowed his own to wander around as well. When their mouths parted and they stood there panting, they assessed each other and chuckled as they saw the flushed face and bared chest of the other.
"I ain't kissed you like that in far too long, baby," Cody said. "I don't know why. I should."
He stepped forward toward his lover once more and planted soft kisses on his chest. He smiled at the moan that escaped Jimmy then. He wouldn't have time right now to fully and properly worship Jimmy's body as he would like but he had a problem that wasn't going to wait for later and, as his hands drifted further south, he found Jimmy had the same problem.
Catching Jimmy's mouth once again, Cody rocked his hips forward earning him a growl. He dropped Jimmy's gun belts where his lover stood and set to work on the front of his pants. Jimmy's hands were just as busy and Cody soon felt a hand wrapped tight around his hardened length.
"I need you," Jimmy groaned. "Now."
Cody pulled Jimmy toward his desk without breaking contact with his mouth. Once at the desk, Jimmy bent over it. Cody bent with him, pressing his chest into Jimmy's back as he reached for a small tin. At seeing the tin, Jimmy thrust his behind back against Cody's hips.
Jimmy's need was desperate. Will's body pressed tight to his was driving him mad and when he felt fingers inside him, stretching him, preparing him, the strength nearly went from his legs.
He managed to choke out a weak, "Please."
The please was nearly Cody's undoing. He had every intention of gently entering Jimmy but the plea was so desperate. He thrust quickly inside gasping at the swift reminder of how tight Jimmy was.
There was a sharp intake of air from underneath him and he froze.
"You alright, baby?" he asked bending forward and kissing across Jimmy's back.
Jimmy nodded and exhaled the breath he'd been holding. Then Jimmy pushed his hips back against Cody pushing him even deeper inside.
From there they were a flurry of desire and need. Perhaps after so much time apart it was a need to reconnect. Perhaps a need to replace their pain with something else. Maybe it was even a need to remind themselves that they still lived.
Whichever it was, Cody worked a frantic pace in and out of Jimmy with Jimmy meeting every thrust. Cody's hands roved over Jimmy's body and finally settled on his manhood. Jimmy threw his head back as Cody worked feverishly over the hardness there.
As Cody reached the final satisfying thrusts into Jimmy, spilling his release inside this man he loved like he loved no one else, Jimmy's whole body stiffened with his impending release as well.
Jimmy felt Will soften and slip from inside him as he slumped onto his elbows on the desk. Will's arms tightened around him and he felt feather light kisses spread over his back and shoulders. He felt his pants being pulled up and knew that Will's hands were the ones gently refastening them. The fingers trailed over his stomach.
"You should eat more," Will whispered against his neck. "Or maybe drink less."
"Thought you'd be the last person who'd turn nag on me," Jimmy said softly. He wanted to sound put out but the tenderness of Will's words moved him.
"Ain't nagging," Cody clarified. "I'm worrying."
"I can take care of myself, Will."
"No you can't," Cody replied with a near snort of laughter. "You never could, baby."
As he spoke, Cody walked to the door and picked up their discarded shirts. He tossed his on quickly not even buttoning it up. Then he moved back to Jimmy and gently slipped Jimmy's arms through the sleeves and then buttoned the garment for him.
"I'd tuck it in but I don't think we have time for what that might start," he said with a raised eyebrow and a half smirk. "Ought to hang up those Colts too. Louisa's being tolerant enough to extend the dinner invite—not that I wouldn't've anyway—but she ain't going to abide those joining us. Not with the children."
"Children…I almost forgot about them," Jimmy said. "How many do you have now?"
"Just the two," Cody smiled. "Arta's five and Kit's just a year."
"A son even," Jimmy mused. "You don't watch it and you'll turn right into some respectable citizen."
"Who'd've thought it?"
Before Jimmy could answer, a knock came lightly on the door to the study. Cody went to the door tucking his shirt in as he went. He paused a moment before opening the door and looked at Jimmy for a confirmation that he looked clothed and relatively unruffled. Jimmy shrugged and Cody picked the Colts up off the floor before opening the door to a nervous looking Bridget.
"Sorry to disturb, sir," she nearly whispered.
"It's alright, Bridget," he replied. "Jimmy and I was just catching up."
"The missus said to tell you dinner is ready."
"Thank you," he said gently. "We'll be along directly."
Bridget turned to leave and then turned back.
"Mr. Cody," she said as if she feared overstepping her place. "I'm sorry to hear about your friend. You're too young to be losing friends."
He smiled at her.
"I agree. And this friend was too young to die. But it appears neither of us gets to make the rules."
His words were full of thought and pondering. The whole situation confused him really. He noticed Bridget looking at him awkwardly as though she wasn't sure if she'd been dismissed and further wasn't sure if she was supposed to say something.
"Thank you, Bridget," he said with a clearing of his throat and a few blinks of his pale blue eyes. "We'll be right behind you."
Jimmy followed Cody to the stately dining room where he soon found himself seated across from a chubby cheeked girl with brown ringlets she must have gotten from her mother. She lifted her eyes to the guest and those eyes froze Jimmy for a moment. They were Will's piercing ice blue eyes.
Once Jimmy could breathe again, he surveyed the rest of the table. To his right sat Will and to his left was Louisa. That twisted something inside him as well. It felt somehow wrong to sit next to this woman after enjoying her husband as he had.
Jimmy looked away from Louisa and found himself staring right into the wide pale eyes of the girl again.
"Arta," he heard Will say gently. "Say hello to your Uncle Jimmy."
The girl managed a shy "hi" and Jimmy saw that her mother was about to chastise her for not speaking up more or greeting more properly or some such thing that adults chastised children for.
"Pleased to meet you, Arta," he said with a wide smile. "That sure is a pretty name."
The girl beamed at him. Cody chuckled.
"You always did have a way with kids."
"Never quite grew up myself," Jimmy replied with a chuckle of his own. As long as he could forget the woman to his left, he could almost feel at ease here. He could almost think this was his life, sitting down to dinner with the man he loved and a child. How he figured the two of them could have ended up with a child, he wasn't sure but it was a nice fantasy anyway.
There was a pause as the soup was served. Then the woman Jimmy least wanted to hear from spoke.
"I am sorry for my earlier display, Mr. Hickok," Louisa said. "Willie associates with so many less than desirable people with the show…it's easy sometimes to jump to conclusions."
Jimmy muttered an acceptance of her apology. He could not meet her eyes. Whatever he thought of her or of their marriage, he had just made love to this woman's husband. She may be any number of things but he was the monster here.
"I wanted to thank you for coming all this way," she went on oblivious to his discomfort or, perhaps, misinterpreting it. "My husband is certainly very saddened by this news. I dread to think how he might have reacted had he received this information through the post."
Her words dripped with pretentious propriety but there was something underneath that was genuine. Something in her tone or demeanor that said she worried for Will and for his sadness. It created a malaise within Jimmy. The words he uttered next were honest and unedited.
"If the truth is told, I needed the company of an old friend just as badly," he told her. "It's been a burden carrying this grief alone."
"He must have been a very good friend to leave two such imposing men hurting so."
"He was a she," Cody spoke up. He had watched the exchange and knew that Jimmy was feeling uncomfortable with Lulu. He could also see this was one of the times when Lulu was really trying. She could be sweet. It was best to let her. "I think I told you once about Lou—Louise."
"Oh, I believe you did. Fascinating, isn't it, that she was able to fool any of you for any length of time? She married one of the others, didn't she? He must just be devastated."
"He is," Jimmy agreed. "I made sure someone was looking after him and helping him with the young 'uns before I left."
"Rachel?" Cody asked and Jimmy just nodded in confirmation.
"Emma was on her way too."
Eventually the long torture that was dinner came to an end and Will led Jimmy back to his study.
"I'm sorry, baby," Will said as soon as the door was closed behind them. "I didn't even think what that would be like for you."
"It's my fault. I shouldn't've come. I shouldn't've stayed and I shouldn't've…"
Cody couldn't bear to see Jimmy beat himself up in this way. It was Jimmy's way, he knew but it always hurt to see him shoulder the blame for the wrongs of the world. He closed the distance to his lover and gently pushed a piece of hair away from Jimmy's face, tucking it behind his ear before speaking.
"Baby, that wasn't just you. We both needed that something awful."
"She cares for you, you know," Jimmy replied almost distractedly.
"It ain't love though," Cody told him. "We ain't never had love. We don't delude ourselves. I even asked her before I proposed. I asked if she minded that I didn't actually love her. If it bothered her that she didn't really love me either. It did to some extent. I don't know what her reasons are for accepting this but I know I ain't revealing mine so I won't ask hers."
There was silence between them then. It was unsettled and full of things that needed to be said even though neither man seemed to know how to say them or even what all of the things were.
"I guess I should get going," Jimmy said at last. "I'm sure I can find myself a hotel room. I'll head out tomorrow."
"Stay."
The word was simple. Pleading…not harsh. The hand on his arm gripped tightly as a drowning man might grasp an offered branch.
"Don't leave me right now, baby. Please."
"This isn't right," Jimmy argued.
"You're wrong. This…us…that's all there is that's right."
"She's your wife," Jimmy said sounding almost sick. "It's easy to forget you're married when we ain't here. Hell, it was easy enough to forget it just minutes after she left earlier. But…this is her place and you're hers."
"I never really been hers," Cody disagreed. "I'm yours. I've been yours since you kissed me by the fire on that run Teaspoon sent us on. If I had a doubt, then I was for sure yours under the ledge when you kissed all the places the rocks dug into my back. I'm yours. I been yours longer than I even known her and that ain't changing. It can't."
"Alright," Jimmy relented. "I'll stay if it'll make you happy."
"How long can you stay?"
"Couple days maybe."
"I wish it could be longer," Cody said sadly. "But I'll take what I can get."
The two men settled into the study where they tossed back a few glasses of whiskey and talked of the old days as if they were, in fact, old men. They were not. Neither had cleared his thirtieth birthday yet. But with all the years had held for them, the simple days of getting the mochilla from place to place seemed so far away.
As they talked they tried to figure how they could have been so impossibly young then. They weren't just young in years but in their minds, their experience.
"We sure thought we had all the answers, didn't we?" Jimmy asked softly staring into the amber liquid in his glass.
"Yeah, I thought I was so smart," Cody laughed. "I didn't know a damned thing."
Cody paused, feeling the weight of the silence between them.
"Good thing we had Teaspoon."
"He really did have all the answers," Jimmy chuckled. "Or at least knew how to find 'em."
"What do you hear of him lately?"
"He's still going strong," Jimmy said. "Still the law in Rock Creek. Slowing down a little but not so's you'd really notice. Wouldn't know his age at all except that he repeats his stories more now than he used to. Talks about you a lot."
"Yeah?"
"Of course to hear him tell it, he made you," Jimmy gave a small laugh. "He's proud of you."
"He did make me," Cody said. "He made us all. We turned out pretty decent men on account of him."
"The rest of you did."
"All of us did. I know he's proud of you too. I know it. He just probably don't want your head swelling all up."
Jimmy just grunted.
Later that night Jimmy sat on the edge of the bed in the guest room he'd been given. He looked around the room. He didn't belong here. He should have left earlier but when Will asked something of him, it was damned hard to resist him. Jimmy undressed and curled under the thick quilt before reaching over and turning down the lamp. He wouldn't actually blow it out. Unfamiliar places, no matter how safe, made him edgy. He was granting the concession to not sleep with his guns though.
It took some time but eventually Jimmy was able to fall asleep. It wasn't sound and his dreams were troubled. He was no stranger to troubled dreams. It was his nightly sentence to be reminded of every mistake and failing and it was not uncommon for him to wake with tears on his cheeks.
His dreams abruptly ended as he was jolted awake reaching for the guns that were not within reach. He struggled to figure what had awakened him. Opening his eyes, the dim lamplight revealed not a what but a who. Will was there, tenderly brushing the tears away, stroking his hair, murmuring softly.
"It's okay, baby," Will whispered pulling Jimmy to him.
Jimmy allowed his head to rest on Will's strong chest and listened to the strong heart within. He was the strong one everywhere else. The one with his guard up. He had the scowl and the hard, gruff exterior. Others looked to him to keep them safe. No one made him safe. No one but Will. Being called 'baby' was a reminder that he was allowed to lean, that he had a place to lean.
"It's alright," Cody continued to coo to the man in his arms. "I've got you. Just relax."
Jimmy gripped him tighter and he just kept speaking softly and petting Jimmy's long brown hair. It felt good to hold Jimmy. To love him like this. To be strength for the man everyone else looked to.
Cody felt the body against him relax and the tight grip around his chest ease up.
"Won't you be missed?" Jimmy whispered against Cody's chest.
"We don't even sleep in the same room," Cody replied. "Don't see how I can be missed. I'm the only one in my bed at night. I'm not going to miss me."
"Still…won't someone think something's wrong with you being in here? I mean if they see you come out of this room in the morning?"
"Two old friends catching up," Cody said reassuringly. "Grieving for an old friend. Drinking and playing cards. It's alright. I'm not leaving you. I get you in my arms too seldom."
Cody stroked his hands up and down Jimmy's back, tracing random shapes and each time dipping just a little lower. To his waist, over his hip, along the curve of his backside.
"You sure this is a good idea?" Jimmy asked casting a glance to the door.
"That door," Cody said in between kisses to Jimmy's neck. "Has a lock."
With that, Cody pushed Jimmy onto his back and climbed atop him.
Jimmy shuddered at Will's strong, firm hands gliding over his body. Rarely could they be so free. Time had often been such a short commodity for them. He lifted his arms to touch Will. Sliding his hand down the man's stomach and toward the hardening he could feel pressed to his legs. But Will's hand stopped his.
Cody took Jimmy's hand and brought it to his lips. He kissed it tenderly before speaking.
"We got all night," he whispered huskily. "Tomorrow night too. Relax and let me have my fun."
Jimmy allowed his hands to fall back to the soft mattress and looked up at the beautiful man looking down at him. He had no right to this beauty. He never felt he had. But he had never been able to control the overwhelming love he had for Will and, for some unknown reason, Will loved him too. If Jimmy doubted that, it was evident every time Will's fingers ghosted over his skin, in every kiss, in every time Will called him baby.
The room brightened as Cody turned up the lamp. Then he settled his knees between Jimmy's and rocked back to sit on his heels. His eyes raked over the naked form before him. His hands ran over the strong and muscled thighs to either side of him, upward to Jimmy's hips and his stomach.
"You are beautiful," Cody finally said in awe. "I don't say it often enough and I don't get enough time to just enjoy it. But you are beautiful."
He covered Jimmy's body with his own, pressing his hardened manhood to Jimmy's.
Jimmy was overwhelmed with sensation. Will's hands explored as they had that first ride together, touching, teasing, remembering, reminding him he was cherished. Kisses rained upon him, covering his face, his neck, reminding him he was loved. And always present was Will's hardened length pressed tight to him, reminding him he was desired.
Will's kisses trailed downward along with his hands. Fingers flitted over Jimmy's hips, the insides of his thighs. Hot breath followed with a tongue tracing a path. Jimmy couldn't help but run his own fingers through Will's silky hair.
The tongue that had been teasing him now drifted its way closer and closer to his desire, growing harder and more desperate by the moment.
Cody trailed his tongue up Jimmy's length and swirled lightly around the tip. He stretched his hands upward, feeling the strong muscles of Jimmy's chest even as he took the hardness into his mouth. He loved how Jimmy tasted, how he felt…but nothing compared to the way he could make Jimmy groan in pleasure. It was intoxicating.
Jimmy looked down to see Will's full, beautiful lips devouring him. He tightened his fingers in Will's hair and let his head fall back into the pillow. He could feel Will beginning to move. His hands everywhere, his mouth all over.
"Oh Darlin'," Jimmy choked out.
Cody knew Jimmy was close so he slowed down. He released Jimmy from his mouth and kissed and trailed his tongue over Jimmy's hips. Then he took Jimmy into his mouth again. He did this three or four times before Jimmy was babbling and begging for release. There was no way Cody could deny him. He clamped his lips tighter around Jimmy's hardness wrapping his hand around the base and worked Jimmy in and out of his mouth. In very little time Cody felt the heat of Jimmy's essence hitting the back of his throat.
Jimmy thought for a moment that he'd gone blind or maybe even died. He couldn't feel his legs, he couldn't see much but flashes of light. His arms fell limply to his sides and he forced air into his lungs. He had long known that Will's mouth was capable of feats of near magic but this rivaled anything he had ever felt before. He closed his eyes in an effort to regain his faculties. As if from a hundred miles away he felt Will move, shift above him.
When he opened his eyes, Jimmy found himself staring into the clear blue depths of Will's. He lifted a hand to gently caress Will's face watching as his lover closed his eyes and leaned his head into the touch.
"Can I ever hope to make you understand how much I love you?" Jimmy asked. He was rewarded with a bright smile.
"Can't be as much as I love you."
Cody lowered his mouth to Jimmy's and kissed him deeply. The kiss spoke of longings so deep and buried that they were no longer talked about, or thought about even. It also spoke of longings that were immediate and simple to address.
Jimmy yielded to the kiss and joined it. He could feel the hardness pressing into him. With a growl but without breaking their connection, Jimmy rolled Will onto his back and hovered over him.
He kissed deeper, claiming, leaving no doubt of possession for either of them. He may have been contrite or uncomfortable at dinner but that woman down the hall could not and would not lay any claim to the man beneath him. She could give him things Jimmy could not but she could not love him as he deserved to be loved. No one else could do that. It still counted for something. It had to.
Cody could feel Jimmy's hands all over him, stroking, caressing, teasing. All he could do was grind his hips against Jimmy. The response was a hand wrapped tightly around his need. At first Jimmy pinned Cody tight against him and rocked his body against the throbbing organ. But then his hand began to feverishly pump up and down. When Cody thought he couldn't take it anymore, Jimmy pulled back, his mouth descending.
Cody had been on the edge of explosion anyway and to suddenly have Jimmy's calloused hand replaced with his warm, wet mouth and the slight tickle of his mustache, caused something almost volcanic to occur. Cody's hips lifted as far off the bed as Jimmy allowed and he could feel himself sliding into Jimmy's throat as his release spurted from him. He was even sure he had cried out. They had tried to keep quiet and Jimmy had but Cody was sure he had cried out.
In the sudden silence, Cody listened for signs that he had disturbed anyone else in the house. There was nothing. He chanced a look at Jimmy who was smiling with satisfaction.
"You proud of yourself?"
"Every time I'm with you," Jimmy answered. "Anyone with the sense God gave a goose would be pleased to have landed someone like you."
Jimmy stretched out and rested his head on the pillow next to Cody's and Cody turned and looked in those golden eyes. They were, for the first time since Jimmy had arrived, not haunted, not wounded. They were sparkling and whole and maybe even happy. There was even a smile on his face, one that reached all the way to those eyes. Cody extended his hand and brushed the hair away from Jimmy's face.
"There's my baby," he whispered. "You had me so worried. I watched you a little while when I came in. You were tossing and turning every which way. You couldn't've been getting much rest."
"Too much on my mind, I guess."
"Too much torturing yourself over things that ain't your fault. I know you. That's how you sleep when you're feeling guilty or you're hating yourself."
Jimmy looked away from Will's eyes. Will knew him too well. If anyone else in the world ever knew him that well, it would scare the hell out of him. But Will's words, his understanding tone, his soft eyes, his smile…nothing could feel safer.
"What happens now?" Jimmy asked.
"Now as in a couple days from now? Well, you go your way and I stay here until I go on tour again. That's what we do. It's the choice we made. It's not the one that makes us happiest but it's what we've got," Cody said flatly, forcing the emotion to stay away from his voice. "Now as in this minute? You let me hold you and you hold me and we'll take the comfort in being together while we can."
Jimmy opened his arms and they clung to each other as frightened children in a thunderstorm. Sleep came quickly with the safety of the other and they woke refreshed like they hadn't, either of them, known in a good long time.
With the sun, Cody got up and put his clothes on. Jimmy woke and looked over at him.
"It's okay. Only the staff is up this early. Hell, even Lulu wouldn't suspect what actually happened. If anything, she'll think I drank too much and passed out. She'll get mad but I think you know she's usually mad about something anyway."
Jimmy opened his mouth to say something but Cody leaned to him and placed a finger over his lips.
"She won't even get that mad," he assured Jimmy. "She really does feel badly that we just lost a friend. I tell her we was mourning and she'll back right off."
With that, he left the room. Jimmy got up a short while later when he smelled coffee wafting toward him. He got downstairs just as someone was being sent to fetch him for breakfast. He sat between Will and Louisa and didn't feel the slightest twinge of guilt. Will was a great and complex man. Neither one of them could fill all of his needs. Jimmy was just glad that he got to be the one to fill some of them.
They shared one more night of heated passion, neither knowing when they would see the other again. The next day found Jimmy readying to leave. Cody stood next to the horse as they both looked out at the yard where Arta was running through the grass laughing. Kit pushed himself onto his chubby little legs and toddled as fast as he could after her laughing loudly until he fell back onto his behind.
"They ain't got a care, do they?" Jimmy asked and Cody shook his head.
"Ever wish you could go back…be like that again?"
"At least a dozen times a day," Cody answered.
The two stood silent for a moment.
"You'll be careful now," Cody said. It was an order, not a request.
"I will…You too."
"Baby, I ain't the one whose body has more holes than one of Teaspoon's old shirts."
Jimmy chuckled lightly and mounted the horse.
"I'll be careful," he said. "Don't forget…don't forget I love you. I always love you. If you need me, send word. I'll be here, or anywhere else you need me to be. Always."
"I know," Cody said fighting tears. "Same goes for you. I love you, baby."
They both nodded and neither moved for a while.
"Guess I'd best be off," Jimmy said.
"Yeah, ride safe."
Cody patted Jimmy's leg and then slapped his horse on the rump as Jimmy rode away. He stood there watching until he couldn't see Jimmy at all anymore. Then he stood a while longer before turning around and going back to his life. The life he chose. The life they chose.
Yes...I did have to write some more Bills. I love the Bills. And I was in a slump with the sexytimes writing too. Just totally lost my mojo for a while. I think I have it back.
So...this story was very loosely based on the song Timeless by Airborne Toxic Event. I believe the main songwriter for them is Mikel Jollett. But as of right now I can find nothing to concretely confirm that he wrote this song but I do believe all the songs are written by the band. Should I learn at some point that this song was written by anyone else, I'll surely edit to give credit where due.
I need to graciously thank a couple dear editor/betas...Sarah and Leah...you ladies are the best! Thank you so much for all your help and encouragement...and to the ladies at the plus who have embraced the Bills so warm and completely. Yes, I am looking at you most of all Anita and Pilar! Hopefully this is to the liking of some.-J
Timeless – Airborne Toxic Event
As she disappeared alone in the darkness,
I felt her spirit stay in the room.
And I wished that our lives were just endless
Cause it's all too short, and I'm leaving soon.
I want to hold on to all of the people I lost,
I want to keep them with me.
We will never part.
We are, we are,
We are timeless, timeless.
Everything we have, we have,
Everything oh my god.
You are, you are,
The only thing that makes me feel like,
I can live forever, forever.
With you, my love.
I see her, they run through the tall grass
Such thoughtless minds, I wish I was thoughtless too
Well this hole in my heart, that I cannot abide
Just want you to stay with me tonight.
We are, we are
We are timeless, timeless
Everything we have, we have,
Everything oh my god.
You are, you are,
The only thing that makes me feel like,
I can live forever, forever
With you-
Just help me through this moment
After everything I told you
How the weight of their loss is like the weight of the sun.
I see their faces near me,
I hear their voices callin,
It was like their lives were over before they begun.
We are, we are
We are timeless, timeless
Everything we have, we have
Everything oh my god
You are, you are
The only thing that makes me feel like
I can live forever, forever
With you.