Chapter 1: Godric's Hollow

'Ugh, another Saturday gone by... I wish all this would end already! It's getting... boring!' I say winking to James across the coffee table. He grins at me, but turns around to Lily when she speaks...

'Oh, no you don't Sirius! He's a family man now, he's got, you know... responsibilities! You'd best behave yourselves if you don't want to change Harry's diapers for a year or two.' Lily hisses, giving me a nasty look.

'Hah, ok, sheesh Prongs, she turned out to be really bossy, didn't she?!' I grin at James, and suddenly get knocked over by a flying pillow. 'Not fair! I can't hit a lady!'

'Ooh, you'd better not,' James starts. I look at him defiantly as he's sticking up for her. '... I think she knows karate!' he finishes almost bursting into laughter.

This is just like old times. We're having the time of our lives... if only Moony and Peter could have been here... I'm tired of hiding, tired of it all. I wish it was all over. I was quite surprised that Dumbledore approved our meeting actually. He was really nice for once. And as it's Halloween and all, well, we deserve a tiny break. Plus, I haven't seen Harry in months, not since he turned 1. Heh, he's grown so much, and he's already starting to look like his father. Well, maybe it's just me.

The living room clock starts ding-ing. I didn't realize it is so late. 'Damn, it's already eight... I should be going... I want to check on Peter before heading home. I want to see how he likes his new place.' 'Of course he'll like it,' I tell myself, 'I picked it after all.' I start grinning as I remember that I had left out some minor details when I had told Peter about the house, like say, some mouse traps...

'What'cha grinning about? James inquires obviously intrigued. Damn, he knows me too well...

'Oh, nothing, just a... welcoming present I set up for him.' I look at him and figure he caught on to my prank. I remember I have to go, so I get up and head for the hallway. 'Listen, I really should be going now.' I say turning over to say goodbye. I wouldn't go if I didn't have to, but these are risky times, and I promised to keep the visit short. I'll miss them though. Who knows when we'll meet again... I look over to them, standing there like one big family, and I can't help fearing that this is the last time it'll be like this. But no... I mustn't think like that. I fake a big smile, and hug them as goodbye.

I get outside and turn around one more time, watching them standing in the doorway waving. I get on my motorcycle and start the engine... 'Say, Happy Halloween Harry!' I shout over the loud sound of the engine. I wave and trail off into the skies, wind blowing against my face. I'm heading for Peter's house now, like I said I would.

I land the motorcycle in front of Peter's new den. Weird, the lights should be on at this hour. I climb off the bike and head for the front door. I knock once... twice... no answer. Now, this is really weird! I get out my wand... 'Alohamora!'... the door swings open and I go inside to inspect. The place looks uninhabited. Come to think of it, it looks like Peter didn't come here at all today. His stuff is still all packed-up like we left it yesterday. There's even dust on it...
I look around, feeling my pulse gradually escalating. Where could he be, I thought we had settled that nobody's to leave without notice.

A sudden flash goes before my eyes. What if... no, he couldn't be... he wouldn't do that... he can't be a... spy! A sudden feeling of foreboding comes upon me. I have to check on James and Lily, oh God, please let this be just a misunderstanding. I exit the house in a hurry and get on my motorcycle. I rush over to Godric's Hollow, only to see the house burning from the distance...

No, no it can't be.. my mind rushes to find itself, nothing makes sense, nothing! I'm speeding toward what are the ruins of their house, but something pulls me away... I don't want to see them, what if something happened to them? I couldn't stand it, I'd go mad. I land my motorcycle on the front lawn and dismount in a hurry. I approach the main entrance an notice the door's left ajar. That's odd... I push the door open and rush to see what's wrong, my eyes rapidly picking up the broken vase at the foot of the little table in front of the mirror. A sudden coldness comes upon me... something's wrong, I sense it now even stronger than before. I start down the hallway, feeling my heart pounding like it hasn't done in years. I'm scared, for the first time I'm truly scared. Where are they, why isn't anyone answering, why can't I find... them...-I just reached the living room and the sight stops me in my tracks- JAMES!!! NO!! JAMES!!! I kneel down next to him, feeling the blood rising to my head in a rush. He's not, no, he's not... dead! He can't be! Yet, he's not moving, just lies there, still clutching his wand, ready for battle. It's like time's stopped, my head's gone numb, I keep staring and my heart's like ice shooting shards through my soul. My mind's reeling, flashes of memories passing before my eyes... 'Say Padfoot, you figure we should give Snivelly some time off now he's all grown up?' James was laughing next to me after we had both received our Diplomas for graduating from Hogwarts. 'Oi, I'm not letting you to go out there alone Sirius' ... 'That's what best friends are for..' he winked at me while we were heading out of the Order's Headquarters not long ago... I can't feel, I don't know what I should do, I just sit here, next to him, not moving... not thinking.

A thick dust and a foul smell of ashes covers the house. I can feel it, but I don't care... I don't care that the house is slowly falling apart, I don't care if I die. There's nothing to live for anymore. Wait, no, how could I...? I suddenly get up and frantically start looking around the house for Lily and Harry. I forgot, my God, I hope they're ok. But they're nowhere in sight...

I've checked half of the house so far, and still no sign of them. God, God if you can hear me now, please, I beg of you to take care of them, don't let them be dead... anything but that! As I head for the bedroom, I become aware that someone's watching.. who, I don't know, but I can feel him, peering through the darkness, waiting for something. Then I see Lily, curled up in a corner, with the same blank expression on her face as James. The sight sends shivers down my spine. She's still holding Harry...
I get closer to her, biting my lip in anger. What, what's this? The baby moved around in his blanket, turning his bright green eyes toward me. Harry! He's alive, oh thank heavens! He's so quiet, so calm, brave like his father. I pick up the baby from his mother's arms and hold him close to my heart. You poor soul.. what will become of you now? ... crash Something's moving in the shadows, startling both me and Harry, who ultimately starts weeping. I start moving toward the window, as I'm pretty sure that's where the sound came from. It's quiet again, nothing's moving anymore. Yet, as I approach the window sill I manage to get a glimpse of a shiny worm-like tail retreating under the nearby armchair. Why do I have the feeling I've seen it before?...'Peter?' I call out to the being under the chair...

'James? Lily?' A voice I quickly recognize as being Albus Dumbledore's suddenly breaks the silence. I turn away from the armchair and head toward the front door in a hurry to meet him, still carrying Harry in my arms.

'Professor!' I call out to him in a hurry, not knowing what to say first.. 'They.. he.. they're.. and Harry..' My voice trails off seeing his face reflecting in the dim light provided by a couple of street lamps not far away. I've never seen him so worried in my life.

'I know Sirius, I know, it's too late now, everything's too late. Is Harry ok?' He turns his eyes to the baby who starts giggling and stretching his little fingers out toward the professor's long beard. 'Good. Good. I've sent for Hagrid, he should arrive here any moment now.' He didn't even get to finish his words, that a great shadow appeared outside.
Hagrid, our half-giant friend walked hurriedly toward us, his eyes darting from little Harry, to the shadow of his dead father who was now carried out of the house on a stretcher by a couple of healers who were called up by Dumbledore. Once Hagrid gets next to us, I can see he's as worried as Dumbledore. The professor tells him to take Harry to his aunt's family, to the Dursleys because he's safest there for now. I try to argue but I get silenced by Dumbledore's words..

'Sirius, I know you want to help, but try to understand.. Voldemort is gone, well for now anyway.. but his followers are still on the loose, and they'll be out for blood. Harry's protected at the Dursleys, I know how hard this must be, but please, have faith in me. I promise you can take care of him as soon it is all over. I promise.' He stares at me through his glasses and I know I won't be able to say no.

'If it's for the best..' I say heading over to Hagrid to give Harry to him.

'Sirius..' he starts but I cut him off fast, sick of sorry's and words of comfort.

'No, mate, just forget it. Here, take Harry. If the professor thinks it's for the best, then who am I to argue..' As he turns to go I get a brilliant idea,' Say, mate, here, you can take my motorcycle. Just make sure he's safe.. keep him safe Hagrid!' 'We'll do boss!' he salutes me as if we were in the army and trails off.

I'm left staring at the outside of the house. The night's so dark, the sky so cloudy and the wind beats in such a way that it makes me feel like I'm in a graveyard. More and more figures appear around me, ministry workers on official business, healers, reporters.. All of them with a purpose, all of them pretending to care.. They go past me in a hurry, piling up all around the lawn as if they're attending some sort of freaky circus show. I stare at them, and all I see are James' eyes, Lily's sadness. Suddenly, a shadow springs out of the darkness and starts running down the street. It's Peter. I start running after him. I'm the only one that knows he was appointed their secret keeper. I know he's the one that sold them, and I'll get him, I'll make him pay.. bloody toerag. The air's cold, and a mild rain's starting to descend upon the land. I run after him, watching him look back, seeing me closing in on him, and not stopping.

'PETER!!!!' I yell after him, only to see him speeding up his pace. Finally he stops in the middle of a muggle-inhabited street.
He turns to face me, and I can see a mad smile upon his face. 'What's wrong Peter? Master left and you're all scared now? Rudy coward!!! HOW COULD YOU?? I yell at him, feeling the blood pounding in my temples. His face darkens. He stares at me like a madman. He has given up his best friends over to the Dark Lord, and he looks proud of it, happy, in a twisted kind of way. My eyes narrow as I stare back at him, seeing him now like nothing more than filth. 'How could you Peter? How?! We trusted you, THEY trusted you..' He winces.

'Me?! ME?? YOU sold them Sirius, you're the traitor here... you, you as good as killed them. You've fallen, you're with him now! You've betrayed us all!!' He suddenly turns round, and, seeing the crowd of muggles gathered in the nearby gardens, he starts cursing his way out, killing most of the viewers as he passes. I take out my own wand and send some curses after him. Finally, one of my spells hits him straight in the back and he tumbles to the ground yelling in pain. Seconds later he's gone.. leaving behind a pile of bloody clothes, a trail of smoke and fresh blood.

I'm all alone now. Standing in the middle of a street, in the middle of a new found chaos. I look around at all those innocents.. men, women.. children.. all dead. Worst of all, it's all my fault. I know it now. Me and my brilliant plan. I led them all to nothingness. I killed them. The rain's growing colder now, the sky's blacker than ever. My mind's loosing all reason, can't focus on anything. All I know is what I've done. They're dead.. thanks to me. Pictures from the past pop up in my head, burning like letters of scarlet upon my forehead. 'We therefore swear we'll be friends forever.. Padfoot, Prongs, Moony and Wormtail.. Forever!' Haha, forever proved to be too long for you, didn't it, Peter?! ... I can't stand this feeling, and yet I can't fight it. I've killed my best friends. They trusted me, listened to my foolish idea, and now they're gone. And Harry, poor Harry, left alone, nobody deserves that.

The cold's taking over me. I start to shiver but can't get myself to budge. It's all lost, it was all for nothing. I remember laughing at their wedding, holding Harry in my arms while they baptized him. They were my only family.. my all.. and now they're gone. I see their faces in the dark, watching me, blaming me, crying for me.. and all I can do is laugh. Laugh like all's over, laugh like mad, laugh for I have nothing left. Wizards apparate all around me, I even get a glimpse of Cornelius Fudge yelling something at them, and then they come and take me by the arms, pushing me toward a police van. I fight but I'm to weak to do anything anymore.. and why should I.. I'm guilty, I should pay.. I killed them! And still I laugh, laugh like mad.. laugh for there's no tomorrow.. and it's all heavy on my heart..