Darkening Sunset
"Can I be somebody else, for all the times I hate myself?"
—Skillet, "Imperfection."
The wind rushed in my hair, pushing it out of my eyes. My heart was beating erratically, pounding furiously against my ribcage. As I gained momentum, I dove off the cliff, letting out a scream of pure exhilaration as I hurled into the earth and hit the water with a resounding smack!
Once I hit the surface, I knew what was coming, knew what to expect, therefore my heart rate slowed slightly. I kicked my legs, blowing bubbles childishly, as I neared the light that was pooling into the dark river. I reached the surface, gasping for air, as my heart rate returned to it's usual steady beat. I almost missed the irregular beat. I had become familiar with it, it's obnoxiously loud rhythm comforting, like a piece of home.
I swam slowly, reveling in the peaceful atmosphere. I reached the shore quickly, and planted myself onto the dry sand, right at the shoreline, where the foamy tips of the waves would still reach my feet. I stared out into the distance. The sun was setting. The sky, streaked with various colors of orange, pink and deep gold, was reflected on the murky depths of the water.
It was a nice change, being alone. I loved company, usually. I loved the hustle-and-bustle of everyday chatter, I loved talking and most certainly loved being surrounded by friends and family, but this was nice. It was nice to suddenly break away from the routine, nice to not have to keep a smile on for the sake of the people around me, and it was nice to not have to be so careful about every single thought that flitted in and out of my head. Most of all, I enjoyed the tranquility of this whole area. It was so peaceful, and sometimes when you stared out into a new dawn, you felt like you would live forever. I hated acting like someone I wasn't, and it seemed like every waking moment where I had company, I was just so different. I couldn't recognize the stranger I had become.
I was just so sick. I felt like I was being suffocated by a monster that was slowly forming in my chest, a monster that had been growing ever since I had known that she couldn't be mine. It was feeding off of my heart and soul, chipping away at the fragments of me that hadn't been already tarnished by the harsh rejection.
In the distance, I heard a choked sound; a muffled cry, and instinctively put my hand to my mouth, horrified, trying to keep it in, as I realized these sobs were mine.
But they wouldn't be contained. I heaved sob after sob, sinking to my knees. I didn't care that anyone could see me in this state of vulnerability and I most certainly didn't care that I was crying, something I had frowned upon since being able to realize what it was.
My tears mingled with the salty water in front of me.
When they finally did stop, the monster inside me seemed appeased, if only slightly.
I stared at the darkening sky, realizing with a jolt that that was exactly how my life was becoming. A darkened sky. She had once said that I was like her personal sun, but now, as this monster threatened to overwhelm me, I was setting, slowly and painfully. Darkening, and becoming someone―or something―I couldn't even recognize.
I was gripped with a sudden fierce determination. I wouldn't let this be the setting of my life. I would move on. I would be strong enough to let go of what was never mine.
I stared at the setting sun with new found hope. I would live. I would find my happily-ever-after.
A/N: And that my friends, is what you get on a Friday night, with one extremely depressed/pissed off author. THIS IS A COMPANION PIECE TO PHOTOBOOTH.Though no names are actually mentioned, any implied characters and/or settings are Stephenie Meyer's. The excerpt of the song at the top is not mine, it is Skillet's song Imperfection. Amazing, please listen to it while reading this, it'll make it a lot more meaningful. No copyright infringement is intended. Thank you to everyone who reviewed Photobooth, you guys are all amazing.