A/N: Based on a true story….. o.e

The first words on Arthur Kirkland's lips that morning when he entered his classroom were "What the fuck?"

0-0-0

Alfred Jones was practically the archduke of school spirit. There was absolutely no event, no dance, no pep rally that he wouldn't go to, and at every one he was the loudest person there. He was the person who painted his face the school colors and ripped off his shirt during football games.

Quite often, he tried to get Arthur to participate with him.

"Hey, Iggy! Why aren't you at the bonfire thing? You're missing a chance to see the awesomeness that is me live in person!"

"Yeah, so next week, for Homecoming, we should show up as the ninja turtles. I got Feli and Gil sold on it, so you gotta do it too. 'Cuz otherwise, I'm gonna drag Matt into it…"

"Yeah, remember when you agreed to 'become one with America'? That automatically gives you the privilege of having me take you to the dance."

That week, unfortunately, was Homecoming week. Arthur had been able to avoid dressing up for four days (whereas Alfred had done it all: the promised cosplay of Michelangelo, punk rock day-complete with purple emo hair, and even dressing like the incarnation of Hugh Hefner for pajama day). However, since it was the last real dress-up day, Arthur decided to give in to the American's will for once.

The theme was TV/movie characters, and Arthur decided to go as (almost stereotypically) Harry Potter.

He walked in the classroom after seeing several extremely good costumes (some of them were almost too good, he decided with a shudder), expecting most of it to be over. He briefly wondered who Alfred would be.

Probably Tony Stark, or something equally ridiculous…

Ridiculous was right.

There in the classroom, alone with him, was a pink dress-suit clad, heel-wearing blonde, carrying a little stuffed dog in a purse.

Arthur almost went into cardiac arrest.

"Oh, hai thar…"

"AFRED!" Arthur screamed. "Have you lost your bloody mind?"

Alfred shook his head innocently. "Nope. It's in my brain, right where I left it."

"What are you wearing?"

Alfred looked down. "Well, there's the shoes-"

Arthur sighed. "Where in the Queen's name did you get all this?"

Alfred shrugged. "I dunno," he replied. "Most of it came from Walmart, but the dress, I borrowed from Feliks."

Arthur facepalmed. Of course…

"Doesn't really fit, though… The skirt's a little short…"

"Alfred, why are you dressed like this?"

"I'm Elle Woods," said Alfred. "Y'know… From Legally Bl-"

"Yes, I'm quite familiar with the film, Alfred," sighed Arthur. "But why?"

"Well, I was gonna go as Walker Texas Ranger, but… I dunno." He shrugged. "You kinda have to either get really creative or really insane to get noticed at these things."

"…"

"And I wasn't feeling too creative…"

Arthur rolled his eyes. "Well, obviously, you have plenty of insanity to spare."

Alfred pouted. "Well, it's not like I did it alone!"

Arthur twitched. "There are others?"

"Lots. Kiku's Miku Hatsune… Lessee, who else? Uh… Feli and… whatever his brother's name is are Alice and the Red Queen… And we both know Feliks is doing it, no surprise there…"

"Anyone else?" Arthur was almost afraid to hear.

Alfred nodded. "Yeah, I think. Want me to go on?"

"I'm still trying to get the image of you in a skirt out of my head…"

"That's gonna be real hard to do, y'know," Alfred commented. "Seeing as you have to look at me all day."

Arthur covered his eyes. "Then I won't!"

"So… What? You're just gonna avoid looking at me all day?"

"EXACTLY."

Alfred pouted. "Sad…"

Arthur frowned, eyes still covered. "Good! If you're sad, then maybe you'll learn your lesson and never do this again!"

All of a sudden, Alfred wrapped his arms around his friend, his face mere inches away from Arthur's. "Don't act like you don't love it," he whispered seductively.

There was absolutely nothing that could have stopped the massive nosebleed that followed.

A/N: The end. :3

And this really was a true story! Today was the last dress-up day, and I am freaking ALL ABOUT dress-up week. So, as a goodbye tribute, I went as Elle freaking Woods! I love that movie, even if I don't seem like the type.

And so I went, wearing more pink than I've ever worn in my ENTIRE LIFE, with a blonde wig and everything.

Everybody was like "WOW, who is… WHAT?" Cuz usually I dress like a boy…

I went up to our group's England and went "FLIP!" with my hair. (I wore the wig to PE, heheh…. Jo iss sneakeh sneakeh…)

And now I'm in a bad mood cuz my house got fucking rolled, and I'm gonna kill whoever did it. They're gonna die. Seriously. Next year, I'm gonna be Switzerland on those fuckers. Imma sit outside my house with a 12 gauge. Toma, las puntas… -_-