Coward
Kira Izuru hated to be afraid. He hated to kneel in dust, unable even to move a muscle, with overwhelming fear clutching at his throat. And yet, here, in the ruins of false Karakura, where the battle took place, he was afraid more than any before in his life. He was afraid and he despised himself for it.
His friends needed help, their lives hanging by a thread, as well as the fate of Karakura and Soul Society that were brought to the brink of destruction. It might be the end of the whole world as they knew it. Saving the world had never been among Kira's aspirations; this was the task of the stronger ones, while he was but a weak, insignificant pawn. Still, he was the Third Division's Lieutenant. He should fight; he should protect what was most important to him. It was inappropriate that an officer of Seireitei elites should feel fear. Izuru knew that – and he hated himself even more.
He clenched his fists, trying to stop their trembling. Strange, he would never think he could be more afraid than when the smoke over Karakura had been blown away and Kira had most likely faced his doom. He'd been mistaken. Though the sudden appearance of the Vizards had delayed the death-sentence for a while, his plight hadn't changed for the better.
Quite the contrary, actually.
He knew who was standing before him; he didn't even have to look up to know that. He simply couldn't mistake this reiatsu for any other, especially considering the fact that Kira knew its every tremor.
That was why he was so afraid to raise his head and look in that face – the face of a man who was his greatest dream and the worst nightmare at the same time.
'Mornin', Izuru,' said Ichimaru Gin in an almost carefree tone. 'Actually, I hoped ya were doin' better.'
Kira closed his eyes. Ichimaru Gin. Once his Captain, now – the traitor and Aizen's ally. To Kira he was both the support and the curse, representing what he most longed for and what he was desperately trying to escape.
The feelings, so far pushed to the bottom of his heart, welled up inside him, seeking a vent. Izuru firmly pushed them aside, squeezing his eyelids even tighter. It was no time for such thoughts, not here and now. Here and now there was no room for sentiments; he had to keep his mind clear, he had to…
'Not too talkative, nah, Izuru?' Ichimaru's voice broke him out of his reverie. It sounded both amused and reproachful. 'And here I really wanted to see ya, ya know. Yer not afraid, are ya, Izuru?'
Kira bit his lip. Even if he knew what to answer, he didn't trust his voice right now.
'No need to worry, though,' his former Captain continued in his slightly amused, seemingly worried tone. 'After all, only fools feel no fear. And what's more…' Izuru felt the other man move, and froze when Gin's breath tickled his ear, 'I'm here.'
Kira started. He had heard these words so many times, and each time he let them envelop him in their safety. They had been a sign that Captain Ichimaru had taken matters into his hands and that he, Kira Izuru, needn't have to worry anymore. Now he understood that it had all been but an illusion. He would rather not think how many times he had unconsciously been a mere puppet in Gin's hand. One he was sure of, though: he was not going to be ensnared once again, even if his heart was to break.
He flinched when long, slender fingers touched his cheek and opened his eyes. He saw no less than the mischievous smile of his nemesis.
For a moment he felt disappointed, as if he was expecting to see something else, but he quickly shoved that thought to the back of his mind. He jumped to his feet, pushing Gin's hand away from his face almost violently.
'Stay away… Stay away from me, traitor…!'
Ichimaru Gin was watching him with interest.
'What a cruel words indeed, Izuru,' he sighed theatrically, feigning offence. 'That's the Third Division's Lieutenant fer ya. Still, it's nice to look ya in the eye at last… I-zu-ru .'
Though he tried to fight it off, Kira felt his cheeks burning. Why, the demons, did he feel like that? Did Ichimaru Gin still have such power over him?
Pull yourself together¸ he reprimanded himself. Pull yourself together, Izuru. He knows you thoroughly… He will say what you're willing to hear… Don't listen to him… Don't let him deceive you…
He gripped the hilt of his sword. His fingers were slightly trembling; however, he felt a bit more confident now.
'Always so serious, Izuru,' Ichimaru almost laughed. 'It doesn't suit ya… ya should smile more often, ya know.'
Don't listen to him… Don't listen, don't listen, don't listen…
'I'll kill you…' whispered Kira, swallowing the lump in his throat. His grip on Wabisuke's hilt tightened. 'I'll kill you… even if it's going to be the last thing in my life…'
The former captain of Gotei 13 Third Division shook his head with a sigh, as if he was dealing with an unreasonable child.
'I don't wanna fight ya, Izuru, not to mention killin' ya.'
Kira looked away. He didn't believe it; he wasn't allowed to believe even a single word. Ichimaru Gin was a liar. A deceiver. A traitor. Kira had believed his words long enough.
Why then he found it so hard to convince himself about it?
Don't think about it. Fight him. Kill him.
He drew his sword.
'Fight.'
Ichimaru sighed once again.
'My, my, Izuru, how stubborn ya are…' he said, pretending to scold Kira. 'But if ya want it that much…' the white robe whirred when Gin used shunpo, '…first ya have to get me.'
Kira Izuru for a moment just stood there, unmoving, surprised by the sudden turn of events, before he struck. His sword cut through the air, and Kira realized in dismay that Ichimaru Gin was now behind him.
'Too slow, Izuru,' he heard. 'Ya need to try more.'
Before he had time to turn around, not to mention delivering a blow, Gin was already several paces away, smiling expectantly.
'What're ya waitin' fer, Izuru?'
One more time. A blow. A feint, a dodge, shunpo. And the perpetual, unchanging smile of Ichimaru Gin, that was gradually getting on Kira's nerves.
He tried again. And again. And again. Every time with the same result.
Stop playing with me! Stop deceiving me… I'm not your toy!'
'Very nice, Izuru,' Ichimaru Gin praised him when Kira's next blow skimmed the rim of his robe. 'Yer getting better. But ya won't catch me this way.'
Izuru turned his gaze away. He felt ashamed to be so easily led by the nose, but he wasn't going to give up just yet. He couldn't retreat now. His hesitation before had at least partly led to Gin's treachery. If Kira hadn't been closing his eyes to his Captain's actions, if he had informed the high command when there'd still been time, maybe the matters would have taken a completely different turn. To a degree, he was Ichimaru's accomplice, and now he had a chance to redeem himself.
I'll atone for my sins… and for yours.
He was preparing himself for another attack when he heard Gin's voice once again.
'Why don't ya use kidou, Izuru? Ya used to be pretty good at that…'
Kira hesitated, torn between his decision not to let himself be manipulated and the fact that Gin definitely had a point.
Still, if he were to make him fight…
'Bakudou No. 9, Geki!'
Gin evaded the spell. Easily.
'What's that, Izuru?' he asked. 'A binding spell? Thought ya were goin' to kill me…'
Kira lowered his eyes. He knew that he could — he should, actually! — use some typically offensive kidou, and yet…
'First draw your sword,' he muttered, still trying not to look at Gin.
'First catch me!'
Kira cursed helplessly. This strange, cruel tag was becoming more unnerving with every passing moment.
What do you want… What do you want from me?
He took a deep breath, looking around. They left the main battlefield behind and now they found themselves near one of the four pillars, the same one when Kira had won his fight with the Second Espada's Fraccion not so very long – or maybe the whole ages – ago.
"So you served under Ichimaru Gin? Makes sense. I heard that he abandoned you in Soul Society. I can see why. Having such a coward for a lieutenant…"
"Don't you dare to say that name in front of me so lightly."
He looked up. Ichimaru was standing at some distance from him, taking in the pillar's surroundings with somewhat bored gaze. He was waiting. When he noticed that Kira was looking at him, his smile widened.
'Ya fought bravely, Izuru,' he stated all of a sudden. 'I can still feel it…'
Kira Izuru once again felt the treacherous blush creeping onto his cheeks. He quickly turned his head away. He'd gotten out of the habit of believing in praise. Especially Ichimaru Gin's praise.
He heard a quiet laugh.
'My, my, what's with that look, Izuru…? I only wanted to tell ya somethin' nice…'
Kira dropped his gaze. Lies. All lies. And yet… Why did he want to believe them so much?
'You've had your battle…' his former captain continued meanwhile, in an unusual, almost gentle tone. 'There's no need for us to fight each other…'
Izuru squeezed his eyelids shut. Ichimaru Gin's words were like the sweetest poison, and Kira was never more tempted to drink it than now, but…
H-Hinamori. Rangiku-san. Hisagi-san.
No. He shouldn't forget about them. He couldn't yield to his own weakness. Ichimaru Gin was a traitor, a traitor who deserved death, and Kira had promised himself that he was never going to be deceived by him again.
'Draw your sword,' he whispered hoarsely. 'I'm waiting… Ichimaru.'
Gin looked at him closely for a while, before he sighed softly.
'So ya were serious after all, Izuru,' he said quietly, his smile suddenly disappearing. 'In that case… I'm all yers.'
Kira blinked. As far as he remembered, he'd never heard his Captain speaking in such a tone. Was it another of his tricks? He looked at him warily.
'Draw your sword,' he repeated, almost sharply.
'No.'
Kira looked up abruptly, feeling astounded. What?
'Why?' he asked, hoping that his voice sounded firm and tough. It didn't.
'I won't draw my sword against ya, Izuru. Ever.'
Izuru felt his head spinning with too many thoughts. Ichimaru Gin couldn't be speaking honestly, after all, he was the king of lie and the master of intrigue. What was he up to? And why did this small part of Kira's heart trust him entirely?
'Why?' he repeated.
A fleeting smile played at Ichimaru's lips – a strangely sad smile.
'I've already told ya, Izuru. I don't want to fight ya. And I don't want to kill ya.'
Kira shook his head. It couldn't be true, not when Ichimaru Gin was the one these words came from.
'You lie…' he whispered and then added a little louder. 'You lie… Don't you try to deceive me again… What do you want from me?'
He wasn't sure when and how, but suddenly he found himself standing next to Gin. One moment there were several paces that separated them, another one Kira was pressing his former Captain against the wall, clutching at his throat with his free hand.
'Why…?' he whispered fervently, feeling something inside him breaking with every word. 'What do you want? Why… why do you want to deceive me again? Why…? What… What happened to you? You were a Captain… You had people… at your command… You… you could do almost everything and yet… You… You… Why…? Why someone so strong… Someone like you… Why…? Lies… only lies… all this time… And we… I… What have we done to you that… that you have betrayed us…?'
Gin's fingers wrapped around Kira's wrist, his lips forming another fake smile.
'If ya hate me that much, Izuru,' he replied, 'what are ya waitin' fer?'
Kira looked away. Why was he still hesitating? One blow would be enough. Just one, single blow to make that accursed smile fade forever. As simple as that…
Slowly, almost reluctantly, Izuru raised his sword arm. The hilt seemed to burn his palm. He tightened his grip till his knuckles whitened.
Just one blow… That's why you have started this fight… isn't it, Izuru…?
"I-zu-ru."
Kira looked up. He saw an extended hand and his Captain's smile: mischievous, yet strangely warm at the same time.
"Come with me, Izuru.'
He let his arm drop; the sword slipped from his suddenly numb fingers. He couldn't. All his determination turned into dust in the face of this simple memory. All his apparent resolve was shattered when he was looking closely at Ichimaru Gin's face. At his Captain's face.
His fingers loosened their grip at Gin's throat, and his hand slipped a little lower, grasping the robe on the other man's shoulder. Kira Izuru hung his head. He was a coward. Just a weak, useless coward, a worthless puppet left forgotten in the corner when he was no longer needed.
He didn't matter, and yet he couldn't forget the false warmth of that smile.
I would have come with you… Anywhere… If only… Why did you become a traitor? Why did you leave me? Why…?
He sobbed desperately. The last barriers burst, and Kira's feelings welled up, spilling outside in a stream of incoherent words, together with tears, streaming down his face.
'Why… why did you leave…' he managed to utter between his sobs, clutching Gin's white cloak. 'Why… Without a single word… I only… I… I looked up to you… You were… Why…? I only… I only… wanted… wanted to be… at your side… Captain…'
The last word was almost lost among the sobs; Kira's legs gave way beneath him and he would fall to his knees before Ichimaru Gin if not for his grip on the other man's cloak and…
A strong, slender arm, supporting him firmly from behind?
He blinked, surprised, tears blurring his vision… and then he froze when he realized that his former Captain was embracing him.
What was he to do? His common sense told him to step back and escape from this treacherous embrace as soon as possible… to push away the one who was, after all, his enemy. Yet his heart, fluttering in his chest, wished only to stay like this forever, in the only place where he'd ever felt safe.
'Captain…'
Izuru felt slender fingers, gently stroking his hair. He sighed quietly, giving in to the touch. Unconsciously, he returned the embrace and rested his head on Gin's shoulder. Ichimaru's heart was beating in a calm, steady rhythm that brought both comfort and pain.
'Why…' whispered Kira almost involuntarily, his cheek nestled against the white robe, so similar to the ones worn by the Arrancar. 'Why haven't you killed me back then…?
The hand caressing his hair stopped suddenly, and Izuru felt Gin's heartbeat quicken.
'Izuru…' Ichimaru Gin replied softly, in a tone that Kira had never heard him speak in before. 'My poor, brave Izuru…'
Kira froze, and then, very slowly, raised his head. He met Gin's golden eyes, wide open, reflecting the sunlight. They expressed an unusual mixture of feelings, of which Kira could recognize only the unspoken sadness and immeasurable longing.
And loneliness. A deep, painful loneliness.
He shivered. He didn't know why, but he was entirely, undeniably sure, that he, Kira Izuru, had the honor to see Ichimaru Gin's real colors; and he felt it would be enough to look into those golden eyes, just for a bit, just for a minute longer, to understand everything that could not be expressed by words.
Therefore, he kept looking; and the world was slowly disappearing, getting lost in the gleam of sun in his Captain's gaze… and soon there was almost nothing except these eyes, filled with light, when suddenly…
'Keep your hands off him, Ichimaru!'
A voice that Kira knew, possibly from another life, cut through their common silence like a knife. Gin reacted right away; in a split second he found himself in front of Kira, Shinsou in hand.
'Hello, Hitsugaya-kun!' he said in rather disregarding tone. Kira was pretty sure that he knew how Gin's face looked like at the moment: an impassive mask with a mischievous smile glued to it. 'How're ya?'
The anger on the Tenth Division's Captain Hitsugaya Toushirou's face was enough for an answer.
'For you it's CAPTAIN Hitsugaya,' he snapped, accenting the last word. 'Don't think you're going to run away from me today… You will pay for what you've done, Ichimaru!'
'Ya haven't changed a bit, Hitsugaya-kun.' This time Gin sounded amused. 'I do wonder how Rangiku bears with ya…'
Toushirou squinted his eyes dangerously.
'For your information, Ichimaru, Lieutenant Matsumoto…'
'Rangiku-san's alive,' Gin interrupted him and let out a quiet laugh, most probably upon seeing Hitsugaya's surprised face. 'Ya think I'd be speakin' of her so calmly if she was dead?' he added, and Kira started, hearing an ominous note in his voice.
Hitsugaya Toushirou collected himself admirably quick.
'If not for you… and Aizen… she would be perfectly alright. The same goes… the same goes for Hinamori.'
Kira bit his lip, feeling a pang of guilt. Hinamori… Hinamori-san was his friend. And to Captain Hitsugaya she was someone… special.
To Gin she had become one of his tools that he had used while escaping from Soul Society.
Izuru lowered his eyes. All three of them had to remember that night. And that fight. Nevertheless… something deep in his heart told him that he wasn't the one to judge what had happened back then. He wasn't sure anymore if he could call Ichimaru Gin a traitor.
He had seen too much in his eyes. In his eyes that weren't evil.
Kira didn't notice when Hitsugaya attacked. Hyourinmaru and Shinsou met, the metal clinked.
'Don't you dare play with me, Ichimaru,' said the young Captain, his teeth clenched. 'I am not your toy…'
Kira involuntarily looked away. He knew all too well who Hitsugaya Toushirou was referring to; therefore, he was more than surprised to hear Ichimaru Gin's next words.
'I never used to play with the ones devoted to me, Hitsugaya-kun.'
'You lie!' Toushirou parried and moved back a few steps in a swift shunpo. 'I don't believe a single word of yours, traitor!'
Ichimaru Gin shook his head, looking slightly resigned.
'I suppose we have to fight then,' he sighed, as if he was speaking of something really troublesome. 'Alright… CAPTAIN Hitsugaya.'
He looked over his shoulder.
'Stay back, Izuru,' he ordered quietly. 'I don't want ya to get hurt.'
Izuru hesitated. Gin's advice was reasonable, especially considering the fact they were still standing on different sides of the barricade. Yet, Kira wasn't going to just stand aside, letting others fight for him.
'C-cap-… Gin…'
'I'm not worth dying fer, Izuru.'
Kira's voice stuck in his throat. He couldn't refuse to such words. He nodded.
'Y-yes… Captain.'
On Hitsugaya Toushirou's face surprise mingled with disgust. Kira gave him the proudest look he could afford.
The Tenth Division's Captain shook his head.
'Better think whose side are you on… Lieutenant Kira.'
Ichimaru Gin laughed.
'Thought ya wanted to fight m e, Hitsugaya-kun… so would ya please leave Izuru alone fer now.'
An ice cold gleam lightened Hitsugaya's eyes.
'Don't think you'll get out of it alive, Ichimaru… Souten Ni Zase, Hyourinmaru!
'Ikorose, Shinsou.'
Two silhouettes simultaneously shot up, over false Karakura's roofs, the swords glinting in the sun. Hitsugaya Toushirou managed to evade Shinsou's first attack, and now the ice dragon cut through the air, straight towards Ichimaru Gin.
Kira kept watching, clenching his fists. An attack. A dodge, a counterattack. A feint, shunpo, another attack. Ice and steel, equally lethal, equally shining in the sun, as golden as Ichimaru Gin's eyes.
What have you wanted to tell me, Captain…?
He felt cold as the anxiety clutched at his heart. Would he ever get to know?
A feint. An attack. The two blades, crossed. A dodge?
Blood?
'Gin!'
'I'm sorry, Lieutenant Kira.' Strong hands suddenly seized him from both sides. 'I'm afraid we can't let you do it.'
He turned around and dropped his gaze right away upon seeing Ayasegawa Yumichika from the Eleventh Division. There was still a greenish trace of shinten on the Fifth Officer's cheek. Kira felt another painful pang of guilt.
I'm sorry, Ayasegawa-san. Seems now you have a chance to get even with me…
The one who held his other arm was Madarame Ikkaku; fortunately, he was alive and it seemed that Kira's healing skills had been enough to help him. He could do at least that much to tone down the bitterness of the decision he had taken for Yumichika.
Now he knew all too well how Ayasegawa must have felt.
'Captain…' he whispered, once again looking up at the sky. Both fighters were now a little lower, and Izuru could see clearly that neither came out of the clash unscathed. Gin's white sleeve was stained red, and there was a bloody gash on Captain Hitsugaya's forearm. The battle was still undecided; however, Kira could notice that with every passing moment the balance was slowly swinging in one side's favor.
In Captain Hitsugaya's favor.
Kira Izuru gazed helplessly at Hitsugaya Toushirou, parrying and blocking Gin's attacks with growing ease, and he felt pain welling up inside his heart. He cast a glance at Yumichika, but the Eleventh Division's officer held him tight, though with compassion written on his face.
Another attack. A dodge, minimally too late. Blood, staining the front of Gin's white robe.
'No!'
He felt tears, filling his eyes. He let them flow; after all, everyone thought him to be but a weak coward. He didn't need to be ashamed of his own tears…
'Kira…' he heard Yumichika's soft voice. 'Why…?'
Izuru bit his lip. What could he answer?
'Let me go to him…' he whispered pleadingly. 'Ayasegawa-san, I beg you, please, let me go… '
For a moment Ayasegawa Yumichika looked at him intently with his impenetrable wisteria eyes. And then he let go of his arm.
'Go,' he whispered. 'Let him go, Ikkaku.'
At first, Kira just stood there, stunned. He wasn't sure how he should answer, but he knew he would never be able to fully repay his debt to Yumichika. Not after what he had done himself…
'Thank you…' he began.
'Go.'
He nodded, taking his sword from Ikkaku's hands, and leapt up where the fight took place.
Ichimaru Gin was bleeding, but it didn't look like he was going to give up any time soon. However, Captain Hitsugaya wasn't going easy on him either, showering him with blows ceaselessly. Gin was still parrying, but his weariness was starting to show; Izuru could see it even from the distance he stood at, ready to join the battle any moment. He didn't want them to notice him too soon.
'Haven't you had enough already, Ichimaru?'
'Enough? It's still but a warm up, Hitsugaya-kun.' Ichimaru Gin's smile was still there. 'But ya seem like ya need some ice to cool down.'
A clash of blades. The gleam of steel. Sparks.
'You want ice, Ichimaru?' the very sound of Hitsugaya Toushirou's voice could make one's blood run cold. 'Alright… but don't regret it later!'
Gin's smile widened.
'I can hardly wait to, Hitsugaya-kun!'
An attack, a feint, a counterattack. A feint, shunpo. Another attack, faster than sight…
Ichimaru Gin on his knees, clutching his wounded thigh.
'Maybe…,' Hitsugaya Toushirou rasped, 'maybe that will teach you to be serious, Ichimaru. And now… get yourself ready.'
An attack. A feint, an attack, parried with difficulty. Blood on Hitsugaya's face. Blood seeping through Gin's fingers.
Hyourinmaru, ready to strike…
'No!'
Hitsugaya Toushirou's shocked face, Ichimaru Gin sighing in disbelief.
Hyourinmaru blocked by Wabisuke.
Kira was trembling. He wasn't sure himself how it came to this. Releasing his sword, shunpo, Wabisuke, parrying Hyourinmaru's blow – he did it all in a split second, almost instinctively. Yet, he knew he would do exactly the same even if he had more time to think it over.
Hitsugaya Toushirou squinted his eyes.
'Kira…'
'Izuru…' he heard at the same time from behind him. He turned around and almost sighed upon seeing Gin's golden eyes open wide once again.
For a while Ichimaru Gin looked at him, the expression on his face unreadable, then hung his head.
'Izuru…' he repeated, almost painfully.
Kira closed his eyes, tightening the grip on his sword's hilt. He felt that he'd made the right decision, even if he couldn't fully explain it.
'Stay out of it, Kira,' he heard. There was steel ringing in Hitsugaya Toushirou. 'Do not worsen your situation.'
He wasn't going to listen. He wasn't going to leave.
I won't be left behind again…
'No.'
He took a step forward, his sword ready in hand. He heard Ichimaru Gin rise behind him.
'Izur-…'
He shook his head.
'I don't want to stand and merely look anymore,' he said softly. 'Please…'
Gin's quiet sigh was the only reply, and then Captain Ichimaru moved to stand by his side with Shinsou in his hand.
Hitsugaya Toushirou, the Captain of the Tenth Division, surprisingly looked away.
'You leave me no choice then' he whispered, a sudden sadness evident in his voice. 'Ban-…'
'Enough!'
Nobody was expecting this particular voice. If Captain Hitsugaya had been surprised before, now he was clearly stunned. Kira stopped mid-step, equally shocked. Ichimaru Gin's face expressed nothing.
'Enough,' Yamamoto Genryuusai, the Head-Commander of Gotei 13, repeated firmly. His sword, Ryujinjakka was successfully blocking Hyourinmaru, pointed at Kira. 'Enough, Captain Hitsugaya. I understand your how you must be feeling, however…' he shifted his gaze to Gin, 'Ichimaru Gin is not an opponent for you.'
Hitsugaya Toushirou gave the First Division's Captain both disbelieving and offended look, but he said nothing; Yamamoto Genryuusai's voice left no room for objections.
'Yes, General,' he replied, lowering his sword.
Head-Commander Yamamoto nodded, then cast a fleeting glance at Kira and finally rested his eyes on Ichimaru Gin.
'Ichimaru,' he said, in a voice that couldn't be easily interpreted. 'Shouldn't you be fighting somebody else, either?'
For a moment nothing disturbed the silence, and Kira had a feeling as if time had stopped. Finally, Ichimaru Gin smiled.
'As ya wish… General Yamamoto,' he replied, and the next moment he jumped several paces away, as nimbly and lightly as if he hadn't just fought a battle.
Kira could hardly believe what had just happened. For a single moment Ichimaru Gin had been returned to him; was he to lose him again now?
He hung his head.
'Lower your weapon, Kira,' Hitsugaya Toushirou's voice was deprived of any warmth. Kira wasn't surprised. He knew all too well what he had just done.
He complied, lowering his arm and sealing the sword. He was a traitor. He had drawn his sword against the Gotei 13 Captain, driven by his selfish weakness. He should despise himself and, yet, he couldn't.
It was the first and only time in his life when he didn't regret a thing.
'General Yamamoto,' he heard and started. He turned his head in the direction the voice was coming from.
Ichimaru Gin stopped mid-step, casting one last glance at the place of his recent clash with the Tenth Division's Captain, his eyes narrowed into slits. He wasn't smiling.
'General Yamamoto…' he repeated, letting his words hang in the air. Yamamoto Genryuusai furrowed his grey brows.
Kira chose not to interpret the looks that were changed next.
'Alright, then,' the Gotei 13 Head-Commander finally spoke at last. 'If so… Captain Hitsugaya?'
'General?'
'Lieutenant Kira is not to be blamed for his actions. In this battle every single sword is important.'
Kira raised his head, rather abruptly. He was innocent? How… How could it be… After all…
He looked around tentatively. Hitsugaya Toushirou looked as surprised as him, yet, after a moment, he nodded slowly.
'Understood, General Yamamoto.'
Kira shifted his gaze to the General, but there was nothing he could read from his face. Was it possible then that…
His heart skipped a beat when he rested his eyes on Ichimaru Gin, who was still standing at some distance from them. How? How could something like that be possible at all? Was he really…
He didn't dare to finish this thought as it brought too much of illusory hope. Still, he wasn't able to take his eyes off this slender, painfully familiar figure, dressed in white.
Captain…
'Lieutenant Kira.' He didn't even notice when Yamamoto Genryuusai approached him. 'Return to your post. The battle is not over yet.'
'Y-yes, General' muttered Kira quickly, feeling embarrassed. 'At once.'
General Yamamoto gave him another piercing look, before beckoning to Captain Hitsugaya.
'Captain?'
The Tenth Division's commander nodded in reply, and they both disappeared from Kira's sight, using shunpo. He heard a quiet rustle of fabric behind him and realized that Yumichika and Ikkaku also headed towards their own battles.
Kira Izuru stood there for a moment, unmoving, before he dared to finally turn around. Gin wasn't there anymore; still, for a while, Kira kept his gaze fixed on the place where he'd seen him last.
Please, he thought, looking at the sunlight's golden gleam in false Karakura's windows. Please, let me stand by his side once again… before it is all over.
The battle was over. Kira Izuru remembered little of it, only single, blurred images, full of fighting, blood, suffering and death.
And triumph. They were victorious. They were victorious thanks to Ichimaru Gin, who had been stealing Aizen's deepest secrets for years.
And now Ichimaru Gin was dying, yet it wasn't for Soul Society.
He was dying in Izuru's arms, from a blow that had been meant for Kira.
They'd had their chance. Before everything was over, they'd had the chance to fight side by side once again: the Captain and the Lieutenant of the Third Division.
Kira closed his eyes, tears streaming down his cheeks. There was nothing he should be ashamed of. Ichimaru Gin was a hero now, and grieving for him wasn't a shame anymore.
Yet, Kira wasn't grieving for a hero. He was grieving for the one who had sacrificed his life for him without hesitation.
'Izuru…' He heard a weak whisper. He opened his eyes.
Gin was looking at him almost desperately, as if trying to remember every detail before…
Kira barely managed to stifle a sob. He felt his Captain take his hand.
'Thank ya, Izuru… Thank ya for being here with me… for always being with me…'
Kira Izuru froze, tightening his grip on Gin's fingers.
No… Not yet… Please…
'Don't leave me… Don't leave me again…!'
Slender fingers touched his cheek lightly. Tears blurred Kira's vision.
'I'm sorry, Izuru…' whispered Ichimaru Gin silently, and then Kira's fingers closed around nothingness, surrounded by the cloud of golden light, scattering in the air.
Only fools felt no fear. Only cowards were afraid to cry.
Kira curled up into a ball and sobbed more desperately than ever before; and he kept on crying, spilling his pain and grief, till finally he was out of tears, and the sunset sky gleamed with gold.
Someone touched his shoulder. Kira Izuru raised his head and saw the Head-Commander Yamamoto.
'Come,' the General said. 'There is still much you can do.'
The words sounded almost unnatural. As if nothing had happened. As if the world hadn't stopped…
'Come.'
Izuru obediently rose to his feet and followed the Head-Commander. Cold, evening wind dried up his tears. Kira didn't feel it.
He didn't feel anything at all.
The golden sun was setting behind his back.