Author's Note: I have not read the manga, and, as of publishing this, I've watched seven episodes of the anime. So I'm sorry if anything doesn't match; treat this as AU if so. And thanks to windkitsuneofdarkness for beta-ing this.
Disclaimer: Kuroshitsuji is owned by Yana Toboso.
Ciel Phantomhive entered his bedroom, shutting the door abruptly. The blunt 'thud' of the wood was a perfect reflection of his mood at the moment. Walking to the window with a scowl on his face, he stared outwards. In the barely moonlit darkness, he could make out the carriage drawing away into the distance, illuminating the path with lamplight. He glared sourly after it. He never enjoyed discussions with Francis and Marquis Middleford – especially not about the fact that he would soon have to take their daughter, Elizabeth, as his wife.
He heard a knock behind him. "Enter," he answered curtly. The door opened and light footsteps, muffled by the carpet, approached him. He turned to see Sebastian give a slight bow. "I have prepared supper, my lord," he said, "consisting of hot chocolate and shortbread fingers. Is that to your liking?" The earl nodded mutely in response and crossed the room, seating himself at the table where his manservant had set the tray and prepared the meal.
Soon to be nineteen, the Phantomhive lord was now fully grown and of average height, if somewhat lanky. His disposition hadn't changed much over the years, however. His usual brooding expression made young women giggle at him when they thought he wasn't looking. He was considered rather dashing by many, and someone of his wealth and social status made him very desirable indeed. It amused and disgusted him in turn. He would have turned his back on them without a second glance – most of the noblewomen had little more than air in their heads – and besides, he would be officially engaged to Elizabeth very soon, though few knew of his plans. Not that he had much of a choice.
He ate in silence with Sebastian standing unobtrusively at one side, mulling over his earlier meeting with his guests. It had ostensibly been a friendly, informal visit, but the Middlefords had made their intentions quite clear. They had repeatedly mentioned how happy Elizabeth was when he visited her, how lovely a couple they made, how beautiful and wonderful their wedding would be...he'd put off actually proposing to her for as long as possible, and they knew it; they were dropping not-so-subtle hints that they didn't want to wait much longer. The sooner they were married, the sooner his parents-in-law could begin taking advantage of the vast resources and networks available to the Phantomhives.
Ciel sighed inwardly. He was, in fact, quite fond of his cousin; childhood companions, they had spent hours playing together on the lawns of each other's homes. But marriage was not something he wanted to commit to. It was permanent, inconvenient...he would have to take on additional responsibilities – as if he didn't already have enough. He would no longer be able to talk or act completely as he wished. He could not, for example, wander around town late at night, as he sometimes felt like doing. He would be forced to wear matching clothes with those of his wife, or risk a breakdown on her part because it was clear he no longer loved her. He would have to cater to her whims and fancies, to entertain an endless stream of her friends when they came visiting. And when his thoughts turned to her love of expensive clothes, precious stones and all manner of luxury items...he very nearly groaned aloud.
Sebastian noted his master's dour expression. "Worried about your future marriage to Lady Middleford, my lord?" he enquired. Ciel put his cup down and let out a sigh.
"I am aware that there are advantages; I will need an heir to pass on the Phantomhive name and estate to. It's just...I'm going to miss the freedom, and certainly the peace, of bachelorhood." His mouth quirked into a wry smile.
"You, my lord, are definitely not someone who likes having his lifestyle changed or hindered, that is true," his butler agreed. "But perhaps you might, in the future, eventually come to enjoy it."
The young lord of the Phantomhives raised an eyebrow. "How so?"
"Lady Middleford is a lively and exuberant woman; she would make life for you more colourful. She makes you do things you would have never even considered by yourself. And, after all, despite the constant grimace you adopt during visits, you enjoy her company, do you not?"
Ciel winced as he considered Sebastian's words. Elizabeth loved nothing more than to drag him off for a ride in the country for the entire day, or perhaps to the fairs that came to the city, leaving him utterly worn-out and yearning for a warm bath and a soft bed. Still, Sebastian had a point. He never knew what she was going to do next, and he was fascinated by how she could babble endlessly about a subject, then suddenly switch to another, sometimes in mid-sentence. She possessed an aura of innocence; she loved life. At the same time, there was an element of thrill in her actions that swept him up. He did find her...exciting. And exhausting! the more irritated side of him snapped.
"But also," Sebastian continued, "she would be someone you could confide in. You could turn to her when you feel depressed or troubled. She would give you support and strength. She would give you comfort."
The room was quiet. After a moment, Sebastian asked to clear the table. He nodded. The door shut and he was alone.
He considered himself to have ended his childhood after his parents perished in the fire. From a young age, he'd worked ceaselessly to fulfill his role as the Queen's guard dog, clearing the land of dangerous threats and making England safe for all. During that time, he'd given no thought to leisure and enjoyment, or to friendship. He had Sebastian by his side, but Ciel kept his heart closed from him. He kept his heart closed from everyone. Perhaps that was why he felt a constant emptiness gnawing at him below the surface, well-hidden and unnoticed by others, but present nevertheless.
And, perhaps, marrying Elizabeth would drive that emptiness away.
He was shaken out of his reverie by a sharp rap on the door. Sebastian entered and bowed. "Your bath has been prepared, my lord."
The earl rose and left his seat. The two were silent as Sebastian followed behind his master. The butler wore his usual expression of passivity, but on Ciel Phantomhive's face, indicated by the slight upturn of lips, was a small smile.
Author's Note: Everything I write is oneshot lol. Anyway, how was it? Thanks very much if you review =)