CLANNAD AFTER STORY SPOILERS: EPISODE 22! I need angst…so here's some…. I realize my characters are all just a bit OOC but really; its angst, what were you expecting? Yeah, the title sounds all depressing. Based off the moment when Ushio dies and Tomoya collapses in the snow. Sort of related to the song Soon I Will Be Done that we are singing in chorus right now. It's sad. Look it up.
Disclaimer: I don't own Clannad After Story or Clannad. Clannad just wouldn't make sense because I haven't watched it…Yep I watched After Story first, courtesy of Netflix. Deal with it.
Soon I Will Be Done with this Horror That is Life
"Ushio! No!" Tomoya cried desperately, looking down at the limp little girl in his arms and shaking her in disbelief. It can't be happening! His mind refused to believe it; sure she had been sick but she wasn't this sick! Was she? How had he not noticed before? Nagisa had gone the same way, except, well, she was having a baby.
But that's beside the point! The snow fell, a beautiful sight that seemed so pathetic to him. What was frozen water that fell from the sky compared to his daughter's life? To losing it? Tomoya was sure now, he couldn't take it! First Nagisa, now Ushio; what had he done to deserve this. One thought parted through all those of guilt and anger; one that soothed him yet frightened him beyond belief.
Soon I will be done…
It was true, Tomoya believed. He'd graduated high school, gotten married, had a wonderful baby, and worked with a great friend. Sure there'd been bumps, okay massive trees across the road such as losing that amazing wife, quitting that money saving job and now he had watched the thread of life tied to his baby, his daughter his little girl being snapped roughly in two.
Soon I will be done…with the troubles of the world….
Tomoya couldn't take it. This was all too much! As his heart quickened its pace, he sent out one last thank you to all those people who had supported him and inspired him; those who had picked him up and inspired him to keep moving, even in the worst of times.
Nagisa had tied him to sanity when he could find no hope, Sunohara kept the mood cheerful, no matter what the weather. Aki and Sanae who cared for Ushio….
Oh Ushio, his darling sweet little girl. He needed her. He missed her. Even now, not more than a minute after her death he felt faint with loss and grief. As he sank to his knees, Tomoya's mind went into hyperventilation mode.
I want my wife back. I want to meet her again.
Nagisa, Nagisa, Nagisa. She was all he could think about as his knees sank into the snow, the despair and cold from the weather penetrating his bones. That beautiful, smiling face and glistening eyes that gave him one of his first reasons to live in a long time. Her caramel, chestnut hair that blew in the wind and fell neatly just above her shoulders. Nagisa always looked so youthful and cheerful; she always acted so brave and strong. Losing her had hurt Tomoya permanently but he had bounced back. Barely, slowly but surely, he had risen to his duty as Ushio's father. His mind recoiled at her name, going into a panicked state again. Heart pounding irregularly and breathing ragged he sank deeper into this depressed plight of grief.
Ushio! I want to be reunited with her; I want her to spring back to life in my arms!
Tomoya knew he was nearly crushing his beloved little girl as his own body crumpled towards the ground, but he couldn't make himself stop. His muscles where locked around the darling girl and his body was filled with a numbness that couldn't be released as he slumped towards the snow. His sweet little Ushio had practically been the spitting image of Nagisa and that was making it even harder for Tomoya to accept that she was dead, gone… No, no, no! Ushio couldn't be dead, she just couldn't! There was no way!
"Ushio…" he whimpered as he collapsed onto the snow, collapsing into near death himself. Closing his eyes in a feeble attempt to picture a happy and ALIVE Nagisa and Ushio. However his thoughts were instead filled with pictures of a girl, lying in the snow…right next to him, Tomoya. Seeing himself in this disembodied state, next to his dead daughter, but the creepiest part was seeing a woman kneeling next to the both of them, sobbing openly.
It was Nagisa, he realized with surprise, crying, nearly wailing with despair he had never seen before. His wife screamed in horror and anguish at the sky.
"Tomoya how could you!" the anger in her voice made Nagisa nearly unrecognizable. "How could you abandon me here?! Why couldn't you see me here the whole time! Tomoya I-" Nagisa broke off the sentence temporarily and her next words froze Tomoya's heart. "I'll never forgive you!"
Hearing those words.
Come from her mouth.
It broke him.
Snapped his heart in two.
Shredded his soul to bits.
Tomoya was plunged even harder into darkness as she picked up Ushio and walked away without even a second glance back at his unmoving body.
Tomoya Okazaki was finally done.
Done with this tragedy, this horror that was life.
I love angst. I love it so much… I may not be very good at it but I sure love to read and attempt to write it! I know that this isn't exactly how it ended…expect a sequel maybe? Hope you enjoyed it…
Otaku4566soulreaper