AN: I wrote this months before I ever saw the comic about Sparklypoo house (If you already know what I'm talking about, good. If not, sorry, but it's not something I could do justice if I just explained it.) and even then, I knew there was no way Hogwarts could handle all the "new students" it was getting thanks to the rabid fangirls writing self-insert stories.
(By the way, "Nova Homoi" means "New Men." An old Roman Latin term for the Roman citizens who went to live in the provinces and then returned to Rome, but generally, all the people who were new to Rome. ... Yep. Sounds good, but don't quote me on it.)
"Harry, does it seem a bit crowded to you?"
"Crowded's not the word, Ron. I can barely breathe."
Conditions in the Great Hall were miserable. The enormous room was packed well beyond capacity with students. Though the Hogwarts staff had obviously attempted to make the castle ready to accept all the new pupils, there was only so much they could do. Despite the extra tables sitting alongside the four main house tables, there weren't enough seats for everyone, leaving groups of students standing in the aisles or sitting on the floor. Personal space had become nothing more than a fervent hope and a laughable dream.
The crush of bodies made the situation even more uncomfortable as the temperature in the room rose, quickly turning into a stifling, sauna-like heat, and the air turned stale after being recycled through hundreds of sets of lungs. It was, without a doubt, the most unpleasant beginning of the year banquet any of the students had ever attended at Hogwarts. Their collective, unspoken plea was that maybe, just maybe, the food would be so fantastic that it would make up for the nigh-insufferable surroundings. But chances were that with this many mouths to feed, the kitchens would be overwhelmed and some would have to go hungry.
Harry, Ron, and Hermione, all desperate to find something positive about the night, scanned the hall. They arrived only minutes ago and were already feeling the despair that leeched from their peers.
"Are these all new students? I didn't hear anything about Hogwarts expanding their enrollment..."
"Crikey... There's something more important than that, 'Mione. Most of these new guys are girls! We're outnumbered Harry!"
Though she shook her head and rolled her eyes at Ron's comment, Hermione had to admit he had a point. Among the hordes of new students she could only pick out maybe a dozen boys. The rest were females of various ages and, upon closer inspection, various species.
Across the sea of faces she spotted a group of girls laughing and completely unfazed by the heat. Four of the girls had bright, silvery hair and the attention of every boy in the vicinity, effectively revealing them to be half-veelas. The fifth member of their group was a dark, lanky girl who seemed to be telling some sort of story. Whatever she was up to, her wide smile showed off a set of gleaming fangs that suggested more than a little vampire heritage. But the most obvious half-breed was the half-griffin girl standing off to the side of the hall with her gigantic feathered wings flapping slightly to cool her off.
Hermione wasn't sure what the extra diversity meant. If it was a result of the wizarding world loosening up and becoming less prejudiced against non-humans over the summer, it was a cause for celebration. In a scenario like that, S.P.E.W would finally carry some weight, finally have a chance!
On the other hand, the sudden arrival of non-human students could be a sign that the Ministry of Magic had gained greater control over the school and was trying to fill a quota. That was a sinister thought, the Ministry gaining control of Hogwarts and using it as an instrument of propaganda... It sounded like something they would dearly love to do, if only they could find a way past Dumbledore. She was about to present her suspicions to the boys, but before she could say anything the headmaster stood, signaling the beginning of his speech.
"Good evening, everyone! Welcome, and welcome back for another year of wondrous learning. Now, as I am sure you have all noticed, we have a great many new students this year." A ripple of nods and murmured comments rose from those assembled around the house tables.
"Make no mistake, we are overjoyed to have so many fresh minds among us, but Hogwarts is regrettably rather unprepared to accept such a large number of students. Though the staff and I have already begun making the necessary arrangements to accommodate everyone comfortably, it will be several days before the castle will be ready. Until then, I ask that everyone attempt to rise above the situation and try to coexist as peacefully as possible."
The basilisk-like intensity of the glares exchanged between the Gryffindor and Slytherin tables at the Headmaster's words hinted that there would be little cooperation with his request, and any that was shown would be grudgingly given at best.
"I have complete faith that all of you will make me proud with your actions and goodwill in the upcoming days. And do not worry, thought empty space may be difficult to provide, food is not as great a challenge. There will be more than enough to eat tonight and at every meal after." The ripple of assent from before returned, this time as a roar of approval.
"Now, let us begin the Sorting."
Doing her duty as deputy headmistress, Professor McGonagall carefully wove her way through the densely packed students with the Sorting Hat in hand. There would be no three-legged stool this year; there really wasn't a need for it and no place to put it besides. Once she made it to a relatively empty spot, meaning only two students per square foot, she pulled out the class roster.
To say the list of new students was lengthy didn't even come close to an accurate description. The complete list filled four sheets of parchment, each five feet long. It was as if the professor had nicked Santa's list of all the good little boys and girls in the world and was now using it to call roll.
As McGonagall began the slow process of locating and sorting the multitude of youths, one identical thought flitted across the minds of all those assembled in the hall. At every table, including the staff's long table in the front of the room, people both standing and seated repressed a despairing sigh.
How long was this going to take? They wanted to eat!
AN: Let's see... There are seven years at Hogwarts, and let's say about thirty students in each year, and four houses. Multiply those figures together and you have a school population of about eight hundred and forty students. (Give or take maybe ten or twenty students to account for the different enrollment rates each year.)
Now, following that train of thought, you cannot have even five hundred new students dumped on the castle at once and expect it to be able to take them in! That's well over a fifty percent increase in the student body. It would not work. No way, no how. Now... Take a moment to think about how many "new students" arrive thanks to our fanfiction. Crazy, huh? Let's all try and give the characters their space.