Sophia

by Miss Pancake Slaughter

There s nothing left for me. Whether you had any reason at all, you took me and here I am. I know your pain and you know mine, we re basically one in the same. I guess that s all there is to it and that s how it s going to be. JasonxOC more or less

1. Decided

I was sick. I was so utterly sick and tired of everyone and everything. My life was filled with nothingness; I was utterly worthless. No one needed me and I sure as hell wasn't wanted. I was so pitiful to continue on living, but I always figured killing myself was too easy. After all, my attempts at suicide always failed. I knew I was too chicken to go through with it anyway. Yet, why would I give up just like that? I figured that I'm still young. I still have the time to wait and see who would come in through those decrepit doors and say "We would love to have you as our own."

I waited and waited. For years I would wake up on that same bed, go the entire day surrounded by other snobby children and fight with each of them for food during feeding time and a place to sleep at night. When a couple would walk into the building, each one of those brats would put on a facade to increase their chances of being chosen and taken away from this crumbling vicinity. I always thought I would be the chosen one. I was always behaving well, never talked back to anybody and did everything I was supposed to without being told. But despite the number of couples and families that came in, I was always the one who was disregarded and ignored. It seemed that no matter what I did, it was always going to be that way. Here I was, at 18 years old and unsure that I would ever have a future. I was abandoned when I was a baby, dumped on the doorstep of this orphanage. I spent my entire life here, waiting with the foolish thought of "Well, if my real parents didn't want me, I'm sure someone else will."

Yet, no one ever came.

18 years old. I have never celebrated my birthday, or any other special day, with a family for that matter. I was always stuck here; alone. I had to deal with the children always picking on me for being the oldest and having them all gang up on me during feeding and taking all the food for themselves. I practically lived here, yet there was no one I could call a"friend." Of all the faces I`ve seen come in, they most likely go right back out and I was always the one left behind. No one wanted to speak to me because they all thought that something must have been wrong with me to just stay stuck here. The caregivers more or less grouped me up with the younger set of children. I had to be treated and talked to like I was only 10 years old. The humiliation I went through everyday just to get by eventually took a hold of me and I had to make the decision that enough was enough. I just wanted to be done with people.