Disclaimer: "Feel guilty. Swim in it until your fingers get all pruney."
(An: This has a mishmash of pairings because I am not good at making up my mind. This story is told quite a bit in flashbacks and recaps; whenever there's a paragraph break, that symbolizes a switch between the regular narration and a flashback. I know there are a lot of cuts, but that's my attempts to keep it clear. To clarify, I put Aang at eighteen in this fic. Also, this starts out silly, but it gets angsty. I meant to keep it light… but it didn't work.)
Wedding receptions. Those crazy, drunken, after-the-fact celebrations. People either cherish their memories of them forever, wake up wondering what on earth they did last at them, or wish they didn't know. It's traditional for friends and family of the couple to stand up and say something nice about the newlyweds. Sometimes they're embarrassing, sometimes heartfelt, and sometimes just plain sloshed. One didn't need the senses of an armadillo-lion to know which category Aang's fell into.
"Sokka and Toph! Who'da thunk it!" Most of the guests were starting to get a little concerned by now, not least of all the bride and groom. But Aang was smiling broadly enough, even though he was clearly not a happy drunk. He knocked back the drink in his hand. "Not me, that's for sure! But here we are! And I just want you all to know," here he leaned forward and almost fell over, "that I wish them the very BEST! Absolutely! Have a nice life!" He smashed his glass on the floor, flipped the entire room a two-fingered salute, and staggered away.
O-o-O-o-O
While Aang's speech had been born mostly of bitterness, there was truth to his words. Nobody had expected Sokka and Toph to end up together.
Sokka had no luck with women. None. Any girl he really cared about had a habit of dying on him. First Yue, sacrificing herself and leaving him with a wound that reopened every time night fell. Then Suki, struck down by Azula while he was slinging haikus. Everyone worried about him after that. He retreated a bit with girls. While still an idiotic flirt, but he stopped being so serious. He wasn't afraid to break a girl's heart if a prettier one stood around the corner… or so he claimed. One-night stands abounded, but nothing much longer.
Toph had never had a boyfriend, at least not one that her friends had met. She didn't seem to notice boys. Gender made no difference to her, perhaps because she couldn't see. She kicked anyone's ass.
Together… no one was sure if they were friends, let alone lovers. Toph refused to refer to Sokka as anything but Snoozles or Meathead, and Sokka, while accepting enough, didn't seem to know she was a girl and was thus constantly assaulted by rocks.
Apparently, though, Snoozles and Meathead were petnames, and Sokka was very aware she was a girl, since the two of them announced their engagement not long after the Fire Lord's marriage.
When asked about it, Toph would blush slightly, look away, and mumble something about stupidity. Sokka would rub the back of his neck, babble incoherently for a moment, then make some ridiculous distraction ("OHMIGOD! Momo's earthbending!" was a common one) and run.
Confusion? Yeah. Weird looks? You bet. But for the most part, their friends seemed accepting of it. Especially Aang. Like everyone, he had been utterly gobsmacked, and then he smiled and hugged them and asked if they had picked a date yet.
If he made a rather flimsy excuse to duck out early, everyone was too busy to notice anyway.
O-o-O-o-O
Katara picked her way through the crowd of guests, doing her best not to step on anyone. It was only about an hour into the reception, but Sokka and Toph had made most of their friends at bars, so it wasn't that surprising about half of them were already stone drunk. Lady Bei Fong's servants were going to have quite a bit to clean up in the morning…
She finally managed to make her way over to Sokka and Toph, who, amazingly, weren't among the crowd passed out on the floor. "Have either of you seen Aang?"
Sokka shrugged. "Not since he freaked out earlier. Have you felt him around, Toph?"
"He's still in the building, but not in the main crowd." Toph gestured vaguely at the revelers.
Sokka winced as he took full stock of the carnage. "Maybe it was a bad idea to invite our friends from the Haggard Prince…"
"It wouldn't have been if we were drunk," sighed Toph, slinging an arm around his neck.
"Yeah," said Sokka, casting a longing look at the wine.
Katara made an annoyed noise. "Could you point me in his direction, at least?"
Toph pointed left, almost smacking Sokka in the face. "Somewhere that way."
Katara headed off, wishing she had Sokka's machete.
O-o-O-o-O
Everyone was surprised when, after the end of the war, Katara and Aang weren't dating or even traveling together anymore. Aang stayed in the Fire Nation to help Fire Lord Zuko avoid civil war amid the nobles and common folk and everyone else who had been pissed off by the war. Katara went to the South Pole with Sokka to help rebuild (and, in Sokka's case, repopulate) their home.
Everyone, in that case, refers to the general populace. No one that traveled with the Avatar was particularly surprised. There was bad blood between Katara and Aang; it was an understood fact. Katara treated Aang the same as ever, but he seemed to have grown out of his crush and no longer preferred her company over all others. In fact, he loathed being with her at all. It wasn't that shocking. Rejection can do that to a friendship.
What surprised the Avatar's group was Fire Lord Zuko's announcement of his engagement to Mai.
O-o-O-o-O
Katara found Aang hiding in a small sitting room, tending the fire. She approached cautiously. She cared for Aang as much as she always had. Never mind that, in his own, quiet way, he seemed to hate her.
O-o-O-o-O
She tried to repair their bond when Aang came to the South Pole. With the Fire Lord stable on his throne and the Earth King busy repairing Ba Sing Se and Omashu, he could no longer avoid his duties there.
He had been happy to see Sokka, Hakoda, and Pakku, but he had given Katara only a stiff bow to acknowledge her presence before going off with a bunch of the small children of the tribe, who still remembered his first visit. Her attempts to talk with him later hadn't been ignored, but he had answered with a politeness so formal it was almost rude, considering all they'd been through together.
Thankfully, the Fire Lord's marriage had been a few weeks later, so Aang had left with Sokka. Katara, of course, didn't go. She had been invited, but she just couldn't bear to see the man she had once loved marry someone she had once called an enemy.
She tried to collect her thoughts about everyone directly after Aang left. His treatment had cut deep, but she could understand his actions. It was exactly the way she would have treated Zuko in a similar position. Those who held your heart and rejected it always kept a small piece, and you weren't whole anymore. You could learn to ignore that hole when you weren't around them, but when you could see the missing part of yourself…ah, what perfect agony.
Watching her tears fall on the snow as she thought about how blank his face had been when he spoke to her, Katara wondered if perhaps he had always held a little bit of her heart.
O-o-O-o-O
Looking at him now, Katara saw someone much different. The young man at the South Pole had been someone she didn't know; the young man tending the fire and occasionally wiping at his eyes was someone she knew all too well.
She stepped into the room and finally managed, "Aang?"
He jumped at her voice as though he heard a ghost. He blinked several times before recognizing her. He was drunk, yes, but it was more that he was lost in his thoughts. "Oh. Hello, Katara." He tipped her a stiff bow, and Katara toyed with the idea of slapping him for a moment. It would help with the drunkenness, and it would also make her feel better.
However, her urge to comfort him won out. She took a few steps toward him, and Aang took a few steps back. He lifted his head and crossed his arms, playing with the prayer beads at his neck as if attempting to remind her that he was no longer the little boy she'd held in her arms who only wanted to go penguin sledding. "I just wanted to know if you were all right. You seemed upset earlier."
"Earlier?" said Aang, and Katara flinched at his tone. She had heard that bitterness in Sokka's voice before, but never in Aang's. She was surprised to realize how much it stung to see him like this. "I'm upset now."
Katara hugged herself and said nothing.
After a moment, Aang glared at her and twirled his hand in an "On with it!" gesture. "This is the part where you ask if I want to talk, and I say that you have no right to, and you look hurt and leave me alone. We've done this often enough. You should know the drill by now."
Quietly, Katara said, "I know I've got no right, Aang… but I'll still listen."
Aang looked at her for a long moment before collapsing onto the divan, cradling his head. "It's just… this mess has got so much to do with you." He looked up at her. His voice was clear and steady, but there was a tear on his cheek. "She was the only one who knew how much you hurt me."
Katara hugged herself tighter, closing her eyes.
"I know it's bad of me to bring it up… but it's true. And none of the other stuff makes sense unless you know about what happened just after-" He shook his head.
"Just after I kissed Zuko," Katara finished for him. She sat down on the opposite divan: close enough to comfort, but not close enough to crowd. "Please. Tell me. I mean…we never really-"
"Worked it out," agreed Aang, shaking his head. He pressed his hands to his face, trying to keep his voice light. It didn't work. "I had lessons to keep me busy, and you had him. So we ignored it."
Katara nodded. She wanted to put a hand on his shoulder or console him somehow, but she knew that touching him would make him retreat. This conversation was the only shot they had at repairing their friendship. He would never be willing to speak of it sober. Katara wanted that piece of her heart back, so she just let him speak.
O-o-O-o-O
Katara never regretted admitting her feelings for Zuko, but she had to admit, she could have done it more tactfully. But it was just so annoying, catching the guy you liked staring at you and then looking away when he saw you staring back.
Under the right circumstances, Katara could be endlessly patient, endlessly kind, endlessly tactful. Raging hormones and close quarters, though, are not the right circumstances.
Altogether not an excuse for kissing your best friend's worst enemy three feet away from him.
Sokka looked like someone had just punched him in the stomach, then slapped him with a dead fish. Aang looked much the same, but his expression was tinged with despair instead of comic surprise.
Toph cocked her head, confused. "What's going on?"
"Ask someone else," said Aang, sounding hoarse. "I have to go do… some stuff. Far away." He stumbled off.
Toph turned to Sokka, who was still gaping. "Sokka? …Sokka?" She punched him; he jumped away with a loud yelp. "Oh, good, you're fine. Now what gives?"
Rubbing his arm, Sokka shook his head. "This is obviously a bad dream, so I'm just gonna hope I wake up."
Toph made a face. "Iroh?"
"I would tell you, but I fear if I say it, I will laugh, and I don't want two angry benders after me."
On the other side of the camp, Zuko finally broke out of his stupor. "What was that?"
"That's what I've been trying to find out," said Toph.
"It's called a kiss, Zuko," said Katara. Toph could hear the blush in her voice. "People do it when they like someone."
Toph blinked. "No wonder Twinkletoes is upset." She left Sokka to his wishful thinking, Iroh to his muffled laughter, and Zuko and Katara to their argument.
She walked around, her steps slow to increase her chances of sensing Aang's vibrations. Nothing. He must be in a tree or something… "Aang?"
O-o-O-o-O
Aang paused there for a moment. "I think that was the only reason I actually answered her- she called me by name for once instead of Twinkletoes." A ghost of a smile crossed his lips. Then he threw another log on the fire, and the smile disappeared with the sparks that drifted up.
Katara hugged herself, not wanting to think of what she had been doing while Aang had been talking to Toph. It had been well over two years now since Zuko had publicly announced his engagement to Mai, and a little longer than that since he had privately told her, but it still stung. Katara had a feeling that she and Aang understood each other quite well right now.
O-o-O-o-O
There was a small gust of wind, and Aang landed in front of her. Toph took a moment to assess his position before putting a hand on his shoulder. "You all right?"
Aang shook his head and wiped at his eyes with his arm. "Not really, Toph, not really."
Toph frowned. "You, um… you wanna talk about it? I'm not really good at the comforting thing, but I'll listen if you do…"
Aang swallowed hard. "Yeah." He didn't sit so much as collapse into the lotus position. "I mean, it's one thing for Katara to say she doesn't like me. Or just plain pick someone else. But this… this… it's betrayal." Aang shook his head again. "I gave up everything for her! And at the end, when I had to, I couldn't give her up until things were too bad for me to do anything else!" In his agitation, Aang jumped to his feet and started pacing.
Toph only listened, leaning against a tree.
"And then she- and him- He's tried to kill me more times than I could count, and she still chooses him! Right in front of me!" Aang pressed his palms to his eyes in a feeble attempt to stem the sobs.
"I can hear your tears, you know. It's better if you let them out. Go ahead and scream if you want to."
So Aang screamed. It was loud and full of pain, even though his voice cracked halfway through. Then he fell to his knees and curled into a little miserable ball.
O-o-O-o-O
Katara interrupted accidentally. "I always thought that was a small animal dying," she murmured.
Aang, who was still leaning over the fire, finally looked at her, a frown attempting to be a smile on his face. "You were close. It was a small heart breaking."
Katara flinched.
Aang just shrugged and turned his face back to the fire. "I said it was bad of me to bring it up."
"And I said I'd listen."
Aang looked at her sharply, then leaned his head against the wall. "That you did."
O-o-O-o-O
When he finished, Toph patted his back. "Feel better?"
"A little," Aang admitted, sitting up and wiping his eyes. "You're better at this than you think."
"If I am, then you can't tell anyone. People'll think I've gone soft."
Aang smiled, sort of. "Why do you try to act so mean all the time, anyway? You're nice."
Toph shrugged. "People think you're sweet and they try to take advantage of you, always wanting something. It's really annoying."
"Oh, I get it. This is part of the loner thing."
Toph nodded. "Besides, sometimes it's just easier to be mean." She helped Aang to his feet. "They'll probably be wondering where we are."
O-o-O-o-O
"At the time," Aang said, "that really confused me." He sat down again and actually met her eyes. "I realize now, though, that it's what I've been doing to you for ages. I'm sorry about it."
Katara nodded. "I understand." She smiled thinly at him.
"Yeah, I guess you do," said Aang, with a hoarse little laugh. "You just haven't had it happen twice."
Katara blinked, her eyes widening. "Oh, Aang," she whispered, finally realizing what this was all about.
Aang nodded, propping his chin on his fist. "Opposites may attract," he murmured, tracing the air symbol at his throat, "but that doesn't mean they work out."
Katara supposed the smile she was wearing now mirrored Aang's. "Yeah."
"You really shouldn't blame Zuko for doing what he thought was right. I know how hard it is to choose duty over someone you love."
"Knowing that they had to do something doesn't drive away the aches, though…"
"I know." Then he paused and shook his head. "No, I don't. I know what it's like for your love to choose someone who makes them happy, but I don't know what it's like for them to choose something that doesn't." Katara frowned. "If you actually talked to Zuko- or even just looked at him once in a while- you'd see it too. He doesn't like being Fire Lord." Katara looked at him, a question that she couldn't quite get herself to ask in his eyes. "But he does love her… Maybe not in the same way he loves you, but they're fine."
Katara stretched out on the divan, resting her head on her left arm, and said nothing. She made a twirling motion with her free hand, and Aang went on. She wasn't listening as attentively as she could have, though, since Aang had said loves instead of loved.
"I mean, it's not like I was expecting much. I didn't know that Toph had a thing for Sokka- did you?" Katara shook her head. "Oh, good. I was hoping it wasn't just me." He sighed. "I mean, I knew that you and Sokka would go home eventually and that Zuko and Iroh would have to fix the Fire Nation…but I always figured she'd stay with me, and that'd be enough. I'd have to be thicker than Sokka to think she ever had those kind of feelings for me, but it would be nice to have her around."
Idly bending the wine in his glass, Aang murmured, "It didn't work that way, though, did it? We all had to separate. Toph had to head back here when she came into her inheritance, and everyone else had too much to fix to keep in touch."
Katara nodded. "I think Toph and Sokka are the only ones who haven't really changed."
"Nah, they have," said Aang, sipping his drink. "They've just changed differently. All the rest of our old team is sadder. They're the happy ones. For once, I don't think Sokka can find anything to complain about." This startled a laugh out of Katara. Aang smiled a little. "I know, weird, right?" He put his hands behind his head. "For once, it's us complaining. But we don't have anyone to smack us upside the head and tell us to quit."
"I think even Toph would admit we've earned a little whining," Katara replied, taking the glass from him and having a drink. "All this selfless serving of our nations and whatnot."
Aang laughed. It was a bitter, jagged sound that made Katara wish she could make him laugh properly. "Yeah, you're right. We should all get medals or something- you and Zuko especially. Giving up earthly stuff is expected of me as the Avatar and an Air Nomad, but everyone's used to Fire Lords and benders doing whatever the hell they want."
Katara smiled. "That's for sure." A silence settled in between them, and for the first time in the longest while, it was neither awkward nor stiff. When Aang reached for his glass back, Katara caught his hand. "Is there anything else?"
Aang's smile went a little strained as he slipped his hand out of her grip; he seemed glad to finish off the wine. "I think that'd be pushing it. I love Toph and needed to finally tell someone, that's all." He swirled the dregs of his drink before looking at her cautiously. "Would it be pushing it to ask you about Zuko?" Katara glanced at him sharply, and Aang just held up his hands. "I figured it would, but I also figured you'd never talked to anyone about him either."
Katara sighed. "I haven't." Twirling one of her so-called "hair loopies" around her finger, Katara told her story, much more quietly than Aang had.
O-o-O-o-O
Katara had always figured Zuko would be the one to unbraid her hair.
In the Water Tribes, unmarried women wore their hair in braids- always some sort, although the styles varied. It was the simplified version of the Northern Tribe's engagement necklace. On her wedding night, the woman's husband would undo her braid, and from then on she was free to wear their hair as she wished.
Katara knew she was young, and that Zuko, at least partially, saw her as a child as much as a lover. But she also knew that he had been the first one to whisper oaths of love while they sat together in the moonlight.
If he was so obsessed with honor, why had it been so easy for him to break those oaths?
That wasn't a fair question to ask, though. Zuko's honor had been bound up with his country long before it had been bound up with her, and surely an oath made to a nation was more important than one made to a single person.
She had told herself that more times than she could count, usually when trying to fall asleep, and it never helped. She still ended up having nightmares, and her pillow still got a good watering.
A day after Zuko had been crowned Fire Lord, after all the pomp and circumstance had finally been laid to rest and he was finally alone, she approached him. Zuko was as hard to sneak up on as Toph, in his own way; a few months of peace had done nothing for his paranoia. She should have known something was weighing heavy on his mind because that night she managed it, creeping along stone floors to his balcony and slipping her hands over his eyes. "Guess who," she whispered in his ear.
Zuko didn't smile or make a face. His expression didn't change at all.
"Are we nervous or something?" Katara asked, running a hand down his arm.
Zuko grabbed the wandering hand. "You have no idea." He reached up as though to run his free hand through his hair, then realized he was wearing it in a ponytail again. This only seemed to dismay him further. "Katara, we need to talk."
Katara perched on the balcony, swinging her legs. "About what?"
She had been in a pretty good mood until she scrutinized Zuko's face, watching the way he seemed to retreat into himself. He sighed again. "This," he replied, twining his fingers with hers. "I'm the Fire Lord now. My country's on the edge of civil war. I have to show them that I'm not like my father."
Katara smiled at him, hoping to give him some of the reassurance he so obviously needed. "I know. You shouldn't worry. You love your people, Zuko. You'll be fine."
"Katara, I have to show them I'm strong." He let go of her hands and stepped away. "That the nation is strong. I can't- we can't."
Katara smiled nervously, wondering if this was one of his least successful attempts at a joke. "Can't what?"
Zuko took a few more steps back and crossed his arms, looking at the floor. "Katara... yesterday, after the ceremony, I asked Mai to marry me."
Katara wondered if Zuko had suddenly switched nations and become an earthbender, since he was quite adept at making the earth crack and tremble under her feet. "What?" she whispered, her voice barely audible.
Zuko, speaking quickly, said, "I had to. The nation needs a show of strength. If the nobles are together, then at least we won't have them at each other's throats as well as the common folk."
Katara, though, barely heard him. She slipped off the balcony. "So you're marrying Mai?" she repeated, touching the pendant at her throat.
Zuko nodded. "She's nice enough, and I know that she can help me make the right decisions. I love you, Katara, but there's nothing I can do. My country needs me."
"I need you, too," Katara whispered, undoing the necklace.
His face fell, and he reached for her, but she shook her head. Until then, he had seemed semi-hopeful for their friendship, but he put his arms down. He understood now."Katara, don't-"
She threw it at his feet. "You took it once already. Keep it this time. It reminds me too much of you."
Walking out of the room, Katara noticed how strange it was that she could control all liquid but tears.
O-o-O-o-O
Aang's grey eyes were very wide in the firelight. "I always wondered where he got it," he whispered. "He wears it all the time, on a chain under his shirt… I felt so sorry for Mai. She felt second-best. Zuko seemed happy enough at their wedding, but that first dance…"
O-o-O-o-O
No one could tell if Zuko and Mai were happy about getting married. Smiles, after all, were easy to fake, even though neither was known for their acting.
And that first dance… The bride, having already been stripped of her ceremonial clothing, could now move freely, and during the first dance between husband and wife, she had to convince him into her arms with her movements.
But instead of the usual, seven-veils-esque dance, Mai just held out her hand to her old friend and new husband. He stared at her for a long moment.
Ordinarily, there was much giggling during this part of the ceremony or at least some chatter, but instead all was silent. Everyone in the room seemed to be holding their breath.
Then Zuko took it, and she slipped her arms around his neck.
They'll survive, Aang though, watching with a small but proud smile. They don't have destiny to ease their way, but they're both just stubborn enough to make it work.
And it did. The melancholy in Zuko's eyes eventually faded to a shadow which could easily be mistaken for the cares of a young ruler, and Ty Lee said she had never seen Mai smile so much as when she was with him.
O-o-O-o-O
Aang fiddled with his necklace again. "Was that out of line?"
Katara shook her head. "It's ok. He did what he had to. I don't think I'll ever like it, but I accepted it a long time ago." She bit her lip, then decided tonight wasn't a night for hesitating. "Aang, why did you say loves instead of loved before?"
Aang looked surprised. "I thought you of all people would understand that when you love someone, it leaves a mark that never fades."
"Like a hole?"
Aang nodded slowly. "Maybe it's just the wine talking, but I know that I can still see why I loved you as a child." He drew his knees up to his chin. "I miss happy Katara… I miss happy me, for that matter."
Katara reached over and took his hand, giving him a full smile for the first time all night. "I miss happy you, too."
Aang smiled back, absently playing with her fingers as he sat up. He gestured at the fire, dimming it to embers. He was leaning toward her, but he didn't seem to notice.
Katara had a feeling he was remembering the same thing she was. "Too bad the ceiling won't light up," she whispered. Her voice was reluctant, but she was leaning closer as well.
"Or not," Aang said, also whispering.
And that was when Zuko and Mai burst in. Zuko's tunic was half-off, revealing a thin scar that ran from shoulderblade to thigh, which looked suspiciously consistent with a knife wound. His fingers were twined in Mai's hair, and she looked drunk on wine as well as him.
Katara jerked off the divan, pressing close to the wall. "If only I could blame it on being drunk," she murmured. She took a deep breath, then ran past Zuko and Mai, her arms clasped tight around herself.
"Katara-!" said Zuko and Aang in unison.
Mai made a soft little noise and pushed Zuko away, stumbling off in the opposite direction.
Zuko reached after her before deciding it was pointless and leaning against the doorframe. He swore once, twice, three times, and punched the wall for good measure.
"Why is it that both of us are so good at making complete messes of things?" Aang murmured, looking at the disparate Fire Lord, who was now pressing his palms against his eyes to stop a brewing headache.
"It's a talent," muttered Zuko, sinking onto the divan Katara had just abandoned. "What'd you do?"
"If you hadn't come in here, I probably would have kissed Katara," Aang sighed, stretching out again. "Which would have not only been stupid and problematic, it would have also been as pointless as beating a dead ostrich horse."
"I don't even want to think what Mai and I would have done. They'd never get the stains out, that's for sure."
Aang made a face, looking disgusted by the prospect. "Spare me the details… speaking of Mai, shouldn't you be following her?"
"I will in a moment. Right now, do you have any wine left?"
Aang held up his empty glass with a "What can you do?" smile.
Zuko let out a sigh of absolute despair. "Today just keeps getting better."
(And there's that bit done. The next part will focus on Zuko and Mai. It should be up in a few days.)