Tonight and Tomorrow (Supernatural FanFiction)
By shape-of-an-l-on-her-forehead
7-27-13
The call from Amelia Richardson had been so unexpected that Sam was still recovering from the shock of it all. She'd had a baby, and it wasn't Don's. It was his. He had a daughter. It was both terrifying, and unbelievably wonderful at the same time. When he had first heard, his instincts had said to run. To leave Amelia and the infant alone, for their own good. They needed to be safe from him. Safe from his life. Though having a normal life, and a family, was everything he had ever wanted, he needed to learn from his past. After what had happened to Jess because of him, and after seeing Dean's relationship with Lisa and Ben crumble, he knew that he couldn't risk being in his daughter's life. Getting involved would only bring more heartbreak down the road; that much was clear.
It was Dean who'd convinced him to go and see her. Just once, he'd said, because she was family. Then Sam could move on, and know that she would be in the caring hands of Amelia. That had been the plan. When Sam got to the house, however, the plan immediately changed.
Amelia explained that Don had left her as soon as she'd requested a paternity test. She hadn't exactly forgiven Sam for leaving her at that motel all those months ago, but she felt like she could with enough time. She still loved him, and wanted the baby to have her father around.
"I named her 'Maggie'. What do you think of that?" she had asked him timidly.
"Maggie," he echoed, dumbfounded, "Oh. Wow."
The tiny girl had been wailing from the minute he'd walked in the door. But when Sam held her for the first time, cradled gently in his strong, safe arms, she calmed down to a drowsy contentedness that made Amelia's jaw drop.
"She hasn't stopped crying since I brought her home from the hospital! How did you do that?" she exclaimed.
Sam looked down at his daughter's eyes at that moment, and in them he saw his own. Suddenly, it seemed like his whole life had been building up to that night. Nothing on Earth, in Heaven, in Purgatory, or in Hell mattered as much as his baby girl. It was then that Sam Winchester decided that he would not abandon Maggie. But he knew that he could never abandon Dean again, either. He would have to find some way to manage both lives. It was going to be tough, and scarier than anything he had ever done before, but he knew without a doubt that it was the right choice.
He told Amelia that he would have to be away a lot, for his job, but he would make it work. He had to. It took a while to convince her, but not as long as it took to convince Dean. They argued about it for what felt like hours, going back and forth about how possible or impossible it was to live the life that Sam wanted.
Eventually, Dean shouted, "You always talk about how much you hate Dad for how he raised us, and now you're gonna turn around and do the same thing to your own kid!"
"I'm not gonna drag her around the country on dangerous jobs like Dad did! I'm not gonna give her a gun at nine years old! I'm gonna to be careful not to let anything evil near her! I just want to be there for her, Dean!" Sam cried in frustration.
"Yea?" Dean snapped, "Well news flash, Sam. Dad tried to be there for us, too. But like you always point out, he never was. Not when we needed him to be. Hunting and families don't mix. We know that better than anyone. If you're not gonna give up the job, better to just leave the kid alone before you can let her down."
Sam let that sink in for a moment, and took a deep breath to calm himself. Then he looked at his brother and quietly asked, "If you could have chosen between having Mom around sometimes, or not having her at all, which would you have picked?"
Dean shook his head and started to say, "Come on, that's not the same-"
"-Which would you have picked, Dean?"
He ran a hand down his face in exasperation, and finally said, "I would rather have had her, okay? Fine. You win. You wanna have this crazy, whacked-out double life? Have it. I don't care. When it gets screwed up, don't come crying to me."
Not wanting to fight with his brother anymore, Sam took a step closer and muttered, "Dean, I want you to meet her."
"What?"
"I said, I want you to meet her. Maggie. Your niece."
Dean looked down and shook his head. Ever since he'd left Lisa and Ben, he'd been a little afraid of families. Seeing Sam's daughter would only remind him of Ben, whom he'd loved like a son.
But when he looked back up again, and saw his little brother's pleading face, his attitude changed. This was important to Sam. After everything that had happened, he needed this. He deserved this. It could even be said that when he'd been in college, dating Jessica, Sam had envisioned one day introducing Dean to a little niece or nephew. It may have been part of his "normal life plan" all along. Since Dean still felt responsible for dragging him back into the life, maybe he owed his brother this much. He began to nod slowly, and said, "Okay, Sammy. Okay. I'll meet Maggie."
And so the boys entered Amelia's house together. Sam introduced Dean to the woman who had kept him from searching for him in purgatory, while introducing Amelia to the man for whom he had left her at the motel. Neither one seemed to immediately hate the other. In fact, they looked at each other with a sort of gratitude. It was as if they were silently saying, "Thanks for taking care of Sam when I wasn't."
Maggie was upstairs, taking a nap in her nursery. Sam led the way into the room. Dean entered next. His anxious eyes were trained on the ceiling for a split second, before he followed Sam over to the crib. Amelia leaned against the doorframe, giving the new father and uncle their space.
Once again, Sam was filled with wonder as he smiled shyly at the sleeping child. He hadn't seen something so innocent and pure in a very long time.
Next to him, Dean was trying to wrap his mind around how the beautiful baby girl in from of him was the daughter of his own baby brother. It seemed unreal. In a world full of unimaginable evil, even the cynical hunter began to have hope for the child. His doubts began to fade. Maybe this time, things would be different. Maybe this time they'd be better. "Son of a bitch," he muttered, "Sammy, look at your kid. You have a kid."
"Yeah," Sam breathed, chuckling slightly. He looked at his older brother, his best friend, for a sign that he approved of Maggie.
To his surprise, Dean had a small smile on his face. He said to the baby, "Hey Maggie, it's Uncle Dean. I'm the fun one."
His eyes even looked a bit watery. Sam put a hand on his shoulder and laughed, "Dude, you're crying."
Alarmed, Dean hastily wiped his eyes. "What? No I'm not."
"Uh, yea you are. You looked at a baby and now you're crying."
"No I'm not. It's…I have something…it's allergies. You're crying. Shut up."
Sam let out one of his rare, loud laughs. It felt good. In fact, despite the troubles that were clearly just around the corner, everything felt good.
It felt even better when Dean said, "You know what? I'm happy for you, Sam. Damn the future. Let's have a beer, relax, and wait for your kid to start crying for a diaper change, huh?"
With that, he glanced at Maggie one more time and left the nursery. Amelia followed him.
For the first time, Sam found himself alone with his daughter. He looked down at her and smiled. All the things that had gone wrong in his life should have made him cringe at the thought of a baby. But they only filled him with a refreshing determination to keep her safe, and happy. If that meant hunting things one week, and going to soccer games or dance recitals the next, he was going to do it.
"Things are kind of up in the air right now," he told the sleeping child, "But we'll get this worked out. It may not be the smoothest, most conventional life, but I think you'll be able to hold your own. I'll try and keep the Winchester curse away from you, Maggie, but I'm not going to leave you. Maybe I'll be off saving the world with Uncle Dean sometimes, because I can't help it. But I promise I'll be right here whenever you need me to be. I'm not gonna screw this up. Not this time."
"Sam, you coming down?" Dean called up the stairs.
"Just a minute!" he replied, before turning back to face the baby. "I love you, Maggie. Tonight, tomorrow, and no matter what happens after that. Okay?"
As he began to leave the room, he found himself wondering what his mother would think if she could see him now. He hoped she would be proud. Thinking of her, and his last night with her, he instinctively turned around again. On the changing table next to the crib, he saw that Amelia had set up a baby monitor. He sighed with relief and went downstairs.