Regretfully, I Introduce My Human Jukebox
Me and my sexy friend BethanyJayne have decided to do a series of one shots with either a one word or short(ish) sentence prompt. This week she gave me 'pancake' I on the other hand gave her 'Revolutionary' heh. So yeah, this SHOULD be a weekly thing and if you are interested in seeing some specific characters appear or book then just leave a review and I'll read it if I haven't already and do my best to accommodate. Also if you have some mean suggestions for me to give her (holly, I hate you) then let me know, you will become my favourite person J REMEMBER, sentences or a word!
Anyway, I hope you enjoy and please leave a review with feedback 'cause I read them all and they all make me a better writer. Oh and I'd appreciate everybody ignoring the fact that these songs weren't around when James and co. were kids.
I own neither the characters nor the random song lyrics but you have no idea how much I wish I did.
Did I regret saying yes to James Potter? Not particularly, but I have only been officially dating him for twenty minutes, give it time. I have a feeling that it will slowly eat away at my soul and BAM, one day I'll turn around and won't know my right from my left. But yes, now you have had time to digest the news, here goes the reason by what some may argue as incoherent actions on my part; twenty minutes ago I finally succumbed to the fact that James and I were inevitable, despite how you see me, the stubborn bitch, the fiery redhead, the prude, believe it or not I had my reasons to wait this long. But you see, I'm a very reasonable person, I never agreed to go out with James in the past as my head would tell me otherwise, no matter at all what my heart was blabbering on about, don't get the wrong idea though, I never fancied him, it was more of an admiring from afar sort of feeling, I could look but I couldn't touch. Anyway, it was the beginning of this year that I started to realise James Potter wasn't as much of a douche as I'd made him out to be, whether that was just me putting on my reading glasses (I don't actually need glasses, it is just a figure of speech) or he had actually changed and matured over the holidays I don't know, but one thing I came to realise over this last term as we slowly grew closer was that James is and (surprise surprise) always has been a genuinely lovely guy, you don't get many of them nowadays. Another thing I've learnt about James is he is a taller version of Peter Pan, the only difference? James' appearance was faster becoming manlier everyday whereas Pan, he just stayed angel faced at the cute age of whatever forever. What I'm trying to say is, inside, James is just a little kid, especially when around his best friends, Remus, Black and Pettigrew. Speaking of which...
"CAUSE YOU'RE HOT AND YOU'RE COLD, YOU'RE YES THEN YOU'RE NO, YOU'RE IN THEN YOU'RE OUT, YOU'RE UP THEN YOU'RE DOWN."
This, my dear readers was Sirius Black, unfortunately for me he came as a sort of 'buy on get one free' deal with James, I grinned to myself as I sat back in my armchair, shutting my eyes and waiting for some regret to set in. I was disappointed, not even when I was forced to open my eyes and saw the horrific sight of Black attempting the moon walk mixed in with an 'oh no you didn't.' Seriously? I could have been blinded by the charade yet still no regrets about saying yes to bloody Potter. Should I be surprised? In hind sight I guess not, I have seen a lot worse in my time, like when Black hit on our old and rather large Herbology teacher to get out of detention for some inane stunt he pulled, or when James first told me about them being illegal animagi and I saw what Peter transformed into. All in all, my life got crazier with every breath I took, and I suppose the closer I got to Potter, the closer I came to becoming one of them, not that they'd ever get me to skip a class, I might be living life a little wilder lately but damn, I wasn't that badass. And as if he read my thoughts, Black became suddenly impressed with his mad moon walking skills and flopped on the sofa next to my armchair and started singing in that very feminine voice of his,
"LORDY, LORDY, LORDY, I CAN'T HELP THAT I LIKE TO PARTY, IT'S GENETIC, IT'S ELECTRIFYING, WIND ME UP AND WATCH ME GO, WHERE SHE STOPS, NOBODY KNOWS. A GOOD EXCUSE TO BE A BAD INFLUENCE ON YOU,"
He surprised me by sticking his grubby finger in my face whilst giving that specific line a lot of energy. I will never understand him, that much is for certain.
During all of these unusual goings on I had failed to notice Black was eating a pancake, did he have anything in that damn head of his or was it just filled to the brim with dust and James? Or James playing in the dust...
"SIRIUS?" I all but screeched at him, "do you have any idea what you could be eating?"
"...a pancake?" he guessed
"Your fingers Black, they are covered in dirt!"
"I know," he grinned, "it's a funny story you see, you know that fifth year Ravenc-"
"I DON'T CARE! And none of your romantic tales of how you got your hands dirty for this girl will be worth telling when you die of some unknown disease."
"It wasn't just my hands that got dirty love," he winked but then his expression changed and he said seriously, "do you really think I could die?"
Boy was he thick when it came to sanitising, I merely shrugged as the boy started looking around worriedly, shaking his glossy black hair as he did so.
He began muttering under his breath, not loud enough for me to hear anything but a low humming sound, maybe if I approached him slowly I could snap him out of this paranoid funk he had going on. Then suddenly, just as I was about to get up he did something that shocked me once again into collapsing into my comfy armchair, he tilted his head towards the ceiling (without warning), his movements slick and dramatic, at first I thought the boy had truly lost it and was going to howl his way to the pits of hell but instead he opened his mouth and bellowed (putting it lightly),
"I HOPE I'M OOOOOOOOOLD BEFORE I DIE, I HOPE I LIVE, TO SEE THE DAY, THE POPE GETS HIGH,"
And still no regrets felt on my part, this was crazy. Then the evil part of my brain that is also known as the constant druggie, popping my emotional bubbles as if they were pills, spoke up, normally it doesn't have the nerve and it just sits there shaking in its soundproof cage, trust my spending time with Black would break the lock. Bad Lily. 'What if you actually liked Potter?' it rasped. GAH, what was it on? My thoughts couldn't be that potent.
I'm telling you, Black was mental through and through, I whacked his shoulder and immediately received a death glare from the aforementioned up and coming pop star.
Then behind me I heard Remus and Pettigrew, "oooooh, you owe me a Sickle Moony!"
"Fine, but I would have won if she hadn't implied that he was going to die,"
"Beside the point,"
Remus shrugged.
"What are you guys doing?" I asked,
"Seeing how long it would take you to realise that you never interrupt Mr Mad over there whilst he is in full swing,"
"Guys," I reasoned, "he isn't a mockingbird or anything, he shouldn't feel the need to burst into song whenever he feels a deep emotion..." then realising what I said, I corrected, "well if he has the ability to feel deep emotions that is."
"LILY!" they admonished, "do you not know him at all?"
I shook my head and was about to get up and leave the absurdities that were presumably normal for these poor poor boys sitting before my eyes but just like always I stayed a moment too long and before I knew it, James came in with a (heaven forbid) dazed look in his eyes.
He was holding a plate full of pancakes, holding might have been the wrong word though, he was more clutching them tightly to his chest and... was he stroking them?
He then unceremoniously flopped down onto the sofa where a very upset Sirius lay, too upset to notice his best friend has just sat on his pancake, well that was true until...
"Erm Padfoot mate? I'm sitting on something slimy..."
It took Black a while to process but he eventually got there, "MY PANCAKE! You fiend, you are a crap excuse of a best friend, you... you PANCAKE WHORE!" he screeched,
James however, just continued to sit on Sirius with his face a mask of calm and content, even though he had chocolate sauce from Black's pancake smearing itself into his no doubt VERY expensive jeans in a VERY dubious place, he then lifted his legs up and rested his very smelly feet on Black's head. How did I know they stank? I could smell them from here.
Then everyone was silent for a few minutes before Sirius burst into a very heartfelt rendition of the waffle song.
"DO YOU LIKE WAFFLES? YEAH WE LIKE WAFFLES, DO YOU LIKE PANCAKES? YEAH WE LIKE PANCAKES, DO YOU LIKE FRENCH TOAST? YEAH WE LIKE FRENCH TOAST. DOO DO DO DOO CAN'T WAIT TO GET A MOUTHFUL,"
Then the disturbed child then began to sob violently into a very unlucky couch cushion.
I was so busy watching this I had failed to notice how my now supposed boyfriend was staring deliriously at the pancake, and I tell you, if pancakes could cry, this one would be soggy through and through.
"Aren't pancakes amazing?"
"Yeah... I guess,"
Without taking his eyes off the food in front of him he replied dazedly, "oh there is no guessing to be done Lily, pancakes are what they are, beautiful creatures,"
"James...?"
"Not now Lily, this is 'us time', we never get to bond this way; me and her," he said indicating the pancake which he was now cradling in his arms, "nobody understands us you see... don't worry my love," he cooed to the pancake, "it is okay, Jamesy-poo is here, no one can hurt you now."
I turned to Remus and Pettigrew, who I now have promoted to 'almost normal.' They appeared to be having some sort of telepathic conversation with each other whilst ferociously folding parchment aeroplanes with their wands. This was hopeless.
"I should be going," I say, getting up quickly, ready to leave this madness. I wasn't going to lie, I was in slight panic that my head still hadn't come up with a justifiable reason why I couldn't or was unable to, at this present moment in time, date James Potter. Was I succumbing to the madness that was The Marauders? Merlin help me if that were true.
I was at the bottom of the stairs to the girls' dorms before Sirius called after me, his voice still strangled with still tears, "How does it feel Evans? How does it feel to have lost him? And to her of all food delicacies?"
"Utterly heartbreaking," I reply dryly, my heart screaming at that comeback, "but you can't deny it, she is beautiful," I add, turning round to face the four boys, smiling ever so slightly. James doesn't even spare me a glance, Sirius takes one look at my face before wailing and burying his head back into the couch, Remus has a crazed look in his eye as he and Peter raced aeroplanes through the air, both of the parchments catching fire midway across the room and falling to the ground at my feet. Black ash sprinkled itself all over my shoes.
Silence.
James licked the pancake, "So good! My precious!"
More silence.
"I'm going to-" I change my mind, "Night guys," I nod
Whilst my back was turned Black sat up and moved so close to James he was practically sitting on his lap. I got the feeling Black was watching me as he sang to James (opera style may I add)
"NOW RUMOUR HAS IT SHE AIN'T GOT YOUR LOVE ANYMORE,"
It doesn't get much better than that I have to say. I knew James was smirking at his best mate because he guffawed a few seconds before, he always guffawed then smirked, it was a little James Potter mannerism, as was playing practical jokes on people to see how far he could push them.
"Ohh," I breathed as I realised what tonight was about, I was a little disappointed, James obviously hadn't trusted me to say yes because of my true feelings (wait... what?) he had wanted to exploit his power as 'the boyfriend' and see how far he could push me before I snapped. I hadn't snapped. What did that mean? Uh-oh, he was walking towards me and oh my Merlin he was doing that small grin that brought out just about everything that made James Potter any girls dream guy.
"No regrets Lils?"
Decision time. Alarm bells sounded in my head, and I was wracking my brain for an excuse but it did that thing where it talks without telling me what it was going to say first, sometimes that can result in word vomiting, others I just am completely oblivious to what I say.
"None at all James," then my mouth forms a lopsided grin as my muscles defy me and I lose control of the situation entirely.
I don't even notice when his lips touch down on mine, I do however notice, when he pulls away.
Over his shoulder I see the three famous nincompoops standing, Remus had both hands on Black's and Pettigrew's shoulders and the latter two had both tilted their heads and had their hands cupped over their hearts.
"So precious," Remus chocked whilst mock (I think? You never can tell with these boys) wiping a tears from his cheek.
"My baby has finally grown up," Black adds
"...YEAH!" Pettigrew all but screams slightly off setting the nicely balanced atmosphere but hey! Who am I to complain? I had my arm round a well built quidditch player who had been trying to win my heart for seven years, not only has he accomplished that, he (according to my lack of repulsion) had also won over my head. Stupid, good for nothing, overachieving and bragging about it and just being an arrogant, mean toerag/my boyfriend. Oh Merlin have mercy.
My hand rested on the small of his back, just as I moved to pull it away I felt something slimy,
"Uh, James? You have chocolate pancake smeared on your back,"
He grinned stupidly before grunting an, "oh, yeah," fondly like he was remembering something that was of more than remote importance to his well being.
He reached behind his back and peeled off the remainder of the dried batter before dropping it into his mouth. My cue to leave.
I ran away before he could change his mind and make me listen to another of Sirius' medleys. It was as I was running up the stairs I heard the soft harmonious voices of three boys singing,
"NO REGRETS, THEY DON'T WORK, NO REGRETS NOW, THEY ONLY HURT."
I didn't hear James' voice among them, I did however hear I loud 'WHOOP' of joy quickly followed by, "WHERE ARE THE REST OF MY BLOODY PANCAKES?"