Through the Door
Quinn feels hopeless and trapped without seeing any way out—until.
It could have been a house, a mansion, an island even
And it still would have felt like a dark insignificant closet
Outside they stand, unaware
"Just grab the knob and open the door"
Or, "pull the chain and turn on the light"
They would say...
But the door is locked from the outside
And the bulb is burnt out
The murmur beyond the door gets louder, but their meaning is unclear
And I sit there with a crowd of people around me
Completely alone...I look out, hazel eyes meeting none
They're dazed with blurred faces constantly moving around me
But never touching or acknowledging
Without a thought of where they are or who they're with
How often I had seen this play out?
You think you would notice being stuck, practically on top of each other
But they don't
Not one
But I notice...
I even recognize a few through the gauze
Grew up with a couple
I start to speak to them, I knew them completely
Well I used to...
That thought stops my voice, midair, from trying to reach them
I hear my words but they're blocked and bounced back as if against a wall
I reach for them, but they don't move and I am stuck grounded to the floor
With nothing, but the stool I'm seated on
So many years…
How often I had entered through the doorway
And been unable to open the door?
How often I had turned on the light
And quenched the darkness?
So many times had I found those whom were lost
Helped find a purpose, a place, good or bad
So many times...
But this time I am the one trapped
How long had I been here?
There are no more voices outside the door
Just an unclear dry hum in the back of my head
Strange, yet vaguely familiar, a fleeting thought that I couldn't grasp
As if they are backing away from the door
But I know it's me who's moving away from them
I was outside once, faces were clear
And as I sit here that's all I think about
Faces were clear
Hers was so clear...
The songs, her voice, so clear…
I close my eyes, remembering
Were the images always this fuzzy?
They become dimmer and blurred and suddenly they are no longer there
The songs grow like water rushing past my ears and then nothing
As if looking into an empty room and knowing there is something
But I can't see it
My eyes feel so heavy when they open
And the hum is gone
Yet the silence is deafening
But now I am truly alone...
No blurred faces, no one at all
What happen to the people I knew?
Leaving me without as much as a whisper
With no trace at all...
They found a way out and with a flash of blurred smiles they left me
No longer seeing an importance, no longer remembering
Leaving me lost and unnecessary
No longer needed...
That thought makes me feel more alone than their lacking presence could ever
I realize that I will always sit there
Still, alone, in the small dark room, on the stool
I turn from the door
And close my eyes once more, my golden hair falling into my face
A wet droplet streaks down followed by another and another
I bring my hands up and catch the tears as they fall
A release that unsuccessfully tries to alleviate the constriction in my chest
My vision blurs and I fail to see the point in clearing it...
Forgotten...lost
A phantom touch, a far away sound, a faint smell
All are fragmented and uncertain
But the fog swirling in my head, slowly grows fainter and fades
Pale light streams through covered eyes
As a breath glances my shoulder for a brief moment
Pleasant and warm, I focus
Still the lightest of touches, but I feel it
The heaviness of my eyes lightens and they slowly open
Hazel eyes meeting chocolate brown.
An illuminated face, clear and unwavering
The faint pleasant smell becoming lucid
A hand grazes my cheek, a tender touch wiping away tears
Involuntarily, I shiver
I'm helped to my feet and pulled into an embrace
A delicate kiss placed on quivering lips
My golden mixing with her chestnut soft tresses
Her breathless voice up to my ear
"I found you… whenever you're ready"