Summary: It was the only space where he had an excuse for them to be together.
Once part of a compilation but I think it's better to be separated... Let's just say it's for my sanity. lol
in the same bed
The room looked empty. Seemingly abandoned with its blemished white wall, minimal furniture and dim lighting. It was as if no one owned the place. But it was, by two people. A couple, husband and wife.
=•=•=•=•=•=
She was facing the other way. Again, Roxas noted with a wry smile. Was his face that horrible for her to do that every single night?
She was curled like a fragile animal, protecting itself from a beast. A beast that you could call Roxas.
Because here he was, a predator watching her back for any movements, any hint that could tell him that she was awake, that she was aware so he could pounce. Attack her with a barrage of questions that was plaguing him for a long time. Because once again, she continues to share her warmth to the pillow... instead of him.
Roxas knew that their relationship didn't start right. Heck, they were forced to start it. Even he resented it in the beginning—who would like to have their right to choose their partner taken away?—but eventually concluded that, maybe it wouldn't be so bad.
But it wasn't the same for her.
At first, he can remember her bright smile, fake or not, he was relieved whenever he comes home to that but it changed, gradually, she changed.
He didn't know when, he didn't know why but she stopped sending him smiles, stopped putting good luck wishes on his lunch, stopped reaching out to touch his hand when he was obviously having a hard time at work to soothe his nerves.
He knew that it would be hard, but he hoped, and damn he hoped that they would get along. That they would be able to make this marriage work.
But building a happy life from an arrange marriage wasn't easy after all.
So he closed his eyes and swallowed the lump in his throat, curling himself in a cocoon, hoping that it'll somehow protect him from the pain. If she doesn't say it—those dreaded words—then he won't speak up. He wouldn't let go of the pieces waiting to be completed even if it was long overdue.
He won't break this marriage off.
Although her back remained to him, he couldn't help but reach a hand although eventually, he retreated. Settled in closing his eyes, drowning himself in imaginations, illusions, dreams, letting the darkness embrace him.
=•=•=•=•=•=
She was starting to drift off, just a little more and her consciousness would've faded to dark. But she felt it, oh how she felt it. A soft feather like pressure landing on her side, steadily working its way down to the curve of her hips.
The traces of sleep left like the wind. She was now fully awake, alert.
Her heart throbbed, drumming its nostalgic beats. Stubbornly though, she didn't allow herself to move. To make him see how affected she was by his touch.
Of course the lack of reaction didn't deter him. He didn't stop his caress, the tips of his finger proceeded to travel all over, to her exposed stomach, to her waist, and down to her hips. Staying at one place for a second or two didn't help alleviate her situation, it only worsened as his heat was transferred to her body.
She felt like she was losing her mind. Why was she allowing him to continue this act when all it would take to stop him was a slap of her hand?
Naminé did not know what she hated more, the fact that she forgot to bundle herself up in covers or that she was swooning on the mere fact that he was caressing her again.
After so long.
Of course, she wondered if she wasn't attractive enough for him because they haven't been closer for months. Maybe the thought that he was cheating was a really stupid thought like Xion had said if he still dares to touches her reverently when he believes she was asleep.
Distracted by his warm hands, it took a while before she registered the rustle of the sheets, nor the lowering of the bed. A blatant signal that he was moving closer. She stiffened when he nuzzled his head on her exposed neck, as she opted to wear a loose tank top, felt him breathe in the scent of the shampoo she knew he loved. The air that came as he exhaled made her clench her hand, digging marks in her palm to suppress a shiver from wrecking her whole body.
But she failed to stop it, hair in her neck and arms rose without her consent. Recognizing that she was getting bothered, she focused on the rational side of her mind, wondering why he was moving even closer, spooning her in his arms.
He placed a kiss on her neck, in the area that never failed to make her shiver every time. And this made her grit her teeth in response, struggling to contain any sounds of pleasure that may come out next.
She was heavily perplexed on the reason why he was doing this but she didn't have the heart to stop him. Then, she felt his hand on her tummy slowed and changed its direction. It travelled downwards, painstakingly slow to the part that only he knew so well, except from her.
"I know you're awake, Naminé." He panted, his voice a mere whisper but oddly, it sounded so loud in her ear. "You're always awake."
She tried to hold her breath but she could only last for a short time before she took a greedy amount of air. There was no helping it, she was busted.
"What are you doing?" She rasped out with difficulty, heavily aware of the hand that was diving downwards.
"You don't like it?" Was his response and she recognized the childish tone in it which only explained why he was behaving this way.
He's drunk!
It was an adorable and frightening trait of his, he doesn't look drunk at first glance but the actions he takes leans on the more childish and irrational side that was far from how he usually is. Note that his usual tone would also change drastically from his normally solemn, almost sad ones.
"Stop it, Roxas." You'll regret this tomorrow. But he didn't listen. It was only until she had enough and pinched his hand so hard that he flinched and stilled.
It became silent. As the time ticked on, the air slowly became more and more uncomfortable to breathe in.
Naminé let herself be engulfed in his arms for a little longer before trying to move away. But he only tightened his hold.
"Why are you being like this?" Said his voice laden with pain. It was these times that he would find it easier to talk, to open up, but Naminé didn't want to use this to her advantage. "If you wanted this to stop then you should cut if off before it gets more harder than it already it is."
She would ask what he was talking about but she knew... it was this marriage.
"I..." She couldn't continue talking without pausing to keep her hiccups in. Her eyes burned so hard as it let the water out, the only comfort she received from him aside from his arms came from the cold, wet form that touched her neck.
And they slept. For the first time in a while, in an embrace.
=•=•=•=•=•=
Roxas knew he messed up the moment he opened his eyes. The sunlight had already slipped through the curtains, and for a second, he thought that he was gonna be late for work when he realized that he doesn't have to go in the weekends. He wouldn't want to, especially if he was face to face with the only woman he shares the bed with.
In a speed of light, he scrambled away. His body falling to the ground in a loud thud. His head pulsed and he groaned. Cursing the morning for its blinding whit light, cursing himself for his inability to be free from a dumb hangover.
When he recovered well enough to sit up, he caught her looking. Too dazed and tired to move, he held her gaze. There was something behind those orbs that seemed to speak to him, convey what she couldn't say in words. Confusion and some other thing he didn't know, or was afraid to know. So he did the only thing he could do.
Avoid her.
"Sorry," he whispered, before turning away, limping the way out of the room.
He did not return to the only space he had a solid excuse for them to be together. As much as he wanted to stay... it would only hurt.
It was pathetic. But he couldn't man enough to show his face at the moment.
For as long as he can, he tried to make them stay together, he failed but still tried in every chance he got even as she flew away from his grasp, almost like a bird desperately seeking for freedom.
Now here he was, ruining the chance for the two of them to be together. But he couldn't bring himself to care. This time, probably just this once, he let himself be the one to turn away, leaving the room, the bed where they shared through the night.
=•=•=•=•=•=
She knew it.
He regretted his actions from the night before. She knew it but it still hurt. Naminé wondered if this was how he felt with regret. Pain, fear, sadness from the rejection.
She pushed him away, out of fear that he would get tired of her, because she thought she was the only one who was constantly working for this marriage to work. She should've spoke instead of keeping that insecurity to herself. Then they could've worked things together. At least, that's what her friends had told her.
And she was starting to see that they were right.
She purposely stayed in the bathroom late. Until she was sure he was inside, in the room, in their room.
She decided to turn and face him before she slept, only to be disappointed because he was facing the other side.
=•=•=•=•=•=
It was silent, the usual sound that occupied their space together. Their back was to each other when he spoke.
"Did you mean it?" He asked, and apparently, darkness became his new friend. It gave him courage to ask, to pretend they were closer than they actually are.
They were at a party earlier. One hosted by their mutual friend. Party for their child who just turned one. They couldn't refuse if they wanted to, although none of them wanted to miss it in truth.
However, they weren't prepared enough for the questions that was asked, stares that was thrown like daggers, spotlight that was given by the people they knew. It caught them off guard. They were together for years and the fact that they still haven't have a kid on their side was questioned.
"When are we gonna see cute little blondes running around, wrecking havoc with ours?"
At least no one was rude enough to ask who was infertile, Roxas assuaged himself.
He wasn't expecting an answer, it was either she fell asleep or just ignored out of whim. Heck, it could've been lip service just to please the people around from what he can tell. Still, he wished to hear on her lips that it was true.
He didn't expect the shift in the bed, the hand that was placed on his shoulders, and to his surprise, he let it lead him, to turn him, to make him face her eye to eye.
Maybe she hadn't notice, maybe it was out of habit, a show whenever they were outside, but she touched his hand at the party far too frequent to be a coincidence. He didn't question it, he just grasped and squeezed, sending her waves of comfort unbeknownst to him.
"Someday soon."
"Roxas..." She started and he had never seen her have that strong determination in her eyes, it was like a moon that shined brightly in the dark. Inviting him to touch her face, caress her pink lips with his. "Do you..."
She let the words get swallowed by the air, she didn't voice it out, probably too afraid, just like how he felt. But she mouthed the words, and it was enough.
His eyes were glued to her lips and he read the words very well. Words that may have been a plea, or maybe an order. One thing that he was sure he didn't have to follow. After all, it was already done, aware or not, he did for quite some time. He moved to stare into her eyes as he said, "I do." Then he leaned, as if pulled by an unknown force, she too went near, and together they went closer to each other.
It would take a while but they would get there. To the image they keep dreaming of every night.
It will be alright.
And someday, the room that had once felt so empty would be colored with another life.
notes: Well, I tried. I do like to write things I know nothing about. Jk. But did it feel empty? Hope not. It was meant to be set at a much older time, not sure if that was showed. haha
08/02/17