In your shoes
"ONE SIMPLE THING! YOU CAN'T DO A THING RIGHT CAN YOU?" The fire in his emerald eyes said he was furious. Harley knew she'd messed up big this time, she knew it, yet again she'd let the bat get away and nearly got them caught with her loud mouth. Still it wasn't all her fault! He'd told her to make that left turn and it threw everything off track, she was only following her Puddin's orders.
"But Puddin!" Harley cried out in defense "You told me ta-"her words were cut off with a nice loud smack to the face, her body spun around and tumbled to the floor. Her hand popped up over the bruise she could feel forming beneath her makeup.
"Such a spoiled little princess, your jobs so damn easy a monkey could do it!" The Joker sneered standing over her slumping body now. Harley's liquid blue eyes focused on the tile floor as her nails started to dig into her palms through her gloves. "Honestly Harley, do you work at all? I might need a new hench girl" his tone was poisonous and it sent shivers down her spine.
Her anger finally hit its peak and she jumped up so they were nose to nose, her eyebrows furrowed together and her face scrunched up as she glared straight into his green eyes with her blue ones "Listen up you scum sucking creep!" her voice was fierce and her eyes were an ocean of fire "All you do is order people around! When the going gets tough you run your sorry ass back home and let us take the fall! You own up to nothing! You're a sham!" she screamed "ANYONE COULD DO YOUR JOB!" When a smile spread out on his ruby red lips Harley jumped backwards three feet realizing what she'd just said, a small squeak erupted from the back of her throat.
"My job is easy eh?" a light cackle sounded from his mouth "Alright then, let's see how well you can do my job" his green eyes drilled holes into her skull as he threw his cane at her. She caught in her palm and stared at it through wide blue eyes.
"And you" Harley smirked "Have to do mine." Her voice was as confident as her smirk "How long should we play this game for, Mistah J?"
"I'd say until midnight tonight"
"Deal!" Harley said happily, cockily "Starting now!"
Joker snickered and looked his girlfriend over "whatever you say, Puddin'" he mimicked her Brooklyn accent with a smirk that out did her own. Getty and laughing Harley ran back to their shared bedroom, jumping over a pile of laundry she wouldn't be cleaning up to day as she stumbled into the room. She giggled as she grabbed one of his favorite purple suits from the closet and laid it down on the bed with care not wanting to wrinkle it.
The beautiful blond stripped down to her naked body, beautiful curves filled ivory skin as her plump breasts bounced in the green bra she was now slipping on. Going as far as to put on a pair of her Mistah J's poka-dot boxers Harley couldn't stop laughing. She was gonna show him she could be him. Stepping into his purple trousers one foot at a time, she came to the conclusion that she was smaller than him by quite a lot.
Pursing her pink lips she waddled back over to the closet, trousers pooling around her ankles, and grabbed his thick leather belt, sliding it through the purple belt loops, she fastened it nice and tight so the pants stayed up. Harley put on his green button down leaving the top three buttons undone and slipped on his purple waist coat, synching it in the back a bit so it fit her small frame, breasts bulging slightly from the V of the button down as she slipped her arms into the purple cocktail coat.
The girl's hands went to work pulling her hair back into a formal bun held together with two clips as she placed a purple fedora on her head and smirked at herself in the mirror reapplying her clown makeup, after all the Joker had smeared it when he hit her. The last touches on her outfit were a yellow ascot and a pair of six inch black stilettos; she needed to be at least six inches taller to be a little more intimidating.
Clearing her throat as she slammed the end of her cane against the hallway wall she screamed "Haaaarrrleeeeey!" as loud as she could, trying to suppress her want to break out laughing. Loud footsteps could be heard coming clumsily down the hall.
Harley raised an eyebrow at the sound as a whirlwind of black and red jumped on her, throwing her off of her feet as he nuzzled her face almost roughly with his own "You called, Mistah J?" he batted his eye lashes and offered her an attempt at a pretty smile. In all actuality he wanted to grab her up and throw her because she was wearing his favorite suit. He'd get her for it later.
The Joker was dressed in a red and black tailored suit and wore her head dress, with his long face it looked a little ridiculous and made Harley want to laugh especially with him mimicking her Brooklyn accent. Despite her want to hold him and squeak happily, Harley pushed him off of her and brushed the front of her suit off with her dainty hand "Ugh…feed the hyenas, this place is a wreck! Clean it up" she snapped with a smug look on her face as she pulled a hand held mirror from the pocket of her trousers and blew a kiss at her reflection "I have more…important things to deal with" the click clack of her heels echoed throughout the hall as she walked away.
Joker watched her go, she looked hot as hell in that little get up, She looked like him after all and there was nothing better than that in his eyes. He growled at himself feeling a problem form in his trousers as his eyes fixated on the sway of her hips clad in his pants. He wanted her attention at that moment…and what dose Harley do when she wants attention? The Joker smirked as he thought about it.
The girl walked into his study, today it would be her study.
Harley sat down at the desk and grabbed a fresh sheet of paper "Time to start scheming" She said to herself as she crossed one leg over the other and tapped the eraser of a short pencil to her lower lip. In her head every time she thought up an idea…she would come to the conclusion that they'd tried it already or it was simply to full of flaws or the number one problem there was no way to make it ironic or funny…..The blonde groaned "Man this would give anyone a killer headache…I feel like shit sitting in this dingy room how does he do it all day long?"
As the door creaked open she raised an eyebrow as Joker skipped into the room singing "lala lala lala laa" in quite an annoying tone she assumed was meant to mimic her singing. He wore only a pair of red boxers and she smirked playing his game.
Despite her want to run into his arms she started to scribble across the sheet of planning paper. Joker made an "Ahem!" noise as his hands found his hips and he stood like a pouting teenage girl. Biting her lower lip Harley tried not to laugh, he was still wearing her headdress while he was at it. She had to ignore him, the way he did her.
"Puddin" Joker cooed sitting on the ledge of the desk "Please baby" her eyes widened when she noticed the bulge in his pants. Oh how she wanted to reach out and rub him. Still she couldn't, wouldn't. Her palm rested on his forehead as she shoved him off the desk.
The Joker fell to the floor with a loud thud! He didn't understand, Harley could never resist an opportunity to touch him and he needed her at that moment. His erection rubbed uncomfortably against his trousers and her gritted his teeth. "Daddy's working" Harley said with a grin as she flicked her blue eyes in his direction. He felt his face heat up….oh he'd kill her for this.
He would not be ignored, he was the Joker, damn it! This little bitch really thought if she put on his shoes she could…..and then it occurred to him….this is what Harley feels near every night. "I said I'm working" Harley sneered as she grabbed him up by the back of his shirt and flung him out the back door into the alley way face first.
He groaned picking his body up, thrown out of his own house. He only looked over his shoulder when he heard light growling. It was Bud and Lou. Ever since Harley had moved in about three years ago, joker wasn't their master anymore…and under no circumstances did they listen to him. "SIT!" his voice was so loud it echoed back to him nearly shaking the theater. Bud and Lou laid their heads in his lap as he rested his head in his hands. Poor Harley he thought to himself as he tried to picture her sitting outside at night by herself with just Bud and Lou for company. Out casted…rejected…by the man she loved most.
After about an hour of sitting there, Joker finally walked inside, the moment he shut the door he heard a shrill "HARRRLEYYY!" coming from the bedroom. Taking a deep breath he trampled his way to where he knew Harley was. Making sure to pounce on her in the most annoying way possible, he placed a sloppy wet kiss on her lips "Yes Mistah J?" he said putting out his best Brooklyn accent.
Harley scowled "STUPID GIRL CAN'T YOU EVER DO ANYTHING RIGHT?" Her voice was rage filled, loud and the sound of her hand against his cheek sounded throughout the entire theater. Something dropped from his chest to his stomach when she hit him….he couldn't believe she hit him. Why had she hit him? Gesturing with the end of her cane Harley spat "I TOLD YOU TO PICK UP THOSE CLOTHES! YOU WANT TO LIVE IN FILTH!" Clothes on the floor…he thought That's why….but that's…
"I…I'm so sorry Puddin!" Joker tried to sound convincing, trying to pull her crybaby act though he really did, though he'd never admit it, feel a twinge of sadness when she hit him.
"You should be" Harley said very smugly "Clean it up….I have things to do" again she left him alone, hips swaying beautifully on her way out the door. Harley walked into the living room; well it had a TV so they called it the living room.
Lounging on the couch the snickering blond turned on an old Scooby doo cartoon and crossed one ankle over the other. A few henchmen stared at her in a confused state but not one ever dared to ask what was going on, they had learned long ago that it was the crazy couple's business what the crazy couple did and so they just went back to their card game.
The Joker frowned as he picked up the laundry pile in the bedroom "Where the hell does she do laundry?" he mumbled to himself as he started to look around the room. Little bitch was gonna pay.
As he walked past Mickey, one of his henchmen he wasn't too surprised when the man did a double take "Err boss" the man squeaked in confusion.
"Just Harley here" muttered the Joker in a girly voice. He felt stupid, really stupid but it didn't matter because her job was easy, easy as hell, a little laundry, some yelling, so what if it's a little lonely ha! He could last till midnight, no way in hell was he gonna let her think he couldn't be here for a day. The only challenge he'd be facing was earning the respect of his men back tomorrow.
When the front door was blown down, the sound of bullets resounded in the air and Harley screamed at the top of her lungs, joker ran into the front room. Lex stood in the door way, prideful as ever with Mercy standing right behind him. The bald man raised an eyebrow at Joker before looking to Harley "I…I won't even ask" he said slowly in his deep voice.
Lex took a step forward and Harley swiftly flung her cane out so it was in his way "Uh uh Lex, I'm The Joker today" Lex's brown eyes were confused, he didn't care who he was making a deal with as long as he was making a deal.
"Alright" he said slowly "Then you'll have to forgive me for this, Mz. Quinn but" he snatched her up by the front of her shirt and scowled, psh Harley was used to that, she just wished Lex was a little smaller. A slight gag escaped Harley's throat "Lex loosen your grip" she choked out quietly with a pretty smile. Up close…Lex was a pretty scary guy….Geez..Harley thought to herself…No wonder Puddin is sometimes reluctant to do business with him….
Giggling slightly Harley looked at her 'harlequin' out the corner of her blue eyes and said in a sing song rasp "HARRRLEEY!" The Joker sprung to life and clumsily danced his way into the scene, looking slightly like a large ballerina as he did it with a smile, he was never gonna live this down "P..put Mistah J down baldy!" he was now almost positive Lex would kill him when he next got the chance. There was no coming back from this.
Lex was in a state of shock and surprise, he didn't know what to make of any of it but he decided just because they were on a different agenda didn't mean he was and so he looked over his shoulder and said "Mercy"
Joker's green eyes went wide as the woman darted at him and he dodged her attempt swinging his fist into her face. Harley and Lex sat down across from each other while Joker and Mercy rolled around the room kicking and screaming like animals. Harley couldn't help but smirk, it was nice to be the one sitting down while Mercy was on a blood lust rampage. For once it wasn't for her blood.
Ignoring the spat in the background Lex leaned forward, his chin on his hand mirroring Harley's pose "Mind if I ask?"
Harley smirked "We got into a little debate about whose job is harder"
"Enough said" Lex muttered as he went into his pocket for a cigar "I have a proposition for you"
Harley smirked "Well Lex ya know, I'm a business man" Harley burst into giggling at that moment only stopping when she started choking of Lex's cigar smoke. Her eyes started to water as she plastered a smile on her face and stared at him hoping the eye watering wouldn't turn to tears.
Joker rolled Mercy over and pinned her hands above her head, placing a knee on her chest to hold her in place he smirked a devious smirk. In truth the woman was quite the opponent. Lex offered Harley a cigar and deciding Joker would probably take one and smiled prettily and snatched it up.
"Now, about two weeks ago I spoke to your uh….partner about robbing a bank for me. I'll pay you and everything, he knows all the details" Lex gestured to Joker who was in the middle of hog tying Mercy with braided rope.
Harley took a drag of her cigar, face turning green as she said "I'd like to know all of the d..details seeing as I am Mistah J today"
Joker rolled over on his back, chest heaving up and down, clothes torn up to the point of him looking like a victim of rape. He looked to his left, Mercy was hog tied and gagged with a rubber chicken, looked way better that way too. His hand fell over his eyes as he groaned. 'Wow no wonder Harley always looks like she's gonna die after Lex comes to call' He thought to himself.
Harley leaned back with her arms behind her head in a relaxed manor, relishing the wind against her face "Ready to give in, Harley?" she teased as Joker drove them down the street. The man in the Harlequin head dress frowned and chewed on the corner of his cheek not answering her. Harley snickered. One more hour…One more hour…One more hour. That's all he could think.
The two henchmen in the back with Harley looked both worried and confused, their names were Mickey and Rock. Both were taller men dressed in green suits and had heavy set age marks in their faces. Harley felt confident she'd make it to midnight, wave a gun in some idiots face get the money and go, no worries about upsetting Mistah J during the getaway.
As they pulled into the bank's staff parking lot in the back, Harley's cane hit the concrete, then one stiletto at a time she stepped out of the car and smirked smoothly directing Mickey and Rock to go dismantle the security camera's outside.
Joker chuckled, this was where it would be the easiest, all he had to do was sit there and wait for them to come out and then drive, easiest fucking job in the world. Once the camera's were gone Harley made her way around the side of the building, her hand one her gun as she walked through the doors of the bank. No one was there except the teller.
He was a middle aged man with dark brown hair and bright blue eyes. The sound of her heels echoed throughout the room. Mickey and Rock followed in behind her quivering in their statement "P..presenting the clown prince of crime…The Joker" Harley's hand rested on her cane as she smirked shifting her weight to one leg.
The Teller looked anything but scared….he looked amused…almost…until he was staring down the barrel of Harley's gun. "Did you laugh at me?" Snapped the blond.
"N…no ma'am!" screamed the man as his eyes started to fill with tears.
"Rock! Mickey! The bag!" She snapped in the direction of her henchmen. The men fumbled with a bag trying to get it to open up, the same way a child might struggle to get a garbage bag open. Harley rolled her blue eyes. "Idiots."
The Joker made faces at himself in the rearview mirror, sticking his tongue out as he pulled on his cheeks, bored as hell, that's what he was. There was no excitement no amusement. "Hey!" The gruff voice of a security guard made him look over his shoulder, Shit Harley had taken his gun. How the fuck dose Harley get out of this? He wondered staring at the man.
"Err uh" the man was still a fair distance behind him and couldn't really see his face.
"You Harley Quinn?" Snapped the older man.
Joker groaned, never in life would he live this down "Right-a-roonie!" Joker mustered up his best Harley impression and buried his face into his lap trying to think of something, the man was being awfully slow crossing the parking lot.
The man was beside the car now, obviously drunk, joker could tell by the slur in his voice when he said "You ought to get outta here" Drunk…that's why it took him so long to cross the parking lot…also…why the men might actually believe Joker to be Harley.
Joker peaked up at him and batted his eyelashes flashing the man a pretty smile, he had a gun! The Joker smirked, the guard had a gun and was probably to drunk to function, Ha! The man tipped his head to the side "Anyone ever tell ya, you're a lot prettier on T.V.?" Joker frowned…okay he wasn't that drunk. Where the hell was Harley?
"How rude!" Joker again pushed out his best Harley impression, he was sticking to this game, he refused to go back on it, The joker never goes back on anything especially if he's competing with Harley. The man grabbed his gun immediately and pushed it to Joker's forehead….okay he really wasn't that drunk.
"Give me one reason not to blow your brains out!" yelled the guard in a drunken slur. Joker thought about it rapid fire, what would Harley do? What would Harley do? In a spur of the moment Joker did what he thought he'd never do…he kissed the man holding the gun.
Harley came barreling out of the building with a bag of cash and a gun at her side, the two henchmen fumbled behind her "DRIVE!" She screamed stopping in mid sentence when the scene unfolded in front of her and her hands began to twitch "SLIMEY RAT!" She screamed and whipped her gun out dropping the cash all over the ground and pulled the trigger, shooting the guard in the head. Blood spilled and splattered all over Joker's marble face.
"Ha! You didn't make it to midnight I WON!" Joker yelled happily with a big smile as he tore the head dress off freeing his green locks only to howl in pain when Harley shot him through the shoulder. The blond threw his favorite hat on the ground and slammed the passenger's door when she climbed in beside him "What the fuck was that for?" The Joker snapped holding his shoulder.
Rock and Mickey were busy minding their own business collecting the money Harley had dropped. Harley glared at the Joker "YOU KISSED SOMEONE ELSE!" Her eyes were fierce, skin deathly pale and body shaking. Blood seeped through the thigh of her trousers. Joker frowned and his green eyes turned to emerald slits.
"ROCK MICKEY!" He snapped and the men clambered into the car with the bag of money settling into the back seat. Joker felt an almost unbearable pain shoot up his left arm "Ugh Harley get in the back seat"
"Excuse me?" snapped the still jealous, pissed off blonde, her hair falling from the bun.
"Just do it!" he screamed frustrated, he hadn't been able to yell her all damn day and it felt so damn good to have control again. Her lips turned to a pout as wounded Harley climbed into the backseat and closed her eyes trying to get comfortable. The sound of a car door made her look up, Joker had gotten out of the car "Rock drive us home, Mickey passenger seat" he said gruffly.
The men moved to the front as Joker climbed into the back with Harley pulling her against his chest. Even though she was mad she couldn't suppress that happy squeak of hers. His hand rested on her shoulder and she buried her face into his chest "You got shot?" asked the Joker. Harley only nodded against his chest. He felt his stomach turn, sure he wanted to hide it but god damn it he hated when she got hurt on these escapades. Each time reminded him that one day…the bullet might take her away from him….not that he'd ever tell her that.
In truth it wasn't that fact that she was hurt that made him want to hold her, it was the fact that she'd actually shot him. His gutsy baby, hit her target and with such furry in her eyes…despite her love for him! How could he not pull her into his arms?
They got home late that night, a dim flame flickered over a candle as the clown prince and princess of crime sat silently in The Joker's study. Joker was sitting on the desk, legs hanging off, wearing on his trousers while a pretty blonde dressed in only his button down with a bandage around her thigh tended to his wound. The candle lit Harley's eyes beautifully as they focused hard on her work. She wanted him to feel better, though she felt he deserved the bullet. Her pink lips pursed in thought as she assessed her day…idiots…idiots all around…when she tried to work Joker wouldn't leave her alone and when she tried to relax Lex came in and pushed her around…..then she had to go pull some heist and got shot at…it was enough to make anyone just a little crazy.
"Harley" The Joker broke the heavy silence as she finished cleaning the wound she'd inflicted on him and started to unwrap a roll of gauze with deft fingers. Her blue eyes met his green ones and asked the silent question Hm? A long sigh escaped the green eyed man's red lips "Harley, I uh…I realize that your job is supposed to be easy….I uh…I make it…you know" he was apologizing in his own way for making her life harder than it had to be. She knew that.
As delicate fingers finished bandaging his wound she smiled softly and kissed his shoulder "It's okay, Puddin, your jobs hard to, the henchmen are idiots and people are always shooting at you, plus some idiots don't know how to respect and….I distract you from your plans…sometimes I mess up the getaway…I complicate your life just as much" unlike joker Harley did know how to say "I'm real sorry Puddin"
The sincerity in her eyes was enough to disarm him, damn her for looking at him that way. Joker snickered "You little minx, had your top undone all day" He cooed trying to get her mind off track as her reached out running his hands from her shoulders down her arms. In truth if she didn't mess up from time to time…he'd get bored and he knew it. Those little moments when she'd hand him the wrong gun or make a wrong turn…they made his nights worthwhile…every dinner burned…every dollar lost…every painful out burst from Lex he would suffer from Harley's mistakes….how could he live without those little unexpected twists and turns? He'd just be plain bored…not that he would ever tell her that.
Harley shivered as his lips collided with hers and his strong arms pulled her close to his body. Her delicate ivory fingers knotted in his hair as her tongue rushed into his mouth, running over the puckered scars that marred his cheeks. She moaned at his taste, loving every second of having him close. One leg at a time without breaking the kiss she lifted herself into his lap earning a groan from him.
She broke the kiss to breathe staring into his eyes as a slow smirk spread out on her lips, mischief ran through her eyes and he raised an eyebrow in response. "Nope!" Harley giggled musically and started blowing raspberries into his neck. Child like laughter filled the air as he pushed her down on the desk, candle still flickering, casting their shadows on the wall behind them as Joker tickled Harley half to death. Her beautiful laughter put a smile on his face, yes….how could he possibly live without these little twists and turns…how could he be without this crazy woman?