If Rose Tyler was certain of something, it was that she no longer enjoyed Christmas songs. She grew up listening to the songs and enjoying them while decorating the tree with her mother or cooking, and sometimes burning, Christmas dinner. Yet, this year, she really listened to them and realized that instead of bringing cheer, they brought sadness due to memories of Christmases past.
She changed the radio station, not really feeling like hearing "Rockin' around the Christmas Tree." She stole at glance at the tree in the living room. It was beautifully decorated with lights, tinsel and ornaments. It was also standing still, not attempting to kill them this year. She was grateful for that. Aside from that one experience with the Christmas tree, none of the others had ever turned out to be dangerous. Yet, she still wasn't able to listen to "Oh, Christmas Tree" or "Jingle Bells" without glancing at nearby Christmas trees. The same was true about the song, "God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen" when Santas were in the area. Though occasionally, the men dressed as Santa were frightening enough in their own right.
Rose found the next station and immediately cringed as she heard cheery music and the words that the woman was singing.
"Santa won't you bring me the one I really need
Won't you please bring my baby to me…"
She quickly changed the station and was thankful that it was on an advert so she didn't have to hear those songs. She thought music would be better than silence, but she was debating that silence might be better. She leaned forward on the sofa pressing her fingertips to her temples, taking a deep breath to take control of her emotions. She told herself she was not going to cry. She refused to.
Even though she told herself this, she felt a burning sensation in her eyes and she forced them closed. It kept the tears back, but it didn't help keep back her thoughts. She thought back to Christmases of the past. She remembered going to see Charles Dickens on Christmas Eve, back in the 1800s and almost dying in a basement in Cardiff.
Though she celebrated Christmas in another time, she missed Christmas with her Mum that year and Mickey had been charged with murder. She had felt bad about that, but Mickey eventually forgave her, though it had taken a long time. Not that she blamed him. However, that didn't mean she would stop travelling with the Doctor. How could she when there was so much to see and do?
The following Christmas Eve, she had survived a crash landing in the Tardis. The Doctor had just regenerated and was frightening to her. He didn't look like his old self and he didn't sound like his old self or even act like his old self. Yes, he had the memories, but at first, that hadn't been enough. To Rose, it felt like the Doctor, her Doctor, was dead.
After being chased by Santas, almost killed by a Christmas tree and being taken on board an alien spacecraft, the Doctor had saved the world once more.
Aside from the Prime Minster's actions, that was a wonderful Christmas Day. Rose had celebrated Christmas with Mum, Mickey and the Doctor. Rose couldn't remember the last time they had all felt so festive. Though the flat was in horrible need of repairs due to the Christmas tree, they had a memorable Christmas.
The best part was after dinner, when they were standing in ash, which looked like snow. When the Doctor took her hand in his and they had looked at the sky, deciding where to go next.
Rose planned on travelling with the Doctor forever. No matter what. To see all those amazing sights. To see places that became mere text in history books, then to get into that magical blue box and travel to places that no one could even imagine in their wildest dreams, thousands of years into the future. She remembered what the Doctor said before, that she could spend her entire life with him but he couldn't spend his entire life with her. Later, when she said she planned on staying with him forever, he had smiled and she didn't worry.
All that was gone. All those possibilities. All of the plans, hopes and dreams. Her following Christmas had been with her Mum, Dad and Mickey. She hadn't been festive after being stuck in the parallel world. The following year, she worked long hours at Torchwood but she attempted to be festive for her little brother, Tony. Though he was just a baby, she did try by pulling herself away from work at Torchwood for Christmas Day.
Adverts on the radio ended and another song started to play. Another Christmas song. Rose was starting to wonder if there were any stations that didn't play Christmas songs. "Last Christmas I gave you my heart…" Rose felt a jolt of pain, remembering what had happened since last Christmas. She quickly turned the radio off completely, not wanting to possibly hear another Christmas song. Though Rose thought silence might help, it didn't. It didn't keep away her memories.
Last Christmas, things had seemed like they would be alright. She had the HumanDoctor. She thought that things would be alright for them. He wasn't exactly the Doctor, but he had his memories and one heart. He could have stayed with her. They could have shared their lives together. In fact, that was what they planned. They were also going to grow a Tardis so they could travel together. The Doctor had given them a piece of coral that would grow and become a Tardis. The Christmas had been bittersweet without Mickey or the Doctor, but Rose had hope about her future with John Smith, the name the HumanDoctor had chosen.
That hope was short lived. By February, the Time Lord part of John just would not let go. He was restless and took to pacing for hours, especially at night, seeming to be frustrated about everything. By April, he told her that he had to get away for awhile. That he had to travel to feel better. Rose had offered to go with him, but he said he had to do this alone. To learn to balance his human side and his Time Lord side. So she said a tearful goodbye and watched him leave. She waited to hear from him or see him, yet there was no contact from him. No phone call or even a letter. Three months of worrying and then she had been contacted. John Smith had been found, dead on the streets after he had been mugged and beaten.
Since then, Rose had become more withdrawn. She threw herself into her work even more, which she knew caused her mum and dad to worry. If she wasn't working, she would think about dozens of "what ifs". What if she had held on just a bit longer to the lever? What if she had insisted that she leave with the Doctor when he left her on the beach the second time? Then she thought of John Smith. She was going to help him and instead she had failed. Would he have lived if she had been with him? What if he had lived, would he have come back better? Would the Tardis have grown and allowed them to travel and have adventures together? She would never know. No one would. John Smith had died on the streets due to his injuries, alone. There had been a small funeral where Rose had cried not just for John Smith, but the Doctor as well. The coral from the Tardis, Rose's last remaining piece of her old life died after John Smith was buried, no matter how hard she tried to help it grow.
She glanced out the window, finding one star. Just one. She hadn't made a wish on a star since she was a child, but she made one now. Pulling her knees up toward her chest, she tugged on the necklace she wore around her neck. On the necklace was just one thing. A key. She wrapped her hand around the key, which she had been given years ago. It was the key to the Doctor's Tardis. She took a deep breath and just whispered two words. "Doctor…please…" The pleading in her voice conveyed more than any words ever could as she silently made her wish. She thought about the Doctor often and wondered where he was and how he was.
Hearing footsteps on the steps, Rose quickly wiped away a few silent tears that had escaped. Her mum and dad had just put Tony to bed, giving her some time alone. They were trying to make this a good Christmas and Jackie had convinced Rose to take off work for two days. Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. Both Jackie and Pete were trying to make it a wonderful holiday, she didn't want them to see her cry.
Apparently it failed, because as soon as Jackie saw her daughter, she frowned. "Rose, what's wrong?"
Rose shook her head, about to say it was nothing when the radio started to play again. This surprised Rose, because she was certain she had turned it off and no one had turned it on. While Rose was surprised the radio was playing music, she was not surprised that it was yet another Christmas song. It was the end of a well known one and everyone just paused to listen. "Christmas Eve will find me….where the lovelight gleams…I'll be home for Christmas…if only in my dreams…"
None of them moved until the last note ended and Rose quickly turned it off. Rose thought of John Smith, who would not be coming home for Christmas this year or any other year. Then she thought of Mickey in another world. Though they were no longer romantically involved, she did care about him. Was he celebrating Christmas? Was he happy? Of course, she also thought of the Doctor. She knew his home was gone. Had he found a new home? Another place to celebrate Christmas? Did he think about her like she thought about him?
Then, through the silence, she heard a familiar sound. It was faint. So faint that Rose knew she would never have heard it if the radio was still playing. However, she heard it now and rushed to the door, throwing it open.
"Rose?" Jackie hurried to her, shivering in the sudden cold. Rose didn't seem to feel it though. She listened for a moment and heard the sound, even louder. She glanced at her mum and from the surprised look on her face, Rose knew she heard it too.
Not pausing to give any explanation, Rose rushed out of the house. She hadn't bothered to pull on a coat or put on shoes of any sort. However, as she ran down the walk she didn't even feel the cold though she was barefoot. Her feet flew down the sidewalk and she paused only to listen before veering to the right. She was running as fast as she could, knowing she had find the source right away. "Please…please…please…" she murmured as she ran. The sound became louder, and then it started to fade again. Rose was certain she was close though.
She turned down another street and though there was no one else on the street, if someone had been on the street or if they had looked out their front windows, they would have seen a young woman with blonde hair, running down the street, without any shoes on her feet and without a jacket to keep the chill at bay.
Rose paused and listened as the last sounds of the Tardis faded, leaving her with just silence. "No…" she whispered and looked around. It had to be nearby. It just had to be.
She ran until she found another street and turned left, but did not see that familiar blue box.
With her hope fading, she became aware that her hoodie was not warm enough and that she was beginning to lose feeling in her toes. She was determined to the find the Doctor though. She decided she would go home and get her boots and her coat. Then she would keep looking. She had to.
Wrapping her arms around herself to keep herself warm, she started to walk back the way she had just come. Her hope was fading, but she had to hold onto a small part of it.
Movement out of the corner of her eye, made her look up. Far down the street, the direction she would have taken if she had turned right, she saw a lone figure. A lone figure in a brown jacket. A lone figure in a brown jacket next to a blue police box.
She felt like she couldn't breathe. She just stood there. At the same moment as she saw him, he saw her. There was no sound as the two stared at each other. It could have been seconds, minutes or hours. They were both so stunned to see each other. Then, Rose felt a smile forming. She couldn't help it and the silence was broken by a small laugh that escaped from her. A laugh of happiness, joy and surprise. Even from this distance, she could see him smile at this. That was all it took to break the spell that was keeping both of them rooted in place. She started to run toward him and he sprinted toward her, his coat billowing like a cape behind him.
Rose briefly felt transported, back to that abandoned street over a year ago, when she had finally seen the Doctor again. She wasn't hindered by the dimensional canon and she barely felt her feet touch the pavement as she sprinted toward the Doctor.
As she got closer she could make out his features. His brown hair was sticking up in the front, something that happened often when he ran his fingers through it when trying to piece things together in his mind. He was grinning and the happiness showed in his brown eyes.
Briefly, Rose wondered if they should look for a Dalek after what had happened before, but she couldn't pull her eyes away as the distance between them disappeared. Seconds later, she flung her arms around him, hugging him tight. His arms wrapped around her, pulling her off her feet and he spun her in a circle.
"It's you…it's really you," Rose managed as she buried her face into the rough fabric of his jacket. She took a deep breath, enjoying the familiar scent that was him. Something clean like soap or detergent mixed with a medley of other things. She couldn't place them all, but it was distinctively him. Her Doctor.
"Rose," he whispered her name and she felt his arms tighten around her, so tight that for a moment she couldn't breathe, but she didn't care. He was here. Not just a transmission from the Tardis. It was really him.
Finally, they pulled back from one another, both still grinning. "Hello," she greeted him, the only thing she could say though there was much she wanted to say. So much she wanted to ask him. How was he? How did he end up here? What adventures had he been on?
"Hello," he answered. Then, he leaned his head back and laughed. "This is brilliant."
"As brilliant as edible ball bearings?" Rose ventured, smiling as she remembered one of their last adventures together.
"Even more brilliant," the Doctor responded. Without warning, he picked her up and spun her around again. He set her down, though one of his hands went to rest on her upper arm, as if to make certain she was still really there. "The wall…there is a crack there. A small, little crack, but it is there. Just enough to get through."
"And you made it. I can't believe you are here." She couldn't even express how she felt, seeing him again. "I am glad you did, but why? Why were you trying to get through?" Rose ventured. She knew it could be a risk to try it, but he had.
She looked up at him, as his familiar features, so unchanged since she had last seen him. She briefly wondered about where he had been and how long he had been gone since he left her on the beach with the human Doctor. Weeks? Months? Years? A day could pass on Earth, yet he could have travelled for fifty years. A lot could happen during that time and she glanced over his shoulder to the Tardis, to see if anyone else was standing there. She knew that the Doctor had travelled with others since they had been separated, such as Martha and Donna. She couldn't help wondering if there was someone else who would be exiting the Tardis. It might be their first trip or their hundredth. Though she liked the others she had met, such as Sarah Jane Smith, she couldn't help feeling relieved that no one else had appeared at the Doctor's side.
The Doctor saw where her gaze travelled and he shook his head. "No one," he told her. He gave her a small smile then he gazed down to her feet. "Rose Tyler, defender of the Earth…and you couldn't bother to put on shoes?"
Rose looked down too and laughed. "I heard the Tardis and couldn't be bothered. Though, I really should have grabbed them."
The Doctor slipped her hand into his, quickly leading her toward the Tardis. "I think we need to fix that problem."
"Well, the house is that way," she pointed in the opposite direction with her free hand. The other was still holding the Doctor's, her fingers linked with his much like they had been that Christmas night, years ago."
"But this is the Tardis," he said as he opened the door, letting her go in first.
Rose didn't answer. She felt the grating become warm, making her toes tingle, almost painfully. She shivered as she rubbed her arms, just realizing how cold it had been now that she was inside. Her focus was not on the chill, but on seeing the familiar inside of the Tardis. It felt as much like home as the flat she and her Mum lived in. Even more so, sometimes.
Rose instantly missed the feel of her hand in his as the Doctor took off his jacket after he shut the door. Instead of lying it over the rail like he sometimes did in the past, he draped it over Rose's shoulders. She immediately felt much warmer, his body heat still lingering in the jacket that was too large for her. The rougher exterior hid the fact that the inside was soft. She slide her arms into it, the sleeves covering her arm all the way to her finger tips.
"I thought that might help keep you warm while you decide what to wear."
"The wardrobe, right?" she motioned with a wave of her hand.
The Doctor nodded. "Or…you could always use the clothes in your room."
Rose, who was about to walk toward the wardrobe, paused midstep. "My room?" She had a room on the Tardis, where she kept the many things she had collected over their travels together. She also had a closet full of clothes. Some she had taken from the wardrobe on the Tardis, some she had picked up on their travels, but most of it came from her closet back home. She had thought of that room often, always able to be lulled to sleep by the hum of the Tardis. "You…you kept my things?"
He nodded. "Room's just the way you left it."
"You didn't pack it away?"
He shook his head. "I couldn't."
Rose was touched by this. There were many rooms on the Tardis, yet he could have found use for the room. Instead, he decided to leave her room untouched. That reminded her of the conversation they had started outside. "Doctor, you didn't say why you were trying to get through."
"Put on some shoes first," he says. "And a jacket that fits you better."
Rose laughed something she had not done often in the past half year. "Okay. I'll be right back." Her bare feet were nearly silent as she followed the familiar corridor to her room. She paused outside of it and then opened the door stepping inside.
Though she had not seen it in years, it was very familiar. Her toes curled in the soft rug that covered most of the floor as she took it all in. The comforter was a mixture of reds and pinks, the colors running together.
The shelf still held pictures in their picture frames. There was one of her Mum and Dad together, then one of her with her mum. She even had one of Mickey. Her favorite was the picture her Mum had taken which was a candid of Rose and the Doctor that Christmas years ago. After going outside to see the snow, which was really ash, they had come inside to open gifts. The Doctor was grinning in the picture and Rose was laughing, though she couldn't remember why. However, it was her favorite.
Between these pictures, there were small knickknacks from their travels. Rose noted that no dust had settled on anything, though she had not set foot into the room for years.
Shrugging off the Doctor's jacket, she opened the door to her closet and saw all her shirts hanging from the rail, her shoes lined up on the shelf which was made for just that reason. It was actually much more organized than she remembered leaving it.
She stepped back and turned to the dresser next to the door and opened the drawers, seeing that all of the clothes she left there were organized as well. She realized the Doctor must have done it. That had to be why there was no sign of dust.
She shook her head. She could explore later. She had so many things to talk to him about. She pulled on a pair of thick socks, and then changed into one of her favorite pairs of jeans, glad they still fit. She entered the closet again, pulling on a pair of comfortable trainers. The last thing she grabbed was the winter jacket. Prepared for the weather, she folded the jeans she had been wearing, putting them into the drawer. She picked up the Doctor's coat and looked around once more before going to join him again.
"I think this is better," she spoke up as she approached him. He turned from fiddling with something on the Tardis, already grinning.
"Much," he answered. Rose couldn't resist hugging him again before giving him his coat. He pulled it on and then silence fell over them. An uncomfortable silence.
"You first," Rose finally said.
"I wanted to see how you were getting on."
"That's it?" Rose asked, fighting to hold back disappointment.
The Doctor didn't say anything for a moment and then he responded with a question of his own. "Where is he? Back home?"
Rose didn't need him to clarify. He was talking about John Smith. She winced and bit her bottom lip before answering. "He…he died. I know I should have been there and I'm sorry. He wanted to go off alone and insisted I stay home and I didn't fight him much. I should have though. I should have insisted more. Then he wouldn't have been mugged. He wouldn't have died or at least he wouldn't have died alone." Rose felt tears in her eyes again. She had failed to do as the Doctor asked. She had failed to help the human Doctor.
"That must have been why I felt something was wrong," the Doctor commented, more to himself than her. Then he seemed to take note of Rose's distress, troubled as a tear escaped and slid down her cheek. He pulled her into another tight embrace. "It wasn't your fault. You know how Time Lords are. Even part Time Lords can be stubborn. That is why for months, I have looked for a crack in the wall. I did try to send you a message. With a song."
Rose immediately thought back to the radio. "I'll be Home for Christmas?" she asked, looking up at him.
He nodded. "I'm home, aren't I?"
"This isn't Gallifrey," Rose reminded him quietly. A look of pain crosses his features, and then disappeared again so fast, Rose wasn't certain it had really been there.
"Rose, I have celebrated Christmases of the past and the future before I met you. I've also celebrated Christmas since I last saw you. I have had adventures too. Amazing adventures. But, the best Christmas was the one with you, after I became like this." He motioned to himself, meaning his last regeneration. "I was going to just check on you, like I said. If you were happy, I would have let you be. It nearly killed me to leave you on that beach, both those times. I couldn't control it the first time. The second time, I thought you could be happy with him." He paused at this. "Is there someone else?"
Rose could only shake her head in response.
"Then, Rose Tyler, it is time I finally said what I wanted to say to you that first time on the beach. What I have wanted to say since then." His voice dropped quieter and Rose's heart skipped a beat, wondering if she was going to hear the words she had longed to hear from him for years. "Rose Tyler, I love you."
"I love you too," was all Rose could say before their lips met. They had only shared two kisses, the first when the Doctor had saved her and the second was when Cassandra controlled Rose's body. This time, neither of them was in danger and neither of them was possessed by someone else. The kiss was intense, conveying a longing that no words could describe and a joy so intense, it made Rose's heart ache. Two torn apart and finally reunited.
When they finally, pulled back for air, all Rose could think was how perfect things were in the world. The Doctor was here. He loved her and she loved him. That was the only thing that mattered. The hole that had been in her heart since they were separated was instantly filled and Rose knew that if she could have any moment last forever, it would be this one.
"Home for Christmas…home is wherever you are," he told her, gently brushing her cheek.
"And after Christmas?" she had to ask, though she didn't want to ruin this moment.
"After Christmas…the crack in the wall will not close. I am certain of it. If you don't mind rough travel when we go through it. We could travel together again. Go on adventures. You could come home and visit your family too," he offered, sounding almost casual.
Rose couldn't believe how wonderful that sounded. "Yeah."
"Really?" the Doctor asked, his eyes lightening up.
Rose nodded. "And I know where to go first," Rose announced, linking her fingers with his, tugging him out of the Tardis and back outside. There was a light snow falling and Rose was so happy, she released the Doctors hand so she could perform little spin, face turned upward. Then, she grabbed his hand again and quickly found the star she had been wishing on before. "That way?"
"That way?" he asked, following where she motioned.
She nods. "Yeah."
"Perfect," he smiled and squeezed her hand once more. "When do we leave?"
"We should have another Christmas with Mum. This time with Dad and Tony too…how about Boxing Day?"
The Doctor nodded, then smiled and kissed her again. It certainly wasn't as intense as it had been earlier, but there was something sweeter there. Something so true that just a moment of this took Rose's breath away.
They broke when they heard a nearby clock bell ring out the time. They both counted it silently. They squeezed each other's hands with each chime and when the last chime faded on the twelfth ring, the Doctor spoke.
"Midnight."
"It's Christmas," Rose murmured in agreement. Then, they turned to one another and shared one more kiss, a soft one of their lips just brushing each others before they turned and started to walk down the street, fingers still intertwined.
"Merry Christmas, Doctor."
"Merry Christmas, Rose."