PEN NAME: SANDY DOE

FF FOR: FRIENDS

TITLE: CAMP DAY

GENRE: COMEDY

RATING: 12+

It was a beautiful weekend. All six set out to the nearby woods to camp as suggested by Chandler. 'Isn't it so nice to just hang out with our dear ones and explore the wild?' asked Ross. 'But we were very much fine with the 'hanging out' part. Why do we want to disturb the wild anyway?' murmured an irritated Joey. He simply hated this whole camp thing.

'I could hear you, Joey. Don't worry. If you are lucky, you could meet sojourners and nudists too!' giggled Monica. 'Whoa! Fingers crossed' winked Joey surreptitiously.

'Did anybody even think of bringing a navigation map or something,' exclaimed Chandler. He had this really big book with him. It had a white cover with the lower part being brown and the author's name was engraved at the bottom of the cover. It seemed like a travel guide by some crap author giving a divine smile in the front cover. Chandler was perusing it as if he was handed a specials menu in a bar. 'Wild may seem calm but it may get even wilder when you don't expect. You may land right into a quagmire, you may have to encounter a cougar or anything of that sort. I have researched a lot on 'How to survive in the wild'. I am going to lead you guys!' Chandler gleamed at everyone expecting an appreciating pat. They gave a tired look at him and started walking. Joey came closer to him, looked into Chandler's eyes and hissed, 'What are you, Bear Grylls?'

'So Phoebe, why did you bring your guitar with you?' asked Monica. 'It's my granny. She is dating this really old guy who lives across the street. He is a flautist. My granny really liked him that she claimed herself a guitarist just to get his attention. In real, she has no idea how to even hold it. Yesterday, she tried playing my guitar. She turned all edgy and rockstar-y and nearly pulled out a string. I have no choice other than carrying this with me' said Phoebe.

'Wow! Ur granny is a real delight, isn't she?' aksed Rachael. 'Yeah she is! Except for totally falling for someone whom she just met' said Phoebe. 'But on the brighter side, it seems animals can be tamed by music. Say im stuck with a bear, which is staring at me with his angry eyes, clenches his fist as if he is getting ready to tear my flesh apart, Voila! I have my guitar. I could play him some soothing music to calm him'.

'No sweetheart, you will agitate it more. 'Stay still' is what you do when a bear crosses you' said Ross. 'Or maybe we should have hired an animal whisperer' said Phoebe and walked away. 'How come SHE has a perfect life and I have a lesbian wife', sighed Ross.

It was half past six. They decided to set up a tent. It was assigned that the guys should pick woods for fire. Rachael and Phoebe would fetch water and Monica was to stay in the tent to keep a watch on their stuff.

Ross was very much busy in collecting woods. 'Why are we even doing this? I am exhausted. I promised Amy that I will meet her for dinner tonight. Now that she is gonna shout at me with her flaring nostrils saying,'You stood me up yesterday. Get lost potato-head!'' said Joey. 'Come on Joey! We don't like Amy anyway. Its good if she leaves you' said Chandler.'What? You don't like her? Give me one good reason' demanded Joey. 'Well, I will give you two reasons. One, she talks a lot. All the time her mouth goes blah blah blah. Two, she is kinda….. scruffy' said Chandler.

'Well, actually true. But you don't get to say that!' frowned Joey. 'What is wrong with you, Joey? Stop complaining' said Chandler.

'I am not interested, Chandler'.

'If you are really happy and satisfied with whatever you do, the returns will definitely be rewarding' said Chandler. Joey, most frustrated by Chandler's 'inspirational speeches' shouted at the top of his voice, 'Arghhhhhhhh! Who woke the beast?'

Ross was startled. He was not aware that it was a metaphor because he was never involved in the conversation. He started running in the opposite direction yelling, 'Run guys!'. Joey and Chandler ran behind Ross trying to explain him. It was too late for Ross had landed himself in a muddy pit, fully drenched. 'Where is the beast?' asked Ross sheepishly. Chandler and Joey laughed terribly when finally Joey said, 'Of course, the returns are rewarding!'.

Meanwhile, Rachael and Phoebe had fetched water and were returning back. They did not utter a word. It was totally dark. They could clearly hear the ruffle of leaves and hooting of owls. 'Talk something, Pheebs'. 'What to talk?' asked Phoebe.

'Okay! Sing a song' said Rachael. 'So sweet of you. You thought my song could help', smiled Phoebe. 'Hmm..er… It would keep the animals away', said Rachael laughing. 'Ha! Ha! Good one. Anyway, you cannot stop me from singing'. Phoebe started singing.

'Jack and Jill went up the hill, To fetch a pail of water/ Jack fell down and broke his crown….'

There was a very huge tree in the middle of the route with paths going right and left. 'There are two ways parting. Which one is it, Pheebs?'. Phoebe had no idea herself. She just stood there not even breathing. Rachael lost her cool. 'Do you know or not?', Rachael asked flabbergasted.

Phoebe tried convincingly by saying, 'Don't worry, Rach! We could figure this out. It is no hard task. We have many options. We could either choose a path in random and start walking or we could wait here for someone to come and get us or….'

'A simple 'no' would have sufficed', sighed Rachael.

And they decided to stay there hoping the others would come for them. Clearly, Phoebe didn't want to take random chances. 'I can't believe we are confused as in which way to take', said Rachael. 'We would not have noticed that there is another route on the other side of the tree'. As time passed, they started to freak out. 'I am so hungry and tired, Pheebs. I think I am gonna starve to death', said Rachael.

'Oh! Darling girl, we will hope that they come for us soon. I am hungry too'. Phoebe sounded quite optimistic. 'U know I have seen in wild life documentaries wherein adventurers even go to the extent of eating maggots to survive when they are left with nothing'. 'Ewww! I don't mind starving to death', said Rachael making a face.

The guys returned to the camp. Monica looked worried. Joey chirped, 'Hey Mon! Wanna know why your brother is wet'. 'No'. Monica shrugged. 'Listen. The girls are not back yet. We should go look for them'. Chandler led them and they started walking.

Rachael and Phoebe were now lying on the ground, staring at the sky. 'What do you fear the most now, Rach?'. 'Well'. Rachael paused. 'All that I could possibly think of now is who will take possession of my Prada perfume if I die!'. Phoebe certainly didn't expect a reply like that. She resumed back to stare at the sky. Rachael asked, 'So Pheebs, how is lying still like this gonna help us anyway? We will choose a side and start walking. What do you say?'. 'No way! We are gonna wait. Our friends will be here anytime. What if we choose the wrong side? We may end up knocking a lion's den, a steep waterfall, a witch's castle or…' Phoebe trailed off. 'Fine!', said Rachael with a grin.

Meanwhile, the four were walking towards the river. 'This is why 'camping' is a worst idea to spend a weekend', said Joey. Monica was holding Ross' hand very tight. She was clearly terrified.

It started getting cold. Rachael and Phoebe did not bring their jackets and it felt like thousands of icicles piercing through their bodies. Phoebe looked around. There were thick shrubs under a huge tree. She helped herself and got covered by those shrubs. She claimed that she felt warm. 'It is nice in here, Rach! Help yourself with these', said Phoebe. Rachael did as Phoebe said. 'Warm!', exclaimed Rachael.

A very loud shrill broke the eerie silence of the forest. 'Its them', said Chandler. And they started running towards the noise. By the time they reached, they saw Phoebe and Rachael running around, shouting loud as in agony and were very busy scratching themselves.

'Whoa! Whoa! What happened?',asked Joey. They looked flabbergasted. Rachael and Phoebe needed some time to realize that they have been found. 'Rach! Hola! They found us. Thank God!', Phoebe gleamed happily. Ross asked, 'We thought you girls went crazy. What's with all the screaming and scratching?'.

Rachael was panting. She took a deep breath and said, 'We were getting very cold. Phoebs suggested that we take cover under those shrubs over there. It felt warm but gradually it started to itch and all these blisters developed and I have no idea what is going on'. 'Lemme take a look', said Chandler and moved forward to take a look at the shrubs. 'Oh God! This is poison oak, girls', he gasped. 'Your blisters are now self-explanatory!'

'Poison oak? Am I gonna die? But I think I am gonna kill Phoebe before I die', frowned Rachael. 'No! No! You are not gonna die. These blisters will heal with time. U girls are so stupid. There is an old adage which says,

'Leaves of three, leave them be. Leaves of four, eat some more'', said Chandler.

'Shut the hell up, granny!' Rachael's voice pierced the dense forest. 'Shall we just move out of this place! This day could never get any more fantastic!'

And they started walking. Phoebe couldn't help but came up with a giggle. 'So, we should have taken the left side of the tree, huh?!' Rachael's face is a multicoloured whirl. 'What a waste you are!', she said, anger surging in. 'Come on, Rach! These blisters are so cool. We can use this to get sympathy sex. Atleast, we have got a souvenir', Phoebe winked.

'Whoa! Don't prattle girls. Even Ross has got a souvenir. Don't you see him limping?', laughed Joey. 'He is kinda slouching too. What happened, Ross?' asked Rachael. 'So, I am going to narrate to you girls about 'How did Ross manage to land on a rock in a pit'', Chandler waved a high-five in the air.

'It was all bullshit', Ross said tightly. 'And I don't appreciate being bullshitted, thanks'. 'Ross, look at the brighter side. We all carry souvenirs back home. Just think about the 'sympathy sex' part!', winked Phoebe. 'Yeah that feels good', sighed Ross. And they walked home.