Disclaimer: Victorious and its characters are the property of Schneider's Bakery and Nickelodeon. This story is for entertainment purposes only and no money exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the author. No profit is intended or wanted for this story.

Summary: Tori gets whiny and Jade gets fed up.

Note: Partial spoilers for The Slap Fight.

Tori was sitting at their table at the Asphalt Café, eating her lunch while working on her laptop. Jade came up with a hard look on her face. Tori gave her a half-smile then asked, "What?'

With an evil little grin, Jade grabbed Tori's lunch and launched it across the patio.

"You chucked my noodles!"

Jade grabbed a meatball and the bread that had fallen off the container, throwing both. The flying meatball hit someone as the two girls heard, and ignored, a distant "Ow!"

"What was that for?" Tori demanded. I really wanted those meatballs…

"You posted a video of you doing the Kyoki Powder Milk Challenge!"

"So?" Am I going to die now?

"I was going to do that to get more followers but now I can't because you did."

"Tough toodies…" Tori responded.

"Don't you ever say 'tough toodies' to me!" Jade replied just as she sat down.

Before the latest battle between Tori and Jade could escalate, Beck and Andre came up, yelling at each other.

Later, as the school was clearing out at the end of the day, Jade saw Tori at her locker. She was no longer furious about the Kyoki Powder Milk Challenge theft. She had something that would be even more fun. Irritating and embarrassing Tori Vega. Jade had a freshman, who she made sure was a follower, with her phone to record the latest event.

Showtime! she thought.

Smirking, Jade said, "To-ray-me? Really Vega? Whenever you try to do street, if you don't get hiccups, then you embarrass an entire generation…"

"Hey!'

Jade giggled evilly. "But I have to say, the milk challenge? I always wondered what it would look like to see cum spew out of your mouth…"

"Eew!"

"And with that sickly green color, it was like zombie cum – rotten, stinky, undead zombie cum. I guess you doing the Kyoki challenge has been a win-win for me!"

"EEW!"

Jade was enjoying herself. She rarely got this outrageous at school but she couldn't help herself. "So Tori, what was it like to suck on a zombie cock? Was it all nasty and oozy? The skin all loose and putrid and slimy and…"

"STOP!" Tori yelled. "God! That has to be the sickest thing you've ever said!"

"No, it isn't," Jade replied proudly and simply. Then she got in the singer's face, her finger nearly poking Tori, "Now stop stealing my ideas to increase my Slap followers."

"I don't care about your Slap followers, Jade. I just want to get more than my sister…"

"How could that untalented scuzz get so many followers anyway? No one likes her."

"I don't know," Tori lamented whinily.

"Jeez Vega, what's been with you lately? "

"What? What do you mean?"

"There. That. You sounded just like Cat when she gets hyper-sensitive. You've been so whiny lately. "

"I don't whine," Tori whined.

Later, Jade did some judicious editing and posted the encounter on the Slap. She smiled as her followers counter went up. And up. And up.

Guess people wanna see Vega debased, Jade thought with an evil grin.

The next morning, Tori was sure she'd get Jade this time…

This is gonna be great, she enthused internally.

"Oh! Oh, here comes Jade," Tori said excitedly, slapping Beck's chest several times as the Goth walked in the front door. "I'm so gonna get her this time!"

"Chica, I don't know why you keep tryin'. You'll never get Jade," Andre stated even as he had Tori's phone ready to record the ensuing proceedings.

"Yeah, she always gets in the last word," Beck announced. "Believe me, I tried for a few years…"

Seeing the three staring at her, Jade detoured towards Tori's locker. "What?"

"Ola, Bitchola!" Tori cried in greeting.

"Ola, Whinola!" Jade easily countered with a smirk.

"I don't whine…" Tori whined as Jade walked over to her own locker. "Jang it! I was sure I'd get her!"

"Can't be done," Beck said simply.

"Nope!" Andre agreed.

Jade recrossed the entry foyer towards her first class, passing Tori and their friends. "Oh, Vega, good South Park quote but try your own material next time…"

"JANG IT!"

Jade walked away with a small, proud smile on her lips. Inside it was a big, beaming smile. She loved tormenting Vega. And the fact that the Latina had been talking to Jade's ex and Andre about South Park the day before at lunch clued her in that Tori might use some Cartman line on her.

Jade wasn't surprised she used that line from the early episode when Cartman pretended his hand had been possessed by Jennifer Lopez. It was a tasteless classic. As a result of hearing them at lunch, Jade was ready for the greeting Vega used or even the "taco keeses for my Be-en" bit. Or if Tori told Jade to "respect mah ahthoritay" from another early episode of South Park.

It was all just a matter of keeping her ear out for clues on Vega's latest… Obsession isn't the right word, Jade thought. Her latest fascination.

Then Jade started to get introspective, And why do I love to torment Vega so much? To be totally honest, I'm not sure. She bugs the hell out of me but that's not it. Just about everyone and everything in existence bugs me.

I've tried to delineate it but listing the things she does that irritate me... Jeez, that's a long list… Maybe even longer than my hate list. But, again, most of the reasons fit Cat, Andre, Beck, Robbie - actually his list is even longer - and just about the entire school population. Hell, probably most of the world's population…

Now was a time for some inner truths, It pretty much goes back to my family... Jade's father left them behind for some young trophy wife – an irritating, mindless bimbo with big, undoubtedly artificial boobs. The woman has her own personal flotation devices, Jade laughed to herself. Even bigger than that old skank Pamela Anderson.

Admittedly, Jade's mom threw herself into taking care of Jade and her kid brother, Jason. But Jade stopped herself before her mind drifted off the point of her own internal discussion.

Jade refocused on Vega… She tries so hard and, usually, succeeds when she's trying to help someone. After all, she gave three pints of blood for Shapiro so he could get that Hot Wheels car removed from his lower intestine. Jade conveniently forgot the pint she stashed in the cafeteria cart, even though she did manage to retrieve it and add the now-solidifying pouch to her collection. Before that, even knowing what I did, she kept quiet and accepted the blame for 'hitting' me and went ahead and started to clean the Black Box.

God, this list really is almost as long as the list of what I hate.

Beck used to irritate Jade too. Especially before they dated. When they got back together the second time, Jade kept finding things that irritated her. It came to a head, for her, the time she jumped on every statement Beck made as she told him what they were going to wear to the Cow-Wow-Wow.

After all, he agreed with my shirt choice and I yelled about him wanting to break up with me. Jade actually winced at that memory. I was never very fair to him.

After they mutually parted, they've become closer than ever. Well, except the sex. That was definitely over. She shrugged as she reflected, No real loss for me. He got far more out of the sex than I ever did.

Then Jade, uncomfortable with her current train of thought, forced herself to turn to ways to increase her Slap follows.

Before much longer, thanks in part to a particularly embarrassing scene with Sinjin in the Asphalt Café, the now infamous Slap Fight was over.

And, as a group, they got the worst grade possible for their class film.

Well, the worst we could get without actually failing, Jade reflected.

Jade wondered how well they'd've done if not for the fight for more Slap followers. Probably no better than a B. It was a lame plot anyway but they didn't want to use mine… And the murder weapon? A freaking switchfiddle? Shapiro has issues.

She stood before her locker, staring blankly into it as she considered what had occurred over the past few days. Shaking her head, she slammed it shut and headed out to the Asphalt Café for lunch.

"Ola, Jadeola!" Tori called.

"God, that's even lamer than… Vega, you need someone to write your stuff!"

"C'mon Jade. I was trying to be nice."

"Try harder." Now that's a challenge for Sweet Sally Peachfuzz. A sudden image of something juicy surrounded by peach fuzz but wasn't a peach appeared in Jade's mind. "Oh my God…"

"What now, Jade?" Tori asked.

Shit! I said that out loud. "Nothing, Vega. Go back to your…whatever the hell that is on your plate."

"It's a…um… It's a…burrito?"