Ello everbody! Here's my first oneshot, and it's about unrequited love. ( You see, I've been wanting to write this for a while. This is about Kagura, just so you know. Of course, my favorite pairing is still KyoRu, but I can't help but like Kagura and her sad tale of love. When my sister and I bought the volume, I read that part over and over again. Anyhoo, here's my little tale about Kagura's lost love.
animagafreak
Disclaimer-I don't own. I wish I did, but I don't. Boohoo for me.
Tears
From Kagura's POV
I watched his back as he walked away. That strong, sturdy back with his broad shoulders were etched into my mind as part of the man I loved. His features sunk into me and I stared wistfully at him, wishing he could love me. Then my eyes wandered to his arm. Clinging to it was one of my best friends. Tohru and Kyo chatted happily and she glanced back, worried for my feelings. She was such a wonderful friend. I faked a smile. I couldn't bear to hurt someone like her. My eyes grew wet, and I turned and dragged my feet the other way. Oh, how I wanted so badly to give chase, confess my feelings one more time, and have him tell me he loved me too. But that was impossible.
Don't get me wrong, I do not believe Tohru betrayed me, all she did was fall in love with someone, and get her feelings returned. Kami-sama can be so cruel sometimes. Sometimes I sit in the rain and think, "If only I did that, if only that didn't happen." This does nothing for my self-confidence. Tohru once confided with me that she loved him, and I nodded and smiled. I told her, "If that's how your heart feels, then chase after it. Not even Kami-sama can stop you if you do."
I wonder, looking back on this, was I possibly scolding myself? For some reason, I feel I wasn't trying my hardest. My love for him was true, else I wouldn't have felt the strong beating of my heart around him, spend hours choosing clothes whenever we would meet. I'd jump around in glee inside every time he spoke to me, the pain I felt was indescribable when I realized he love her. My efforts were never something I could brag about; every time he went somewhere it was only because I half threatened him. Every time he held my hand it was only because I begged. The only time I feel he might have really loved me was when we were small. And what did I do? I betrayed him in the worst possible way. I must be a horrible person. When I watched them walk away from the New Years banquet, I must have been the worst person an earth. Jealousy is not a way to feel towards a friend.
I walked slowly into my house, where Rin glanced at me the moment I walked in. I glared at her, annoyed at my own incompetence at not being able to forget my feelings. She looked shocked for a brief second, but then smiled knowingly.
"Stop it." I muttered under my breath. "Stop it, Stop it, STOP IT!" I blinked away tears and ran into my room. "How pitiful." I let out. "I'm horrible."
I buried by face into the soft bedding of my bed and sobbed my heart out. My last memory before I cried myself to bed was the scene of Rin walking into my bedroom.
The next morning, when I awoke, I saw the curtains were opened and light was streaming into my room. I bit my cheek. How troublesome. The world was too happy. I wish it would stop. I angrily walked out in pajamas and strolled into the kitchen. Rin was sitting at the table with two plates of breakfast on the table, untouched. I wearily sat down. She confronted me right away.
"You still can't get over it, huh?" She sighed, but her gaze never lifted from me for a second. "Things happen, and moping is no way to get over it. You might think crying helps, but look at what it's done to you." She smiled softly, "You're a mess."
It was the first time I had ever seen her like that. Her face was kind and warm, and I wanted to cry again. She continued her lecture.
"I really don't see why the cat is so important to you, but to a girl in love, I'm sure everything seems just right. Each time he glances at you, your heart skips a beat, right? At every touch, you heat up like a flame. And at every smile he makes, you feel like the happiest girl in the world." She spoke from experience. I knew she could only talk like this when she was thinking about Haru. I put my chopsticks down and listened intently. I was interested, I have to admit. It was intriguing to watch a girl in love. It makes her look more beautiful than ever. Then she spoke.
"That's why your heart feels like it's cracked in half when you see him smiling at someone else with the feelings you're directing at him. It's the most painful thing in the world, isn't it?" I stood up enraged, knocking over the chair I was sitting on.
"No." I hissed out words, the rage I was feeling I had never felt before. "No. How would you understand. You, Tohru, and everyone else, you have your loves. No one can understand me. No one. Not Hattori, Momiji, Kureno, even Ritsu has found a love. Everyone get happy endings!" I threw up my hands in exasperation. "Everyone but Kagura!" My anger turned to grief and I stormed out of the house. I sprinted to the park Kyo and I had met by, sat under a tree, and cried once more. I knew what I had done was horrible, but I couldn't help but feel that there was some truth in that. I sat and watched to kids play, laughing, and one small girl blushed as she watched from afar. I would have smiled if I was in any mood but this, but I was irritated at that stupid girl. That fool, she might end up getting her heart broken. If anything, someone that young should stay away from love.
The girl approached me, curious at the mood I was in.
"Onee-chan?" Her soft voice reached my ears and I stared back at her, my gaze unwavering. She sat down despite my silent threats.
"What's wrong Onee-chan? I want to hear. My mommy told me to tell someone when I feel sad. Why don't you tell me?" Her adorable face looked up at me, and I could tell that she genuinely wanted to help me. I wished there were more people like her. I couldn't help but respond. She had melted away my foul mood.
"Ne, youji, how would you feel if he," I indicated the boy she had stared at, and she turned red. "hated you, and fell in love with your best friend." I once again pointed, this time a small girl playing with them.
"Eh?! No way! With my friend! Ano, I-I don't know." She pondered for a while, and looked back at me with with a faraway gaze, as if she was dreaming.
"If that happened, I'd be sad of course, but there'd be nothing I could do about it, huh. Well, there's no way I could hate my friend, but I'd definitely be jealous. I guess I'd still like him, though, and try to forget about him. That probably won't work though, ne?" She thought hard once more. "But then, I guess I'd try to make my friend happy and force myself to not think about him by finding all the good things. Who knows, I might fall in love with someone else in the process!" She jumped up and smiled at me, as if she had thought of something brilliant. "After all," she continued, "My mommy says nothing can happen if you just take action, but I think that something is bound to happen if you just wait!"
I sat there, shocked for a minute and laughed out loud. "You're a smart kid, huh youji? You're right though, the past will be the past, and the future will come. Thanks, and good luck with your love life." Her grin widened and she nodded her head vigorously. "Um!" She said a word of agreement. "Ah," she turned her head when she heard her name and looked gave me a apologetic look. "Gomen, one-chan, but Okaa-san is calling me!" She walked away but turned back suddenly, as if she had forgotten something.
"Ne, one-chan, what was your problem? You never told me!" She titled her head in an adorable way I giggled.
"I'll tell you later, okay? I hope I'll see you later!" I told her.
"Um!" Was her reply again. "I promise I will!" And just like that, she was off. I sat down under the tree once more, but in much higher spirits.
I was surprised to see Rin coming up the steps, and even more shocked to see who was behind her. Kyo and Tohru followed closely behind my cousin. Kyo's face was flushed, and Tohru had traces of tears on her cheeks. She was the first to speak.
"Kagura-chan! I am so sorry! How could I not do anything, completely disregarding your own feelings for my own happiness! I must be a horrible person! Kagura-chan, you can do whatever you want to me, after all, I must have been the worst friend in the entire world!" I couldn't express my happiness when I heard those words. If anything, I had been horrible, and I was incredibly relieved to hear her feelings. Thank goodness she had not hated me, reprimanded me, scolded me, or ignored me when she heard what happened. She was the best friend in the world. I lightly patted her head and rested my chin on her shoulder.
"Thank you," those words came from my mouth with all my heart. I looked up at Kyo. He blushed furiously and I could tell he was extremely flustered.
"Ano," he started, "I'm really sorry that I couldn't do anything to make you feel better, and um, if it makes you feel any better, I never meant any of those harsh words I had ever said to you. Whenever you told me you loved me or played with me, it really helped me. Without you, I might've been a really dark child, so you might be one of the most important people in my life, and, um, thanks." I still loved him movements, how his head was bent looking at the ground with his hand awkwardly scratching his head.
"It's fine Kyo, I'll get over you, but just so you know, I'll always love you." I grinned sheepishly and we walked back to the house in a peaceful silence. At that moment, I must have been the luckiest person in the world, walking between my best friends and my first love in the sunset towards home.
When Rin and I reached home, we sat down in my bedroom. It was silent, as I thought of something to say to express my gratitude. "Rin, you called them right?" The first word was a question, though I felt I already knew the answer.
"What else could I do for a friend" Was her simple reply. She said it with indifference, but I knew that she meant it. I hugged her.
"Thank you, thank you, oh, thank you Rin! Thank you Kyo-kun, thank you Tohru-kun, thank you youji!" Rin's shirt was slowly getting soaked. But this time, they were tears of happiness.
Now all that's left is the faint beating of my heart.
How was that? I feel sorta sad after I finished writing this. I really like this fic and I hope you like it too! Wahh, I'm sad now! It ended happy, but I can't help but feel like this. I must be a horrible person! Lol. Anyways, I din't proofread it, so sorry for the grammer and spelling mistakes, and I'm sleepy right now, so I might've repeated phrases at some parts. Anyhoo, RR! By the way, all the stuff I mentioned about their past, I dunno if it's true. I've only read up to volume 19. Hope you enjoyed!