He was stupid.
It wasn't the first time he thought that, but it certainly wouldn't be the last.
The burning sensation on his cheek and the tears prickling at his eyes kept his heart beating at a dangerous pace. He looked around at the mess before him, regret bubbling in his stomach like acid.
The scene was one that made his mind circle around once more with another wave of shame.
His couch pillows looked abused, thrown across the room away from their original place. The blanket on the couch was hastily thrown away from the cushions and draped over the table, explaining the spilt wine that toppled over and stained his carpet. The picturesque evidence of his quarrel with the love of his life made his stomach quench once more.
Yuuri, the man who gave him life and love, the man who confounded him with his duality of bashfulness and sexiness, the man who meant the world to him, the man who colored his world and gave him new meaning, the man he lost due to his own damn stupidity.
Yes, Victor was indeed so very stupid.
He shook off his shock and moved his eyes to the front door of his apartment. His silver lashes fluttered to accommodate for the sudden onslaught of tears as he saw his door remained ajar from Yuuri leaving.
His heart squeezed in pain as he tried to process those words. Yuuri left him.
He just stood there in world-shattering agony as he realized just what he'd done. He'd forced a part of him to leave him. He'd ripped the only thing that mattered to him in this life and the thought itself made him feel cold and empty. He fell to his knees and sobbed into his hands. The image of Yuuri's face, red with burning anger and tears streaking his beautiful face scarred Viktor's mind. He couldn't believe he was capable of doing such a thing to his lover. He didn't want to believe it. However, the evidence was clear: his living room was a mess, the door was left open, and Yuuri was gone.
Yuuri. Don't leave me, please.
But he couldn't say that to him. He was already gone. He sobbed again.
His pocket buzzed gently at his thigh, a soft light escaping the cloth. He slowly reached, pulled his phone out, and pressed the green answer button. It took all the energy he had to lift the device and hold it at his ear. He couldn't even say a greeting.
"Bonjour mon seur. I arrived in Russia like I warned you I would before. Care for a drink tonight? I brought some-"
Chris' voice brought forth all of the shame, regret, pain, and sorrow he'd developed within the last hour after the fight. He couldn't hold back the sobbing that escaped his clenched teeth and his trembling hand against his mouth. Chris must've heard his crying and stopped to listen.
After a long minute of silence and quiet sobs that shook Viktor's shoulders, Chris spoke up.
"Viktor, what's wrong? What happened?" Chris slowly and quietly asked through the receiver. That only made Viktor sob more.
I happened. That's what.
The thought just destroyed any chances he had of pulling himself together to converse with his best friend, Chris. His free hand moved from his mouth to grip painfully at the fringe of his hair. His breathing morphed into a pattern of gasping sounds. His eyebrows furrowed up and his face contorted into one of a tortured soul.
"Viktor, where are y-"
Chris' voice faded into the chaos of his mind. He dropped his phone on the wood floor and gripped his chest with his newly freed hand. His vision deepened into darkness, and he slumped forward against the cold, hard floor.
Yuuri. I need you. Come back to me, please.
It was with that abrupt thought that Viktor gasped for air and jolted awake. As he took in large gulps of precious oxygen, he took note of where he was. Last he remembered, he was suffocating in the ground of his apartment. However, he came to the shocking realization that Yuuri was holding him closely, was whispering sweet words into his ear, and was caressing his back with careful, calming strokes. Yuuri was touching him. Yuuri was with him. Yuuri was here. Yuuri was helping him. Yuuri didn't hate him. Yuuri. Yuuri. Yuuri. Yuuri.
"Yuuri!!!" Viktor exclaimed. He wrapped himself around Yuuri, arms slipping under his arms to pull him closer to Viktor and legs swinging around his midsection to lock Yuuri to him. He pressed his hands into Yuuri's bare back to bring their chests together and hold him close. Yuuri's heart beat resounded loudly against Viktor's and Victor sobbed loudly into Yuuri's neck, his silver locks falling forward as a sweaty mess onto the poor man. Yuuri froze, at a loss as to how to deal with Viktor. He loved the man, but sometimes he really didn't know what to do, which made for some embarrassing memories between the two men.
"Yuuri." Viktor gasped as he sobbed, gripping into Yuuri's back painfully. "Yuuri," he sniffed and repeated, "Yuuri!" He couldn't stop reciting his name over and over. It sounded as though it was a treasure he couldn't believe he had.
Yuuri rubbed a spot between Viktor's shoulder blades with his hand and hummed thoughtfully. After doing that a while, Viktor started whining like Makkachin does when she gets locked out of Viktor's room for a night. Yuuri thought it was endearing, but at the same time, Viktor was distraught and needed comfort, so he withheld his amusement. Instead, he opted for saying,
"You're okay Viktor. I'm here. It was just a bad dream. It's over now. We're here, it's okay.
That's apparently all Viktor needed. Viktor finally melted into Yuuri and all the tension in his body left. Yuuri continued his calming ministrations until Viktor whispered something into the skin of Yuuri's shoulder.
"What was that Vitya?" He said in the quietest soothing voice he could.
Viktor pulled away from Yuuri enough to look him in the eye.
"Yuuri, I love you so much." Viktor quietly whispered with so much weight and meaning behind every word.
Yuuri reached up and rested his hand on the side of Viktor's face and started rubbing at his soaked cheek under his eyes. Viktor's eyes were red, his bed hair was a silvery mess of sweat and natural tangles from sleeping, and he looked absolutely exhausted. His face was puffy and red, and Viktor looked at Yuuri with so much love. It made Yuuri tear up a little in the corners of his eyes.
"I love you too Vitya." He responded almost so quietly it might not have been heard. The small smile on Viktor's face, however, said it all, and that's all that mattered.
"I'm scared of losing you." Viktor said with an expression that had Yuuri worried all over again. But Viktor continued, "You give me, not only love, but life. You are the reason why the colors of the world are so vibrant when they were dull shades of grey before. You are the reason why I want to come home every day. You're the reason I leave the house with a smile on my face and the courage to brace the world. You are everything, my Yuuri." At this point, Viktor had his hand on Yuuri's cheek and his warmth seeped into his skin. Yuuri's blush burned on Viktor's hand, but Yuuri knew that this wasn't Viktor being flirty, but earnestly confessing his feelings, so he let him continue his loving gestures. He pulled Yuuri in for a deep kiss, not one of passion, but a deep, meaningful connection that both pleasured the two at the intimacy, but didn't ask for more. Viktor was still scared from his dream, but he knew that Yuuri was there with him, and that's all he truly needed.