By my honour as a fanfiction author, by my honour as a fan, I swear I do not own A song of ice and fire. I swear it by the old gods and new.
(Also I wasn't high when I wrote this. Just so you know. I don't do drugs. Just feels. That's enough for me.)
Does everybody treat you like a joke?
Do you struggle to pay your debts?
Are you embarrassingly normal and well-adjusted?
Is the contents of your *ahem* toilet bowl depressingly dull and tawdry?
Then we have the product for you! IT'S LANNISTER IN A CANNISTER!
Just shake the can to the beat of the rains of castamere then spray it on your hair for that westerlands look! Be the envy (and enemy) of everyone around with your golden touch, golden words and golden... gold.
(Can we just skip to the end of the commercial already?!)
LANNISTER IN A CANNISTER BRINGS OUT YOUR INNER CLANNISTER!
Westeros Products does not accept any accountability for any mutilations, lacerations, decapitations, defalcations, nations, immolations, inoculations, perforations, incarcerations, incapacitations or other such injuries arising as a result of the usage of this product. Non-refundable after the end of the season of purchase.
Best before next winter.