Prologue

"What Really Happened"

Readers of the previous entry in this series (see "IchaIcha: Love Story") will be familiar with this setting. Kotori, a female in her early thirties, slumps at the low table next to Jiraiya and glares down at the stack of loose manuscript pages in front of her. The faces of both bear the trademark flush of the alcoholically overindulgent, and they are currently arguing quite loudly over the contents of the pages.

Kotori. I told you, that's not the way it happened! I was there, I should know!

Jiraiya. Fine, fine, no orgy scene… for now. Tell me, my muse of persistent factuality, is there anything else that should be changed before I send this back to the publisher?

Kotori. That happy-sappy-togetherness crap right at the very end. I didn't have time to make any corny speeches, and you know I don't say stuff like that! (stabs a finger down at the offending passage) "I go now to be your eyes and ears in the dark and silent places"? What kind of sentimental bullshit is that? (pours another cupful of sake from one of the many flasks on the table and empties it in one swallow) More like my foot up your ass if you don't take that out.

Jiraiya.(grumbling) So much for artistic license. Anything else?

Kotori. One last thing. (fumbles through the loose papers until she finds what she's looking for) This! I know for sure that there was no guy-on-guy action between Tai and the mullet-boy. If there had been, the Cat would have played it back for me… in detail. (mutters in addition) Not that I would have minded though.

(This statement earns a devious eyebrow raise and sidelong grin from Jiraiya.)

Jiraiya. I never would have guessed you liked that kind of thing. Someone's a dirty girl, aren't they?

Kotori. Took you that long to figure it out, huh? That scene comes out, but I get a printout (delicate cough) for my own uses. Other than that, I got nothin'.

Jiraiya. Good enough. Might I propose a toast to our successful business partnership?

(Kotori refills two cups and hands one back to Jiraiya.)

Kotori. I'll drink to that.

Jiraiya. Kampai!

(Both empty their cups, but only Kotori sets hers back on the table after draining it. The massive amounts of alcohol consumed that evening have gotten the better of the older man and he collapses unconscious to the floor, mumbling happily before going completely slack. Kotori sighs and takes the cup from his loose fingers, setting it on the table next to hers and leaning down to give him a gentle kiss on the cheek.)

Kotori. Kampai, you old pervert. Now I can tell these people how it really happened.

(With a fiendish smirk she sets to work on the final page in the pile, viciously crossing out some items and adding others. After about an hour of this she too falls prey to the effects of excessive alcohol and falls backwards in a dead faint. Fifteen minutes pass with no noticeable action until a third voice is heard from off-camera.)

Taiki. Hey Tori-chan, I was told I could find you holed up in here and –

(Taiki walks into view and stands for a moment surveying the scene, shaking his head with a rueful smile.)

Taiki. Well, I see I have nothing to worry about for now. Let's see what you've got before I run this back to the publisher's… (seats himself at the table and gathers up the papers, face growing ashen as he begins to read) Oh my. Maybe letting you two edit this wasn't such a great idea after all. This isn't what happened…

(Taiki clears his throat and reads aloud, his expression sliding through a range of emotions from disgust to disbelief to outright amusement.)

Taiki. "We really had you going there for a while now didn't we? Well, relax – things really weren't as depressing as you thought they were going to be. Here's a preview of what really happened in the time following 'IchaIcha: Love Story'…

"Kotori, having served both good and evil, grew tired of it all and decided to follow her own path. After severing ties with Hidden Sound, she swore a vow of chastity and retreated to the mountains where she formed her own sect of ascetic warrior nuns.

"Taiki didn't become Raikage after all, but he did marry Hinata and went on to found his own successful line of hair and body care products for men. He and his lovely
wife have ten children and spend time equally between Leaf and Cloud.

"Naeko finally snapped and now leads a peacefully medicated life under the care of Naruto… who, for whatever it's worth, did go on to become the Sixth Hokage of
Konoha.

"Takeshi has retired from the playing field after finding the love of his life in Ayame, the waitress at Ichiraku Ramen. He now spends his days teaching the occasional
class at the Academy and is currently working on the third installation in what is considered to be the authoritative series of relationship self-help books: 'It Isn't Over Until You Say It's Over, or Until She Poisons Your Tea'.

"And let's not forget about our dear Sasuke. Last but not least, he's given up on the revenge business and has ventured into something more lucrative and just as fulfilling. He's now the owner of an artsy coffee shop where he can occasionally even now be seen on Open Mic Night, reading a selection from his dankly depressing yet wildly popular book of emotionally oversaturated poetry and providing inspiration for many future generations of antiheroes."

(Taiki sits back with a sigh as he considers what has been done to the manuscript. After some time he takes an ink pen out of his jacket and begins to make revisions of his own.)

Taiki. Humorous as that may have been to either of you, that's hardly the truth. Now let's see what really happened…