Spring is Emily's favorite season. Rosewood is beautiful again, now that pink tulips have replaced the slippery ice that once coated the sidewalks. Not to mention, Emily doesn't need to worry about her sopping wet hair turning into icicles as she walks home from swim practice. Instead, she gets to enjoy the sound of newly-hatched blue jays learning how to sing.
Emily hasn't heard too may blue jays lately. Its because Ben Coogan insisted on walking her home from swim practice everyday this week. Unlike Emily, he likes to chat, and his annoyingly high voice drowns out the birds' beautiful songs. Emily doesn't understand why he wants to walk with her at all, considering they live on opposite sides of town.
Normally Ben waits for Emily outside of the woman's locker room. Today Emily threw on a dirty pair of sweats that she found at the bottom of her swim bag so she could avoid going to the locker room altogether. Unfortunately, it was no use. Emily wasn't even five minutes outside of the school when she heard Ben sprinting in her direction and crying her name as though she was a glass of water in the middle of desert. Emily's mother taught her to always be polite, so she forced herself to smile at the boy. She wondered if the smile, which probably looked more like a grimace, masked the fact that she wanted to punch Ben square in the jaw. Probably, considering he's been talking her ear off for the past ten minutes.
"So are you excited for the meet on Sunday?" Ben asks as they pass through Main Street.
"Nervous. If I don't win my events, my mom won't let me eat sugar until I'm committed to Stanford."
Ben laughs as though Emily just told the funniest joke in the world. "You're really funny."
Emily wasn't trying to be funny. She was being honest.
"You're also insanely beautiful."
Emily's cheeks feel as though they've caught fire. Her parents always tell her that she's beautiful, but she's never heard it from a boy her own age. She certainly doesn't feel beautiful. Not with the A-cup breasts that are finally coming in and the shinny metal in her mouth. She wonders what Ben could possibly see in her. Suddenly, his high voice didn't seem that annoying anymore.
"Thanks," Emily says softly. "You're also… beautiful?"
Ben's face lights up. "Awesome. Maybe you'd want to grab dinner with me at the Rosewood Grille tonight?"
"Like on a date?"
"We can call it a date."
A real date. With the exception of Hanna, Emily is the only one of her friends who has never been on a date. Aria met a French boy at art camp, and he took her on an evening walk around the lake. Spencer's mom hired one of Melissa's friends to tutor her in geometry, and they ended up making out on her couch and then getting ice cream. And Alison… Emily can't even count all of the guys who have taken her on dates.
Emily decides that going on a date with Ben doesn't seem like the worst idea in the world. Maybe after their dinner at the Rosewood Grille, she won't have to exchange sad looks with Hanna every time their friends talk about how amazing boys are.
"Alright," Emily says with a nod. "Wanna meet at five?"
Ben smiles. "Works for me."
Emily can't look at Ben without feeling dizzy. A million thoughts swarm through her already anxious mind. What will Alison say when I tell her? What if we have nothing to talk about? What if he tries to kiss me? What if I really don't want to kiss him?
"If we're going out tonight, I should walk myself home," Emily blurts out suddenly.
"Why?"
It takes Emily eternity to think of an acceptable answer. "Because… Because I need to finish my homework and get ready for our date. That means I should hurry."
He nods. "Makes sense. I'll see ya tonight, Em."
"See ya."
Emily walks quickly to make it seem as though she's hurrying home. As soon as he is out of sight, she lets out a long sigh of relief. Then, Emily slows her pace so she can enjoy the sound of blue jays singing for the first time all week.
(Line Break)
Emily is flopped lazily on her bed when Alison barges into her bedroom. She immediately sits up, and smoothes out her wrinkly t-shirt. For some reason, Emily gets a nasty case of butterflies every time her best friend enters a room. Today, Emily thinks that Alison looks like a princess with her pink tank top and the long blonde hair that flows down her back. Beautiful.
"What's the emergency?" Alison asks. "I'm missing a classic Spencer and Melissa showdown to be here."
"I um… I'm going on a date with Ben tonight. I was hoping you could help me get ready?"
The blonde rolls her eyes. "It's about time. I was beginning to think you'd die a virgin."
Alison's harsh words make her want to cry. Emily knows that there are two sides to Alison. There is bitchy Alison, who will tease and manipulate anyone for her own pleasure. Emily despises bitchy Alison. The only reason she puts up with her is so she can, occasionally, catch a glimpse of sweet Alison. Sweet Alison is an amazing listener, and understands Emily in ways that none her other friends do. When Emily called Alison a few minutes ago, she was desperately hoping that sweet Alison would show up in her bedroom. Instead, bitchy Alison decided to make an appearance. Great.
"Does your mom know you're going on this date?"
Emily didn't tell her mom about her plans with Ben. Probably because she knew her mother would be way too excited. She has wanted Emily to marry Ben since they joined the same swim club in kindergarten. But Emily doesn't want Alison to know that. Even though she despises bitchy Alison, there is a part of Emily that yearns for her approval. Emily doesn't want Alison to think she's always the "good girl" of their friend group. She needs Alison to believe that she can be sneaky and rebellious, just like the rest of them.
"Of course not! She'd literally kill me if she knew I was going on a date two days before a big meet."
Alison nods. "Tell her you're hanging with Hanna. It's not like she'll have any juicy plans on a Friday night."
Emily cringes. She wonders if Alison would say the same thing about her to their other friends.
"What do you think I should wear tonight?"
Alison's eyes roam Emily's muscular body. "A dress. Show off those sexy legs of yours."
Emily blushes. "O-Okay."
"I'll help you chose the dress. But first, let me do your hair."
Emily watches through the mirror as Alison gently runs a brush through her long hair. She likes having Alison this close to her. A wave of longing rushes through Emily's veins, and she gets the sudden urge to wrap her arms around Alison and never let go. She's never felt this way about anyone before. The feeling is so startling, that Emily jerks away from Alison and gets a large clump of her dark hair torn off by the brush.
"What the hell, Emily?"
"I'm sorry," she murmurs. "I thought a saw a … bee?"
Alison smirks. "Right."
Tears of embarrassment begin to well up in Emily's brown eyes. She silently assures herself that it's okay. That she only feels this way about Alison because she wants to be just like her. Beautiful, confident, loved…
"Em, what's wrong?" Alison asks her softly.
"Nothing," Emily says with a sniffle. "I'm just… I'm nervous about tonight."
Alison wraps her arms around Emily's shoulders. "Don't be nervous. You're going to have an amazing time."
"I really hope you're right."
(Line Break)
The date gets off to a decent start. Even though they have an important meet in less than two days, Ben orders cheese fries for their appetizer. The swimmers pick at the greasy food shamelessly, and touch on all of the things "good kids" like them are supposed to talk about on dates. Ben tells Emily that his favorite subject in school is math. His family is taking a trip to Hawaii to celebrate his eighth grade graduation. He hopes to make Rosewood Day's varsity swim team as a freshman. When Emily finally gets the chance to speak, she tells Ben that her favorite subject is biology. She's going to South Carolina with her four best friends the day after graduation. Her mother hopes she'll get recruited by a top university.
"What about your dad?" Ben asks suddenly. "Does he want you to swim in college?"
Emily sighs. "I don't know. We haven't talked in a while. Three months, actually."
"Your parents are divorced?"
"No. My dad's in Afghanistan."
"Emily…" Ben says as he places his hand over hers. "I'm so sorry. I had no idea."
Emily closes her eyes, and thinks about the day her father left. Alison took her to this very restaurant for dinner. Halfway through her cheese fries, Emily started sobbing, and telling Alison everything about her father. How he sat by her bedside and held her hand when she couldn't sleep. How he cheered louder than any of the other parents during swim meets. How he left "I love you" notes in her lunchbox. How she was so angry at him for leaving, that she refused to hug him at the airport. How she regretted it the second he was out of sight. How if he died in Afghanistan, she would go to her grave hating herself.
Alison listened to every word that spilled out of Emily's mouth. Then, she told Emily to go easy on herself. Her dad would probably come home safe. He knew how much she loved him. He would always love her. Alison added that she would always love Emily as well. The comforting words made Emily smile for the first time since her dad left.
Ben squeezes her hand. "You okay?"
She nods. "Yeah. I was just thinking about my dad. It's hard, sometimes."
"I'm here if you need to talk."
Emily stares into Ben's brown eyes, and realizes she'll never be able to tell him about her father, or anything too serious. Maybe it's because Alison is the only person she feels comfortable being honest with. Before she befriended Alison, Emily didn't even realize she felt half of the things that slipped out of her mouth whenever they were together.
"Thanks," Emily says, even though she wishes Alison was the one holding her hand.
(Line Break)
Ben, once again, insists on walking Emily home. He claims it isn't safe for her to be out alone this late. Emily thinks its ridiculous, considering nothing bad ever happens in Rosewood. When they reach her block, Ben slows his pace and reaches for Emily's hand.
"I had an amazing time tonight."
Emily smiles politely at him. "I did too."
And suddenly his lips are on hers. Emily's first reaction is to pull away. However, she is terrified of hurting Ben's feelings, so she closes her eyes and goes along with it. Emily doesn't like how rough his lips are, and thinks he would seriously benefit from some chapstick. In the middle of the kiss, something sharp cuts the inside of Emily's lower lip. She instinctually yelps and pulls away.
Ben covers his mouth in embarrassment. "Oh God… I'm so sorry."
Emily quickly realizes that his braces were what cut her lip. "It's okay."
"It isn't okay… That was my first kiss, and I completely ruined it!"
"That was also my first kiss," Emily says sadly.
Ben's face instantly lights up. Emily doesn't understand why he suddenly looks so happy. "Then we should try it again… Maybe after the meet on Sunday?"
She shrugs. "Why not."
"Awesome," Ben says before kissing her cheek. "I'll see you soon, Em."
"Bye."
As soon as Ben turns away, tears begin to well up in Emily's eyes. Kissing wasn't anything like her friends described. She doesn't want to do what Aria did after her first kiss, and write a love poem about Ben. She doesn't what to do what Spencer did after her first kiss, and brag about it to anyone who will listen. She certainly didn't want to do what Alison does whenever she kisses boys, and stick her tongue down Ben's throat. Emily doesn't know what's wrong with her. All she knows is that her first kiss was completely ruined.
(Line Break)
Emily waits outside of the house until her tears have dried. She doesn't want any questions from her overbearing mother, so she offers a quick "hello" to the older woman and then makes her way upstairs. When Emily enters her room, she sees Alison laying on the bed and flipping through the latest addition of Seventeen Magazine.
"Ali, what are you doing here?"
"Jason invited all of his friends over," Alison says with a breathy sigh. "Is there anyway I could sleepover?"
Emily wants to be alone, but she can't say no to her friend. Last time Jason invited his friends over, one of them snuck into Alison's room, pinned her to the bed, and then stuck his hand down her shirt. When Alison told their friends about the incident the next day, Spencer joked about what freaks Jason's friends are. Hanna mentioned how lucky Alison was to have older boys who were interested in her. Everyone, including Alison, laughed. It wasn't until Aria, Hanna and Spencer left that Alison started sobbing. Emily knows she'll always regret laughing about what happened to Alison that night. "Of course you can stay here."
"Thanks. How was the date?"
Emily doesn't know whether to tell Alison the truth, or a fictionalized story about how much fun she had with Ben. Given that bitchy Alison was here earlier, she decides on the later. "It was so fun. Ben is hot, and we kissed for like, ten minutes."
"Then why do you seem so… sad?"
It isn't until Alison finishes talking that Emily realizes she's crying. The swimmer realizes that Alison might be the only person she can't hide her trie feelings from. "It wasn't fun. I mean, I really wanted to have fun tonight, but I don't think I like Ben."
"Who cares," Alison says with a shrug. "It's not like you have to go out with him again."
"I just… I'm starting to think I'm not like the rest of you."
Alison furrows her brow in confusion. "What do you mean?"
"Do you remember when we went to the lake a few weeks ago?"
She nods. "Yeah."
"Noel Kahn took off his shirt, and everyone, especially Aria, started squealing. I pretended to be excited like the rest of you, but looking at Noel didn't make me feel anything. Kissing Ben didn't make me feel anything, either."
"Okay. So you aren't attracted to Ben or Noel. Honestly, I don't think either one of them is anything special."
"But it's not just Ben and Noel. I don't think I've ever felt anything for a guy. What if I'm just not capable of feeling the way everyone else does?"
Alison shakes her head. "Guys our age are just so immature. You might just have to wait a little bit longer than the rest of us to find the right one."
"I guess."
Alison wraps her arms around Emily. "You're my best friend in the entire world. You're intelligent, and you're sensitive, and most importantly, you're the kindest person I know. Just be patient. You'll find love, or whatever it is that you're looking for, someday."
Emily holds onto her best friend a bit longer than she probably should. She knows, deep down, that she's already found exactly what she's looking for. Emily wonders whether she'll ever have the courage to tell Alison, or anyone else, the truth.
Author's Note: I hope you enjoyed the story! I'm looking to write more one-shots in the future, so please let me know if you have any character or pairing requests! Thanks for reading!