DISCLAIMER; Shizuru and Mai Hime legally belong to someone else. This story is just for entertaiment and no profits shall be made from it.
AUTHOR'S NOTE; MY Shizuru is far from perfect; she's possesive and territorial. She is jealous. She is evil and manipulative. She is dominating, self absorbed, violent. My Shizuru is also mentally unbalanced much like the original. My Shizuru is opinionated and has a fiery temper. And she is very very much like her emblem; every bit a sly, calculating snake to the very end. But above all Shizuru is the hero of this and all my stories. Yes I like and love shiznat, but I am obsessed with Shizuru Fujino. She is the queen of my fantasy universe.
This all Shizuru and how she sees the world around her, especially how she sees Natsuki.
GENRE: Shizuru centric. Shizangst.
SUMMARY: Nothing lasts forever; not even Shizuru's love for Natsuki.
Erasing Natsuki by Balticbard
Chpt. 1: I wish I may, I wish I might have my wish tonight
Shizuru Fujino felt as if a gigantic void had opened up in her heart,
and there was no way that she could close the wound that now ached so deeply that it tormented her daily. Try as she might, the beautiful brunette had no way to remedy the situation she was in right now; the unthinkable had happened...she had fallen out of love with her tender lover of three years, Natsuki Kuga.
Yes, it was most unfortunate for the former beauty queen of Fuka High that her heart had grown cold towards the person she had vowed to love forever; her darling, unforgettable Natsuki.
The three years that Shizuru had spent with her Natsuki, the hauntingly beautiful girl she had managed to win for herself when all the other lovers who tried had been rejected, had been heavenly. But with the passing of time, Shizuru found herself growing bored, secretly restless and wishing to be with someone else. Of course Shizuru had never voiced her thoughts and desires, but had tried in every way to remain faithful to Natsuki in all things. But all of her efforts had resulted in failure, and Shizuru had found herself treating Natsuki badly.
The abuse had started slowly; Shizuru became impatient with Natsuki, and began to critisize her in small details. Of course Natsuki went along with the veiled abuse, thinking it was just Shizuru's way of giving her advice on self-betterment. But soon Shizuru's remarks became more and more insulting til Natsuki couldn't hold back anymore and responded with anger, thus leading to a new wave of constant arguments that would leave the two not speaking for days until it was, surprisingly enough the supposedly cold ice queen Natsuki who would make tender, shy amends.
Shizuru would feel guilty when bathed in Natsuki's love, in her constant kisses and gentle lovemaking. But the void in Shizuru's heart would make her feel repulsed by her lover's touch. Shizuru had started to reject Natsuki's loving, her lustful advances, and had become reticent to even sleep with her in the same bed anymore. And when an insistent Natsuki asked Shizuru what was wrong; the reply was always the same; she wasn't feeling well.
Natsuki was an intelligent woman, and Shizuru's poorly veiled refusals of lovemaking soon tipped her off to what was going on, to the fact that she had so relentlessly refused to acknowledge but was no longer able to deny herself: that Shizuru no longer loved her and might be in love with someone else. The once fiercely independant, powerfully determined and fearless girl had now become a willing, loving, emotionally devoted slave to the often frivolous love of her life, the now distant Fujino.
The usually docile ex-rebel could no longer hold her silence and decided to confront her ever now ever constant elusive lover on the subject at hand on a fateful day when the truth in Shizuru's heart was finally made known.
It was a Sunday morning, Shizuru would remember forever, that day when the end began, when the explosion she had tried to avoid came and when she finally let Natsuki go from her heart. Shizuru was lying on her bed (lately she had taken to sleeping in the guest room to avoid Natsuki's presence). The golden haired woman turned on her bed, trying to find comfort in yielding mattress that offered no rest for her guilty conscience. Shizuru turned her head as locks of her gorgeous, chestnut locks of hair followed her, framing her face and neck, falling onto her shoulders like slivers of a golden waterfall. She pulled the sheets up to her head to avoid the sunlight that streamed through the windows of the broad room with the shiny wood flooring and the sparsely furnished space. Shizuru heard light footsteps coming down the hall, and her heart jumped with fear, with guilt because she knew it was Natsuki who neared her shut door. She couldn't help herself as she raised her head and watched as the door of her room, that last barrier against Natsuki was parted and the girl who stood outlined in the morning sun as she stood in the doorway. Shizuru saw Natsuki as a voluptous shade that stood dark in the entrance, but never crossed the threshold into her presence and that somehow comforted her.
"Shizuru," the girl's husky voice rang softly.
"Yes, Natsuki?"
"I am a fair-minded woman, would you say?" Natsuki said in a monotone voice that seemed to sail through space to Shizuru's heart. "You would tell me truthfully if I have ever done anything to injure you in any way? I can trust you to do so?"
"Yes, Natsuki. I would tell you. But you have done nothing to offend or injure me in any way. And you can trust me to speak truthfly. Have I ever lied to you?"
Natsuki turned sideways as she leaned against the doorframe of Shizuru's room, and that way the light of day finally lit her face of small,
classic features. Natsuki's midnight black bangs had grown in, crowning her face like a raven's blue-black wings, making her lips seem redder than blood, and her skin like smooth, newly poured white milk. "I could say that of you once, Shizuru. But I can't say that now."
"Oh," Shizuru replied with a superior sigh, "so my Natsuki has resorted to call me a liar. What next?"
Shizuru's smugness triggered Natsuki's usually well reined in anger.
"Dammit, Shizuru!" the girl cried out in obvious pain, "stop playing mind games with me!"
"Whatever do you mean?" Shizuru sat up in bed, touseled and beautiful,
feeling a primal need to poke her once beloved partner with verbal affront.
Natsuki was the one who sighed now, in evident tiredness, as she turned to face Shizuru, thus making her lovely face become hidden in a mantle of shadows. "Its all become a cat and mouse game, Shizuru. I know very well that I'm really not "your" Natsuki anymore. You've stopped loving me, haven't you?"
Shizuru hung her head in guilt and shame. She had expected Natsuki to become a raging beast when she found out about the veiled infidelity.
But she never expected this politeness and openness from Natsuki whom she had always considered only a few notches above a wild beast despite loving her. "Natsuki...I..." Shizuru began to say apologetically, but was interrupted.
"No. Don't do that with me. I don't like it. You know I don't. Just please be honest with me. Have I caused this. Have I done anything to make you hate me?"
"Its nothing that you've done, Natsuki. It simply happened. No one thing or event between us can be blamed. In reality, you are above all blame.
You have been honorable as a lover to a fault. It is I who is to blame in this. It is I alone who is responsible for this state of things."
"Then tell me, Shizuru," Natsuki said almost exasperatedly as she waved her pale, slender hands about in an invisible display only her fragile mind could comprehend, "what can I do to make you love me again? Show me how. Please. I love you with all my heart. I have given you my soul, my life. I am your slave in all but name and deed. Please give me the chance to live in your heart once more!"
Shizuru didn't reply, but instead got out of her bed, threw on her robe and proceeded to leave the room, walking through the doorframe quickly,
trying to avoid any contact with Natsuki. But her attempts were in vain when she felt the girl grab her arm in an almost desperate touch.
"DON'T GO!"
Natsuki's cry startled Shizuru to the point that she stepped out of the room and stood a few feet of distance from the now crying girl.
"I feel uncomfortable here, Natsuki. I no longer wish to speak to you about this subject. You are not in any state to accept my words with any equilibrium."
"Please, Shizuru," Natsuki was indeed crying quietly, and Shizuru watched silver rivers slide effortlessly from the girl's jade eyes, down her sculpted cheeks. "At least give me some dignity, even though you've taken my soul from me. You've taken my life. At least respect me a little. Tell me the truth. I want to hear it. Have you stopped loving me? And is there someone else?"
"Yes," Shizuru finally concluded. "I no longer love you."
"Why?"
"I cannot say why, Natsuki," Shizuru replied quietly. "Perhaps it is because you have changed so. Perhaps it is just exaclty because of that;
you have given me so much of yourself, that you have lost the person I fell in love with. I simply feel nothing anymore. My heart is empty.
This union is dead to me. I want to be free. That is all I can say."
"Oh," Natsuki let out a small, sarcastic laugh, something that surprised Shizuru, as she stepped back from the doorway where she had stood and retired her hand from Shizuru's arm. "You forgot to include what a bloodsucker you are."
"Now that is the old Natsuki I know; easily delivering insults."
"Its so easy for you to sail away from this, Shizuru. Its so easy for you to simply dispose of a heart you have used. Yes I'm angry right now.
But I won't keep insulting you. So you've cheated on me, right?"
"No," came the simple reply. "I have not done anything to shame you,
Natsuki. But yes, there is someone else."
"Who is it?"
"Yuuki."
"Yuuki Nao?" Natsuki was beside herself in disbelief. "You're in love with that man-eating slut? You have got to be kidding!"
"Do not speak ill of her! I will not allow it from you!"
Shizuru expected a verbal battle, and even possibly a physical confrontation from Natsuki. But the expected never came, and this surprised an already irritated Shizuru. Instead Natsuki threw her head back and began to laugh heartily.
"So now you threaten me? I can't believe your gall, Shizuru!"
"I will not tolerate this!" the usually composed Shizuru screamed loudly, then dashed down the hall to the living room and out the main door of the apartment she shared with Natsuki. Shizuru threw the door of apartment shut with all her might, then ran down the long dark hall of apartment doors swifty, trying to outrun the lingering, yet muffled sound of her scorned ex-lover's laughter which seemed to follow like a vengeful spectre. Shizuru finally took refuge in an elevator, quickly and desperately pressing the button that indicated the lobby of the building. "I have to get away from here. HOW I WISH I COULD START OVER!"
Then she spoke more slowly as she calmed herself, and her nerves. "I wish I could start again in a new place. I wish, oh how I wish." A phrase from an old poem her nanny once read to her came to her mind, and she childishly repeated it as if it were a prayer, "I wish I may. I wish I might, have my wish come through tonight."
"But you don't have to wait so long, dear Shizuru."
The sound of the quiet, cynical male voice was so familiar yet so unbelievable to her, that Shizuru turned around quickly to see who it was. "Nagi? But aren't you supposed to have gone with Mashiro to some nether world or hell or something? How can you be here?"
In a corner of the elevator stood a man of short stature, with white hair, imaculately dressed in white, with an evil smile on his otherwise beautiful, pale face.
"But nothing is impossible, Shizuru. I am here. Just for you."
"What do you mean?" asked a puzzled Shizuru.
"I have come to grant your wish."