{Disclaimer: I do not own Team Fortress 2 or Puella Magi Madoka Magica. They belong to Valve and Shaft respectively}
[Author's Note: This was inspired by a couple of things. First is a YouTube video by smurffering where TF2 voice clips are put into scenes from Madoka. With Homura having Scout's voice. Hence this crossover. The second thing this is inspired by is Magia Revolution, which uses a similar premise, yet does a different execution.]
The Scout's eyes opened up as he found himself in a hospital.
"Man... Did I take a beatin' or wat?" He said as he got up and massaged his eyes. He got off the bed and wandered about. On the side of a table was a purple egg-shaped jewel with a gold casing. He picked it up and looked at it. The jewel then glowed and transformed into a ring. He looked at the ring in confusion. He then decided to look at himself in the mirror. Instead of seeing a man in a red shirt and gray pants with a hat and headphones, he saw a girl in pyjamas with long black hair. "Wat da heck?" He said as he felt his face. He then moved his hands down to his chest. "Oh... You have got ta be KIDDING me!" The Scout said as he felt two small bumps on his chest. "... Someone must really hate me." He said, his face furling to a glare. Soon the door opened. He turned to see a nurse popping in.
"Akemi-chan, you should get ready for your first day of school." the nurse said. The Scout's face furled even tighter.
"WAT?" He said. He then looked to a chair and saw a beige sweater with a giant red bow on it resting on the chair. There was also a black skirt and black stockings as well. "... Well dis is gonna suck." He said.
Chapter 1: This Is Gonna Suck
"DON'T DATE MEN WHO ARE PICKY ABOUT HOW THEY LIKE THEIR EGGS!" screamed a teacher as she pounded her hands on the desk. The Scout waited outside the class, dressed in the school uniform.
"Come on, get on wit it..." Scout thought as he heard the teacher ramble on about eggs. Soon he heard the teacher call for him... her.
"Akemi-san, please come in." She said. The Scout entered the classroom. Silence filled the class as he stared at the students. "...Why don't you tell them your name?" The teacher said. The Scout tried to think about how to pronounce the name. He's heard "Akemi" quite a few times to know how to pronounce it well, but not the other part of the name.
"Well, my name is Akemi..." Silence again as he tried to think about how to pronounce the last part of the name without screwing up. "Homer. Akemi Homer. Nice to meet ya." He said. He felt the students eyes stare at him. He gulped as he waited for how this would turn up. Soon, some of the students clapped. He sighed in relief. He then went over to his seat as a group of girls crowded him. Soon they began asking him questions like what school he's been to before or how he managed to take care of the long hair.
"Ladies! Ladies! One at a time!" Scout said, holding his hands up. "Let's start wiiiiiiiiith..." He tried to pick someone to ask him a question when a girl with pink hair pushed through the crowd.
"Sorry... b-but Akemi needs to take her medicine during break." The girl said. Her voice was soft and barely noticeable. "Do you know how to get to the nurse's office?" She asked.
"... Does it look like I need medicine?" Was the Scout's response.
"... W-well..." the girl stammered, stepping an inch away from the Scout.
"Now den, who wants to go fir-" Scout said before he felt a little woozy. "Da hell?" He thought as the girl went over and grabbed him by the arm.
"Come along..." She said, though her volume was quite low. The Scout got up and followed her to the infirmary.
The two walked across the hallway, with the girl in lead. The Scout noticed how the girl was walking awkwardly, as if she was afraid of something. She then stopped in the middle of the hall.
"Uh..." Scout said as he tilted his head.
"... Have we met before?" She asked.
"Wat kinda stupid question is dat? I don't even know ya!" Scout said.
"Well... I... I think I met you in a dream... and..." the girl twiddled with her fingers.
"Cool story, bro. Now if ya excuse me, I think I have ta take my medicine. Before I really get sick of yer mushy love declarations." Scout said. The girl's cheeks instantly flushed red as she began stammering.
"O-o-o-okay then..." She said, bringing her to the infirmary.
The rest of the school day was a blur for the Scout. The encounter with the girl was the only thing running in his mind. Other events like failing at solving math problems, and outrunning everyone at gym were just afterthoughts compared to the meeting. He began to think that he was dropped into some sort of strange lesbian tentacle anime. However, the only things he knew about anime were perverted things like lesbians and tentacles. When the day ended, he went to the mall to try to make sense out of this. He sat by a table at the food court and looked at his ring, thinking about what he's doing here.
"Seriously, I can't be in some Japanese city for no reason." Scout thought as he played with his ring. Soon the ring glowed. "... Dat can't be good." Scout said as he looked around for a bathroom. He soon found one close by and ran to it. He got into the men's room, forgetting the fact that he's now a girl, and looked at the glowing ring. "Wat da crap is dis?" He said as he touched the ring. Suddenly, it glowed brighter. The Scout was blinded. When his vision returned, he saw himself in the mirror. Now his school outfit had changed. The outfit was similar to the school uniform, however it was a little less thick, and the beige was replaced with white. The bow was still there, but it shrunk into a small purple one. The black skirt was now purple and the stockings with purple diamond shaped patterns on the sides. "... SERIOUSLY?" He said as he ran out the bathroom, with a man standing outside, looking in awe.
As he went back to the food court, he noticed something small and white just standing across him. He went a little closer and saw that it was a catlike thing with two sets of ears. One was like normal cat ears while the other set came out of the ears and was long and floppy, with two rings on the ears. It also had a long bushy tail.
"Huh? I don't remember making a contract with you..." it said as it fixated it's pink eyes at the Scout. The Scout looked at the head of the cat and then smirked.
"Ooooooh yeah. Time for ol' Scoutie ta get himself a new hat!" He said. The cat's face didn't change emotions, but the way it backed away showed that it knew the Scout was going to do something bad to it. The Scout began to run after the cat, which turned tail and ran. Bypassers looked at the Scout and only had confused looks on their faces. In their view, the cat was absent, leaving them to think of why the woman is chasing thin air.
Soon, the cat and the Scout reach a small corridor.
"Get back here, ya mangy cat! I just wanna scalp ya!" Scout said to the cat. He then noticed a diamond on his hand. He touched it and it suddenly turned into a small stone shield. "Dis day gets weirder and weirder!" He said as he looked in the shield. He saw something inside it. He pulled it out and saw that it was a handgun. "SWEET! Ya toast now, kitty!" Scout said as he fired the gun at the cat. Some of the shots missed, but one finally got it in the leg. The cat stumbled and landed in pain. The Scout approached the cat. "Now den, let's make us a hat!" He said as he pulled out a knife from the shield. As he put the knife below the right floppy ear, he heard someone. A familiar voice.
"Akemi! What are you doing?" the girl asked. The Scout turned to see her.
"Ah, not you again! Look, just lemme do dis one thing, 'ight?" Scout said as he pressed the knife against the cat's face, cutting into its skin.
"NO! I won't let you harm it!" the girl raised her voice as she ran to pull the Scout away from the cat.
"Get off me, ya broad! I just wanna hat is all!" Scout said, trying to push the girl away from him. Suddenly, another girl burst into the scene. He only had time to notice the blue hair before she sprayed foam from the fire extinguisher at his face. "Gaaaah!" He backed away from the sudden shock of being sprayed in the face. When he wiped the foam off, the two girls were gone, along with the cat. "Damn it! Where did dey go?" He said as he ran around, looking for them.
Eventually, he found something disappearing. He then found the two girls and the cat. There was another girl with them. Her clothes weren't similar to the school uniform, but some things were consistent: the bow on the chest, the skirt, and the stockings. The differences were the beret and the corset. The girl had blond hair with pigtails that were curled like drills. However, the first thing the Scout noticed weren't the clothes, but the large breasts. The Scout's nose began to drip blood. The blonde-haired woman then looked at him.
"Who are you and what were you doing to Kyubey?" She asked him.
"Kyubey? Ya mean dat cat? I was gonna cut da top portion of his head off and make a hat outta it. Is dat so wrong?" He asked her.
"Yes! Very wrong! What did he ever do that makes you want to make a hat out of him?" She asked back.
"Dude, hats are cool where I come from. Dey see me wit dat and dey will shower me wit respect!" The Scout said.
"I don't care how popular hats are, you're not going to harm Kyubey!" She said.
"Just who da hell do ya think ya are? His legal guardian or somethin'?" He said. The girl then looked at the Scout with a cold glare.
"As a matter of fact, I am. I don't know who you are, but this is my turf. I suggest you move out and find another one." She said to the Scout.
"... Turf? Pah! Oh, dat's rich. Like ya know anything about controlling turf. Look here, missie, ya wanna turf war? Ya got one! Next time we meet, I will end ya! And den I'll make a hat outta dat cat!" He said as he walked away from the girls.
When he entered his hospital room, the sun was already setting. He sighed as he took off his school clothes and put on his pyjamas. He then looked at his feminine body one last time before heading to bed.
"Meh... could have been worse." He said as he hopped on the bed and went to sleep.