IF

If I was a boy I'd still be in love with you
If I was a boy I'd hurt more than I already do
If I was a boy you'd never love me
If I was a boy all these feelings wouldn't be

If I was a boy, I know what you'd say
If I were a boy, I know you aren't gay
If I was a boy I'd only hurt more
If I was a boy I'd have died before

I need you to tell me it's all okay
I need you to say you love me anyway
I know it's wrong to want to be a boy
I just need to be your joy

If I was a boy you'd never make me cum
If I was a boy you'd never lust after my blood
If I was a boy you'd never make my day
If I was I boy I don't know what I'd say

God, you wouldn't look at me again
I'd be causing us both such extreme pain
If I was a boy, if I was like you
I have no idea what I could do

Tell me I'm fine you still love me
Tell me to keep my head in reality
Tell me I'm just being stupid, I shouldn't be afraid
Of all the stupid things stupid people said

I will follow you into the dark
Loving you is a forgotten art
I love you too much to let go
I'll never let this side of me show

I can't seem to keep all of me straight
I've forgotten what aspects I like and which ones I hate
Just shake me and say "Hey bitch, don't quit, you're almost dead
Live life some more, make friends instead"

I'll look at you and cry
I'll hold you tight
I hate this part of me, but it's real
But nobody knows, it's a deal

We all know you're my fucking astronaut
And I want to be a fucking after thought
I tried to dig a decent grave
But it's no way to behave

I need you to hold me and say
"Dear god girl, it's all okay"
I will follow you into the dark
Waiting for it to explode into spark

I'm dying every time I lie
Dying every time I look you in the eye
I know I'm exaggerating just a little bit
But this isn't like every other time you've heard one of my fits

So soon after
There is a place for your sarcastic laughter
Don't get angry, don't ask why
Just be happy I don't want to die

I'm scared to touch
I'm thinking way too much
Just let me think of all the times we've had
All the times we will have

"Hey bitch, I love you, I need you
Hey bitch you're evil, the things you do
Think about me, you bitch, you bitch
You're nothing but a heartless witch

All this self hatred will weigh you down in the end
I thought you were at least my friend"
I love you, I love you
I need you, I need you