A/N: I made another sad fic of the IchiHitsu couple and this is similar to my other fanfics Lachrymose and Eternal Blue but it's different in it's own way and it's way longer. To make it easier to read, underlined text - song lyrics and italicized text - flashback
Disclaimer: Bleach is not mine, never was and never will.
I have entirely forgotten how long I have been been crying in this place
"Kurosaki!" He yelled, running towards his lover who was wounded with the bite of a dragon demon but was still alive. Toshiro stopped and carried the taller boy in his arms, kneeling on the grass as the tears tried to make their way out of his eyes.
"Don't die... please... don't die!" He cried, placing his hands on the large and deep wound to heal it with his energy.
"I can still save you. Hang on..." Ichigo looked at his younger lover with hazy eyes and cupped his cheek, gently caressing it with affection. "Toshiro, I'm sorry that I..." He coughed before he could finish and Toshiro continued healing him but his powers were weak, having used up almost all of his energy to fight the myriad of demons that invaded their village.
"Don't push yourself... it's too late to... save me..." He said while spitting blood in between.
I want to stay hidden until the reason for my tears withers away
A few years ago, me and the other boys close to my age were called to the Seireitei shrine. It was time to choose the person next in line to become the next protector of the Rukongai village. Before us was a long sword. The former priest who had my place told us that if the blade reacts to whoever touches it then that person will take his place. When it was my turn it glowed much to everyone's awe. It was decided, that I would be the next shrine priest by the time he passed away.
A year later he died and I took over. I kept on training, so that I would be strong enough to protect the town from the hands of any demon. It was an honor to be a shrine priest since it means you are blessed with great and divine powers or in other words a chosen warrior of the gods.
Yet still, I was sad. Being one would isolate myself from society. There are certain rules a priest must follow once they will carry on their duty.
One, they must never show an opening or a weak heart. It slowly made me feel empty. Two, they should never abandon their mission no matter what, despite how heavy the burden will grow. And third, they should never fall in love. When one's a priest, love will be a hindrance. I can love like family, but not love one romantically.
I was only worried about the first two and didn't worry that much about the third, until when he appeared into my life.
It was on that day, a large horde of demons surrounded the village. My powers weren't mastered yet. A snake demon nearly bit me with its fangs but a man of seventeen with orange hair and a black sword saved me. At the afternoon of the same day that I came to his house. That day was one of the days I could never forget. It was what started everything.
When I went to his house, his family freaked out and went on a rush in trying to introduce themselves. I told them why I was there and the father called out my savior's name. Ichigo... what an odd name. "Dad, who is this guy?" He asked in a bold manner that I was surprised, just a little.
Everyone always tried to be polite to me, and he's the first to act so casual and all. I didn't know whether I was refreshed or irritated by that. "Hello." He bowed in a polite manner yet the tone in his voice wasn't gone.
"I'm Ichigo Kurosaki, nice to meet you... what's your name?" That's right. He still talked to me in such a manner that I wasn't used to.
"Toshiro Hitsugaya." I bowed in return and he left, probably to prepare food and tea. "I came here to gave thanks to your son who saved my life this morning. Accept this as my thanks." I explained and I gave the large bag to the father and he opened it and saw a lot of money.
"I'll be going." But they insisted I stay a little while longer before I could go. I agreed, it wouldn't hurt to do something else rather than stay in the shrine all day. I sat on the floor waiting for the meal which Kurosaki was cooking at the moment.
"I'm glad about what you told me. Just so you know, my son is a demon hunter. Like you he is also defending our home from all the evil monsters out there." I nodded. I can say that from what I saw this morning, he is a good one at that. That monster was really large and dangerous yet he fought it without fear and won without a scratch.
Although the wind calls out to me I have no answer to give to it
His face turned more sorrowful when tears dripped from the boy's teal eyes, tears of guilt and regret."Don't say such things, you idiot... I won't accept it that you would die." He persisted but Ichigo pushed the hands of his wounds and tried to reach up for a kiss.
Before he could sit up, Toshiro cupped his face with his small hands and leaned closer, initiating the move. Their lips met deeply and passionately, the taste of blood welling up in the priest's mouth but he didn't care. He wanted to feel Ichigo's lips that slowly turned cold and dry, and their tongues tangled.
Toshiro shed a few more tears, only for Ichigo to brush them away with his ice-cold hands. They broke the kiss, and Toshiro rested his head on the man's chest, sobbing a little more.
The sky is sorrowful when alone
The things I loved disappear into the brittleness of the sand
For the whole conversation I had with the father before food was served, I learned a few more things about his son. He was rude, brash but not a bad guy, that's for sure. Yet he still treasures his friends very much, when his father told me all the heroic deeds he did. Like me, he protects the village but through the use of physical force and strength not the power of the heavens.
I was jealous. I envy the fact that he could carry on such a mission yet still be able to live like a normal human, while I can't. I wish I could live like him. It was nearly evening when I left their home and bid farewell but Kurosaki stopped me and asked if I could stay for the night since it would be already late by the time I'm back in the shrine.
"Is it alright with you? I do not want to be that much of a bother." The orange-head sighed and said it was okay, that it was the least he could do for me giving him a big reward. Seeing his room made me feel as if I'm back in my old home. The only thing I had in my room in the shrine there was a small bed, an oil lamp and a sword-handler where I could put my sword when not used.
"I owe you, for saving my life. Money isn't enough." I muttered and I continued to look at the moonlight all the while saying, "The time will come when I will repay the favor. For now, just wait." We weren't friends immediately after that. But we were rather good acquaintances at that time, and that was the just the beginning.
I still wasn't used to his wild and carefree behavior, but it wasn't getting on my nerves at least. The time when we became friends was when my only relative and his sister were abducted by twin demons and we both set out to rescue them.
Those twin demons were really strong, and still I did not master my powers; but we won and made it out alive. I saved his sister, he saved my cousin and we were praised when we went back to Rukongai.
Our eyes were wide open when we heard a child say from the bottom of his heart that 'we make a very good team'. It left us speechless. I never thought it that way, we would always try fighting the demons on our own way, without each others' help. This was the first time we worked together.
"I owe you more. Remember what you said the night you slept at my room? That the day would come when you would repay the favor of me saving your life before? Well, you just did. Thanks a lot. I mean it." He extended his hand and smiled that I felt my face was on fire for a second. I took his hand and that was what started our friendship. We became closer after that.
I can't see you anywhere anymore though the clouds lure me on a journey
He tried to heal him again, but all of his power ran out. It was impossible. His weapon was broken, along with all the other weapons the villagers died, the two of them are the only people who are still living at the moment.
"I failed to protect everyone. It's all my fault..." He sobbed quietly, the wet but warm drops falling down on the chest and Ichigo couldn't bear to see it. He lifted the boy's head up and gently touched the forehead, down to the eyes, cheeks then the lips.
"Don't feel sorry. You gave your best shot... so you're not to blame for anything. I wasn't strong enough to save at least a few people too. Don't feel guilty. You, kind and who gives your best at everything... and never gives up; that's the person who I fell in love with."
Until the day I fly away alone I will lose the sky
The night when we fell in love, was the night of my eighteenth birthday. I thought I was only going to get a break from staying all cooped up in the shrine. But I got more than just that. I didn't see him for the whole morning that it made me suspicious; neither in the afternoon that I wondered if he got sick.
Out of worry I went to his house and he suddenly grabbed me and blindfolded me. I asked him what is he doing and I heard him chuckle, telling me that it's a secret. He grabbed my arm and we walked but he made sure I don't stumble..
"Well, where are we going?" I asked. "Just wait." He said. We stopped after a pretty long walk, and I heard awkward silence to the point of hearing the blades of the grass being blown by the wind.
"Now, just close your eyes, just for a little longer." He took the blindfold off and I did what he said. After a minute he told me to open them and when I did I saw magic. The stars twinkled at its brightest and there were so many of them, that it brought a smile to my lips though I wasn't conscious of it.
"Wow, I never saw the sky like this before." I commented, falling down on the soft grass to get a full view. I felt like I was floating, that I was free, something I never felt anymore since I became a priest.
He rested his back on the grass as well and made an unexpected move, he held my hand. He never did that, not once with the exception of a quick handshake. And though I always thought of it to be hard, cold and uncomfortable to hold, it was actually soft and warm.
"You know Toshiro, we had a lot of fun these past few years. Don't you think?" He exhaled. "Hm?" I asked. "When we'd beat those demons to a pulp and keep the village safe in watch, that was fun. When you would come visit us or I would visit you, that's also fun. But the most fun that I had, was that I got to meet you and that we got to be friends."
That felt cheesy just a little, but it made my heart skip a beat. It was awfully weird and I didn't know why. And he didn't let go of my hand, he only held it tighter that I was so confused.
A part of me told me to tell him to let go, but another part told me to let him hold it. "How can you be this honest?" Slipped out of my lips and it caught his attention.
"Because it's you, that's why I'm that honest. Are you really that slow in picking up things? Let alone the fact that I had a crush on you for a while now?" We were frozen as ice when that left his tongue.
I'm a sleeping sandpiper
He heard sniffs in return, and received a gentle kiss on the lips with more tears falling down on his cheeks.
"Please, don't cry anymore. It will just make me feel worse about dying... I love you, Toshiro. As long as you love me and you never forget me then I'll always be here. That's all I ask of you." The white-haired teen reached down for another kiss, deeper and more passionate than ever; while his fingers remained intertwined with Ichigo's.
Soon the hold around his hand loosened until the tan arm fell down on the grass and Toshiro couldn't believe it. Ichigo was gone, after saying his last words. It destroyed his heart, and he completely broke down. He embraced the now-dead body tightly, feeling it getting colder and colder by the second.
I only believed in the blue breeze that continued on to my birthplace
I was only shocked, not angry or sad or happy. That just shot me fast like a bolt of lightning.
"What do you mean? Or are you just joking around with me?" I said after five minutes of silence but our eyes were never taken off the skies. Another five minutes passed, I could feel distress and regret from him. The regret of saying it out loud to me. "I know you won't like this, but I'm serious."
Why? What is it about me that he likes? That was the main question banging my head. I'm just a shrine priest that is trapped, chained to the ground because I cannot be free completely like the others.
"Why though?" I asked, my voice trembling. I couldn't push his hand away from me, I held it tighter, with the other hand gripping on the grass.
"Because, you... it's hard to put it in words but I know I like you. I'm serious. You don't feel the same?" His question echoed loudly, breaking the barriers of my mind.
Knowing all the time I've been together with him, I felt attached to him but I never felt anything romantic. I thought it was all platonic. Now, it's messed up and mixed that my brain and my heart could explode any minute.
And what made it more possible? He hugged me all of a sudden, his two strong arms surrounding my body like a blanket. His head rested on mine, and his body was very close that I could feel the warmth going off his body like crazy that it's making me melt on the inside.
"Now, can you say that I'm still joking? Please tell me the truth. Whether you like me or not, the fact that you're my friend is enough. I just want to know what you feel for real." He whispered, and I was quiet from how bold he sounded that it pissed me off but also it touched me that my eyes were going foggy and my lips were shaking, trying to form words.
But I had to tell the truth too. I... love him. Because he's the first to show this much towards me that it just made my chest ache at the thought of him. I never realized that before, until this night.
I grabbed his arms, trying to not sob for no reason and just kept it that way. I felt his breath ruffling through my hair and he flipped me over in a second's time, and kissed me. I didn't protest and pulled his face closer, kissing him back and making it deeper.
It felt even better than looking at the sky. I love him, that I know very well. The night we fell in love, and the night we consummated our feelings.
Our kimonos were tossed onto the side, and though the weather was cold we felt hot, our bodies close to each other, sweating and burning with passion. It felt so good that I thought I was going to die from the pleasure and when we reached the end of it, we could only kiss deeply and pass out on the grass for a while.
I thanked whoever god was there that was kind enough to let me feel like a human again, after being dead on the inside for so long.
He resurrected me, he brought me back. I embraced him as we stayed there, and looked at the sky that stayed as bright as it was a while ago. Nothing could ever make me this happy again.
I gaze at your wings, a guide of happiness to the green island
His loud wails of sadness were only heard by the God of Death that just appeared behind him, his black cloak covering his face and most of his body, revealing only his feet and his hands which held a large scythe.
Toshiro immediately sensed the dark presence and held him tighter, like he was going to crush the taller man. "I won't let you take his soul." He hissed, raising a palm against the dark being.
His powerful emotions caused a little energy to come back into him and to form a small ball of deadly light. "Come any closer and I will fire this at you." The god looked at him with his eyes that matched the color of the cloak. "I am impressed, that a bit of your powers restored to you just to protect him." He said while floating still, his voice with no emotion at all.
I lost my way when I became free
We made sure no one else would know about this aside from Ichigo's family and my cousin who are rather happy about it. But in a village where many love to gossip, it couldn't stay a secret forever and eventually the whole people knew after an incident.
The longer we were together, the more desperate I was for him because he was the only one who loved me like this.
Once, in my room in the shrine, we kissed passionately again and again. I felt the heat of this, how good it felt when he touched me, and how nice his loud heartbeats sounded. But that was when we got caught, unfortunately. I breathed with lust as he pecked and licked my neck, and I kissed him when he stopped to look at me.
Before he could completely strip my kimono off me, the door opened revealing a male servant who dropped his tray of tea when he saw us. He freaked and ran away, and I felt broken. Now everyone would know, my hands gripping Ichigo's kimono was shaking. He knew also what I was thinking and hugged me as I hugged him, knowing that everyone will be asking questions.
And it happened. Most of them were displeased or shocked. I bet that the former priest is frowning at me and Ichigo. They asked me why would I sin that badly.
Sin? Why is loving someone a sin? Is it because I am a priest that I should be completely pure? I know that I can't abandon my duty but I don't want to leave him. If that happens, I will lose sight of my mission, my resolve to protect Rukongai.
He knew that I needed time to think to myself, for Ichigo is a very understanding person so he lets me stay in my room for a while. I looked at the sword, wondering what i have to do to solve everything. Being a priest made me an empty shell but he made me whole again. I know that, but still... it's all messed up.
Why can't they accept it? Why can't they be okay with it? They should know that being a priest is putting a lot of pressure on me. Always being the one that everyone relies on, being everyone's hero is not that easy.
I embraced myself in fear and confusion, knowing that only Ichigo's embrace could take away my pain and calm myself down. I couldn't cry, though my heart is shattering. But when I heard the howling of demons, I quickly grabbed my sword and left the shrine, but my hands were still shaking and I still felt uneasy.
I gasped when I saw the number of demons, it was almost ten times as many as the people living in the village. I don't know if I have a chance that it made me even more depressed.
The world is so far and wide that it's lonely
"Do you love the man that much?" Toshiro's eyes narrowed, watching out for any more he might make. "Answer my question." He demanded with a voice as sharp as a knife, with the souls of the villagers floating behind him in the form of white flames.
"I do. I love him and I swore to protect him as he swore the same thing to me. Now he's gone, everyone's gone." He was truly honest, his heart beating fast just thinking about the man he loves.
He dropped his head to look at the orange head's bloody and bruised yet peaceful face as if he was just in a deep sleep. The death god went closer by a foot and Toshiro looked back at him with determination burning in his eyes.
"If you're hell-bent on taking his soul to the Underworld, then take my soul too." He would also give up his life for his sake, to be with him. "You truly want that? All for him?" He pointed his scythe at the corpse and Toshiro nodded, never letting go of Ichigo. The tears ceased to stop flowing.
I will go higher than the seas bringing down the heavens
I killed many, but still there was no stop to them. A few people were already dead and eaten and I wondered if the other demon hunters are fighting. From afar, I looked and saw a group of them slashing and stabbing the demons fearlessly.
Ichigo was with them and he made most of the work, eliminating one demon after another. We continued to fight, but it was as if it never decreased at all. The more we fought, the more exhausted we became. I still did not perfect my powers but I still gave my all. It lasted for hours and I watched in horror as almost all of the village fell victim to the demons. I was still weak. I hate myself.
Then I heard a scream and saw Ichigo being bitten by a large demon in the form of a fierce dragon. Blood was all over him, and death started to take over. I couldn't handle it, I wouldn't accept it. Seeing him at the state of death made me rage.
My power wreaked havoc all over the demons, as it was full of the anger that flowed in me. Light escaped out of my body and overwhelmed the whole village, its power making the demons vanish with pain from the brightness of the light. I continued to let it consume the place, until every single one of them is dead.
But what's the use? Everyone died. That reminded me of Ichigo and I saw him suspended in mid-air for a while, looking at me with a sorrowful smile before slowly falling down.
The light vanished as I started running though he was so far. I didn't care. I needed to see him. I stumbled again and again, my bloody legs feeling numb. I persisted and ignored the dead people around my path to him. I needed to see him. The last time I saw him was the day after we were caught.
He kissed me deeply with sad eyes before leaving. I couldn't cry, but my heart is hurting at the thought of him dying. Finally I saw him lying on the grass, but it didn't make me happy. He was dying, as his face was full of pain. I ran to him, crying out his name.
I tried to cure his wounds but all of my power ran out from earlier. I didn't want him to die, though I know it's impossible. We kissed several times, and I didn't care if his lips weren't soft and warm as before. I just needed his touch, his sweet kiss.
After saying his last words and sharing our last kiss he died in my arms and that's when my heart completely broke into irreparable pieces. I cried pathetically, while holding him. When the God of Death appeared behind me, I put up my guard and used the bit left of my power to use that attack on him.
If he will take his soul, then he shall take mine as well.
There isn't anything that can hurt you anymore
Before long, I will shut away the blue sky
I will leave the sky behind and begin to walk
Although I can't even see the place I'm returning to
"I don't care if I'll burn in Hell and suffer eternal torture. As long as I'm... with him... that's what matters." He said, glaring at the god to know that he is serious and he has no second thoughts about it no matter how many times he'll be asked if he is really sure.
Toshiro looked away after long enough of looking in the god's dark eyes and looked back at Ichigo, hugging him a little tighter again, letting his tears flow again and kissing the man's lips lightly. "Take my life now, and his. I just want to be with him..."
For the first time the god felt a little sympathy for a human being as he has been very accustomed to death for a thousand years but he never saw this kind of determination even from a young boy like him. It shocked him just a little.
"Alright then. If that is what you wish." He raised his scythe and Toshiro closed his eyes, preparing himself while never letting go of Ichigo.
Before the blade cut deep to his soul causing it to eject out of his body, he whispered a few words that would surely make Ichigo's soul smile. And then, he died. His body fell in top of Ichigo, like the two of them are sleeping on the grass.
The god took their souls, balls of light with unnatural colors. Usually it would be white, but theirs is blue.
That meant their souls are special. It blinked light powerfully, like hearts of two lovers beating loudly towards each other. He could feel the hot and cold love radiating off their souls like fire giving off heat, and along with the souls of the other villagers he went back to the Underworld.
The two lifeless and soulless bodies stayed there on the grass, looking as if they're merely sleeping as their faces looked so peaceful with a little happiness in it. Death was the only way they could finally be free though they died in a tragic and horrible way.
Either sad or happy, they knew that at least they're tied to each other forever without anything to cut them apart. Not sense of duty, not monsters, nothing. Even if they are evil or good, they love each other.
If ever we were born as different people, would we still love each other like we do? Would I still love you? Because I do. I love you, Ichigo. One person or another, that won't change.
In the village of Rukongai, there was once a shrine priest who fell in love with a demon hunter.
They died a tragic and heartbreaking death, but if anyone was alive after the attack, they would only realize that the two are in love no matter what.
Just then, it rained, washing the blood off the corpses. The two bodies of the couple remained peaceful and loving.
- THE END -
A/N: Well that's it. The underlined parts of the song is the lyrics from the song Sandpiper by Kalafina, which gives a sad melody. Reviews and constructive criticism are extremely welcome, but please no flames.