Hi guys I hope you enjoy this chapter
James grabbed the letter and started to read it crying, "I pretend to be happy because I know if I don't smile everyone will ask a ton of questions. I try to do stunts to kill myself, but in everyone's eyes I do it because I'm wild, reckless, and dangerous. I'm just good at acting. Heck, I should win an Oscar for every performance I gave. As you all know I have committed suicide. You've seen me dead on the floor limp, lifeless with the pills in my hand. I was never happy; you can check the scars on my stomach. That explains why I always wore a shirt at the pool. You see to everyone I was a liar, I was the 'weak' one. I acted like I didn't care what other people think about me. These last two weeks changed instantaneously, we all were four but now it was you guys. I could only talk to one person and that person was Logie, don't get mad at him because when I told him he tried to tell you guys but I promised I wouldn't do it because he was the only one who stuck by my side, he's always been on my side since we became best friends." Everyone looked at Logan, while he remembered having the conversation with Carlos.
Logan was reading and studying his medical book so he can apply as an intern for Dr. Hollywood. Carlos walked in with tears streaming down his face. "Carlos what's wrong? What happened?" Logan asked concerned for his Hispanic friend. "Can I tell you something Logie?" The Latino asked. "Anything." The genius answered getting up to comfort the sad boy. "I want to stop living." Carlos replied crying. "What? Why would you want such a thing, Carlos? You need help! I have tell the guys and Mama Knight!" Logan said flabbergasted, while he paced around. "LOGAN!" Carlos screamed. Logan stopped and looked at Carlos with tears in his eyes and sadly spoke. "I don't want you to die because you're like a brother to me, and I don't want to suffer and have that guilt in my heart of losing you and not having you with us." Carlos said, "I will stay alive for you because I don't want to lose you either." Logan hugged the Latino while they both cried. Sure the Latino could be annoying, but Logan never knew how fragile he could be.
"How can he do this to me? He promised to never leave us! He knew how I would react and feel if he did it." Logan screamed "How can he do that to you? You basically helped him do it!" Kendall screamed at the short brunette. "Who gave you the right to talk? Last time I checked I was always by his side, I was the person he came to; I was the only one he could talk to. You were never there! All you cared about was Jo and her moving to New Zealand. When she left who stuck by you the longest, Carlos was the one. So don't blame me for his suicide because I didn't want him to do it and you know it." Logan screamed back. Everyone was shocked Logan would never scream at someone, especially to Kendall. "For a genius, you're not pretty smart." Kendall said with a smug face. Logan instantly turned red while he screamed, "I RATHER BE A GENIUS THAN A WHITETRASH LOWLIFE WHO THINKS THEY CAN JUDGE SOMEONE WHILE THEY ARE ALSO TO BLAME!" Kendall felt his blood instantly boil over his body he then saw Logan's hand roll into a fist and walk towards him. "What are you going to do? Punch me in the face, come do it then." Kendall taunted. Logan didn't know what came over him but he punched Kendall right in the jaw. Kendall fell back as he screamed in pain while he rubbed his chin. James grabbed Logan wrapping his arms around him, while Logan started to thrash around as he screamed, "LET GO OF ME JAMES!" "James, let him go." Kendall said quietly. Both boys looked at Kendall surprisingly. Kendall is calm? If someone put a hand on his face he would make sure they were dead. "James, let him go." Kendall repeated but more firmly. James let go of Logan, Logan didn't know what to say, "Kendall, I'm sorry I didn't mean to hit you." Kendall put his hand up and spoke, "It's ok I shouldn't have done that let's just read the letter." James handed the letter to Kendall. "I know I shouldn't pick favorites but sadly it's true. James we used to be close, we were the Party Kings of Hollywood. Then out of the blue, we just stopped talking, most of our conversations were just arguments. First about my helmet, then the arguments got bigger. But the biggest argument was the last thing I expected to happen. Do you remember James? I hope you feel guilt, but as much as I want to hate you I can't because out of everyone, we've done the most things together." Everyone looked at James. James started to cry remembering the words he regret saying.
James was busy combing his hair. He was getting ready to go to the lobby to flirt with some girls, and possibly hook up with some of them. Carlos walked in and said, "James what are you up to?" "Nothing Carlos, just getting ready to flirt with girls." James replied nonchalantly. "Oh can I come?" James instantly looked at Carlos with a face of disgust. Carlos looked at him confused and asked, "What?" "Why do you want to come? So you can hold me back, or do you want my sloppy seconds? James asked rudely. "No because I just wanted to spend time with you." Carlos replied sadly "Carlos! Everyone thinks that we're lovers. Besides, you acting like this makes me think that you actually are gay." James sneered. Carlos scoffed, "What is your problem? I just wanted to spend time with my friend not feel like your lapdog." James rolled his eyes as he stated, "Well that's too bad Carlos because you're the lapdog of the group. I bet if we had the opportunity to kick someone out of the band you'd be out the door. You just hold everyone back." The words hit Carlos hard it was like he felt the venom of snake. "How could you say something like that? How could you be so heartless?" Carlos asked clearly his voice cracked as every word snuck its way out of his mouth. "I'm just stating the facts Carlos. Look I have to go and do what I have to do." James answered coldly. Carlos felt hot tears streaming down his face. James seemed unfazed from it and walked past the weeping Latino as he closed the door. Carlos cried harder as he heard the door slam hard.
"I didn't mean to say all of those things! I just didn't want anyone to get the wrong idea between me and him." James said as he cried harder. "That was really horrible of you." Logan spoke tensely. Kendall seemed to agree with Logan as he kept quiet but nodded his head on every word Logan had said. "I was wrong to do that, I thought I was doing the right thing." James pleaded. "That was low, even for you." Kendall replied venomously. Kendall let go of the letter but it seemed like he didn't notice. Logan picked it up and continued reading the letter to himself. "I'm sorry I don't know what came over my head. I didn't want anyone to think I was fag or anything like that." James replied his voice full of agony. "I thought Logan was the one who pushed him on edge but it turned out to be you!" Kendall spoke angrily. "SHUT UP KENDALL!" Logan screamed his face flushed with anger and fresh tears sliding down his cheeks. The blond and the tall brunette looked at him shocked. "Who the hell are you to judge?" Logan asked angrily. Kendall seemed confused, "Logan, what are you talking about?" "Don't play stupid with me! Are you going to lie to James and me? Are you going to keep judging when you have no right either? Huh? TELL ME! OR IS CARLOS' LYING? BECAUSE IT SEEMS TO ME THAT HE'S TELLING THE TRUTH BECAUSE HE COMMITTED SUICIDE FOR MANY REASONS AND YOU'RE ONE OF THEM!" Logan screamed. Kendall instantaneously became pale. "Logan what are talking about?" James asked the smart boy. Logan looked like he was going to kill Kendall his eyes filled with bloody rage. Logan read the letter, "Don't worry James, you're not the only one to blame in my death. Right Kendall? Or are you going to tell everyone half the truth with a twist of your imagination? You want to know what's sad, I actually admired you. Last time I checked a leader was supposed to help his friends not bash them for attention. Or make up lies about them. Also if you wanted to apologize I wouldn't forgive you because maybe the apology would be fake! You can do me a favor Kendall when you die you can take this letter to hell with you. I hate you so much Kendall Knight you make James look like an angel. Tell them Kendall! Tell the guys what you did! Or they can read the letter to make sure you're not lying!"
Kendall was in his room strumming his guitar. Carlos came in and asked, "Kendall can I talk to you?" Kendall immediately stopped playing his guitar. "What's up buddy?" "I think someone found out my secret." Carlos replied afraid. "About you and Stephanie?" Kendall asked. "Yeah everyone knows that I got her pregnant and she had an abortion." Carlos spoke. "Wow do you think she told anyone else?" Kendall asked. "I don't know, I told you. But I know you wouldn't tell anyone." Carlos spoke. Kendall got angry and asked, "What, do you think it was me?" "No I just assumed-" "When you assume you make an ass out of you and me!" Kendall replied coldly. "I'm sorry Kendall I just want to know who did it." Carlos beginning to plead. "Well you came to the wrong person." Kendall snapped. Carlos turned around and left. Kendall pulled out his cell phone and dialed a number. "Hey Jo." "Yeah he doesn't know we told anyone, he almost found out but I made him feel bad for accusing me." "Don't forget he supposedly forced her into having an abortion." "Ok I love you bye." Kendall hung up, but what he didn't know was Carlos was watching him and found out everything.
Kendall left the room crying, he lost his best friend maybe all of the boys and it was all his fault. James and Logan ignored him and read the letter at the same time, "So you see these are the reasons of my suicide, I don't want anyone sympathy. I just want everyone to know that I am not a puppet. I am a human."
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