Finally, my first chapter of my fist Jak and Daxter story! BAR WARS! There's two reasons behind this title, but you'll see them, and anyone who can guess them gets nothing, but the satisfaction of knowing that they're right!
Jak: You better not do anything bad to me, or else...
Cir (Seer): Yeah, yeah. Don't worry. Or, to keep you quiet, worry. Very much.
Jak: (Gulps)
Cir: Anyway, here it is, I don't own Jak and Daxter or Star Wars, this is the only time I'm saying it because unless you start halfway through the story you'll know. This takes place after Jak3, but for some reason Krew owns the bar, and everyone's alive. For humour. On with the Fat Menace!
BAR WARS: THE FAT MENACE
Chapter One: Drunken Night at the Bar
Daxter walked over to the bar. He had sold it back to Krew for enough money to buy a solid gold house (Cir: Guess that explains it.) and a swimming pool filled to the brim with slightly minty chocolate, which he wanted since Jak2.
He went through the door and hopped onto the stool. "Hi'a Krew, I'll take a pint of beer," he said.
Krew raised an eyebrow. "Is that healthy to a rat?" he said.
"WHO'RE YOU CALLING A RAT?" Daxter yelled. "And probably not."
Krew floated over to his spot near the roof. "Tess,get him that, I need sleep," Krew said.
Tess shrugged. "Okay," she said. As long as she got her payment, it was fine by her.
3 drunken hours later...
Daxter slammed down the cup of his fortyth beer. He was slightly swaying and hickuped. "The magic drik always helps forgeta day abut fighting metalbutts," he slurred.
Torn walked in and sat down eight seats away from Daxter, even through there were only six seats. "Usual," he said. Daxter hickups and drank his next beer in a few gulps. He hickuped and fell off his seat before climbing back up.
"Is that safe?" he asked Tess when he saw all of Daxter's glasses.
"I don't think so," she replied.
"Then keep giving him them," Torn laughed.
"Whater ya larfing at Torp?" Daxter said to him.
Just then Sig walked in. "Boy am I tired," he said before sitting down between Daxter and Torn. "But the magic drink always helps forget a day about fighting metalheads." He ordered a beer. Torn got a few more before noticing his vision was getting a bit blurry. 'The freedom league commander shouldn't get drunk, but I'm too tired to care,' he thought before ordering another.
Sig began to realize things were weird when Torn and Daxter, the two who hated each other, were both talking happily, slurred and laughing together. He was about to say something when Pecker flew in. "I really should push that door instead of flying into it," he mumbled. Pecker flew onto another seat. "I'll have whatever he had," Pecker said while somehow pointing at Daxter. "The magic drink always helps forget a day about fighting metalheads."
Sig looked at him. "You were fighting metalheads?"
"Onin got a new arcade game, she's really beginning to like them, you could kill metalheads in it," Pecker said. "It was caled something like Jak2, I'm not sure."
After a short time, Pecker was drunk. He went over to Daxter. "Yano what ot-thingy," he said, "you look like ya lav in a dumpter!" He fell over.
"Oh ya, Pecky?" Daxter slurred. "Wanna fit?"
"Alright," Pecker, who was still lying on the ground, said. Daxter jumped and did a bodyslam on Pecker. They began fighting and all Sig saw was feathers and fur going flying. He sat in a cusioned seat around the walls and decided to go to sleep, seeing as it was eleven.
Then Ashelin walked in. "Boy, the magic drink always helps forget-"
"Don't...even...finish...it..." Sig said from the lying position he was in.
Ashelin looked down and saw the two fighting. "What this time?" she asked no one. Then she saw Torn gulping down beer. He ordered another and gulped it down. She ordered one from Tess, and then turned to the fight moncaw and ottsel.
Torn fell off his chair and began falling right at Daxter and Pecker. The two, who were strangling each other, saw the threat and screamed. "AAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-" Torn got up off the flattened animals.
"Oops," he said lazily before falling down and getting back up.
After a few more hours, all of the fallowing were drunk: Daxter, Torn, Pecker, Ashelin, Tess, Jinx, Erol (who was for some reason full human and alive), Brutter, Damas (who was also breathing fine), Kor, Samos, Keira,Praxis and Kleiver. There were some others who weren't drunk, and Daxter was basically blind drunk, which was surely not health for the ottsel.
Daxter took out his mail for some reason. "What's this?" He opened one which read:
Daxter Penagron (I made up that name, seeing as I don't know what his last name is)
Your taxes haven't been paid for during the last eight months, so we are taking your possesions.
You have money, but not enough to pay your bar tabs, which, according to our records, will be collected this day.
Unless you pay for everything, you shall be bankrupt, for you tabs equal $700 000.
Signed, the tax people of Haven City, AKA, Joe, Edgar and Dennis.
He gulped at this. Then Krew flew down to them all. "Movie night!"
Was it cruel to leave it there?
Jak: YES!
Cir: Shouldn't you be dreading? Anyway, this isn't quite the chapter where it becomes the parody. Either the next will, or the one after that.
Jak: (still dreading)
Daxter: Why can't I come in?
Cir: Because you're annoying. (throws him out door) Until next chapter, this is Cir, or as my not-Elvin name, (blocked out by me).